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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think bad dog owners don't realise that they are bad dog owners?

454 replies

WayTooSoon · 06/02/2021 10:36

Kind of a thread about lots of threads...

Every so often, threads appear on here saying someone's dog ran up to them/their child/their dog and how the owners respond with "it's ok, he's friendly" or similar. What usually follows is a load of posters saying "bad owners give us good owners a bad name". So is mumsnet entirely populated by "good owners" or are people oblivious to their own shortcomings as pet owners? Aibu to think that if someone is a bad owner, it seems likely that they have no idea that other people see them as a bad owner?

Are you now or have you ever been a "bad owner"?

OP posts:
x2boys · 06/02/2021 11:05

How do you stop untrained children from harassing dogs though 🤔

LightDrizzle · 06/02/2021 11:05

I think you are correct about a large chunk of them. The foul ones are just like that in all areas of their lives I reckon.
I was a bad dog owner sometimes with my first dog. His recall was unreliable and while I normally had him on a lead around other people, I’d occasionally get it wrong walking him on a normally deserted industrial riverbank and he’d go galloping off towards someone walking their dog, with me in pursuit. He was friendly and didn’t jump up at them, the brakes went on when he got to them, but he was huge and it was totally unacceptable.
I got my last girl at two years old and never got her recall reliable. By then I lived in a much more populated area and she only went off lead very rarely if we’d travelled to huge open spaces. She never went far from us as she was very worried about being without her pack so I could always get her back on the lead quickly.
Middle dog had excellent recall so this was never a problem.

icesnowrain · 06/02/2021 11:07

I think dogs are an example where you have the world according to mumsnet and then the actual world.

In mumsnet world no dogs should ever be off lead unless they have 100% recall, and never go up to other people or dogs.

In the real world most people have their dogs off lead if they are friendly and non reactive to humans or animals and their recall will have varying degrees of success but very rarely 100%. Lots of dogs will go up to other dogs and humans and mostly there are no issues with that.

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 06/02/2021 11:07

I also think the surge of dog ownership due to lockdown has hugely exasperated the bad owner problem.

Last summer so many people had the time of and said to their OH "Wouldn't it have been nice if we'd had a dog throughout all this, so get a dog without having the brain cells to realise that they'll be returning to work soon. Now I do think we have a lot of dogs who haven't been trained properly, walked often enough or socialised properly that will end up in kennels or being PTS Sad

BoyTree · 06/02/2021 11:07

Maybe people could stop their children running up to my dog ,who is happy to amble along on her lead sniffing at everything!

Do you really think that the people complaining about dogs running up to them are allowing their kids to approach strange dogs? Because someone ALWAYS says that on these threads, but I can't see how it's relevant.

TheFuckingDogs · 06/02/2021 11:08

Yes x2boys! Mumsnetters are obsessed with this subject!
In real life when I walk my dogs everyday I never come across these angry frothing types. I know lots of other local dog walkers and we all say hi, some dogs are off lead, some on, we chat, if needs be mine will go on lead, if I see someone who is visibly terrified I will put the dogs on because I’m not an arsehole but the drama surrounding dogs on here is crazy! It’s just a bloody dog, calm down people!

BTV2000 · 06/02/2021 11:08

I try and keep our dog on the lead at all times unless we’re in a really quiet spot-her recall isn’t great as soon as she has something in her mouth 🤦🏻‍♀️ she thinks it’s chase time.

One thing that gets me though, is that if we come across a dog who is pulling towards us and it’s clear the owner is trying not to let the dog get distracted, then we will get her to sit and stay until the other dog is a bit off in the distance and we’ll start walking again.

Our dog is still young and our training is ongoing, so it really winds me up when I’m visibly trying to calm her down and get her to stay still when she’s going nuts trying to be friends with this dog, and the owners carry on trying to get close to her. She’s only a staff but she’s sooo strong that she’s pulled me into the road before as she caught me off guard whilst poo picking!! And the other owners think it’s hilarious.

Maybe I’m TOO considerate and shouldn’t expect others to be as conscientious?!

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 06/02/2021 11:08

@x2boys

How do you stop untrained children from harassing dogs though 🤔
Tell the child and parents "she's not good with children" and pull your dog away.

Dogs off the lead are far harder to reason with

PandemicPalava · 06/02/2021 11:09

@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows they're not energetic, they're brilliantly lazy after a sprint! We have a cross and he doesn't go off lead unless in an enclosed area or somewhere quiet. I realise something running towards you at 30mph would be terrifying for lots of people.

NailsNeedDoing · 06/02/2021 11:10

People’s definitions of a good dog owner will vary. I don’t think it makes someone a bad dog owner if they let their dog get within a couple of metres of another person while it minds it’s own business, but others might disagree.

PandemicPalava · 06/02/2021 11:10

@icesnowrain exactly this.

SimonJT · 06/02/2021 11:11

My dog thinks I’m a bad owner, this morning I didn’t take him for his second walk quick enough so he started jumping on me (I was in bed). I think he’s going to call the RSPCA later.

Our puppy is generally good, he ignores other dogs on walks until he has permission to say hello, he follows commands well, doesn’t pull etc. He rings a bell to go to the toilet, we have recently started to teach him to use speech buttons for certain things.

He doesn’t have a great deal of off lead time yet as his recall is awful, if his recall doesn’t improve he’s fine having a long line instead.

I see very few dogs out and about that I would class as having bad owners, you very rarely see an off lead dog run off etc, my dog has only been approached once without permission, all other dog walkers have asked if it’s okay. Children however are the bigger problem here, we have had lots of parents allow their children to wander over in an attempt to pet him.

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 06/02/2021 11:12

[quote PandemicPalava]@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows they're not energetic, they're brilliantly lazy after a sprint! We have a cross and he doesn't go off lead unless in an enclosed area or somewhere quiet. I realise something running towards you at 30mph would be terrifying for lots of people. [/quote]
I don't actually have a problem with greyhounds as I find they ignore humans! I mentioned it because on MN whenever someone posts about perhaps getting a puppy, it seems 80% of the posts are about getting a rescue instead and it always has to be a greyhound. But they're not for everyone, the same way many wouldn't find pleasure in having a Shitzu or a King Charles Cavalier

pawsies · 06/02/2021 11:13

My dogs love other dogs and will run up to them to say hi, they back off if they sense the dog isn't ok and only want to sniff and then continue.

I'm probably one of the people that gets called a bad owner as a result but ultimately it's a risk I take because it's a good outlet for my dogs to interact with others.

PandemicPalava · 06/02/2021 11:15

@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows absolutely, get what you mean, ours was from a pup and I do get shocked looks as if I should have got rescue if I wanted a sighthound. Many reasons why we didn't. His parents were rescue originally and he was an accident

Whammyyammy · 06/02/2021 11:15

@TheSpottedDog

I used to be a bad owner. I’d never had a non friendly dog so was oblivious to the fact that they exist really! I used to let my french bulldog off lead because he was friendly and loved kids ... he’s cute and the local kids loved playing with him. One day he ran up to an Akita and the bloke looked annoyed and concerned ... I was just about to say “it’s ok, he’s friendly!” When the Akita nearly took my dog’s head off 😱 the man said “I’m so sorry! But why isn’t he on a lead?!” And I realised I couldn’t actually answer him. Why wasn’t he on a lead? I apologised and told him from now on he would be at all times. That was the last time he was ever off lead. I learnt a lot that day
Spot on. Some dogs just aren't friendly and don't like being hassled by an off lead dog. Also 'friendly' dogs often take a dislike to certain breeds such as Siberian Huskies or Alaskan Malamutes, I have one of each.

A random of lead out of control dog coming up yapping and snapping to my big Malamute will regret its actions. I also wear a body cam to protect and prove my dog was under control and defending himself.

SlothMama · 06/02/2021 11:16

YANBU I'd say 99% of bad dog owners don't see themselves as bad owners, they blame other reasons. My brothers dog is very badly behaved but he has a bucket load of excuses for her.

PandemicPalava · 06/02/2021 11:16

@pawsies but they can still interact without you letting them run up to test the waters. Thai could go so badly and it's disrespectful to the other owners. Please tell me you don't let them run up to dogs on the lead

drinkingwineoutofamug · 06/02/2021 11:16

I was a very bad 1st time dog owner of a feral Belgian Mali cross.
Lots of posters gave me advice
I'm now just about a good dog owner.
She has recall
I've now clicker trained her.
She no longer approaches or bounds up to other dogs. We meet nicely
I let her off lead and she returns
I put her on lead around children and small dogs (she stalkes them)
On lead need cattle,sheep,horses
I pick up her poo
I spend as much time as possible training her to be polite without taking away her fun of play.
Was working at stopping woofing at planes but giving up.
We are working on lead pulling with some success as long as I have a piece of cheese in my hand, but it's a start 🙂

LightDrizzle · 06/02/2021 11:18

James is bang on I think, about some people equating their feeling of love for their dogs to how good an owner they are.
Lots of dogs in avoidable daily pain have owners who adore them, so much so that they can’t be “mean” and deny Tinkerbell her treats and sausages, even though the vet keeps begging them to.
For a minority love = letting the dog do whatever it wants and anthropomorphising it. Anything else is mean and cruel. Their dog can do no wrong either, just like some parents with their children. In both cases it’s the owners/parents who are to blame for lack of training or control,
It is unfortunate that lazy dog ownership/ parenting are almost indistinguishable from spoiling. It’s easy for people to convince themselves they are guilty of the latter, which they see almost as a virtue, rather than the former.

drinkingwineoutofamug · 06/02/2021 11:18

@x2boys

How do you stop untrained children from harassing dogs though 🤔
Put the kid on a lead 🤷🏻‍♀️
Sparrowfeeder · 06/02/2021 11:18

Suspect many bad parents are the same! Lots of people have poor self awareness.

SomewhereInbetween1 · 06/02/2021 11:20

It definitely depends on experience. If you've always grown up with dogs, than the unspoken "rules" are already drilled into you like not letting your dog approach others on the lead, reading body languagez the sheer importance of recall - it's not natural for first time owners and needs to be learned because similar to learner drivers, how can you react to situation if you've never encountered it?

DumplingsAndStew · 06/02/2021 11:24

@x2boys

How do you stop untrained children from harassing dogs though 🤔
Assuming your dog is on-lead, you just need to be very clear with anyone and everyone that approaches. Put your hand out to direct people to stop as soon as they are heading your direction. You get harnesses and leads that can suggest to people that the dog isn't to be approached.

Good luck, though, when my DC is out with her assistance dog, people still insist on approaching her and clicking at the dog even though its very clear she's working 🙄

drinkingwineoutofamug · 06/02/2021 11:27

I also have a thing on her lead that says she doesn't like children.
Found out the hard way and I was beside myself when she jumped up at a kid. Lucky she was on a lead or it could of been worse. And lucky it was my cousins kid and she knew my dogs background
Anyway . These leads and collars and harnesses that say I don't like ..... or nervous dog / dog in training.
People take no notice , I was repeatedly telling a woman not to let their 2 yr old near my dog - on lead - all she kept repeating was her child likes dogs.
The fact my dog is scared of children went over her head. If dog had bitten the child she would be put down for something, that at that time was not her fault .
So it's not just dog owners that need education. It's also parents and children.
Just because you have a friendly child loving dog at home, gives you no right to let your kid wander up to a strange dog