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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think bad dog owners don't realise that they are bad dog owners?

454 replies

WayTooSoon · 06/02/2021 10:36

Kind of a thread about lots of threads...

Every so often, threads appear on here saying someone's dog ran up to them/their child/their dog and how the owners respond with "it's ok, he's friendly" or similar. What usually follows is a load of posters saying "bad owners give us good owners a bad name". So is mumsnet entirely populated by "good owners" or are people oblivious to their own shortcomings as pet owners? Aibu to think that if someone is a bad owner, it seems likely that they have no idea that other people see them as a bad owner?

Are you now or have you ever been a "bad owner"?

OP posts:
Ginfordinner · 06/02/2021 10:38

Most dog owners I know are good dog owners, but I agree with you.

The issue I see is that the owner knows that their dog is friendly, but a random stranger they meet on a walk doesn't. A good dog owner recognises this. A bad one doesn't.

LolaSmiles · 06/02/2021 10:39

I think the sort of dog owner who is likely to take the time to read and participate in threads about dogs is more likely to be a good dog owner.

Think about the relationships threads. They are largely posters having a crap time in their relationship with most other posters also sharing crap experiences. You could conclude that most relationships are crap, but stepping back it seems likely that those with good relationships won't be posting on relationships boards, and those with good relationships wouldn't see someone struggling and outline why their DH is amazing.

The sample isn't representative.

TheSpottedDog · 06/02/2021 10:40

I used to be a bad owner. I’d never had a non friendly dog so was oblivious to the fact that they exist really! I used to let my french bulldog off lead because he was friendly and loved kids ... he’s cute and the local kids loved playing with him. One day he ran up to an Akita and the bloke looked annoyed and concerned ... I was just about to say “it’s ok, he’s friendly!” When the Akita nearly took my dog’s head off 😱 the man said “I’m so sorry! But why isn’t he on a lead?!” And I realised I couldn’t actually answer him. Why wasn’t he on a lead? I apologised and told him from now on he would be at all times. That was the last time he was ever off lead. I learnt a lot that day

Toorapid · 06/02/2021 10:42

I went for a walk yesterday with a friend and her 4mth old puppy. She adores her and is working hard on the training. Has basic commands and some recall (I'm not a dog person so no idea if this is impressive at 4mths). Definitely picked up all the poo.

However, I was embarrassed with all the "she's just a puppy" every time the pup approached other people and dogs and she couldn't get it to come away quickly. Especially now, when retrieving puppy means getting close to other dog owners.

She wouldn't see it that way at all though. Maybe I'm been harsh on a baby?

HandyBendySandy · 06/02/2021 10:43

I like to think that the bad owners read the threads and think "Bollocks, that's me" and slink off to change their ways rather than admitting to anything. So only the "good" owners are left to be sanctimonious.

I think I'm a responsible owner, but I'm certainly not perfect. I've never failed to pick up a poo and I've never let my dog run up to a child or a dog uninvited, but I do have a small dog which means I've committed multiple crimes merely by existing.

GooodMythicalMorning · 06/02/2021 10:44

@TheSpottedDog having him off lead if fine as long as his recall is good and will come back when you see another dog. My dog doesn't, so he doesn't get to be off lead on walks unless it is private land.

ComtesseDeSpair · 06/02/2021 10:44

People learn from each other. Dogs running up to strangers whilst the owners just calls out “it’s okay, he’s friendly!”, or dogs pulling on the lead, or dogs not great at recall have been around a long time. Many people do just think it’s pretty normal, and when they go on to get their own dog they don’t think it especially needs correcting. They don’t think these things are bad behaviour, just normal dog behaviour, and so don’t think they’re basic owners.

I recently signed up to Borrow My Doggy because I’m a distance runner and would love to help out a dog owner with a large, energetic breed that they’re struggling to exercise enough right now. Apart from 99% of the dogs on there being small, poorly bred, unhealthy flat-faced horrors, the majority were essentially described by their owners as incredibly bad-mannered and ill-trained - except the owners seemed to think that this wasn’t the case, that being selectively obedient, strong on the lead, nippy with other dogs, no recall etc were cute little character or personality traits.

Twerking9to5 · 06/02/2021 10:45

Yes I think many “bad” dog owners don’t realise they are doing anything wrong. When we got our dog, I have to say I didn’t really realise it was bad manners for off lead dogs to approach on lead dogs. I only really found out when our dog turned out to be a bit reactive and then I got really pissed off when dogs kept trotting up to mine!

SpreadHummusNotHate · 06/02/2021 10:47

@TheSpottedDog off-lead time is great though so long as you can recall your dog back to clip the lead on so he doesn’t run up to people or dogs (especially an on-lead dog) . It’s tough at the moment though to find quiet spots for offlead time - with lockdown every park/outdoor space is much busier in the absence of anything else to do!

Confusedcabbage · 06/02/2021 10:48

How do you teach stubborn dogs recall?

BoyTree · 06/02/2021 10:52

The issue I see is that the owner knows that their dog is friendly, but a random stranger they meet on a walk doesn't.

Even if I know a dog is friendly, I don't want it running up to me! It could have won the international prize for the friendliest dog in the world, and I STILL wouldn't want it near me!

Toorapid · 06/02/2021 10:53

@BoyTree

The issue I see is that the owner knows that their dog is friendly, but a random stranger they meet on a walk doesn't.

Even if I know a dog is friendly, I don't want it running up to me! It could have won the international prize for the friendliest dog in the world, and I STILL wouldn't want it near me!

Yes, I especially don't want your friendly dog's paw prints and clobber all over my coat.
Toorapid · 06/02/2021 10:54

Slobber Grin

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 06/02/2021 10:54

YANBU.

My sister is a terrible dog owner

  • she lets her large dogs jump up at visitors and laughs if anyone gets nervous about it
  • her dogs have bitten several family members and members of the public
  • she leaves them outside during the day and they bark constantly. Her neighbour's complained and she dismissed them as being dog haters
  • the dogs have no control on walks, don't heel, practically rip her arms off
  • she's made her kids sit on the floor because the dogs are on the sofa
  • worst of all - one dog they had mauled her DD's (then age 10) hand, her DD had to have surgery. They kept the dog and blamed her DD for the way she went to stroke the dog. It wasn't until the dog went on to attack my sister and bit her shoulder, leaving her also needing surgery, that they got rid of the dog (who went on to an out her family, bit their toddler within a week and got PTS the next day)

But she genuinely thinks she's a fantastic dog owner simply because she loves her dogs. She admits she loves them as much as her children. I think the whole affair is sad, she keeps getting new ones to raise badly with no end in sight, I hope for the sake of her poor kids she stops getting dogs

x2boys · 06/02/2021 10:55

Mumsnet is obsessed with bad dog owners and think if you absolutely have to have a dog it has to be a rescue ,yeah good luck with that one ,by contrast I have a dog who I walk on the lead and tbh I'm sick of parents who think it's acceptable to allow their children to run up to my dog and pet her ,she's not in the slightest bit dangerous but she jumps up if someone tries to stroke her works both ways

TheFuckingDogs · 06/02/2021 10:58

Mumsnet Would definitely think I’m a bad owner!
I believe my dogs have a right to be off lead in certain places (particularly quiet dog walky places) and think it’s weird how many people are terrified of dogs/ constantly thinking about dogs when they don’t even have one!
MN has a seriously weird obsession with hating dogs

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 06/02/2021 10:58

@BoyTree

The issue I see is that the owner knows that their dog is friendly, but a random stranger they meet on a walk doesn't.

Even if I know a dog is friendly, I don't want it running up to me! It could have won the international prize for the friendliest dog in the world, and I STILL wouldn't want it near me!

Same. It REALLY annoys me when people think it's a privilege that their dog comes up to you. I'm not interested, I'm not to know it really IS friendly a and why should I trust what the owner says when I've been knocked off my feet so many times by these allegedly 'friendly' dogs
TheFuckingDogs · 06/02/2021 10:59

I also have a child. He is well trained and knows not to go up to random dogs and start fussing with them!

Shamoo · 06/02/2021 11:00

I have a dog who is pretty decent off lead, but not perfect recall (probably 80%), and so we never walk her off lead unless totally alone somewhere. When on lead, she is unhappy when other dogs approach her, as she feels threatened. It is 100% clear when this happens, my dog becomes anxious and can bark or try to pull, my body language changes very visibly.

Most dog walkers who have their dogs off the lead could not care less, they just let their dog continue to sniff her and follow us through the park, as my dog becomes more distressed. They may give the dog a half hearted call but that’s it. But they must be able to see the trouble they are causing. So I can only conclude that they think it’s my issue for having a dog that doesn’t respond well to it?

x2boys · 06/02/2021 11:00

Yes it's. Very strange isn't it @TheFuckingDogs .

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 06/02/2021 11:01

Mumsnet is obsessed with bad dog owners and think if you absolutely have to have a dog it has to be a rescue

Not just a rescue but a GREYHOUND - because everyone has to e means to welcome a massive, overly energetic dog into their lives 🤣

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 06/02/2021 11:02

@TheFuckingDogs why is it weird to have a phobia of something that is potentially very dangerous?

If you can't recognise why people might be afraid of dogs then yes you're a bad owner

x2boys · 06/02/2021 11:03

Maybe people could stop their children running up to my dog ,who is happy to amble along on her lead sniffing at everything!

ComtesseDeSpair · 06/02/2021 11:04

@Confusedcabbage

How do you teach stubborn dogs recall?
Food and clicker training is usually successful. Occasionally you can’t and with some breeds it’s nearly impossible. My old Whippet was never reliable and my friend’s Malamute is one of the breeds generally advised to keep leashed at all times, if they let her off they’d never see her again. That’s why if you know your dog isn’t great at it, you shouldn’t let them off the lead in busy parks or anywhere where you need them to return to you promptly, either for their own safety or to stop them harassing others.
JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 06/02/2021 11:05

@x2boys I agree that's just as bad.

I've always told my kids from a young age that if they absolutely HAVE to go and see or stroke a dog, they first need to make sure it's safe (so no overexcited dogs) and then ask the owner. I'm always with them when they do this and they check with me first. I'm always appreciative of it when owners say no, it shows good responsibility

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