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Original poster

Boyfriend neglecting me in lockdown, old flame as reappeared...

187 replies

lockdownlassie1 · 07/02/2021 12:18

I have been seeing my boyfriend for 2 years. Our relationship has been up and down at times, mostly due to lockdown and the additional stresses over the past year.

Since the most recent lockdown, I feel like he is putting no effort in. Since lockdown began, we have done 1 FaceTime and 1 virtual movie night (which he fell asleep half way through). He doesn't text me throughout the day, there is no more 'good morning' or 'goodnight' messages. I expressed how I felt, on many occasions, and how much I'd love to be doing more facetimes/movie nights/phonecalls... he said that it 'frustrates him' and he doesn't want to have an online relationship.

The thing is, he will happily watch football virtually with his mates, play Xbox with them all night, chat away all day on their WhatsApp group chat. They also do virtual game nights where they play cards etc.

I've suggested we could do the same, I have a console so we could start an online game together, but he has no interest in playing with me. I know everyone is struggling in lockdown, but it is really starting to get me down. I live on my own, I have no adult company and he knows this.

A few days ago, an old flame from years ago added me on social media and we got talking. We've started to talk throughout the day, he wishes me good morning and good night, we've started to watch a virtual series together, talk about books, how our days have been, catching up on the last couple of years. Last night he told me how much he has enjoyed talking to me, and how I've made his lockdown a lot more interesting.

I know that talking to the old flame is wrong, it is a betrayal to be doing it behind my boyfriends back. I am going to bring up the conversation again later, and I am going to tell my boyfriend later today that I have been speaking to this other man. It's just made me feel good to have someone who is actually interested in talking and doing things with me in such a shit time...

I just don't know how to feel about any of this. I don't know if anyone else is experiencing this with their boyfriend / partner in lockdown? A total lack of attentiveness/attention?

OP posts:
Thomasina2021 · 08/02/2021 07:25

@borntohula

I really don't blame him for not wanting an 'online relationship.' My bf and I never stopped seeing each other, neither have any couple i know.
This

Why on earth would you expect someone to want a never-ending online relationship ?

Just go and see him !

livefornaps · 08/02/2021 08:26

He sounds braindead to be honest

Original poster
lockdownlassie1 · 08/02/2021 10:01

We haven't had a never-ending online relationship. It's only been since the most recent lockdown, with the new variants, that my parents have been very wary about mixing. They are understandably worried about catching it, so they are concerned about me meeting people in close proximity e.g. him coming to my home, me going to his home. He also had a lodger who has been mixing with God knows who, and my boyfriend also mixes with his friends / family. It's just not worth the risk for the sake of a few more weeks.

In addition to everything we could be doing online, I have suggested walks, grabbing a coffee in town and walking down the river, going to a large park / national trust.

He's just not bothered, it seems because it doesn't involve having sex. The final straw was when we arranged a movie night last week, I'd been looking forward to it all week and told him how much I was looking forward to watching and discussing it with him, only for him to fall asleep half way through. You can't help falling asleep, but when we've had one FaceTime and one 'movie night' in the space of a month, it does piss me off. Especially when he can stay up every night until the early hours playing Xbox, watching football, playing games with his mates.

He did respond to my message, just a load of excuses really. 'We can go for walks I just thought we’d give the weather a chance to get better' and 'there's a movie I want to watch, I will try my best not to fall asleep.' He's had a month to buck up his ideas and hasn't, I'm just so fed up.

OP posts:
Parsley1234 · 08/02/2021 10:29

I had the same in lockdown 1 BF was not interested and I got in touch with an old BF finished with BF and we moved in together 6 months ago I’m glad I did it life’s too short

FOJN · 08/02/2021 10:30

but you know what I’m like.

He's telling you this isn't going to get any better which is basically an invitation to put up with his lack of enthusiasm. Why are you accepting this? At least if you end the relationship you are free to meet someone who's willing to make more of an effort.

hammeringinmyhead · 08/02/2021 11:02

I'm afraid I'm reading his excuses as "I just thought I'd save my efforts until I'm going to get sex at the end of these days out and movie nights". As you've said yourself. There are better men out there. Flowers

NoseinBook3 · 08/02/2021 11:13

OP your partner sounds dreadful. I think it’s time for you to move on.

livefornaps · 08/02/2021 11:18

Personally what I would do is pretend to be in a really sexy mood, get him into a lather, request a dick pic and then laugh in his face and block. Baahahahaha

Iwonder08 · 08/02/2021 11:26

OP, you don't owe the NG anything. You are not living together, he is not making an effort. You are not having an emotional affair as someone suggested. You are perfectly entitled to talk to an old flame. To be honest I would inform the current BF it is over anyway irrespective of what is happening with the ex. He is no good for you.

bunhead34 · 08/02/2021 11:28

Please get rid of him op! You deserve better. He doesn't care that you are lonely and bored, he should want to make you feel better!
Of all the little things he could do, go for a walk with you, even send you a puzzle or something off Amazon, he's not worth your time xx

AryaStarkWolf · 08/02/2021 11:29

@Dogsarehairy

You are having an emotional affair and blaming your boyfriend and you want us to tell you that it is ok?

Is that the summary?

Normally I'd agree but tbf the bf sounds like he has no interest in even being in the relationship.

OP you're not married and don't live together, just dump the bf

ZackaryQuack · 08/02/2021 11:47

Like many others have said, Ditch the boyfriend. His reply to you last message just shows he isn't interested in you, only what's on it for him

Nanny0gg · 08/02/2021 11:59

@lockdownlassie1

I'm in a support bubble with my parents, so I cannot also be in a support bubble with my BF.

I wasn't trying to make him jealous... I had zero thoughts about talking to anyone else until this old flame popped up. I'm not sure I'd even be interested in a relationship with the old flame, but it has made me realise what I am missing in my current relationship.

Begging for scraps of attention, that's exactly how I feel.

Dump the boyfriend

Because he isn't one. really.

Nanny0gg · 08/02/2021 12:00

@lockdownlassie1

We haven't had a never-ending online relationship. It's only been since the most recent lockdown, with the new variants, that my parents have been very wary about mixing. They are understandably worried about catching it, so they are concerned about me meeting people in close proximity e.g. him coming to my home, me going to his home. He also had a lodger who has been mixing with God knows who, and my boyfriend also mixes with his friends / family. It's just not worth the risk for the sake of a few more weeks.

In addition to everything we could be doing online, I have suggested walks, grabbing a coffee in town and walking down the river, going to a large park / national trust.

He's just not bothered, it seems because it doesn't involve having sex. The final straw was when we arranged a movie night last week, I'd been looking forward to it all week and told him how much I was looking forward to watching and discussing it with him, only for him to fall asleep half way through. You can't help falling asleep, but when we've had one FaceTime and one 'movie night' in the space of a month, it does piss me off. Especially when he can stay up every night until the early hours playing Xbox, watching football, playing games with his mates.

He did respond to my message, just a load of excuses really. 'We can go for walks I just thought we’d give the weather a chance to get better' and 'there's a movie I want to watch, I will try my best not to fall asleep.' He's had a month to buck up his ideas and hasn't, I'm just so fed up.

Oh come on!!

You know you're being used.

Dump him

AmberItsACertainty · 08/02/2021 12:35

An acquaintance (man) once told me that there's a lot of men in relationships who don't want to be. What they want is regular sex. And they don't want to pay for it. They know that women generally want relationships so they pretend they do too and put the minimum effort in to keep the relationship going, just so they can have regular sex. It isn't difficult because of how little so many women will accept and how easily they'll believe lies such as "I love you". He said if there was some way to ensure regular sex without being in a relationship that's what an awful lot of men would do instead.

I used to work in a jewellers too and there'd be men who would come in wanting to see engagement rings but request to be shown only the cheapest ones, that was how they worded it. Then moan about the price and make comments about how they didn't love her that much. In reality it was never an engagement ring, it was a shut you up ring. I always felt sorry for their unsuspecting girlfriends.

OP your boyfriend's last comments seem designed to string you along until lockdown is over and he can have sex again, there's more chance of that happening if you're waiting in the wings desperate for some attention from him. He'll "try his best not to fall asleep" (for a film of his choosing, not yours)? He really can't be arsed and is making it crystal clear. If he wants to stay awake it's not difficult, he just has to get enough sleep in the previous few nights instead of staying up with his mates. But he'd prefer to prioritize them over you, because you're not his friend, you're the person he has sex with and he can't do that right now so he can't be bothered with you.

Ditch him because you want a relationship and he's only pretending he does.

CharlotteRose90 · 08/02/2021 13:58

The relationship has run its course I think. At 2 years it’s still the honeymoon stage so I’d be expecting texts during the day. He’s not making an effort and is showing you the real him.

Original poster
lockdownlassie1 · 08/02/2021 16:24

I saw today he has gone on a walk with one of his female friends. What an arsehole. He's now been blocked on all social media and will remain that way. I can't believe I've given this dickhead 2 years of my life, he won't be getting a second longer. And to think I have been feeling bad for getting a bit of attention from an old flame!!!

OP posts:
billy1966 · 08/02/2021 16:53

Could he be any clearer OP?

Do not contact him again, leave him blocked.

Hold onto this small bit of self respect finally.

Move on.

You deserve better.Flowers

AryaStarkWolf · 08/02/2021 16:53

@lockdownlassie1

I saw today he has gone on a walk with one of his female friends. What an arsehole. He's now been blocked on all social media and will remain that way. I can't believe I've given this dickhead 2 years of my life, he won't be getting a second longer. And to think I have been feeling bad for getting a bit of attention from an old flame!!!
Dickhead. At least you know where you stand on his priority list now. Enjoy your time with old flame instead and don't cave in to your ex
AryaStarkWolf · 08/02/2021 16:55

@billy1966

Could he be any clearer OP?

Do not contact him again, leave him blocked.

Hold onto this small bit of self respect finally.

Move on.

You deserve better.Flowers

Could he be any clearer OP?

Totally read that in Chandler Bings voice Grin

Original poster
lockdownlassie1 · 08/02/2021 17:02

I sent him this before blocking him:

'You won’t go for a walk with me, saying you want the weather to improve, but you’ll happily go on a walk with xxx.I can’t believe I’ve wasted 2 years on you.'

I then get an email telling me to 'do one', with a bunch of excuses about how this woman lives round the corner from him so it's a lot easier to walk with her then go for a walk with me which would involve driving. I'm meant to be your girlfriend, the person you love! What a joke. Thank god I didn't marry this arsehole.

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 08/02/2021 17:04

@lockdownlassie1

I sent him this before blocking him:

'You won’t go for a walk with me, saying you want the weather to improve, but you’ll happily go on a walk with xxx.I can’t believe I’ve wasted 2 years on you.'

I then get an email telling me to 'do one', with a bunch of excuses about how this woman lives round the corner from him so it's a lot easier to walk with her then go for a walk with me which would involve driving. I'm meant to be your girlfriend, the person you love! What a joke. Thank god I didn't marry this arsehole.

What a prince...........
Maryberryscake · 08/02/2021 17:08

@lockdownlassie1

I sent him this before blocking him:

'You won’t go for a walk with me, saying you want the weather to improve, but you’ll happily go on a walk with xxx.I can’t believe I’ve wasted 2 years on you.'

I then get an email telling me to 'do one', with a bunch of excuses about how this woman lives round the corner from him so it's a lot easier to walk with her then go for a walk with me which would involve driving. I'm meant to be your girlfriend, the person you love! What a joke. Thank god I didn't marry this arsehole.

Very lucky escape !
bunhead34 · 08/02/2021 17:22

Well done, you are well rid!

cherriesx3 · 08/02/2021 17:24

ouch OP.

It's cliche but better off without. People make time for who they want to make time for and he has shown where you are on that list. Right at the bottom. The person who said about sex etc. and the fact because you can't atm is why he's not making an effort is bang on the money. Keep him blocked. You really don't need him.