Boyfriend neglecting me in lockdown, old flame as reappeared...

[lockdownlassie1]

I have been seeing my boyfriend for 2 years. Our relationship has been up and down at times, mostly due to lockdown and the additional stresses over the past year.

Since the most recent lockdown, I feel like he is putting no effort in. Since lockdown began, we have done 1 FaceTime and 1 virtual movie night (which he fell asleep half way through). He doesn't text me throughout the day, there is no more 'good morning' or 'goodnight' messages. I expressed how I felt, on many occasions, and how much I'd love to be doing more facetimes/movie nights/phonecalls... he said that it 'frustrates him' and he doesn't want to have an online relationship.

The thing is, he will happily watch football virtually with his mates, play Xbox with them all night, chat away all day on their WhatsApp group chat. They also do virtual game nights where they play cards etc.

I've suggested we could do the same, I have a console so we could start an online game together, but he has no interest in playing with me. I know everyone is struggling in lockdown, but it is really starting to get me down. I live on my own, I have no adult company and he knows this.

A few days ago, an old flame from years ago added me on social media and we got talking. We've started to talk throughout the day, he wishes me good morning and good night, we've started to watch a virtual series together, talk about books, how our days have been, catching up on the last couple of years. Last night he told me how much he has enjoyed talking to me, and how I've made his lockdown a lot more interesting.

I know that talking to the old flame is wrong, it is a betrayal to be doing it behind my boyfriends back. I am going to bring up the conversation again later, and I am going to tell my boyfriend later today that I have been speaking to this other man. It's just made me feel good to have someone who is actually interested in talking and doing things with me in such a shit time...

I just don't know how to feel about any of this. I don't know if anyone else is experiencing this with their boyfriend / partner in lockdown? A total lack of attentiveness/attention?

He’s had enough chances I’m afraid. He might try for a month but you’ll be back to square one in no time with the same conversations.

Keep him blocked

If you must reply, I would be explicit that this was a shit relationship/he was a shit boyfriend and that you don’t want to waste any more time with him. There’s nothing more he can say as you don’t want this relationship/him back.

He knows it’s been a poor relationship too, he can’t be surprised that you ended it. I think the only reason he did the bare minimum rather than ended it himself is to have another chance to be intimate again. He only sees you if it’s contingent on sex

A few days ago, an old flame from years ago added me on social media

How does that work then? It's funny how these old flames always just 'appear' back into people's lives, and apparently no-one ever goes looking for them.

You can't just be 'added' onto social media as far as I am aware. You either follow someone, or they decide to follow you. You invite someone to accept your friend request or they invite you to accept theirs. Either way It's a decision YOU make - not something passive that just happens to you.

@FuriousWithTheNHS lol no. someone can enter dms without being followed back or accepted, it certainly can be passive.

But that's not what you said. You said he 'added' you.

@FuriousWithTheNHS He followed me on instagram and then sent me a DM. I didn't actively pursue him or seek him out.

OP,
Well done for blocking him...I bet you have pissed him right off....enjoy👍👏👏

I was going to say that I hate the idea of games and films together, and luckily my boyfriend does too. We have shit contact - a boring message or two a day, but then he visits me when he's not working nights.

However - if he had said no to a walk and then taken that walk with a mate instead I'd think he was being a real dick! No wonder you're pissed off. Urgh!

It is not your fault. He was dating you, even though he wasn't really into you. He should have just been sincere and broken it off, but he treated you as a placeholder instead. That was very disrespectful of him.

Block his email address as well. Block him on everything. You deserve a fresh start.

Yeah, block ex bf and don’t have further contact.

I was gonna say (only read first two posts) - it sounds like you are already in a relationship with old flame. It's just not a physical one!

So the most recent old.flame sounds like a dick, whatever happens sounds like you are well rid.