To ask if you have a child who identifies as trans or expresses disconnect between their gender and sex?

[Scroremanga]

I remember a post which asked how many people on mumsnet felt a disconnect between their gender and sex. Out of 1000 respondents, 10 per cent said they did.

How about people are aware their child or children feel that their gender and sex are disconnected?

Yabu-I am pretty sure my child feels aligned with their sex and gender

Yanbu - my child expresses that they are do not feel

It would also be helpful whether to know whether ds or dd thats experiencing this

Thanks

AwaAnBileYerHeid honestly, I don't understand it either and I've been living it for over a decade at this point 🤣

We all want whats best for our kids though and as long as we try our best and understand and support thats all we can do really.

What a load of tosh. People are just people, they dont need to be a specific gender or 'align' to anything and children definitely dont need that level of complication. You are you, that is all that matters.

I'm with babdoc
We raised all 3 of ours to be anything they wanted to be, they all climbed trees, did martial arts, played with dolls, danced in tutus.
One of our 6'2" rugby lads is a nurse.
They all know that what you look like or your choice of hobbies/career does not define you.

I have a 16 year old who identifies as non-binary, and their pronoun is they.

I am astonished at the naivety of posters who say "we raised our daughter/son in a non-gender-stereotyped way, so they know who they are" as though it's all about that. It's really nothing to do with that, in my opinion.

OP, YABU for creating such a nonsensical thread.
In my OPINION and of that all rational beings, you are born either male or female, the proof's in the pants.
If you wish to be something else, fine, you can be anything you wish, however, it doesn't change the fact that we have 2 sexes and of course, the smattering of individuals who have both sex organs thus constitute as hermaphrodites of humanity.
Children can act very unlike their perceived social norms, which are pointless anyway. To start suggesting that they are actually 'not aligned with their sex' is bloody criminal.
Let kids be kids. Arrgghhhhh

If your child was raised in a "totally non-gender specific way, and they know who they are" - then they're not trans.

How you were raised has very little to do with it, imo. Otherwise, for instance, either all or no siblings in such a family would be trans.

Anyway, I'm sure you'll all shout at me and my non-binary child because you all know so much better than we do.

@MoodyMarshall

And ALL of the trans teenage girls I've met (teacher) are autistic.

Do you mean trans teenage boys?

Nice bit of anecdotage there.

I have one son and one daughter who are 100% comfortable with their birth sex, plus one other child who is non-binary.

Thanks Quaagars and DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult it truly was nightmarish. Thankfully my child has since been able to change education setting and is thriving now.

Years ago, on mn, there was a bit of a culture of people who would make disablist comments such as ‘my child doesn’t have meltdowns because i raised them with good boundaries/manners’ or whatever, which led to mn’s This Is My Child campaign. I feel a lot of the same energy coming off the ‘well my child isn’t/won’t ever be trans because of my superior parenting’ posts. I never normally talk about parenting on here now, i feel this isn’t the place for me to be able to do that now.

We need to keep pushing for stereotypes to be dismantled.

I feel very strongly about this.

DS is 5 he likes wearing make up, he likes having girls hair styles and wants his hair long like a princess, he has several disney princess dresses. He also likes ninjas and video games and more stereotypical boy stuff.

I don't think he really has a clue about his sex and whether or not his gender marries up to it.

Similarly though, if you put down my qualities and interests in a list and asked strangers to decide whether I am a man or woman/ male or female I bet most wouldn't.

What is gender beyond a load of stereotypes?

It's really nothing to do with that, in my opinion.

So what is about then? Genuinely, and non-goady.

Is gender not just a bunch of stereotypes? Because that is what it seems to me.

I guess if the community you are in is strong on gender then it's highly likely that significant numbers will feel a disconnect

I'd view it as a reflection of the local community, and how well the child fits that society expectations

Yes.
DD came out in September 2019 as lesbian. Fully supported her, wasn't a shock as she had zero interest in boys, boy bands and anything male. Boys at school gave her a wide berth due to her savage put downs if they dared ask her out. One mum told me her son had described her as "totally a 10/10 in looks but you wouldn't dare piss her off cos she's hardcore".
Then midway through last year, she said she now described herself as non-binary, uses they/them pronouns and has changed their name from their girl equivalent to a neutral shortened version.
We've let them get on with it. I'm shite at remembering the pronouns but they tolerate it.
They seem happy so yeah, worse things they could be doing. No plans or wishes to be male, but females apparently get a "bad deal" so they don't want to be either. School have been great.

Years ago, on mn, there was a bit of a culture of people who would make disablist comments such as ‘my child doesn’t have meltdowns because i raised them with good boundaries/manners’ or whatever, which led to mn’s This Is My Child campaign. I feel a lot of the same energy coming off the ‘well my child isn’t/won’t ever be trans because of my superior parenting’ posts. I never normally talk about parenting on here now, i feel this isn’t the place for me to be able to do that now.

You're not wrong.

I talk about trans issues sometimes (the last thread I engaged in was full of insults towards me, including calling me a racist, but I painstakingly answered every question, asked lots of questions as well which largely went unanswered, accusations of merailing, then not engaging, then people expecting fully in depth answers for very specific questions... it was actually laughable) I also go on any trans parenting threads I see, but I wouldn't ask any questions on here about it.

You see it on the parenting threads in the right section. Scared parents asking a question then lots of people jumping on with totally irrelevant views of their own and no advice at all just to turn into the same 10 people making the same points to each other with the same links and quotes, not thinking for a minute about the parent who is struggling.

I have done the main part of the parenting thing and my dc is now an adult so if you ever want some advice then PM me or tag me in your thread.

I have a Daughter that identifies as 'demi-bi'. Not quite sure what that in itself means, but she came out last year as bisexual leaning more towards hetero and now has a boyfriend. She's 17 and awaiting AS assessment. She's well aware she's a woman but needs to find a way to reconcile the discord she's feeling right now. As far, as we're concerned she can identify as whatever she likes as long as she's happy. I have to reconcile my firm scepticism of Gender with her happiness.

Sorry, my post was wrong, I read it back and it sounds superior.

I talk to DS1 (8) in an age appropriate way about how you can be whoever you want to be, but changing sex is impossible, because we are a sexually dimorphic species (eggs and sperm are our gametes).

He is autistic and will probably feel like he doesn't fit in as he gets older. What I don't want him to mistake this for is gender dysphoria, because he won't find happiness by transitioning.

I've been teaching almost 20 years and have met one trans child, that is, a child who has insisted on living as the opposite sex since he was a tiny person. I have met many, many teenaged girls who decide to transition when they hit puberty, all of whom are autistic and often anorexic. Many have since detransitioned. Some have had top surgery.

@HelloThereMeHearties

Anyway, I'm sure you'll all shout at me and my non-binary child because you all know so much better than we do.

Wouldn’t have clue what we was supposed to notice. So haven’t foggiest idea what warrants being shouted at as taught kids to just walk away from obnoxious people. Just like to accept that kids are entitled to play with whoever if they say no they owe no other explanation.

Thanks Lemon, i really appreciate it.

Barracker your post about gender being something others project onto you is excellent. Thank you for posting.

A lot of teens feel they dont "fit", it's normal to suddenly be faced with realising you dont agree with parents/teachers/peers in lots of things and to have to reconcile your individuality with the social expectations of life as a human living in groups. I worry that the current trend around transgender rights etc is for teens to channel that feeling of not fitting in into gender etc.

@CuntAmongstThePigeons

I find it interesting you say it matters in a way to your child that it didn't to you. But don't labels often matter to children? They represent identity, social hierarchy, things which are very important to growing minds.

I used to identify as a goth. And it REALLY mattered. Everything was pierced, loved the music, loved the clothes, loved the melancholy. As an adult I still love the clothes and the music and I still have some of the piercings. But I realized, as most do when you reach adulthood. I no longer needed it to define me. My only identity now is not "goth" its cunt. And all the hobbies and interests and relationships and emotions that go with being cunt. But I no longer crave that feeling of being seen, being in the group, having a club, needing an identity. I just grew up.

I agreed with you completely until you said "My only identity is not "goth" its cunt." Could you not find another way of saying that?