To think bad dog owners don't realise that they are bad dog owners?

[WayTooSoon]

Kind of a thread about lots of threads...

Every so often, threads appear on here saying someone's dog ran up to them/their child/their dog and how the owners respond with "it's ok, he's friendly" or similar. What usually follows is a load of posters saying "bad owners give us good owners a bad name". So is mumsnet entirely populated by "good owners" or are people oblivious to their own shortcomings as pet owners? Aibu to think that if someone is a bad owner, it seems likely that they have no idea that other people see them as a bad owner?

Are you now or have you ever been a "bad owner"?

My dog is disabled-he’s nervous of other dogs especially ones that come bounding up to him. He is always on lead unless we are in a secure field. I don’t want any dogs running up to him -off lead dogs shouldn’t approach on lead dogs. Every time this happens & he end up barking at another dog it increases his anxiety. All dog owners should know not to let their off lead dog approach an on lead dog

Mine loves people though - he would happily join in anyone’s game or picnic. Another reason he’s not off lead as his recall isn’t reliable enough.

I’m sick of having Dogs that are off lead running up to me when I’m sitting on a bench, maybe having a drink. The owners just seem to smile and say stuff like “come here !” I don’t want dogs near me, one last week started licking my hand. I have an allergy to dogs and I’m tired of dealing with owners unable or unwilling to control their dogs. And there seem to be more of that type lately in parks nearby.

I can't abide this irrelevant comparison of dogs and children- they are not the same! I think you'll find children are human beings and have many more rights in an outdoor space than dogs have! Parents are not 'owners' ffs they are parents just as people who own dogs are not parents to those dogs! I do think many people believe their pets to be 'fur babies' these days. It is really odd, irrational behaviour. I like animals but it is wrong to anthromorphise them.

@letsnotscaretheneighbours it’s an unpopular opinion, especially on MN, but dogs can still go to training after they’ve passed their puppy class. Most people should probably continue after puppy class in my opinion. Our older one still goes to training. Or did before lockdown. Training for the older one is more social now and people in that class all have dogs over 1 year old, some are in their double digits. We don’t go to training because our dogs are bad. We go to training because it’s a chance for our dogs to use their brains, our dogs to socialise in a group of dogs at very different ages and to build on their very good obedience. I think we need to get past this idea that a dog over 1 year old still in training means we’ve failed them or not put the work in. Our oldest dog does not need to go to training now for addressing issues but she’s effectively been depressed at points over the last year because she’s not been able to go to school. But you shouldn’t feel you have to justify that yours is still at training.

Despite our eldest dog being generally very good, lockdown has still caused some weird behaviours. We got on top of them a bit during the summer as restrictions eased slightly but lapsed back now. It’s just something we’ll have to address when we can finally get back out.

@InTheNightWeWillWish agree. I'd rather keep his training as frequent as possible as I'm of the mind the more he does it the sooner it'll click.

I'm a bit down on dogs and their owners at the moment, because I'm sick to death of every walk being ruined by dog mess. I know every dog owner says it isn't them, but they can't all be telling the truth.

That said, I don't have any problem with seeing dogs while out or sharing space with them, including off lead where they're well-behaved. They're lovely animals and it would be a strange person who didn't smile at the sight of another creature, healthy and well-cared for, having a great time running around in the fresh air. That's spoilt for all of us when a slovenly owner allows a dog to bound up to a stranger, jump up and ruin their clothes with muddy paws, then mutter "he's just being friendly". Like the dog mess, there's no excuse for it and it shouldn't be happening.

I think I'm a bad dog owner in some people's eyes, for several reasons. Probably more in the eyes of Dog People.

1. Top reason- I don't like dogs. I am a very reluctant dog owner. Didn't want any. Dh and dc did. Begged and cajoled for years. So we got dogs.

2. neither one of them will listen to their training commands from me and I absolutely don't care to spend more cash to make them, either. Spent almost a grand on puppy training and they listen to DH and DD. So if I take them out, I will never ever let them off lead in the park or to charge through the river, which they like. It's a walk on lead and home, like it or not.

3. I tell them off for barking in the garden or house, even though it's apparently a natural right for them to disturb everyone at any time they feel like it

4. I'm not charmed in the slightest when they come home all wet and muddy and panting from a long walk with DH and the kids. I'm disgusted by the stench coming from them and the sound of them slobbering.

5. Dog people who talk about dogs like they're babies or children wind me up and, owning dogs and having children, I can't see how they make the connection between them.

To a certain extent i think you are right, and ime small dogs often get away with behaviour that would be completely frowned upon if it was a larger breed dog. But I dont think any dog is 100% well behaved/has perfect recall 100% of the time.
Its good to let dogs off the lead in dog walk friendly safe places.
I put my dogs on a lead if i see someone walking without a dog or see another dog owner with their dog on a lead.

No history of biting so doesn't need a muzzle thank you

@drinkingwineoutofamug

It doesn't matter - you shouldn't wait until they bite before you muzzle them. If you think it's a possibility then you should definitely muzzle her.

Where I live what many here describe as "bad owners" is just the norm. My son is terrified of dogs and screams when one approaches. Most dog owners let their dogs run up to him and pay no attention to the fact he is obviously distressed. Some even role their eyes and make sarcastic remarks. Some call the dogs back and put them on the lead but I would say they are in the minority.

It's also common practice here to let your dog run off out of sight, and if my kids are playing on the football pitch and a dog takes the ball the owners just laugh and think it's funny.

@Ginfordinner

Most dog owners I know are good dog owners, but I agree with you.

The issue I see is that the owner knows that their dog is friendly, but a random stranger they meet on a walk doesn't. A good dog owner recognises this. A bad one doesn't.

The issue I see is that many people on a walk really don't want some random dog running up to them, even if it is friendly.

A genuinely good dog owner would not allow their dog to do this.

One of my dog's isn't the best behaved but I find people coo over her, because she is very cute looking, but then she gets excitable and jumps up. If people just ignored her she would just walk on by unless they clearly have food but that's another matter.
Even the most well behaved dogs ( like my other dog ) can have their moments though. His recall completely went out of the window yesterday when he found a take away box containing discarded sausages.

Well, it's the same with everything really isn't it? Nobody thinks they are doing badly. If they did, they would do better.

And people have different ideas about what makes a "bad dog owner" or "bad parent" or whatever.

For example, DH has 3 sisters. He explained to me once that SIL 1 values the physical signs of providing for children - clean clothes, enough food, making sure they wash, attend school etc - and considers anyone who (in her mind) slacks on these things to be a bad parent. SIL 2 values spending time with children, and would consider anyone who she thinks doesn't spend enough time with their DC to be a bad parent. SIL 3 likes her child to have the best of everything, and considers buying second hand or cheap/crap stuff to be bad parenting.

None of them consider themselves to be (nor are) particularly bad parents, but each by the other's metric lacks something!

I think there are lots of bad dog owners on mumsnet. Dogs should never approach another person even if they are friendly. There are plenty of people on here to admit to letting their dogs leave their site and just recall periodically. That means they could be approaching another person and they wouldn’t even know.

I have the same problem @Babyroobs my dog is a Beagle and incredibly cute and we get lots of comments when we are out and about I keep her on a lead but people insist on stopping and petting her and then she gets excited and starts jumping up ,I do tell people she's liable to do this but it doesn't stop them

I'm terrified of dogs and posts likes thefuckingdogs upset me; I really hate having dogs run at me, jump up and lick me. I don't see why it's ok. It's not weird to be afraid of dogs or dislike them, people have all sorts of fears and dislikes and I think it's reasonable to expect an owner will keep their dog away from physically touching) licking/jumping up on someone who doesn't want it.

Worse, there is dog shit EVERYWHERE. I saw a couple in the park just yesterday walking with their dog off the lead and it did a huge poo, they either didn't care or weren't paying attention. My three year old plays in that park, knowing it's full of dog shit is repulsive. In the snow I saw loads of instances where there had been poo under the snow. Just gross.

Oh fuck off @x2boys you are EXACTLY the example of a bad owner

Mind you I was once thought of as a bad dog owner and I didn't even own a dog!!

When I was still with exH we looked after his dad's Jack Russell for a fortnight when him and ex step-MIL went on holiday. ExFIL said "she's fine to go off the lead she's good as gold"

HA!

First walk we went on and I took her round the field at the back of the village where no one was and let her off. As soon as she clocked this German Shepherd who came into view she went mental. Ran up to it and started doing that thing where they lunge and yap into the dog's face, pull back and lunge and tap again, over and over. She didn't bite but she really aggravated this terrified dog, who just cowered, I had to get between them to grab her, resulting in accidentally being bitten (that was a fun trip to A&E) and the German Shepherd owner was, rightly, furious. Because my hand hurt and was bleeding and my then 3yo DD was crying because of all the commotion I didn't muster more than an "I'm so sorry" with the owner.

However once I got back from A&E, after some investigations with the neighbours I found out where the woman lived, and I took round a bunch of flowers and a bottle of wine and explained how sorry I was, she isn't my dog it was her first walk out and I was assured by FIL that she was OK to go off the lead. The woman was lovely about it, far lovelier than she had to be. I still cringe to this day though at the thought of it obviously the Jack Russell never came off the lead after that but still tried to square up to massive dogs 🙄

When FIL got back off holiday I told him what happened and do you know what he said? "Oh for goodness sake that's just her saying hello, she's friendly." FFS. We said no to dog sitting the next time they went away.

How exactly am I the example of a bad owner @LadyMayoGoodWay I keep my dog on a lead and have people coming up to her to stroke unwarranted wanting to stroke her even though I tell them she is liable to jump up ,but that makes me a bad owner ,and right back at you with your abusive language btw 🙄

@x2boys

I have the same problem *@Babyroobs* my dog is a Beagle and incredibly cute and we get lots of comments when we are out and about I keep her on a lead but people insist on stopping and petting her and then she gets excited and starts jumping up ,I do tell people she's liable to do this but it doesn't stop them

We have a beagle too @x2boys and he's exactly the same!

Everyone around here knows him (I think it's the arroo!) and encourage the jumping as he's cute so it's almost impossible to train him to stop. Like you, I keep him on a lead around strangers to help stop the behaviour and I always warn people that he's liable to jump!

The thought of letting my dog off the lead gives me absolute anxiety because he's a complete psycho! So I guess I'm a good owner in that respect, but bad that I let my dog become an antisocial aggressive shitbag. No such thing as perfect is there!

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

The main difference between some dog owners and many other people is some dog owners mistakenly get the idea that their dog has all the same rights as a human being.

In reality, the law always places the rights and needs of the human above the dog. If an unruly child pokes a dog and the dog attacks it, the dog will face consequences.

This may not seem fair but it is the reality of choosing to own a dog.

You are right it’s not fair, some untamed little brat abuses an animal and the dog cops it.

I think you're right for some dog owners OP.

I had a run in with a man a while ago whose dog ran up to me while I was in the park playing with my dog. His dog started leaping all over me, his paws came up to just above my waist, he started at the front and circled me so he could get me from the back as well.

This went on for a short while and all the time I was calling to the man, who was quite far away, to call his dog back.

The man clearly had absolutely no control over his dog, who was completely ignoring him, and complained that he 'couldn't fly' so I'd have to wait for him to grab his dog, which he eventually managed to do.

When I told him his dog should be on a lead because it had no recall his reaction was 'I thought you'd like dogs, you've got one of your own'.

I actually think he was genuinely surprised that I didn't find his large bouncy untrained dog leaping all over me and covering me in muddy paw marks acceptable. He seemed to think it was normal dog behaviour; he then went on to call me a miserable old cow so probably did have a strong idea of good behaviour in humans either.

I wrote about this on another thread a couple of months ago so forgive me for repeating myself.

@Heidi1976

The thought of letting my dog off the lead gives me absolute anxiety because he's a complete psycho! So I guess I'm a good owner in that respect, but bad that I let my dog become an antisocial aggressive shitbag. No such thing as perfect is there!

My dog tends to run at other dogs and growls but it never goes further than that. Sometimes I think it is just a play growl but obviously other dogs and owners don't like it so i tend to get her on the lead quickly if we see another dog. She used to be fine and loved other dogs until she was aggressively jumped on by snarling larger dogs when she was younger and after that she really changed and is defensive now.

We have a 5 month old and I'm working really really hard at training

He only gets fed from my hand every meal is a training session particularly on walks

He has just finished a course of one to one training sessions and as soon as lockdown is over he will attend another 5 week puppy group training course. The cost of this is part of having a dog and is essential to me.

We work on his training recall and impulsive control every single day

It's bloody hard work but I always said I will never have an unruly dog as it's one of my pet hates.

If you dont want to or don't have the time to put the work in get a cat.