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Original poster

Boyfriend neglecting me in lockdown, old flame as reappeared...

187 replies

lockdownlassie1 · 07/02/2021 12:18

I have been seeing my boyfriend for 2 years. Our relationship has been up and down at times, mostly due to lockdown and the additional stresses over the past year.

Since the most recent lockdown, I feel like he is putting no effort in. Since lockdown began, we have done 1 FaceTime and 1 virtual movie night (which he fell asleep half way through). He doesn't text me throughout the day, there is no more 'good morning' or 'goodnight' messages. I expressed how I felt, on many occasions, and how much I'd love to be doing more facetimes/movie nights/phonecalls... he said that it 'frustrates him' and he doesn't want to have an online relationship.

The thing is, he will happily watch football virtually with his mates, play Xbox with them all night, chat away all day on their WhatsApp group chat. They also do virtual game nights where they play cards etc.

I've suggested we could do the same, I have a console so we could start an online game together, but he has no interest in playing with me. I know everyone is struggling in lockdown, but it is really starting to get me down. I live on my own, I have no adult company and he knows this.

A few days ago, an old flame from years ago added me on social media and we got talking. We've started to talk throughout the day, he wishes me good morning and good night, we've started to watch a virtual series together, talk about books, how our days have been, catching up on the last couple of years. Last night he told me how much he has enjoyed talking to me, and how I've made his lockdown a lot more interesting.

I know that talking to the old flame is wrong, it is a betrayal to be doing it behind my boyfriends back. I am going to bring up the conversation again later, and I am going to tell my boyfriend later today that I have been speaking to this other man. It's just made me feel good to have someone who is actually interested in talking and doing things with me in such a shit time...

I just don't know how to feel about any of this. I don't know if anyone else is experiencing this with their boyfriend / partner in lockdown? A total lack of attentiveness/attention?

OP posts:
Original poster
lockdownlassie1 · 08/02/2021 20:26

I've now had another email telling me I am over-reacting and it was only a 'half an hour walk on his lunch break'. That I always make big issues out of tiny things. Does he not understand that it's not the length of time of the bloody walk, it's the fact he denied me attention and going for a walk for the past month but is happy to go with another woman?!

I'm not replying to him anymore. Does anyone know how to block email addresses?

OP posts:
Beyondfedupnow · 08/02/2021 20:30

You’re well rid. Be careful with the old flame though, men are always attentive and put the effort in when they think they have a chance of getting you into bed.

Beyondfedupnow · 08/02/2021 20:32

If you use gmail, open the email, click on more at the top of the page and block should be an option.

StormzyInaDCup · 08/02/2021 20:37

Well done you! As a side note, nobody talks to someone they respect that way. Regardless of the other person's behaviour. A rational, reasonable man would end the relationship before telling you to fuck off or do one.
Accept that behaviour now by going back and you will be accepting much worse in the future.

Original poster
lockdownlassie1 · 08/02/2021 20:57

Thank you, I am using outlook. I figured out how to block him now.

OP posts:
Mrgrinch · 08/02/2021 21:03

I'm going to be honest and say I was initially on his side, it sounded as though you had set the rules to not see him, but you were hounding him to phone/game/whatever.

But obviously now his behaviour has made it quite clear that he's just lost interest in you and wasn't man enough to say it, so he resorted to childish social media posts that he knew would upset you.

It doesn't sound like you were meant to be, and I wish you luck in the future.

livefornaps · 08/02/2021 22:01

it's understandable him and his lady friend went off for a woodland walk together...they were hunting for his spotty mushroom cock 🍄

billy1966 · 09/02/2021 00:04

Well done OP for taking back control and showing him you have self respect.

He's a waster.

You don't want someone who speaks to you so badly as a long term partner.

He's no prize.

He's not worth any upset.
You deserve better.Flowers

Lovesgood · 09/02/2021 01:57

Wow, just wow.
He is a prize knobhead bastard.
Well done for dumping him. In a few weeks you will be glad you got rid of that waste of space.

Kinny14 · 09/02/2021 03:03

Bin him, why can you not meet up

Original poster
lockdownlassie1 · 09/02/2021 10:58

Thank you for all of your support and confirmation that his behaviour really isn't good enough.

I thought I'd be more upset, but I feel the strangest sense of lightness and relief.

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 09/02/2021 11:06

@lockdownlassie1

Thank you for all of your support and confirmation that his behaviour really isn't good enough.

I thought I'd be more upset, but I feel the strangest sense of lightness and relief.

Good!
cherriesx3 · 09/02/2021 11:06

I felt the same in my previous relationship when it ended.

He was very similar, except he was also quite abusive in the respect that he used to put me down all the time, slate the way I looked, everything I did was wrong, that kind of thing.

The reason you're not upset is because it's not really a loss, it's a massive gain. I remember going home aftrerward confused why I wasn't crying. Then laughing because I was free of him.

Original poster
lockdownlassie1 · 09/02/2021 11:18

@cherriesx3

Yes I've come to realise that with my ex-bf, 99% of everything that happened was my fault. Very rarely he would take accountability for anything. His last email confirmed that for me. I was upset he's refused a walk with me, yet the very next day after I express all of my upset he's out for a walk with another woman and displaying it all over social media.

It's my fault I am upset because I am unreasonable. She lives round the corner so that's why he walked with her, to go for a walk with me would require more effort as he'd have to drive and the weather hasn't been good.

I'll be making sure my benchmark for men is a lot, lot higher than that in the future.

OP posts:
SummerBlondey · 09/02/2021 11:41

So he only wants to see you if sex is involved, otherwise he's not interested? He sounds like he has the emotional depth of a puddle.

I'm older than you. Back in the early 90's, we had no internet, no texting, no snapchat, no Whatsapp, no Facebook, no Insta......even WITHOUT all of this technology, men who were interested in you romantically, would most definitely make it happen.

I'm not really sure what's happened to men lately? Too much choice, because of all the technology we now have? You know, can't be arsed travelling to GF, so I'll just jump on to Tinder and get some titillation there?

He'd make a shit husband, you are well rid.

Original poster
lockdownlassie1 · 09/02/2021 11:48

@SummerBlondey So it appears! All he's done was moan about how he didn't want to FaceTime because it was 'frustrating' and meeting for a walk was also annoying because we wouldn't be able to be physical and he would really want to be. A king among men.

OP posts:
YoniAndGuy · 09/02/2021 13:07

I'd unblock and reply - 'Look, I hate to say it but I'm just relieved to have got rid of you to be honest. Let's just leave it. Good luck!'

he will HATE that and it will thoroughly serve him right to have such a brush off to think about in the wee small hours, after his nastiness and blaming.

billy1966 · 09/02/2021 14:10

@YoniAndGuy

I'd unblock and reply - 'Look, I hate to say it but I'm just relieved to have got rid of you to be honest. Let's just leave it. Good luck!'

he will HATE that and it will thoroughly serve him right to have such a brush off to think about in the wee small hours, after his nastiness and blaming.

Do it OP. Do it🤣👍
JingsMahBucket · 09/02/2021 14:46

@YoniAndGuy

I'd unblock and reply - 'Look, I hate to say it but I'm just relieved to have got rid of you to be honest. Let's just leave it. Good luck!'

he will HATE that and it will thoroughly serve him right to have such a brush off to think about in the wee small hours, after his nastiness and blaming.

I’d do this too. It’s not point scoring, it’s reality and the truth.
RootyT00t · 09/02/2021 14:47

@YoniAndGuy

I'd unblock and reply - 'Look, I hate to say it but I'm just relieved to have got rid of you to be honest. Let's just leave it. Good luck!'

he will HATE that and it will thoroughly serve him right to have such a brush off to think about in the wee small hours, after his nastiness and blaming.

Do it!
SummerBlondey · 09/02/2021 14:50

All he's done was moan about how he didn't want to FaceTime because it was 'frustrating' and meeting for a walk was also annoying because we wouldn't be able to be physical and he would really want to be

This basically excludes ALL activities that take place outside the home Confused

You - Want to go for dinner?

Him - No, cos I'd be frustrated that we can't have sex in a restaurant.

You - Want to go bowling?

Him - No, cos I'd be frustrated that we can't have sex in the bowling alley.

You - Want to see a film at the cinema?

Him - No, cos I'd be frustrated that we can't have sex in the cinema.

You - Want to visit my Grandparents on Saturday?

Him - No, cos I'd be frustrated that we can't have sex in front of your Granny.

You - Want to go to the Alton Towers next Sunday?

Him - No, cos I'd be frustrated that we can't shag on the roller coasters.

You - We have to go to my Aunt's funeral on Friday.

Him - Are we allowed to shag at funerals?

You - Shall we go on holiday?

Him - I'm not sure I can do a 5 hour flight without getting an erection.

I mean...how the fuck does he get through life?

I think he needs to just stay in his bedroom FOREVER with some Porn. I almost suggested he could sell all of his sperm and make it a business venture, but then realised that we really don't need to add his offspring to the gene pool.

Original poster
lockdownlassie1 · 09/02/2021 15:23

Thanks ladies, I really am feeling better about everything. Ending things with him was 100% the right decision, very freeing. I feel like a mental weight has been lifted. There's been lots of situations where I should've ended things with him for good, but these men are very good at manipulating you into thinking your feelings are wrong / you are the unreasonable one.

If he finds a way to reach me I will definitely be using @YoniAndGuy response! Grin

Come to think of it, @SummerBlondey even pre-covid he was never enthusiastic about doing much of anything... Not with me anyway! But always more than happy to do so with his friends and family.

OP posts:
MzHz · 09/02/2021 15:33

I know it’s always sad when we have to end a relationship, but I just know that you’re worth more than this, he really is a complete twat.

Original poster
lockdownlassie1 · 10/02/2021 10:32

He emailed me again asking if I wanted to talk, and I used your response and told him I wasn't interested in talking to him.

He's had a month to proactively put the effort into this relationship. I've communicated my unhappiness many times and he's made zero effort. I deserve more in a month than one FaceTime and a half-arsed movie night where he falls asleep half way through. He takes the absolute piss out of me moaning and refusing to go on a walk, but then going on one with a friend and posting it on social media. I don't think he even sees what he's done wrong, in fact, he clearly doesn't as he began his email a couple of days ago telling me to 'do one'.

Oh well, not my problem now as others have said. Wine

OP posts:
SnoozyLou · 10/02/2021 10:39

In his offer to address it, he didn't say he would do better, just that he'd try not to fall asleep again. In saying that, he's telling you to expect more of the same, but will expect praise from you because he tried.

Don't waste your time. I'd block him again and have done with it.

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