To wonder why people think everyone should drive

[Sunnydays999]

Tried several times in my 20s .My dyslexia means I find some aspects hard . I also have anxiety and driving made this worse .
My husband drives . He has always driven on holidays and days out .
It surprises me on here and in real life how shocked people are that I don’t drive . I just wondered why ?

@Sunnydays999 Of course it affects other people- your husband!! Instead of you sharing the burden with him, you have stated he drives everywhere on holidays and days out. That is tiring, mentally and physically. All the time you are "there" he knows he has got to drive back. So when you get back in the car and relax after a long day out, he is still "on", concentrating on another drive.
I can't believe you haven't even realised you are only able to be a non driver because you expect him to do it all.

Driving gives a lot more freedom and choice than public transport or relying on a spouse does. I wouldn't want where I can live to be dictated by public transport, I've lived in several parts of the country from cities to rural villages. I really hope public transport improves so I can use my car less, more for the environment than anything else, but it is shite in huge swathes of the country, so until it is vastly improved more consistently across the country, driving is pretty vital to have enough choice not just for living but working, leisure and family life too. I will be supporting my children at 17 to learn to drive before they leave education, just as my parents did, it was never a question if, it was an assumption I would learn.

@Mabelface i do look at my husband to give lifts . But then he looks to me to organise our daughters activities as he isn’t organised .
We just do what we are good at

[quote Sunnydays999]@Mabelface i do look at my husband to give lifts . But then he looks to me to organise our daughters activities as he isn’t organised .
We just do what we are good at[/quote]
How would things be if neither of you drove?

[quote Sunnydays999]@MrsWhistledown my husband hates to be a passenger so even if I did drive it would be stressful for him .[/quote]
Obviously it may be the case that he really doesn't enjoy being the passanger, but equally he could be saying that because he doesn't want you to feel guilty that he always has to drive.

I will be supporting my children at 17 to learn to drive before they leave education, just as my parents did, it was never a question if, it was an assumption I would learn.

Same here. When I turned 17 the lifts stopped. There was no way my dad would have taken me somewhere once I was old enough to do it myself. My mum couldn't drive and he had always been supportive of that but I think in reality he realised how difficult it made life for both of them, so he wasn't going to repeat the cycle.

@user85963842 totally agree with teens driving , but only if it’s their choice . I bought my son lessons for his 17th . But he was very interested . My daughter is keen so I will do the same thing for her .

I can't drive, I tried to learn and couldn't do it. I think it's not possible for me. I seriously lack coordination and spatial awareness. I've always walked or used public transport and wouldn't choose to live anywhere where that wasn't an easy option. I've encountered people who act shocked or as if I am a bad person for not being able to drive. I don't understand their attitude, particularly considering the environmental impact of driving and considering that I don't ask others to drive me around. I'll accept a lift if offered, but have never asked for one in my life.

I think those are both reasonable reasons not to drive. How do you feel about other people's reactions? Is it something that you wish you could do or are you happy not to drive?

I learned late. I assumed I would be awful as I am so clumsy. It turned out I was very good and passed easily. There are lots of activities DD in particular wouldn’t be able to do if I didn’t drive and honestly I was sick of days out using trains and buses.
Our local transport is dreadful. It’s expensive and slow. It’s actually hard to get from one side of town to another or to the next town over (you are forced to go in and out of town to change which is already a long journey).
The last few jobs I’ve done I wouldn’t have been able to get there by public transport as they would take so long it wouldn’t be possible.

I have a friend whose husband doesn’t drive. He just doesn’t seem interested. It means all of her children’s activities fall to her, I don’t think she minds days out but so many evenings driving about is a pain.

Not driving is fine, as long as you are prepared to spend on taxis when necessary. My SIL does not drive through choice (she lives in London and can manage well with public transport). However, she just will not spend on taxis ever (she can afford to) and always makes a massive fuss about how she can't carry things on public transport and expects us to deliver them to her!

Also I think teenagers are the whole are a bit more fearless so learning to drive is easier at 17. More difficult/scary as you get older an need more lessons.

@wellthatsunusual

I will be supporting my children at 17 to learn to drive before they leave education, just as my parents did, it was never a question if, it was an assumption I would learn.

Same here. When I turned 17 the lifts stopped. There was no way my dad would have taken me somewhere once I was old enough to do it myself. My mum couldn't drive and he had always been supportive of that but I think in reality he realised how difficult it made life for both of them, so he wasn't going to repeat the cycle.

You do realise though that this doesn’t mean they’ll actually be able to drive? My dad was the only driver in my family too and they weren’t very well off, so could only afford to help with a few lessons. I paid for the rest from my part time job as a teenager and as I posted above, learned unsuccessfully for 5 years. I grew up in a semi rural town with crap public transport and it would have be very useful for me to drive but I simply couldn’t do it. It’s not a given for everyone.

If you on a bus route its fine. I just think its give you independence. Throw shopping into boot. But people manage too.

My husband is learning to drive. It has severely impacted his job opportunities and constantly grates on me that I am always the designated driver. Long holidays? Guess what I'm doing. Trips to the shops for heavy items? Guess what I'm doing. Nights out? I can't drink as I will be driving.

Public transport is more expensive and less convenient. I've insisted he learns to drive before we have a baby in case I need a C section as he will need to be able to look after us and it will be a lot easier to not rely on the in laws if he can drive.

I sometimes think it is very arrogant to consciously not pull your weight and expect everyone else to ferry you around.

thinking about it both my current and previous job require me to get places that are only easily accessible through driving. Work-wise your options round here would be severely limited if you didn't drive. Which is why the vast majority (definitely not everyone) do. I'm pleased that you don't feel the need to put an extra car on the road, but I'm sure you're pretty pleased that your DH does drive!

It doesn’t bother me if people don’t/can’t drive, but it irritates me when people can drive but won’t go on motorways/long distances etc for no other reason than they’ve not done it enough to feel happy doing it (unless they’ve only passed their test recently and need to build up that knowledge/confidence)

I think if you drive you should be able to drive in those circumstances too, it’s virtually always women too, I’ve never heard a man refuse to drive on a motorway.

If you live in London or the outskirts or another big city, public transport is usually pretty good - frequent, relatively cheap and reliable.

It's not true of all parts of the country however and there are many places where being unable to drive can leave you quite isolated. I knew friends who grew up in rural areas and without exception they all could drive before they were 18 because they were sick of being stuck at home and reliant on lifts, especially in families where the mum didn't drive so they couldn't go anywhere if dad was at work for example.

I didn't drive until my 40s; I was very independent and raised my children alone, we were all experts on public transport, walked a lot etc. I never asked for lifts unless unavoidable. But I would say that being able to drive has made a significant difference to my life, for one thing I can now consider moving out of London which I hate but as a non driver was rather tied to.

It's all very well for the OP to rely on her husband to drive but what happens if at some point he can't? A couple I knew, husband did all the driving, wife had never passed. Then he had some health problems and had to give up. She had to take her test as they couldn't cope without a car, fortunately she passed and now drives all over the place, and wishes she had done it sooner.

Where I live my other options would be a once a day bus into the local town (no return journey...) Or a 4 hour walk to the nearest train station. I could cycle for nearly hour to the train station, take a 20minute train and then another 40minute cycle to my destination I suppose, but I find a 20minute drive in my electric car more convenient.

Depends where you live. Cars are an expensive irrelevance if you live in London, because of the amazing public transport so learning to drive isn’t necessary.

Outside the M25, where public transport is crap at best and non-existent in many places, cars are unavoidable and being able to drive is an essential life skill.

I live up north and quite rurally. If you don't drive, you basically can't go out! Public transport is borderline nonexistent and woefully inadequate.
I have an Aunty like you, relied on her husband for transportation. All good and worked perfectly well for years ... until he died quite suddenly. Now she's up shit creek and I'm sure she's regretting not doing something about it.

I hate this too. I don't drive because I have a chronic condition but I really dislike the idea that I'm not a 'proper adult' because I don't know how to drive. I've not had a single lesson so I don't know whether I would be any good at it but I imagine I'd be so preoccupied with the worry about running into something that I'd be distracted from any lessons.

I never get these people who can't drink on nights out because they have to drive? Literally no one I know drives to a night out, even the ones who can drive. Everyone gets a taxi so they can enjoy their night.

@TedMullins I should have used different wording really. I should have said I will be 'encouraging'. I can't force them to do something that they are not capable of.

It’ll be interesting to see who will be able to afford to drive when the U.K. bans sales of all non-electric cars.