To ask if you have a child who identifies as trans or expresses disconnect between their gender and sex?

[Scroremanga]

I remember a post which asked how many people on mumsnet felt a disconnect between their gender and sex. Out of 1000 respondents, 10 per cent said they did.

How about people are aware their child or children feel that their gender and sex are disconnected?

Yabu-I am pretty sure my child feels aligned with their sex and gender

Yanbu - my child expresses that they are do not feel

It would also be helpful whether to know whether ds or dd thats experiencing this

Thanks

Sorry that cut off!

The second one should say my child expresses that they feel uncomfortable about the compatibility of their gender and sex.

No

I very much doubt / question the idea that females have to be "one way" and males another. A woman can be tomboyish, have short hair etc. A man can wear nail varnish etc. We need to keep pushing for stereotypes to be dismantled.

I personally don't feel a woman is less of a woman if she engages in traditionally male activities / clothing etc and vice versa

Why do you want to know?

Gender 🤨

And so in answer to your question OP if my child or any child doesn't engage in traditionally male or female activities etc I would ask them why does that make them of the opposite sex? It doesn't

If children have activities pushed on them or withheld because of their sex and they aren't permitted to do what they enjoy, they could be described as having a disconnect.

There's no need to do this though, children should be able to play with what they like. They learn through play and having half the toys with held because of their sex prevents them from developing skills.

I assume you’re a journalist, phishing for a story. I’m not voting or responding.

I thought after lots of discussion of the difference between sex and gender we'd come to the conclusion most people do. (Have a disconnect that is) I definitely don't believe it was only 10%. We would all be walking around as cardboard cutouts. Totally 1D. Surely the whole point is NO ONE identifies completely with gender as it's made up sexist bullshit.

Yes, my teenager identifies as non binary. Until a year ago, I would have made similar comments to those above about sex vs gender. And I'm sad that I feel the need to name change before posting this.

But I do want to make sure there is some limited degree of balance in the responses you will get to your question. My daughter is basically a tom boy, always has been. I have come to accept that this is the way they express their sense of self. They are not a predator, they are not sick, they have healthy relationships with people of both sexes and they just get on with their life, in a rather more stable and calm way than they did before "coming out".

Not sure how the voting is working. But yes to me feeling a disconnect. And yes to pretty much every child I've ever met having a disconnect too. I've never known a little boy who wasn't partial to a Disney princess dress and the majority of little girls I known refuse to wear dresses and hate pink.

But aren't we all non binary? That was my point. I'm definitely no less of a tom boy than I was at 10, but as a grown woman I understand that I'm just a normal woman.

One of my young adult has identified as non-binary/trans, for 5 years now.
I've been an active feminist since my teens, who very much did attempt to bring up my children in a gender-neutral parenting style, I have an egalitarian relationship with my children's father and he has always done half the childcare and parenting.
So that's been interesting for me, having one who absoltely and emphatically does not identify with their assigned sex at birth, and for whom that totally matters - in a way it doesn't matter to me.

But having met many trans people now, especially young people/teens, I'm firmly waving the trans rights flag, as a feminist.
I don't often get involved in the mumsnet threads as I just get told don't know much about feminism, or about trans issues, for holding this position. Which is absolutely not the case.

I find it interesting you say it matters in a way to your child that it didn't to you. But don't labels often matter to children? They represent identity, social hierarchy, things which are very important to growing minds.

I used to identify as a goth. And it REALLY mattered. Everything was pierced, loved the music, loved the clothes, loved the melancholy. As an adult I still love the clothes and the music and I still have some of the piercings. But I realized, as most do when you reach adulthood. I no longer needed it to define me. My only identity now is not "goth" its cunt. And all the hobbies and interests and relationships and emotions that go with being cunt. But I no longer crave that feeling of being seen, being in the group, having a club, needing an identity. I just grew up.

No. My DDs are both aware that “gender” means regressive sexist stereotypes. One DD has short hair, does martial arts, lives in trousers and is a radfem. She knows she is a woman - and a bloody impressive one in my view!

We don’t promote regressive gender stereotypes at home and hope I’ve given my children enough confidence that they are just themselves.

I do think we are going backwards in sexist stereotyping and we need to push back.

Off the scale sexist publications like Teen Vogue (!!) promoting anal sex for ‘non prostate-havers’ (they meant girls) and ‘ethical rape porn’ (whatever that is). Ever more pornified pop videos and tv programmes and for younger children a choice between pink or blue for clothing and personal items like toothbrushes (!) and sparkly or tough for toys.

No wonder these poor kids don’t feel that they fit with the ‘gender’ stereotypes imposed - the box is too small and rigid. Personality and individuality is being suppressed or used to indicate that the child might not be really a boy (or girl).

If my dc believed in gender identity I would feel I'd done something wrong. As teenagers they will of course become exposed to those ideas and can hopefully point them to a dictionary to start with.

I should say, believed gender identity was an external reality, rather than an idea we can choose to use, as a pp related to being goth.

Op does everyone have a gender? How would I advise my child to correctly identify what theirs is?

In what way is Gender (if it exists) relevant?

My DD went through a non binary phase she is intelligent and on the spectrum she doesn't fit in with social norms so assumed she it had to be because she was in the wrong body.
She cut her hair short only wearing boys cotton thankfully I helped her realise her different views don't change her gender.
Now she reading a lot about women's equality and females on the spectrum.
She is different no doubt but as non binary the label was dragging her deeper into this new age of no gender.
She is 12 and bought two gothic style skirts I'm secretly thrilled.

I have a child that has been teased at school for not confirming to 'gender norms'. Basically, she has the audacity to like dinosaurs and prefers to have chin length hair rather than long hair. She is also rather outspoken so told them not to be silly and girls can like dinosaurs and be paleontologists. And that boys can like unicorns. (She's seven by the way... This first happened a year ago, in Yr2, and was repeated last term in Yr3).

At home, we don't believe in gender. But normally, she goes out into the wider world. She will always be her. (As in her own person, not the pronoun) but other people might not see it the same way.