To wonder why people think everyone should drive

[Sunnydays999]

Tried several times in my 20s .My dyslexia means I find some aspects hard . I also have anxiety and driving made this worse .
My husband drives . He has always driven on holidays and days out .
It surprises me on here and in real life how shocked people are that I don’t drive . I just wondered why ?

Why are people so keen to choose to live in places where they are reliant on a car and driving to undertake so much of their daily life?

I live in a normal town, we have reasonable public transport. I had time to dawdle to the shops with the pram when I was on maternity and just pick up a few food items at a time. Now the kids are older, eat more & I am at work I need to get food more quickly and transport more of it.
Getting my DC to gym classes / rugby matches which could be in neighbouring towns/villages necessitated asking for a lift for us or to not go - now I can take them quickly and conveniently. If you don't have a swimming pool on your doorstep getting young kids with wet hair and tired legs to and from lessons can be a pain in the arse! Likewise its more convenient for cubs / guides meetings on a night or as your kids get older and need to be collected from parties and either public transport is limited or it'd be safer to collect them. If you have older family members sometimes it's easier to get them to medical appointments directly than have to take them by public transport. Jobs being in out of town locations or multi-site (e.g working across an NHS Trust). There are loads of reasons cars can make getting to and from everyday activities more convenient and it's not just about people living rurally.

If everyone lived in such places, the over-crowding would be unbearable, house costs would rise due to demand, infrastructure would collapse, etc. It's far better to have people and amenities spaced out.

...no? It’s better to just have more amenities! I live in an area of fairly dense housing (Victorian terraces) and we have multiple supermarkets, shops, schools, pharmacies, GP surgeries, parks, library etc within walking distance. The infrastructure works perfectly well and this can be replicated. Not everyone needs to live in the town centre but you can have amenities outside the centre!
This is the South and housing costs are relatively high because of that but not ridiculously so - I was able to buy my house a year and a bit ago at the age of 24.

I think, and I know that this doesn't apply to all car owners, but once you have a car, convenience can often lead to car use even if there are local amenities. My friend lives in a rural location and needs a car to get around. But the nearest shop is about a mile away and she will always drive there, even if she's only picking up milk and bread, even though she is fit and healthy and it's a nice walk and the shop is closer than the distance I walk to work everyday in an urban location. Similar, if I've hired a car or van, for example when moving house, I find that I'm tempted to make unnecessary journeys e.g, I'll just drive to x and pick up y, whereas when I dont have access to a car, I would consider whether I really need y or wait until I also need a, b and c from the same location before getting the bus.

I live rurally due to work. I have to drive the children everywhere, there is nothing in walking distance, the nearest bus stop is a 45 minute walk with 2 buses a day. Currently, I'm teaching my 17 year old to drive, this is the norm here. Even if I lived in a city I would still want to know how to drive, it is another form of photo ID other than passport. I consider some things essential skills, I don't work on the water but I can swim.
Each to their own but please stop turning this into a debate about country living v. city living. I'm happy with my choices, be happy with yours.

@turnedthewatersintoblood because I was brought up here, it's my home, I love it and it's where I want us to be

@Twobrews difficult when the assumption from friends is why waste money when you can drive

@Blondie556 totally agree. Where we live we can walk/public transport to almost everything. I have friends who are constantly in the car though as they can't be bothered to walk or "don't like" public transport. Why live in a city then?! I don't understand why some people drive to the city centre, it's expensive, stressful and massively polluting. Can't wait for it to be more fully pedestrianised to stop all the unnecessary driving.

Friend didn't get her dcs birthday presents as the car was in the garage .. (when shops were open)... Get the bus/train/tram!! The transport network is simple as well, you can't claim not understanding it, it's easier than the tube.

Also cycling, we cycle a lot the cycling infrastructure is vastly improved on what it used to be, if you cycle a few miles to work and back you've done your exercise for the day just on your commute.

Also vast amounts of unnecessary school drop offs creating traffic, pollution and spoilt lazy kids. The local secondary school has a catchment of less than 2 miles and is served by buses, trains, light railway. Unless their are mobility or other issues the kids can get there themselves, however many of the little darlings are ferried there by their indulgent parents in their oversized Chelsea tractors clogging up the roads.

I grew up in a rural area. My father was a farmer. Quite a few people I was at school with had farming parents. There maybe far fewer jobs in agriculture and similar occupations these days, but there are still some and we need them. You can't just move everyone into towns, and they'd be horribly overcrowded if we did. It's just not possible for everyone to live close to public transport and amenities.

Mumsnet is so totally middle class... do you realise MOST people don't drive or have a car! It sounds so privileged to talk about how everyone needs a car and you can't possibly use your legs to go places! Most of the world is walking and getting around even if places are far away

I wonder how many people who talk about "going where they want when they want" actually do that. I mean, how many people can actually decide to pack up in the middle of the night and go on a spontaneous drive to a remote location? I don't know about you, but for me it's not being unable to drive that prevents that, it's having a job to go to in the morning!

I very rarely go somewhere hugely exciting on a whim, but for me, it's all the mundanities - errands, shopping (from shops that don't deliver anyway), borrowing something from a friend - loads of boring things that just need doing, which are straightforward and quick with a car, but which would take a lot of time and planning to do without one.

For me, I see it as like having the internet now when compared with pre-internet days. So many things I can do/send/order/find out in a few seconds rather than it maybe taking hours if not days - or not possible at all. My 8yo DS took ages to convince that I wasn't joking when I told him about the old mail order shopping when it was standard to 'allow 28 days for delivery'.

I realise it's not comparing quite the same thing, but that's the way I personally see it in principle. Then again, some people are quite happy never using the internet (whether a considered choice or just fear/inability, lack of funds or not knowing what they're missing).

Incidentally, I'm a bit surprised by those who say they tried for a few lessons but hated it or found it scary and so quickly gave up. Lots of things in life are daunting and very unpleasant to start with, but you accept that they will get easier and bring you far greater rewards for the future if you're able to face them and persist.

I guess they don’t live at the depot so they’ve managed to get to work somehow.

I live around the corner from a bus depot, and quite a lot of them come in walking, on bikes or on buses. They don't really have much parking on site. Sharing a bus stop with them has led to some interesting conversations.

I am thankful some people learn to drive and that there are bus drivers. Just like I'm thankful for plumbers, electricians, and the many many other people who have skills I don't have who can do work that I can't or don't want to do. Hating driving myself well before I became medically unable to drive doesn't mean I'm against most people driving. I think things would be better if there were better transport options to support more people not driving and fewer vehicles on the roads, but it's obviously a useful skill. I can accept the limitations of not driving even though I prefer to spend my money & live in other ways and want there to be better accessibility for everyone to make their own choices rather than have to drive.

I'm also very thankful the people who said they wouldn't drive after one drink. Having been forced into a car with who'd "just" had a drink or "just" taken pills that say don't drive/operate heavy machinery while on them, I really wish more people took that seriously and that there were more serious repercussions for those who broke those rules.

Mumsnet is so totally middle class... do you realise MOST people don't drive or have a car! It sounds so privileged to talk about how everyone needs a car and you can't possibly use your legs to go places! Most of the world is walking and getting around even if places are far away

We're very much not MC, but we are very privileged to have been born and brought up in the UK. Most users of MN are in the UK/Ireland/USA/Australia or other developed nations - most of the discussions are based around living somewhere like that. Would you go on to a thread by somebody asking whether a water meter would save or cost them more money and criticise them for starting a thread when so many people in the world don't even have any access to clean water at all?

I don't agree that MOST people (adults) don't drive - not in the UK, at least, as a whole. Do you have any figures for this? It's likely skewed by where you live: if you're in central London, you'll see loads of people who don't; live in the Highlands and nobody won't; elsewhere I'm guessing (may well be wrong) that 70-80% of households will have at least one driver and car.

I think on the days bus drivers are walking or cycling to the depot in snow so deep people can’t get their cars out they need a pay rise.

@Sweet666

Mumsnet is so totally middle class... do you realise MOST people don't drive or have a car! It sounds so privileged to talk about how everyone needs a car and you can't possibly use your legs to go places! Most of the world is walking and getting around even if places are far away

"Most" people actually DO! 74% of those over 17 in the UK have a driving licence. That's three quarters, so only a quarter don't have a driving licence, which is a minority.

Also, plenty of people genuinely can't use their legs to go places easily (or at all) - not everybody is young, healthy and able-bodied.

@marcella1 that's crappy of them, I'm surprised you still call them friends.

@wellthatsunusual

what was the point of your anecdote then if not to be negative about non drivers?

It seems impossible for some people to imagine that not everybody's circumstances are the same or that circumstances never change. It's possible that where you live used to have good transport links and now it doesn't thanks to subsidies cuts or a decline in demand. Or that you live where you live regardless of transport links because you grew up there and all your friends and family are there. If we all lived in cities I wonder who would look after the crops on our fields or where all these people would go in addition to the cramped housing conditions you can already find in urban areas.

@Maverickess

You can generally get a courtesy car if your car is being repaired or having a service.

No car is getting off our estate and side roads this morning because of the snow and the abandoned vehicles. I smiled as I walked past them all and got to the clear main road and jumped on the bus 🙃
Already aware another colleague isn't turning in because they can't get their essential car out due to the snow on their local road.
But yep, I'm the one that can't do anything because I don't have this essential life skill.

Like some previous posters I don't drive because I found I was dangerously crap at it. When I was still working and we had a prolonged heavy snow event one winter I spent days holding the fort as driving team members living in the surrounding areas were stuck at home. I lived on the other side of town and faced an arduous walk/bus journey in every day, but I managed it.

If you live somewhere where it can take 4 hours for an ambulance to reach you being able to drive could be lifesaving. My mum didn't learn until late in life and will never drive on a motorway, it was limiting in terms of holidays, hobbies, shopping etc. Even if you're not going to do it on a regular basis you should still know how. Just in case.

I think some people have very good reasons and especially if you have tried snd know its not a skill you can master as others have said, its not safe for you to be on the road.

I have a family member who wont even try as she knows her 'anger' would stop her 🤷🏽‍♀️

My mil used to drive many years ago, when her car became to expensive to run they got rid and she just stopped driving- I suspect because fil wouldn't be driven by a woman so she never got the opportunity (she could have been a terrible driver, I don't know). I could never understand why she let to an important life skill go. Now she is older her life is so restricted as fil can no longer drive but I'm sure if she kept it up she would be fine.

I've never had any desire to drive.
Perhaps because neither of my parents ever drove?
Public transport has been great anywhere I've lived so never any need to. I like to have my headphones on and not have to pay attention to much I also like the walk.
My partner drives and absolutely can't stand public transport so will often have to be the designated driver by choice as he is unwilling to go on bus/train/walk.

People have attempted to teach me the basics before but I really didn't like any part of it so I won't be trying it again. It's definitely not for me

@user1497207191 No, MOST people don't drive, I didn't say most people in the UK, I said most people. Most people do use their legs to get around and can still go places and do things.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

Also, plenty of people genuinely can't use their legs to go places easily (or at all) - not everybody is young, healthy and able-bodied.

^^ Completely agree.

I can think of 2 people I know with considerable mobility issues, one is wheelchair bound, the other is able to walk with a stick on short journeys. A car is an absolute essential for them to work, travel and live independent lives (which they do, and have done for many years). Accessible transport for those with mobility issues is limited even in cities - as a wheelchair user you have to book ahead to use a train, and even then you may well get forgotten so there's no ramp available for you to use to get off. My friend has had to get people to lift or bump her wheelchair off the train before now. It's hardly surprising that those who can drive do in preference to that experience.

I think, and I know that this doesn't apply to all car owners, but once you have a car, convenience can often lead to car use even if there are local amenities.

This is so true. I rent a car when I (occasionally) need one and having it in the drive is just a constant temptation to be lazy!

The problem with becoming reliant on car ownership is that you never know what's around the corner. My husband is currently unable to drive because he had a seizure which came out of the blue and was diagnosed with encephalitis, meaning he had to surrender his driving license. As I mentioned previously I don't drive because I just couldn't hack it. Fortunately, we are retired and we live in a town with shops within walking distance, so we are managing with online shops and local top-ups, and of course due to covid we can't do a lot else at the moment anyway. However, if he were still working and we were living out in the sticks he would be stuffed.