Judged for something I did aged 16 how can I stop this?

[wasntsuchasweetsixteen]

As a (v immature) 16 year old. I did something awful. Told a massive awful terrible lie and then many other small lies to keep up the first.
I shouldn’t have. Obviously I know now how wrong it was and that I hurt people (my them bf and some friends).

Not to defend myself but to give insight into why this happened I was as I said v immature, also suffering abuse at home (emotional) and have asd and I had issues with boundaries and the truth. Anyway it was awful and wrong.
I tried to move on and move away from all that and learnt a lesson. However I’ve heard from someone recently that a friend had spoken to her about me after seeing my name come up on fb and wanted to ‘warn’ her about me.
I’m ashamed of my past but I was 16. This was a long time ago (I’m 42 now) I don’t want to be judged by a teenage mistake forever. I don’t know what to do

Depends what you lied about tbh. If you falsely accused somebody of raping you, and they were subsequently investigated by the police, having their whole life destroyed, I'd find that pretty hard to forget.

@1Morewineplease

It's a tricky one. It would help if we knew what the lie was. However, you don't have to say here. It's just that, if the lie was was v v serious eg someone went to prison because of what you said, then this lie will probably haunt you forever.

No nobody went to prison

*:51louise4754

ASD is no excuse to lie. I have it. I can't stand liars. I though if you had ASD you find it difficult to NOT tell the truth?*

You should meet my 15 year old he has asd and is in fantasy land half the time.

Nice bit of victim blaming @Eeeemac

Very much depends on what the lie was.

Ds1 also has ASD and lies very convincingly

@louise4754

ASD is no excuse to lie. I have it. I can't stand liars. I though if you had ASD you find it difficult to NOT tell the truth?

Which is probably why she got caught out. We can lie, we're just shit at it.

@Iqqq

Depends what you lied about tbh. If you falsely accused somebody of raping you, and they were subsequently investigated by the police, having their whole life destroyed, I'd find that pretty hard to forget.

No I didn’t lie about anything like that. Nobody else got in any trouble or anything. I’m too ashamed to say what I lied about as it was awful I’ve tried to move away from it and I literally moved away and started again

The friend that warned the other person isn’t a friend.

I did some stupid stuff at 16, we all do! You are not the same person as you were then. You’ve grown up and so should the people gossiping.

The person who told you, what did they make of it?

Also, well done on escaping and starting again. I imagine that took guts!

So you don't want to be judged for something you did years ago but are happy to judge your parents from years ago by including your suffering abuse at home comment.

I've found the trolley you're off...

There are no words for that utterly batshit, obviously goady, pile of bollocks.

I’m ashamed of my past but I was 16. This was a long time ago (I’m 42 now) I don’t want to be judged by a teenage mistake forever. I don’t know what to do
Own it. Tell her your version of events so that it is out there before anyone else can tell their version. It is a problem while it is still a possible 'blackmail' threat; once it is out there you have lanced the boil. People can be quite forgiving if (a) you are remorseful and (b) it was a long time ago.
Take control.

If your lie didn't involve anyone else than maybe it wasn't a big deal?

Honestly, wear it like a battle scar. It's part of your past, it's brought you to the life you have now and you DON'T have to be ashamed of it any more. If it comes up, just be completely matter-of-fact about it - you were a confused, mixed-up kid at the time and you did what you did. You're in your 40s now and it's irrelevant to the person you are now.

And Eeeemac needs to sod off back to Gransnet where she can emote and wail with all the other twisted self-deluding professional victims on the "I'm baffled - my adult child won't speak to me" threads there.

Could you phone an online counselling service and speak with them? Samaritans or something? It may be a big deal it may not but we don't know what happened.

Again, it depends on what the lie was.
Did you destroy someone's reputation?
Did you falsely accuse someone of something?
It's difficult to give an opinion without knowing the circumstances.
Was it as simple assaying you saw someone take something? Or do something?

Unless the friend that was contacted is going to spread this around then you don’t need to do anything, do you?

Nobody went to prison. Nobody was accused of a crime.

My guess is you pretended you were sick? Awful thing to do but nothing that I think people need to be warned about 25 years later!

Don’t do anything.

We've all made mistakes, but some mistakes are worse than others.

OP, I work with some troubled kids who've said and done some terrible things, but we see past that eventually. Some kids really do move forward and learn better ways and a part of that progress is forgiveness - it moves them forward.

I would agree with the op - wear it like a battle scar. Maybe gently tell your friends when possible - the more they understand you, the less you'll feel pushed into a corner and anxious about people finding out.

Least said, soonest mended.
Nobody decent would pay attention to 20 year old gossip.

Ignore the twat comments. If some one judges you based on what you did at 16 they are not worth knowing. I didn’t do anything wrong at 16 or in my twenties. Didn’t have a fabulous start in life .However after my separation of 15 years and my mum having a terminal illness then dying to say I’ve gone a bit crazy and have done loads wrong and felt guilty for a long long time, I decided to truely forgive myself. So you must do that. You do not need anybody else to forgive you, you can do it yourself. People makes mistakes . When you’re 16 you’re growing up , you’re not a grown up and even they get it wrong 😑

It was a terrible lie though and I did feel awful and I still do.
I was emotionally abused for so so long as a child I literally felt unloved. On more than one occasion I was told I wouldn’t be missed if I died (this is relevant)
So when I went to college I was surprised I managed to make a few friends and got a bf. But he dumped me and stupidly I took it so badly I stopped eating and got so run down I became covered in a rash. I looked awful. I didn’t sleep as I’d lost the first person who showed me affection. I was upset and angry and everyone kept saying how worried they were as i looked horrific so I told him I was actually really ill, nothing specific just that I’d probably die. That was it. He told my friends as he was upset and he asked me out again so I felt trapped in the lie and couldn’t stop
After a few weeks of this I think I realised I was in trouble and my friends were upset.
One day one of them (the person who has recognised me on fb) broke down to her parents who called the college.
The college called my mum and that was when i was found out. I was asked to leave the college as well.
The whole thing was awful. Then I was heartbroken as these people had actually cared about me and I ruined everything. Everyone else found out
That why I ended up needing a fresh start

If your friends are true friends then they'll stand by you no matter how anyone tries to taint your reputation.

I know it's hard (and I speak from experience) but there will always be nasty people out there who love to gossip and put you down. It's best to ignore them. They'll soon find someone else to bitch about.

I made the mistakes in my thirties! So honestly let it go