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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder why people think everyone should drive

999 replies

Sunnydays999 · 07/02/2021 18:51

Tried several times in my 20s .My dyslexia means I find some aspects hard . I also have anxiety and driving made this worse .
My husband drives . He has always driven on holidays and days out .
It surprises me on here and in real life how shocked people are that I don’t drive . I just wondered why ?

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 09/02/2021 08:36

@Maverickess

That's hilarious. I am not going to be moving house so that I can get a bus to work maybe one day a year because of some snow. grin

No more hilarious than telling people they can't possibly do anything or be independent because they can't drive a car. That they're entitled and childish because they can't drive a car.

I didn't say any of those things, I seem to have incurred your wrath anyway. Shock
Maverickess · 09/02/2021 08:40

I'm not angry, I'm amused that as a non driver I've come across a situation this morning where by driving your own car is not the be all and end all (not for the first time) and people can't stand it because it doesn't fit the rhetoric and fixed view they hold about driving Vs non driving.
I couldn't give a stuff about how other people travel, I'm happy to cover my colleagues today, however I'm clearly not afforded the same courtesy as a non driver.

2pinkginsplease · 09/02/2021 08:42

@Maverickess

You can generally get a courtesy car if your car is being repaired or having a service.

No car is getting off our estate and side roads this morning because of the snow and the abandoned vehicles. I smiled as I walked past them all and got to the clear main road and jumped on the bus 🙃
Already aware another colleague isn't turning in because they can't get their essential car out due to the snow on their local road.
But yep, I'm the one that can't do anything because I don't have this essential life skill.

You smiled as you walked past? Were you feeling smug?

ON ANother day when it is torrential rain, I bet you aren’t feeling smug standing in the pouring rain waiting for a bus while all your neighbours quickly jump into their cars and drive to work.

ITs swings and roundabouts!

Sparklingbrook · 09/02/2021 08:46

I think we should be praising those drivers of buses especially in the snow. Good thing they learned to drive!

Maverickess · 09/02/2021 08:46

You smiled as you walked past? Were you feeling smug?

Absolutely! There's about 30 pages here, dominated by people intent on telling me how shit I am for not being able to drive.
Today my lack of driving license, or reliance on a car didn't make me shit. It doesn't most days to be fair, but according to this thread I'm just deluded and actually I'm shit really.
You're right, it's swings and roundabouts 🤷
And I have waterproofs...... And I don't mind the inclement weather. HTH.

Maverickess · 09/02/2021 08:48

@Sparklingbrook

I think we should be praising those drivers of buses especially in the snow. Good thing they learned to drive!
Yeah it is. Obviously they're just doing me a favour, it's not like it's a service I pay for or anything. But anyway I'm just going back to my shit non driving life. Have a lovely day 😊
Waxonwaxoff0 · 09/02/2021 08:48

@Sparklingbrook

I think we should be praising those drivers of buses especially in the snow. Good thing they learned to drive!
They're getting paid to do it and passengers pay bus fares. It's a job. They're not driving people around as a charitable act.
Katie1784 · 09/02/2021 08:49

Given that it's a skill that requires coordination and concentration, it's not surprising that some people find it easier than others (same for playing sport eg tennis - I'm no good at that and not interested in trying to better myself).

But because it is the norm for a person to drive, if you don't, you will miss out on things.

My DH has a licence but won't drive due to anxiety and I must say I find it really irritating. Every time one of the kids needs picking up from somewhere, or when he wants to go and see his dad, it's me who has to stop what I'm doing and head out.

I often wonder what will happen when his dad gets to the stage that he can't get himself to medical appointments etc - will I have to do that to? Or if I got ill, or sustained an injury that meant I couldn't drive, how would we manage as a family? Or if we split up; there are a lot of places it would be hard for him to visit in future.

There is public transport where we live but when the kids are coming home late from somewhere it's much easier and safer to be able to hop in the car to fetch them.

Being able to drive is just a life skill that opens doors, and makes life easier and more fun.

VaVaGloom · 09/02/2021 08:50

@Maverickess and I bet you colleague is smiling from under their duvet enjoying their snow day.

Public transport is available for car drivers so they could walk out of your estate and hop on the bus too, that’s not an option exclusive to non drivers.

DanceLikeAdamAnt · 09/02/2021 08:52

@Sparklingbrook

The arguments are becoming a bit silly now tbh.

That's threads about driving on MN for you. Grin In RL things are a bit more balanced. None of it actually matters.

Yeh, they rumble on and on! So polarised.

im back on the bus, and back in real life as well nobody ever says i should get a car.
I get that there are some freedoms that come with having a car but there are also some freedoms that come with not having a car. Why is it so difficult to understand.

Sparklingbrook · 09/02/2021 08:54

When people aren’t going to work in their cars because there’s that much snow then I wouldn’t fancy being a bus driver in it.
I guess they don’t live at the depot so they’ve managed to get to work somehow.

Sparklingbrook · 09/02/2021 08:55

Thanks @Maverickess I will have a lovely day. Smile

FamilyOfAliens · 09/02/2021 08:56

I get that there are some freedoms that come with having a car but there are also some freedoms that come with not having a car.

Reminds me of this Grin

To wonder why people think everyone should drive
DanceLikeAdamAnt · 09/02/2021 08:57

😂

BoredBeforelEvenBegan · 09/02/2021 09:00

I used to think that driving was optional and unnecessary if you live in a city but as I've got older I've changed my mind. I'm mid 40s now and have rheumatoid arthritis which has ruined my feet. Walking everywhere is getting impossible, particularly a) in this weather and b) with all the shopping (I haven't been able to get an online slot since we'll before Christmas). To be fair I still wouldn't be a be to drive now, even of I'd learned when I was younger - I have seizures and the meds I'm on make me drowsy. But I wish DH could drive. A little selfish perhaps asking him (hypothetically) to ferry me to the supermarket but dragging the shopping for three adults home in the snow with a walking stick and pain is getting ridiculous. I look ahead and think I've got decades of this to come and wonder how I'll manage to do it when I'm 65 or 75.

I do use buses usually but there's not one to the nearest supermarket (it's a mile away so I've got a two mile round trip) and I'm trying to avoid then anyway at the moment. Pre Covid I'd happily get the bus to a supermarket a few miles away because it meant I could get one back, too.

I'd give anything to have access to a car!

GoldenOmber · 09/02/2021 09:01

[quote VaVaGloom]@Maverickess and I bet you colleague is smiling from under their duvet enjoying their snow day.

Public transport is available for car drivers so they could walk out of your estate and hop on the bus too, that’s not an option exclusive to non drivers.[/quote]
It’s not the absence of driving that’s given her an advantage in this situation, though, it’s the choice to live somewhere that public transport is available. Like living walking distance to work or whatever. And that’s a choice you tend to make if you’re a non-driver, so then you’ve always got that option there.

I’m sure she will have colleagues stuck at the end of a snow-filled road miles from a bus stop and needing a car, but they mostly won’t be non-drivers for obvious reasons.

VaVaGloom · 09/02/2021 09:05

@DanceLikeAdamAnt I get that there are some freedoms that come with having a car but there are also some freedoms that come with not having a car. Why is it so difficult to understand

I was a non-driver for 40 years and grew up in a family without a car. I learnt to drive as an adult so I have experienced far more life without a car than with one. I learnt mainly so that my children could enjoy more freedoms - I can confirm that this is the case for them and for me!

Sparklingbrook · 09/02/2021 09:05

@FamilyOfAliens

I get that there are some freedoms that come with having a car but there are also some freedoms that come with not having a car.

Reminds me of this Grin

I get what that picture means but buses get caught in traffic jams too. They can’t fly over the top. Grin
ichundich · 09/02/2021 09:06

@sweet666 Of course it's legal to walk along a road with a 60 mph speed limit. Doesn't mean it's safe, so most people don't. Should walk my kids under these conditions to the dentist, GP, football, etc.?

RandomUser18282 · 09/02/2021 09:08

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RandomUser18282 · 09/02/2021 09:08

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ShallWeStartTheMeeting · 09/02/2021 09:09

I learnt to drive really late in life- after I had children in fact.
I just felt like it was v important to be able to drive my own children around when they were little and I was off work, rather than depend on OH who would be at work all week.
It's more of a partnership over holidays/outings as well. One drives there the other back.... it's fairer.

Also unless you live in a suitable public transport area (as I used to but not anymore) you are screwed!

VaVaGloom · 09/02/2021 09:10

@Sparklingbrook I still use the the bus for work as it’s faster using the bus lanes into the city centre

Waxonwaxoff0 · 09/02/2021 09:10

@Handsoffstrikesagain

Genuine question, can someone explain to me why freedoms non drivers have that drivers don’t have? I cannot think of any but I’m happy to be corrected.
Not needing to consider parking when buying a house. That's the only one I can think of though!
2pinkginsplease · 09/02/2021 09:14

Why do people get so defensive when someone disagrees with them? It’s a thread about driving!

Please remember offence is taken not given!