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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why people think everyone should drive

999 replies

Sunnydays999 · 07/02/2021 18:51

Tried several times in my 20s .My dyslexia means I find some aspects hard . I also have anxiety and driving made this worse .
My husband drives . He has always driven on holidays and days out .
It surprises me on here and in real life how shocked people are that I don’t drive . I just wondered why ?

OP posts:
huuuuunnnndderrricks · 07/02/2021 19:20

Because most people that don't drive are takers.. they don't understand how much it costs and how tiring it can be . IMe anyways

AbbeyBelfast · 07/02/2021 19:20

This reply has been deleted

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AlexaShutUp · 07/02/2021 19:20

My DH doesn't drive, so I'm never surprised when people don't. I do think it's a major pain in the arse that he doesn't drive, though, and I resent being the one who always has to do it. I don't think he has any awareness of this tbh. He thinks it's fine because he is happy to use public transport or whatever, but it means that I have to do all of the driving for dd and if we're together. Normally, I just get on with it, but it does annoy me sometimes.

Toorapid · 07/02/2021 19:20

Because not being able to drive limits your life choices. I could "manage" if I didn't drive, but I wouldn't be doing the job I'm doing, visiting my sister would take 4 hours instead of 2, my favourite sports event would take so long to get to I probably wouldn't bother, my children would likely have done fewer extra curricular activities, I'd be dependent on a taxi or ambulance in emergency situations. It's OK relying on DH to drive but mine's been in hospital for a month, dropping a bag off to him is 2 buses or 5min in the car.

Obviously if there's a reason people can't drive, that's very unfortunate, but it will limit their life and their earning potential, I don't know why anyone would not drive deliberately.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 07/02/2021 19:20

@Susie477

Depends where you live. Cars are an expensive irrelevance if you live in London, because of the amazing public transport so learning to drive isn’t necessary.

Outside the M25, where public transport is crap at best and non-existent in many places, cars are unavoidable and being able to drive is an essential life skill.

What a generalisation. I live in the east midlands and don't drive. Public transport is great where I am. We don't all live out in the sticks outside of London.
wellthatsunusual · 07/02/2021 19:21

@Waxonwaxoff0

I never get these people who can't drink on nights out because they have to drive? Literally no one I know drives to a night out, even the ones who can drive. Everyone gets a taxi so they can enjoy their night.
If you're not in a city it can be hard to get a taxi. There aren't really enough to cover the demand where I live. So unless you know three weeks in advance what day and time you will need a taxi you could find yourself stuck.
AaronPurr · 07/02/2021 19:21

@Plonque

I live up north and quite rurally. If you don't drive, you basically can't go out! Public transport is borderline nonexistent and woefully inadequate. I have an Aunty like you, relied on her husband for transportation. All good and worked perfectly well for years ... until he died quite suddenly. Now she's up shit creek and I'm sure she's regretting not doing something about it.
I have a relative who was in a very similar situation. He was the only driver and he died suddenly. She always said she never needed to drive, was fine, could use public transport, and I don't think she realised how much she relied on him. She learned pretty quickly after his death and it made a massive difference, she says she should have done it years ago.
naturalnursery · 07/02/2021 19:21

I don't drive, though dh does. We just live places where I can get around by foot, bike or public transport.

Managed to live in the middle of the Moors or next to the beach, and still get to work in the city by public transport.

Spent years getting the children to school, drama, sports etc without a car - used to cycle 100km a week doing school stuff and commuting to work!

Yes, sometimes it's a bit rubbish in the winter but let's not forget that around 25% of families with young children don't have access to a car, so I still feel very privileged to have dh able to do the driving when needed.

Sparklingbrook · 07/02/2021 19:21

If you on a bus route its fine

Up to a point. You might not want to live on a bus route forever. Or in a big city.

Sparklesocks · 07/02/2021 19:21

I think it depends on where you live and your day to day life. It’s easy to avoid driving if you live in a busy town/city with a decent transport network, but if you live rurally where the nearest place to get a pint of milk is a few miles away via a-roads then it becomes essential.

Some people drive every day and so can’t imagine life without being able to do so, and then others don’t use cars at all so don’t know why they would bother.

I’ve found it really helpful for travelling to things like weddings in remote areas where the nearest train station is a 2 mile walk and a bus away. Or DP and I like to go to Airbnbs for long weekends and you get some great ones off the beaten track which you’d need a car to access.

I also think it can make life easier for ferrying kids about.

But really it depends on your own personal situation. I’ve known couples where only one drives and they become a bit resentful that they have to do all of the driving or change their plans to pick up/drop off the non driving partner, but of course that isn’t the case for all. So what might work for you wouldn’t work for others, and vice versa.

GoldenOmber · 07/02/2021 19:21

Outside the M25, where public transport is crap at best and non-existent in many places, cars are unavoidable

Yes, non-drivers up here spend all our lives sat inside staring sadly at the floor. It is terribly tragic. Some kind Londoner should organise a fundraiser for us Grin

KevinSausage · 07/02/2021 19:22

It's a useful life skill and non drivers are exceptionally annoying for drivers, as it means there is no sharing of the task.

My OH didn't drive for the first few years we were together, it was a massive ball ache for me as they expected me to drive everywhere and nearly ended our relationship.

Daffodil21 · 07/02/2021 19:22

If you want to drive, have you thought about an automatic only license? I had sooo many manual lessons, and I used to really worry every time I was approaching traffic lights or roundabouts (basically anything that required slowing down then setting off again quickly). I switched to automatic lessons only, and was much happier. it hasn't restricted me at all that I can only drive an auto

BaggoMcoys · 07/02/2021 19:22

I do sometimes wish I could drive because it would be more convenient at times, and would increase my job prospects. I plan to take more lessons again in future if I can ever afford to, but I don't have my hopes up. I'm not stupid but driving is something I find extremely difficult. I find a lot of people don't understand that. They see it as second nature but for me it's not easy or natural at all.

TedMullins · 07/02/2021 19:23

[quote wellthatsunusual]@TedMullins I should have used different wording really. I should have said I will be 'encouraging'. I can't force them to do something that they are not capable of.[/quote]
Fair. I hope your kids do pass, it was very frustrating for me that I couldn’t no matter how hard/long I tried!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 07/02/2021 19:23

Because it opens up your world- so much easier to go to new places, things tend to be quicker. Everyone I know who didn’t drive quickly learnt when they had a child, because they are more time conscious and explore further afield.

Original poster
Sunnydays999 · 07/02/2021 19:23

@DaenarysStormborn I tried it , it didn’t work out . He’s a hgv driver so he’s quite happy driving . We tend to play to each other’s better qualities, and it’s never been a issue .I don’t get a lift from anyone else so it’s not arrogant. We are a team and are married

OP posts:
Rillington · 07/02/2021 19:23

As long as you are self sufficient then it's fine. I find many people that don't drive assume others are happy to ferry them around. I was coerced into taking a lady from work home. She lived 5 miles in the other direction. Not once offered to pay me.

A mum from the school had 5 kids. She thought it was acceptable to ask me to take the older two home every day. She never offered any petrol money or offered to look after my kids in return.

Sparklingbrook · 07/02/2021 19:24

@Toorapid

Because not being able to drive limits your life choices. I could "manage" if I didn't drive, but I wouldn't be doing the job I'm doing, visiting my sister would take 4 hours instead of 2, my favourite sports event would take so long to get to I probably wouldn't bother, my children would likely have done fewer extra curricular activities, I'd be dependent on a taxi or ambulance in emergency situations. It's OK relying on DH to drive but mine's been in hospital for a month, dropping a bag off to him is 2 buses or 5min in the car.

Obviously if there's a reason people can't drive, that's very unfortunate, but it will limit their life and their earning potential, I don't know why anyone would not drive deliberately.

I think that all sums it up for me.

I wouldn't be doing my job (or previous jobs), the DC wouldn't have gone to the nurseries/schools they did or had the hobbies they did had I not been a driver.

If you can't though for whatever reason then fair enough, you accept that not everything will be possible and adjust accordingly.

Original poster
Sunnydays999 · 07/02/2021 19:25

@OnlyFoolsnMothers I have a grown up son and a teen . Fairly lucky that we have good public transport. I appreciate this wouldn’t be the case for everyone tho

OP posts:
safariboot · 07/02/2021 19:25

@Sunnydays999

Tried several times in my 20s .My dyslexia means I find some aspects hard . I also have anxiety and driving made this worse . My husband drives . He has always driven on holidays and days out . It surprises me on here and in real life how shocked people are that I don’t drive . I just wondered why ?
If you're encountering a lot of people shocked, I think the people you associate with aren't very diverse - and somewhat lack the ability to understand not everyone is like them.

UK wide, three quarters of adults hold a full driving license, but some of those might not have driven for years. So not driving isn't at all unusual. And it varies by location and demographics. In a mostly black or asian inner-city area, quite possibly more adults don't drive than do.

Selkiesarereal · 07/02/2021 19:26

I grew up in a very rural location so learning to drive as soon as you turned 17 was the absolute norm. I was shocked when I moved to the city and my new city slicker friends couldn’t but it did make sense as they never needed to although they did eventually learn which opened up a lot more holiday options and day trips.

My MiL doesn’t drive and really regrets it now as totally dependent on fil to take her for hospital appointments, all fine until he was ill and unable to drive and the hospital was several bus trips, not a great situation.

Zampa · 07/02/2021 19:26

I didn't learn to drive until my late 30s, after moving from London to Manchester. Even now, I don't really need to drive most of the time as the tram is great but driving is hugely convenient (and has made me very lazy).

Until the government heavily invests in public and active transport in all areas of the country car use will continue to rise and driving will be seen as a necessity

user85963842 · 07/02/2021 19:26

@TedMullins I choose to believe it is uncommon to not be capable of learning to drive (medical issues aside), and therefore wondering if they're capable no more worth worrying about than being able to cook, all the more reason to do it young and worst case scenario they can get an automatic licence only. But in all my life I can think of only one person I know who tried to learn and gave up after one failed test. Nearly every adult I know drives.

TedMullins · 07/02/2021 19:27

Oh and it hasn’t limited my career or earning potential, largely because I’m in London where it’s the norm not to drive, but it isn’t true that it universally holds people back from good jobs