To wonder why people think everyone should drive

[Sunnydays999]

Tried several times in my 20s .My dyslexia means I find some aspects hard . I also have anxiety and driving made this worse .
My husband drives . He has always driven on holidays and days out .
It surprises me on here and in real life how shocked people are that I don’t drive . I just wondered why ?

We're a none driving household........we manage fine using trains, taxis and buses. I'm not going to lie it's a pain as it's very expensive.

We've both tried driving over the years, I've had hundreds of lessons. I also have the attention span of a flea and whilst I could probably wing it to pass the test I don't think I'd be a safe driver so gave up. If more people had that attitude the roads would be far safer. The main road out of my area is one of the worse in the UK for accidents and road deaths. It doesn't need chumps like me adding to it !

It depends where you live, the extent to which it means to have to depend on others for transport, and your reasons for not learning.

Your situation - understandable. You have a learning need which makes it harder for you, you have a partner who can drive you & live where public transport is good.

A girl I used to know: couldn't be bothered and admitted this openly. Could afford lessons but preferred to spend money on other things. Chose to live in an area with adequate but very slow public transport. Spent all her time pestering anyone/everyone for lifts or assuming people would come to her because she didnt know how to drive. She would literally plan things on the premise everyone would go out of their way to drop her home. Less understandable.

The reality is almost everyone I've ever met who doesn't know how to drive over imposes a little on friends for lifts. The whole joy of driving is that you go door to door rather than going round the houses like a bus route, so its really annoying dropping mates constantly when the favour can never be returned.

@Sparklingbrook I don’t particularly have to accept things arent possible. Children walked to school . Husband doesn’t work weekends so drives to activities . If he’s working I get a taxi . For my job I get the bus. Very little parking in our local city so we often get the bus to even when he’s home .
You do have to plan and look for trains or buses but that’s fairly easy .

It’s fine not to be able to drive if you accept you will always need to get public transport or a taxi and not have to rely on other people.
What does annoy me is people —MIL— who don’t drive but are more than happy to expect to be ferried around even if it means someone ends up not being able to drink as they need to drive you home while you can have as many glasses as you want

When DS started in Reception one of the other Mums drove to school every day with her Mum with her L plates on.
She was learning to drive purely so that her DD could attend the school. I thought that was brilliant.

I get very concerned about people who have hundreds of hours instruction, failing dozens of times and then pass. They can then drive anywhere and in any power of car becuase they happened to get lucky! If a brain surgeon had failed the exams dozens of times there's no way I would want him/her operating on me! We need to accept that not everyone is suited to driving, timid drivers are as dangerous as the 'boy-racer' stereo-type.

totally agree with teens driving , but only if it’s their choice . I bought my son lessons for his 17th . But he was very interested . My daughter is keen so I will do the same thing for her.

I don't really see it as a choice, I see it as a right of passage, I won't ask my teens if they want driving lessons, I will tell them when they start and they can tell me if they don't want to but I very much doubt they would turn it down.

Ultimately it is up to you if you want to learn to drive but I think some of the ill feeling comes from people who hate driving but do it to make their loved ones's lives easier - I hate driving but I do it because it isn't fair to expect dh to do it all and the children would miss out on things if we had to work around his working hours anyway.

Other people have been in or seen others put in difficult positions for example when a friend's elderly in-laws were ill and needed help getting to and from the hospital for appointments it was my friend who had to step up as their spouse didn't drive and it was too rural for reliable public transport.

Their situation isn't yours though and you are free to choose not to learn if you want.

It's an essential life skill when you have the means to afford it/have parents pay for it. Same people usually find needing to buy a big, detached house 'essential' as well, or have at least one holiday a year.

It's a optional choice for everyone else, bar of course those who simply cannot for whatever reason, and they manage just fine.

@Sunnydays999

I have always thought it as a optional life skill. It’s never negatively affected me , so I don’t see the point . I can’t see what I would gain from it now .

It’s never affected you because others are affected instead (ie have to drive you around)

[quote user85963842]@TedMullins I choose to believe it is uncommon to not be capable of learning to drive (medical issues aside), and therefore wondering if they're capable no more worth worrying about than being able to cook, all the more reason to do it young and worst case scenario they can get an automatic licence only. But in all my life I can think of only one person I know who tried to learn and gave up after one failed test. Nearly every adult I know drives.[/quote]
I didn’t give up after one test - I gave up after 5 years and 5 failed tests and a significant impact on my health and well-being from the stress it was causing me. It’s quite normal in my social circle in London not to drive (either not to own a car, or never have learned/taken the test). I have got mental health issues including anxiety but these have never been definitely linked to my inability to drive, although it’s fair to say they could’ve had an impact. The medication I’m on now would probably preclude me from trying again.

It's only a problem if there is an expectation that others will do it for you surely? All my friends drive but if we go out I drive because I don't drink. They don't expect it and they are grateful for it and I can't see the point of curtailing everyone's evening when I'm happy to drive.

When we go out with DH most often he drives there and I drive back.

I didn't learn to drive until I was almost 30 because I didn't need to living in London. But I never expected others to give me lifts anywhere. As soon as we moved where there was no public transport and I had to wait for others I learned as quickly as possible.

As a driver I've never said yes to driving someone I don't want to or if it's inconvenient. On the other hand I would never leave my friends who don't drive to struggle when it's not necessary.

But then I'm not the sort of person who feels put upon by helping others out, so I suppose it's mostly about the driver being confident to say no if they don't want to do it.

I think people just forget that there are plenty of ways to get about if you don't drive because once you have a car it's hard to imagine life without it.

Even if you don't need to drive where you live, not having a licence must make you very dependent on others and/or limit where you can go out to, what about holidays and day trips?. It will also restrict your work choices, should you ever need them.

I don't for a minute think everyone should have a car, but I do think making sure children learn is an important part of their upbringing. They may not need a car now, but what happens when their job is transferred out of town or their girlfriend lives in the country?

I wonder how your adult children will feel about being mum's taxi driver should anything happen to DH?

[quote Sunnydays999]@Sparklingbrook I don’t particularly have to accept things arent possible. Children walked to school . Husband doesn’t work weekends so drives to activities . If he’s working I get a taxi . For my job I get the bus. Very little parking in our local city so we often get the bus to even when he’s home .
You do have to plan and look for trains or buses but that’s fairly easy .[/quote]
What I meant was for example that if I didn't drive on a Saturday with two DSs playing in 3 football teams then DH would be able to take one but the other one wouldn't be able to get there or we'd be permanently asking for lifts that we couldn't return the favour. That kind of thing.

Or two birthday party clashes. It meant we could say yes to things without having to worry about logistics if that makes sense.

But I can drive and I understand why you don't feel able to.

My grown up son drives which I’m glad about as promotions might require it

@TedMullins I'm sorry to hear that, but my point is, that isn't common so doesn't really need to be a consideration until at that point.

Each to their own, but it's extremely useful. I have a friend whose DH doesn't drive, so she has always had to do a lot of things he can't do without the car e,g. the weekly food shop or shopping for anything bulky/heavy; nursery drop off and collection; taking him to places he can't get to on public transport for appointments etc. Luckily he can walk to work. They live a 2-3 hour drive from both families, all driving is done by her. UK holidays, which they do because he also won't fly, all driving done by her. So just easier if both people in a couple drive.

@Sunnydays999 so a bit of a contradiction to your opening post then...so you can understand why so many people see driving as essential rather than a luxury...?

@Toorapid

Even if you don't need to drive where you live, not having a licence must make you very dependent on others and/or limit where you can go out to, what about holidays and day trips?. It will also restrict your work choices, should you ever need them.

I don't for a minute think everyone should have a car, but I do think making sure children learn is an important part of their upbringing. They may not need a car now, but what happens when their job is transferred out of town or their girlfriend lives in the country?

I wonder how your adult children will feel about being mum's taxi driver should anything happen to DH?

I'm a single non driving parent and we manage fine. We go on trains for holidays and days out. Most big attractions are near a bus stop or train station. I don't like camping or rural holidays so I'd never do those anyway even if I could drive.

Why would adult children be anyone's taxi driver? I manage to get around without a car so I wouldn't need DS to be my taxi.

@Toorapid I’m imagine we would call an ambulance if it’s an emergency. I don’t see it as being dependant , he’s my husband. He can’t swim well , when he we go on holiday I always took our daughter swimming . We are a team

@hansgrueber omg that's me . I've failed so many times ( I wont say how many !) And it got to the point i was having panic attacks at the thought of getting behind the wheel ....and people still saying to me dont give up . Wtaf! Seriously , I wouldn't even want to fluke a test now and risk my sons life every time we got in the car .
People that cant swim ( I can ) never seem to get this kind of pressure, and to me , that is also a life skill.

@Donoteatthekittens

It’ll be interesting to see who will be able to afford to drive when the U.K. bans sales of all non-electric cars.

That will be a VERY long time and some smartarse will find a way to import. Not worried about it in my lifetime and I am in early 30s

I'm 33, never drove. I live in the city center, the hospital that I work in is a 20 minute walk away, parking is a nightmare there so I'd have to leave earlier to get a parking spot if I drove. Almost everything I need is close by. My husband drives but he only uses the car to drive to and from work (and he's been working from home for a full year now) and to do grocery shopping. Anywhere else we just walk to. I do intend to learn this year before we have children but I'll just get insured on his car and I doubt I'll ever get my own (we do have 2 vehicles, a car and a camper van).

I have friends who are slaves to their cars, literally wouldn't leave home without it.

@GoldenOmber

Outside the M25, where public transport is crap at best and non-existent in many places, cars are unavoidable

Yes, non-drivers up here spend all our lives sat inside staring sadly at the floor. It is terribly tragic. Some kind Londoner should organise a fundraiser for us

@user85963842 no I don’t see why people think it’s essential for everyone . I was a single mum and managed fine before I met him