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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What my manager said?

256 replies

Dipsandcrisps · 05/02/2021 02:27

I have gone back to work (off maternity leave) this week and have been told that i cannot work from home unless I put my baby in a nursery, no nursery local to me is taking on any new children and with lockdown they have limited slots as it is. My manager has said I need to go part time (husband is home part of the week and can watch baby) as I cannot work at home if there is no one else there to watch the baby?

Aibu in thinking this would be the norm in pre-covid times and currently a lot of parents are working at home with children in their care? Obviously if we weren’t in the middle of a pandemic my baby would be in a nursery before I went back to work..

So confused with where I stand?

OP posts:
Aprilx · 05/02/2021 11:36

@EveryDayIsADuvetDay

I feel a lot better reading this thread - a few years ago I refused someone's request to work from home because they announced it was easier/cheaper than a nursery and coming in to the office. (and told the rest of the team that was what she was going to be boing before she'd even asked) I was made to feel really mean for refusing, but felt she was either taking care of the baby or working. (she also expected me to pay for twice weekly couriers to ferry paperwork back and forth Hmm)
I did the same a few years ago. I think she proposed she would come into the office from 7am to 11am and would then WFH for the rest of the day. The department was one where you need to liaise with other colleagues, so a 7am start was not useful. And she wanted to spend the rest of the day working at home whilst looking after toddler twins and a new baby!

I wasn’t made to feel at all mean though. In fact I think the other employees were glad as they could see it was somebody trying to take advantage and that they would probably be picking up the slack.

ZoeTurtle · 05/02/2021 11:42

@Cherryhotchoc

Can’t you just tell your manager you have childcare sorted and continue to work full time? :)
And when they ask for proof?
BreatheAndFocus · 05/02/2021 11:44

She sleeps from 11pm to 11am, I start work at 8.30 I could log on and then take half an hour break when she wakes and get her fed and changed then I could sit in the same room as her while she plays or watches tv in her play pen, she has a nap at 1.30 for two hours I would take another break at 1pm to settle her to sleep (we get 1 hour for lunch) then by the time baby wakes my partner would be home and take over...

So you’re going to ignore her basically? I find that shocking - sorry. Why not just do P/T as suggested?

No manager would encourage anyone to ignore a baby or young child while they worked. It would lay them open to all kinds of problems.

ktp100 · 05/02/2021 11:46

I would tell them you've bubbled up with a family member and they will be coming by to provide care during working hours.

They're being cheeky bastards there!

Iamthewombat · 05/02/2021 11:46

I had one of those. I inherited a team member whose idiot former manager had allowed her to work from home for three days a week ‘for childcare reasons’, which it soon transpired meant ‘to look after her baby and do minimal actual work’.

This was in the public sector: quelle surprise.

She clearly wasn’t working: didn’t even fake doing so by logging on and doing nothing on some days. Didn’t respond to emails during the period, didn’t deliver on time.

I soon put a stop to the ‘working’ from home. The advantage was all with the piss taking employee who got paid a full time salary for a two day week with reduced childcare costs to boot. She went whining to HR and her union etc etc but it made no difference.

You cannot perform your role adequately whilst simultaneously looking after a baby.

Iamthewombat · 05/02/2021 11:47

That was in response to @Aprilx

Flippyferloppy · 05/02/2021 11:49

Our teleworking rules explicitly indicate that you must have childcare arrangements. You cannot work and look after a baby. It's impossible.

Are you just going to ignore your baby when it cries and you're on a Teams call (I've been on some that have lasted 4 hours)? No, you're not. But if you leave your call, you're not working.

Woodandsky · 05/02/2021 11:49

Definitely ask to be put on flexible furlough until you can sort childcare. You will get 80% pay for the time you can't work and full pay for the rest. Do not give your notice and make it easy for them to get rid of you.

ktp100 · 05/02/2021 11:51

@ktp100

I would tell them you've bubbled up with a family member and they will be coming by to provide care during working hours.

They're being cheeky bastards there!

Just to say - this is the position millions of people are in at the moment, juggling childcare with work.

I do think your boss is being awfully unbending (and cheeky to demand you find a nursery place) considering how many businesses are having to allow this at present. It's not ideal but it is what it is.

I don't think wfh with a newborn is acceptable in times other than these.

Ch3rish · 05/02/2021 11:52

@B1rthis

Contact pregnant then screwed. It sounds like it's fine for every other parent working for your employer but not you. So discrimination.
It doesn't though, as far as I can see the OP says she doesn't know what arrangements the rest of the staff have for childcare.

It doesn't do working mothers any favours to kick up a fuss when the employer isn't being unreasonable. If the nature of the work doesn't fit with the unpredicatable needs of a baby then the employee is being ureasonable to expect to be paid as if they were working as normal while caring for an infant imo

SpiderinaWingMirror · 05/02/2021 12:00

I agree with others in normal circumstances.
But these are not normal circumstances.
Op had nursery booked. Nursery cancelled on her.
I think the sensible thing to do in these circs is to agree a temporary change to PT work until nursery can accommodate your needs

TitsOot4Xmas · 05/02/2021 12:01

@Dipsandcrisps

I have gone back to work (off maternity leave) this week and have been told that i cannot work from home unless I put my baby in a nursery, no nursery local to me is taking on any new children and with lockdown they have limited slots as it is. My manager has said I need to go part time (husband is home part of the week and can watch baby) as I cannot work at home if there is no one else there to watch the baby?

Aibu in thinking this would be the norm in pre-covid times and currently a lot of parents are working at home with children in their care? Obviously if we weren’t in the middle of a pandemic my baby would be in a nursery before I went back to work..

So confused with where I stand?

As a senior HR professional, no. It is common for employers to insist that suitable childcare is in place during working hours. Whilst allowances have been made for those usually using childcare not being able to/school closures, there is no expectation that this will become the norm.
BBCONEANDTWO · 05/02/2021 12:02

I'm sitting rolling my eyes here - how come people expect to be able to WFH and look after a baby - it's bloody ridiculous.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 05/02/2021 12:12

@BBCONEANDTWO

I'm sitting rolling my eyes here - how come people expect to be able to WFH and look after a baby - it's bloody ridiculous.
Maybe because everyone’s life and work is different - I managed it for a short time without issue
SoupDragon · 05/02/2021 12:13

It sounds like it's fine for every other parent working for your employer but not you.

No it doesn't. The OP clearly states that she doesn't know what their childcare arrangements are. They probably have childcare.

Whalespeak · 05/02/2021 12:13

Surely the unreasonableness depends on what your job requirements are.

I've previously worked in jobs where you could pause tasks, work flexibly (eg in the evening) etc. That would have worked with having a baby as you could make up time etc

My current job requires people to have similar working hours, available to complete tasks in a timely fashion, lengthy zooms etc. You cant dip in and out and if a baby cried you wouldn't be able to continue with the task eg complex phone calls.

In my current job it would be essential that you aren't soley responsible for a baby. Obviously where schools have been closed we have been flexible while things are closed temporarily but currently the op has no alternate arrangements (its not like she has a place at a nursery but her child is self isolating)

LH1987 · 05/02/2021 12:18

I currently have an 8 month old, am I missing something, how can anyone think this is even slightly possible? I genuinely struggle to do anything other than look after the baby during the day. Maybe she is extra needy??

Redwinestillfine · 05/02/2021 12:19

Don't change your contact op but can you ask to work reduced hours on a return to work basis?

Bollss · 05/02/2021 12:20

@BBCONEANDTWO

I'm sitting rolling my eyes here - how come people expect to be able to WFH and look after a baby - it's bloody ridiculous.
ooh i dont know, because thats what we have been expected to do for the last year?

where have you been?!

aliloandabanana · 05/02/2021 12:37

What do people think was happening in the first lockdown when nurseries were only open for keyworkers' children? Back then you could ask to be furloughed for childcare reasons - I don't know about now.

Poppins2016 · 05/02/2021 12:37

@LH1987

I currently have an 8 month old, am I missing something, how can anyone think this is even slightly possible? I genuinely struggle to do anything other than look after the baby during the day. Maybe she is extra needy??
@LH1987 don't worry, you're not missing anything. You're simply being realistic rather than using rose tinted spectacles!
WhatKatyDidNxt · 05/02/2021 12:39

You can’t meet the requirements for your job with such a small child. It’s not fair on your child or your employer. How about using annual leave or taking it unpaid leave?

Personally l am sick of having to do my own work as well as one particular colleagues. Whether she is in work or off work then nothing ever seems to get done. I genuinely don’t know what she does, ok she has a child but she just isn’t doing any work. Her calendar is always empty, mine is full to bursting. She’s made a number of mistakes that have then negatively impacted me and on others. I had a meeting booked with my manager for today as l have had enough but I’m now poleaxed with COVID so l will have to wait until l return

BBCONEANDTWO · 05/02/2021 12:40

@TrustTheGeneGenie working full-time on-site.

When my child was a baby I had to pay for child care and work part time. l the OP has been offered part time hours. I don't know what else the employer can do.

We're gonna end up with a large part of the population who never wants to go into the office again. If people are WFH they need to at least be productive - it's impossible if you're looking after a baby.

shhhbabysleeping · 05/02/2021 12:41

Where did you look for childminders? Try putting a help wanted post on childcare.co.uk. I did this when my original childcare fell through and had about 20 replies, and my girls were starting somewhere a few days later. Unless you are somewhere exceptionally remote I can’t believe there’s no childminders at all.

You absolutely cannot work properly from home with a baby. I think their suggestion of going part time is fair if you really can't find other childcare. While the evening role sounds ideal at the moment, if you do that is it going to be easy to switch back? You might not want to be stuck with those hours long term

Bollss · 05/02/2021 12:41

@aliloandabanana

What do people think was happening in the first lockdown when nurseries were only open for keyworkers' children? Back then you could ask to be furloughed for childcare reasons - I don't know about now.
you can still ask but they dont have to (i know from bitter experience)