To wonder why people think everyone should drive

[Sunnydays999]

Tried several times in my 20s .My dyslexia means I find some aspects hard . I also have anxiety and driving made this worse .
My husband drives . He has always driven on holidays and days out .
It surprises me on here and in real life how shocked people are that I don’t drive . I just wondered why ?

@RockingMyFiftiesNot

Each to their own, but it's extremely useful. I have a friend whose DH doesn't drive, so she has always had to do a lot of things he can't do without the car e,g. the weekly food shop or shopping for anything bulky/heavy; nursery drop off and collection; taking him to places he can't get to on public transport for appointments etc. Luckily he can walk to work. They live a 2-3 hour drive from both families, all driving is done by her. UK holidays, which they do because he also won't fly, all driving done by her. So just easier if both people in a couple drive.

Eurgh, your friends husband sounds a delight

@Sunnydays999 but you admit and are relieved your son now potentially have more employment choices available to him?

I don't drive, partly because I've never wanted to, partly for environmental reasons, partly because I never had the money for lessons/ a car when I lived somewhere with rubbish public transport. Now I live near a train station... and the buses are also good. I don't like cars. I hate the assumption that I want 'ferrying around'- perfectly fine without a car or that particular skill. I would usually turn down a lift to walk. I don't get why people think it's necessary...

not having a licence must make you very dependent on others and/or limit where you can go out to, what about holidays and day trips?. It will also restrict your work choices, should you ever need them.

It doesn’t make me dependent on others, unless by others you include eg train drivers? I don’t drive so I have always made sure I’ve set up my life in a way that doesn’t require a car. It’s not like I rely on someone else’s car instead.

It does somewhat reduce opportunities for day trips and holidays I suppose, but not in a massively significant way, and less than most drivers I know think it might. I do wish public transport was better in some places.

As for jobs, yes, if you don’t drive there are some jobs you can’t apply for. But if you don’t speak another language there are some jobs you can’t apply for, if you don’t have specific qualifications you’re ruled out of many specialist jobs, and on and on...

Waxonwaxoff0, It's just the OP seems to be saying she doesn't need to drive because her son and husband do.

I know it's possible to go on holiday without a car. I took DS2 to Devon and as it was just me, I decided the train would be easier than driving. Which it was for the journey down, but OMG, the time we spent waiting for buses that week!

It must limit the choice of where you can go. Some places simply don't have public transport.

As I said, it's perfectly possible to manage without learning to drive, but there are times when having a driving licence just gives you more choices, be that leisure or work.

It's only a big deal when the Jon drivers expect chauffeuring around looking at you sister.

I'm my experience people who don't drive don't understand the cost of driving and always expect things like lifts, I can't imagine you being like this as you have a husband who drives, but unless you live in an area with good public transport (anywhere outside the M25 is terrible) you can easily become dependent on lifts etc. Where I live it's quite rural and you would really struggle without driving, especially with the kids. Driving is just so much easier.

@MaskingForIt

It’s just a useful life skill, a bit like being able to tie your shoes laces or make food to eat.

My partner can’t do any of those things, not being able to do laces just means having elastic ones or slip on footwear, with food he can manage most microwave meals, stir fry boxes etc.

Not being able to drive isn’t at all comparable to not being able to cook.

Where I live it's quite rural and you would really struggle without driving, especially with the kids.

But you wouldn’t live there if you couldn’t drive, though? You’d move elsewhere. I grew up somewhere semi-rural that really required a car, I moved away to somewhere that didn’t.

@user85963842 yes because of the jobs he is looking at . It’s great for him

I do wonder what it would be like to live somewhere with brilliant public transport. To be able to get on a bus or train any time of the day or night and get exactly where you want to go.

@Plonque

I live up north and quite rurally. If you don't drive, you basically can't go out! Public transport is borderline nonexistent and woefully inadequate. I have an Aunty like you, relied on her husband for transportation. All good and worked perfectly well for years ... until he died quite suddenly. Now she's up shit creek and I'm sure she's regretting not doing something about it.

It’s interesting when people use this argument to say everyone should be able to drive.

I have elderly relatives where the wife has died and the husband literally cannot feed himself because he never learned to cook. Or clean the house, or wash his clothes or maintain a social life.

I think those things are far more important life skills to learn than driving.

I think the thing is that you are in a situation where someone else can drive you if needed. What if you weren’t married to your husband, or if he couldn’t drive. I’m sure you will say taxis or buses and that’s fine, but again it relies on someone driving you. Buses can be limiting and taxis expensive so I think that is why so many people prioritise learning to drive if they possibly can. It also facilitates careers where you might need to drive for work, and means that you can help out in an emergency etc. Just a very, very useful skill.

@MiddleClassMother

I'm my experience people who don't drive don't understand the cost of driving and always expect things like lifts, I can't imagine you being like this as you have a husband who drives, but unless you live in an area with good public transport (anywhere outside the M25 is terrible) you can easily become dependent on lifts etc. Where I live it's quite rural and you would really struggle without driving, especially with the kids. Driving is just so much easier.

Anywhere outside the M25 is NOT terrible. I live in Nottingham and public transport is great here.

But you wouldn’t live there if you couldn’t drive, though? You’d move elsewhere. I grew up somewhere semi-rural that really required a car, I moved away to somewhere that didn’t.

Yes but that's quite a shame isn't? It really reduces your choice in where you can live, and what if you want to stay near your family? The point is driving only increases your choices, if you have a licence you don't HAVE to drive if you end up somewhere with good transport links, but if you never get the licence you are going to be restricted in where you can live and what you can do.

I failed my test several times. I don't drive, and it's probably the closest thng I have to a phobia these days although I know it would be a handy skill for doing grocery shopping etc. Public transport round here is fine (not that I go anywhere right now)
Husband drives, if he has to.

YANBU, IMO.

*I have elderly relatives where the wife has died and the husband literally cannot feed himself because he never learned to cook. Or clean the house, or wash his clothes or maintain a social life.

I think those things are far more important life skills to learn than driving.*

It's not one or the other though is it? Learning to drive doesn't prevent you being able to cook.

Just to add I don’t ask other people for lifts , I don’t need to . I can get buses and trains happily . The car my husband drives is actually mine . We replaced it with inheritance I got . We got what he wanted as he drives it but it’s still our car . I’m surprised how Many people see it as being dependent on your husband / wife

@user85963842

But you wouldn’t live there if you couldn’t drive, though? You’d move elsewhere. I grew up somewhere semi-rural that really required a car, I moved away to somewhere that didn’t.

Yes but that's quite a shame isn't? It really reduces your choice in where you can live, and what if you want to stay near your family? The point is driving only increases your choices, if you have a licence you don't HAVE to drive if you end up somewhere with good transport links, but if you never get the licence you are going to be restricted in where you can live and what you can do.

But if you wanted to live somewhere rural you would learn to drive.

Most of us who don't drive live in places with good public transport and we like those places. I enjoy city life, living rural would be my worst nightmare. If I was desperate to live rurally then I would learn to drive!

Yes but that's quite a shame isn't? It really reduces your choice in where you can live, and what if you want to stay near your family?

I haven’t found it a terrible shame, really, but I appreciate the sympathy for my awful predicament

My point is more that these discussions always have people saying “you’d have to drive if you lived where I do!” as though where you live is something you have no control over. It’d be like me telling someone “oh you can’t climb stairs? You’d have to climb stairs if you lived in my house, it’s got three floors!” Presumably they’d just have bought a bungalow instead?

My Nan learned to drive when my Grandad died. She was 63, I remember being very impressed.

@Sunnydays999

Just to add I don’t ask other people for lifts , I don’t need to . I can get buses and trains happily . The car my husband drives is actually mine . We replaced it with inheritance I got . We got what he wanted as he drives it but it’s still our car . I’m surprised how Many people see it as being dependent on your husband / wife

It is dependent because if he didn't drive you wouldn't have a car!

I'm sick of seeing how none drivers are called selfish and lazy and entitled on Mumsnet.

I am desperate to drive I think about how great it would be all the time. It would definitely change mine and my kids lives but it is very expensive for lessons and eventually to run a car.
I don't have any spare money and certainly not £50 a week that our local driving instructors charge as they only do double lessons.
When I was 17 I was working full time for a pittance and paying rent and bills as I didn't live at home. We don't all have parents who are in a position to pay for our lessons.
When I was in a relationship for 10 years to a controlling drunk, gambling addict I sometimes went for a whole week without a pound in my bank or purse.
Then I ltb and since then have worked in low paid jobs and had to claim universal credit.

So many people on here throw
"Just learn to drive!"
"Leave and book a night in a hotel!"
"Book yourself a spa break!"
"Just get a cleaner!" around like confetti.
Mumsnet is full of judgemental, arrogant snobs who can't see that not everyone lives in their cosy, middle class world.

I can't drive for medical reasons and it hacks me off how life is structured even in central London for using a car. Day to day I can manage easily with public transport and the odd cab but anything out of the usual is a pita. Having said that I love long distance train journeys and much prefer them to sitting in a car.

I think it's interesting that most of those saying it's fine not to drive and that they don't are (like the OP) relying on their husbands to do the driving.

I can attest that it's significantly harder to be a non driving single parent; not impossible but it is difficult. Certainly a lot harder than having a man around to hand off driving too.

Its also little defeatist to throw in the towel after 2 or 3 failed tests. There are very few people who are genuinely incapable of driving.

As for the bullshit above about people who take multiple tests being shit drivers, by far the worst drivers I know are the ones who passed first time after 6 lessons, because they often don't know have a clue about highway code, roadsigns, etc (especially those who passed before the introduction of the separate theory test) because they had barely any practice before they passed.