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AIBU?

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Original poster

Judged for something I did aged 16 how can I stop this?

252 replies

wasntsuchasweetsixteen · 06/02/2021 18:43

As a (v immature) 16 year old. I did something awful. Told a massive awful terrible lie and then many other small lies to keep up the first.
I shouldn’t have. Obviously I know now how wrong it was and that I hurt people (my them bf and some friends).

Not to defend myself but to give insight into why this happened I was as I said v immature, also suffering abuse at home (emotional) and have asd and I had issues with boundaries and the truth. Anyway it was awful and wrong.
I tried to move on and move away from all that and learnt a lesson. However I’ve heard from someone recently that a friend had spoken to her about me after seeing my name come up on fb and wanted to ‘warn’ her about me.
I’m ashamed of my past but I was 16. This was a long time ago (I’m 42 now) I don’t want to be judged by a teenage mistake forever. I don’t know what to do

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 06/02/2021 18:46

Why do you need to do anything?

IthinkIm · 06/02/2021 18:47

I wouldn't do anything. If any friend ask you I would say you had a difficult time when you were a child (16) and say nothing else Thanks

Original poster
wasntsuchasweetsixteen · 06/02/2021 18:47

Because I don’t want this to all come out again and ruin my friendships and reputation now

OP posts:
SadderThanEeyore · 06/02/2021 18:47

Is the person stirring someone who was directly affected by what you did or are they just being spiteful? It's an awfully long time to hold a grudge, but without knowing what you did it's hard to know how you can rectify it.

Eeeemac · 06/02/2021 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
wasntsuchasweetsixteen · 06/02/2021 18:48

I learnt a massive lesson and I ended up moving away 5 years later as just wanted to forget that part of my life. It was awful and I really don’t want it resurfacing

OP posts:
DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 06/02/2021 18:49

Don't do anything. You were 16. All of us did daft things at 16, anyone who holds you to your mistakes as a teen isn't worth bothering about.

Original poster
wasntsuchasweetsixteen · 06/02/2021 18:49

@Eeeemac

So you don't want to be judged for something you did years ago but are happy to judge your parents from years ago by including your suffering abuse at home comment.

If you want to be forgiven extend that forgiveness to others too.

I don’t really understand this comment
OP posts:
AnaisNun · 06/02/2021 18:49

@Eeeemac

Is that supposed to be funny? Behave yourself.

Wolfiefan · 06/02/2021 18:49

If people are really your friends and really know you they wont let relationships be ruined by idle gossip.
If it’s brought up to your face you can say that you are very sorry/ashamed/regret it (whatever you feel). You weren’t in a good place as a teen and you’ve changed a lot over the years.

SnotLongTilEaster · 06/02/2021 18:50

You don’t need to do anything. I think most people have made mistakes at the age of 16. I know I have. If this woman is “warning” people off you because of this, then that says a lot more about her than you. Please don’t take it to heart. You know yourself now, so be proud of you and who you are. And please don’t let her get you down. If everybody judged me by the way I was at 16, I’d have no friends at all!

OverTheRubicon · 06/02/2021 18:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn as it quotes a deleted post.

Original poster
wasntsuchasweetsixteen · 06/02/2021 18:50

@Eeeemac

So you don't want to be judged for something you did years ago but are happy to judge your parents from years ago by including your suffering abuse at home comment.

If you want to be forgiven extend that forgiveness to others too.

Oh I think I might understand. I said about my parents because it affected me what was done to me but I feel like as adults they should have known better that’s why I said is that what you meant ?
OP posts:
sadpapercourtesan · 06/02/2021 18:50

@Eeeemac ugh you again with your weird "parents can do no wrong" agenda. Surely even you can see the difference beween a grown adult abusing their child and a teenager telling a lie. Knock it off and grow up. Hmm

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 06/02/2021 18:51

So you don't want to be judged for something you did years ago but are happy to judge your parents from years ago by including your suffering abuse at home comment.

Yes, because grown ups emotionally abusing a teenager is exactly the same as a vulnerable teen telling a lie Confused

SadderThanEeyore · 06/02/2021 18:51

Actually thinking about it more; tighten the privacy on your social media and maybe change your name a bit - eg first & middle instead of surname - so that people from the past won't recognise you

louise4754 · 06/02/2021 18:51

ASD is no excuse to lie. I have it. I can't stand liars. I though if you had ASD you find it difficult to NOT tell the truth?

Original poster
wasntsuchasweetsixteen · 06/02/2021 18:51

I fully know what I did was wrong I told some awful wicked lies. But I learnt a big lesson plus I moved away I wanted a fresh start and to forget it

OP posts:
CatsNotDogs · 06/02/2021 18:51

@Eeeemac

Oh Eeeemac. What's it like to be so fucking perfect?

HitchFlix · 06/02/2021 18:52

So you don't want to be judged for something you did years ago but are happy to judge your parents from years ago by including your suffering abuse at home comment.

Eh? She gave some background context - where did she judge? What an odd thing to take from the post Confused

As a pp said OP if a friend asks you about it just explain you were having a hard time as a child and if they are a good friend they will move on.

Original poster
wasntsuchasweetsixteen · 06/02/2021 18:53

@louise4754

ASD is no excuse to lie. I have it. I can't stand liars. I though if you had ASD you find it difficult to NOT tell the truth?
I don’t think my asd made me lie. I think it caused me issues with boundaries and obsession though and then I lied because I felt I needed to escape from the abuse at home. I don’t know if that makes sense at all it was a horrible tangled situation it wasnt the cause but more of a factor in how things got out of hand
OP posts:
1Morewineplease · 06/02/2021 18:53

It's a tricky one. It would help if we knew what the lie was. However, you don't have to say here. It's just that, if the lie was was v v serious eg someone went to prison because of what you said, then this lie will probably haunt you forever.

ISBN111 · 06/02/2021 18:54

You have no control over what people say about you, so I would stop worrying about yr ‘reputation’.

On the other hand you can protect your friendships by telling those who you trust what happened, and being open and honest with them about it. If they know about your history already and are loyal friends they will not participate in gossip about you. If they find out second hand, you are not giving them the opportunity to decide for themselves based on your explanation.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 06/02/2021 18:54

We all make mostakes as teenager. Tbh it doesn't sound like yours was something what just passed since someone is actually warning prople about you nearly 3 decades later... That means it had some lasting effects.

I would sit and wait. You can't really do anything else

louise4754 · 06/02/2021 18:54

@wasntsuchasweetsixteen ah ok sorry