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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What my manager said?

256 replies

Dipsandcrisps · 05/02/2021 02:27

I have gone back to work (off maternity leave) this week and have been told that i cannot work from home unless I put my baby in a nursery, no nursery local to me is taking on any new children and with lockdown they have limited slots as it is. My manager has said I need to go part time (husband is home part of the week and can watch baby) as I cannot work at home if there is no one else there to watch the baby?

Aibu in thinking this would be the norm in pre-covid times and currently a lot of parents are working at home with children in their care? Obviously if we weren’t in the middle of a pandemic my baby would be in a nursery before I went back to work..

So confused with where I stand?

OP posts:
HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 07/02/2021 17:54

Her employer can ask how she will fulfil the contractural demands of her job

RedskyBynight · 07/02/2021 18:59

Whether she can do it is irrelevant to the fact that her employer cannot ask or demand she do anything with her baby.

No, but the employer can ask that she is available for work during working hours. If OP is looking after her baby, she won' t be.

Joyfulmummyofone · 07/02/2021 19:06

I rarely come on mumsnet because I’m so often shocked and saddened by the judgements and lack of support for each other as mums.

OP I don’t think you are being unreasonable.
There are issues here about discrimination and employer flexibility in the middle of a serious pandemic. Has - for example - there been any mention that OPs husband’s pay is at risk? For he is also the baby’s parent? I bet not.

Wherever humanly possible we are instructed to be working from home. Most employers recognise that for parents this means work cannot be quite as it was in “normal times”.

How I read this post is a new mum whose childcare plans have fallen through for reasons associated with being in the middle of a serious pandemic. And she will suffer financially if she has to reduce to part time hours because childcare is TEMPORARILY unavailable.

Myself, and all of my friends, are full time working mums. None of us are working normally. We are committed to our work and making super human efforts. But It is impossible with home schooling to work the same as we did when schools were open. Because NOTHING is the same just now. This is the reality for thousands of parents.

It depends on the baby of course, but personally I would have found it much easier, with nap times etc to work alongside caring for a baby than a young school age child (particularly - as for OP - if partner home 3.30pm and 3 full days)

We are in the middle of a pandemic. Employers have to be flexible. No parent can work “the same as before” with children - whatever age they are. There are many articles written about how women parents are being discriminated against far more than dads. How homeschooling is impacting on women’s jobs and careers far more than men. That sexism prevails STILL in 2021.

Within my circle it’s a mixed bag. Some employers are incredibly understanding and flexible. Others have sexist attitudes that the mum must shoulder all childcare so the man can work. My husband’s employer has this attitude despite the fact that my job is far, far closer to “critical work” than his is.

I have a friend who is an A&E doctor. Her toddler was in a small private nursery. That nursery decided not to reopen in January. No notice - zero chance of a place anywhere else. Her husband is having to work full time at home with toddler there too. As it is critical his wife goes to work. It is impossible for him to work to the same level as normal times - obviously. His employer THANKFULLY recognises his output will not be the same as before. Thankfully no pressure on HIM to go part time or be paid less.

These are extraordinarily difficult times.

How about a bit of support for each other on here?

Why judge OP and criticise that it wouldn’t be fair on her colleagues? I imagine many of them are parents and struggling too.

OP you have my sympathy and support and I hope you navigate through this and stay on full time pay. I’m sure you are an asset to your employer and - just like myself and my friends - we are exhausted but we make it work and we’ll get through this. And working from home is all we can do to help keep numbers/risk of covid spread down.

Good luck xx

HaveringWavering · 07/02/2021 19:18

@Joyfulmummyofone it would be very interesting to know if the employer of the husband of your A&E doctor friend would be having the same allowances made for him if his wife was not a frontline doctor- if she was not a key worker but still had to work full time I wonder if they would be stricter with him and expect her job to be the one to give.

Joyfulmummyofone · 07/02/2021 19:34

@HaveringWavering
I think you're right. All too often the assumption is the woman will absorb the childcare issue.

My husband's employer has been very inflexible, expecting him to work from home "just as he did before" because I (as the woman) should pick up everything childcare related. The attitude makes my blood boil. I work in mental health, including with trauma and seeing clients after failed suicide attempts. Yes, I can do it at home and on zoom. But when in session, it is far more critical that I'm not interrupted than my husband. His work is basically administration. It's important work - everyone's is - but it's not critical. The world won't stop turning if he's delayed 10 minutes because of a child related issue at home.

But equally I have friends whose employers have been so understanding (to men and women), allowing them to work their hours when they can around essential childcare and understanding that sometimes "good enough" just has to be good enough. This restores hope!

It's tough times for everyone and I just hope we come out of this soon

Kteeb1 · 08/02/2021 15:00

I struggle to work from home and keep a bloody 12 year old occupied. That being said it's difficult times and our old ways of working have changed. I am a deputy director of HR, and would advise you to put in a formal flexible working request. That means they have to respond turnaround and you have a right of appeal. Think through your case carefully. You could state this is temporary pending childcare arrangements, and concentrate on outputs not hours m that means what you will achieve in this time. Rather than when you will achieve it. If you do your job when your child is sleeping or In evenings that's fine. Ask for a trial 6obser if it works. Good luck.

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