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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What my manager said?

256 replies

Dipsandcrisps · 05/02/2021 02:27

I have gone back to work (off maternity leave) this week and have been told that i cannot work from home unless I put my baby in a nursery, no nursery local to me is taking on any new children and with lockdown they have limited slots as it is. My manager has said I need to go part time (husband is home part of the week and can watch baby) as I cannot work at home if there is no one else there to watch the baby?

Aibu in thinking this would be the norm in pre-covid times and currently a lot of parents are working at home with children in their care? Obviously if we weren’t in the middle of a pandemic my baby would be in a nursery before I went back to work..

So confused with where I stand?

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 05/02/2021 06:44

What about hiring a mothers help?

You wouldn't need sole care as either you or your partner are in the house. If the schedule is like you say there's only very limited times when the baby is with the help.

LaurieFairyCake · 05/02/2021 06:45

There's going to be millions unemployed so I'm guessing there's someone out there available

shenanigans5 · 05/02/2021 06:47

I think it’s too long for the baby not to get any adult interaction- playtime etc. And I agree that as a line manager I wouldn’t allow this in my team.

FlatEarthling · 05/02/2021 06:47

Try contacting some local childminders too

DareIask · 05/02/2021 06:48

Never mind totally unreasonable as far as your manager is concerned, unless you are actually Wonder Woman... no

You'd be exhausted.

Original poster
Dipsandcrisps · 05/02/2021 06:48

Thank you, tbh I’m not ok and have been struggling to sleep (as you can see from my early morning posting) I’m actually scared about money a lot but I can’t panic and my partner feels shit as it is about his job and is looking for work constantly, we might have to see what we are entitled to if I drop my hours but I’m scared to take UC for them to demand it back later.

I feel like this will sound dramatic but I can’t believe this is happening we were always ok money wise and now I feel like it’s all sinking. I will call the manager tomorrow and pray she still needs people.

OP posts:
Tumbleweed101 · 05/02/2021 06:48

Babies get more demanding of time and attention, she’ll also need you to talk to her as much as you can to develop the language skills she needs and she will be wanting out of the playpen as soon as she can crawl - probably telling you very vocally too! That is the reality of a baby between now and 18mths. After that your hitting toddlerhood 😮. Do you have any one you can ask for help on those two days? Other family or friends you could ‘bubble’ with?

Hyppogriff · 05/02/2021 06:52

Yes sorry as others have said it is not unreasonable For your manager to expect you to be 100 percent available when you are working. Working from home still means working and you won’t really be able to give this your all with a baby. Can you look into w childminder for those days?

luckyrabbits · 05/02/2021 06:53

It has always been our company policy that you can't work from home and be main carer for a child at the same time. It does make sense you can't do both and would also be a risk to you child if you tried especially with them being so young.

Obviously lots of people are WFH at the moment with children at home, but there is lots of juggling going on. In my opinion it really isn't feasible to try and look after a baby/toddler/pre-schooler and work, would be horrible for everyone, especially your child.

Original poster
Dipsandcrisps · 05/02/2021 06:53

Sorry I didn’t address the childminder and bubble questions, there’s no childminder locally or nanny that are working, there is 1 that I found but she’s over an hours drive and wants the baby to be dropped off there that would be 6 hours travel a day to drop baby then back to work, then to pick baby and back home, I find that unmanageable. We haven’t bubbled with anyone as both families are vulnerable, there’s my brother and sil but they are not following guidelines and I don’t want the baby to stay with them.

OP posts:
NeilBuchananisBanksy · 05/02/2021 06:54

I'd ask what covid procedures they have put in place for staff before I hand my notice in, go part time. You can't be the only member of staff to have been affected.

Do you need to work core hours? Working early morning and evenings after your partner home home could work. Could you do longer days on the 3 days he has your child to get your hours up?

I'd be proactive and come up with a couple of flexible working options for your manager to consider. Could you ask to work the 3 days in your main post and then the rest of your hours in the other evening working position?

Marley20 · 05/02/2021 07:00

I don't mean to sound harsh but you're contracted to work a certain number of hours a week and you should be working at that time, the company is not paying you to look after a child. You cannot do both at the same time. Your manager has tried to help by asking you to work part time, this sounds reasonable.

Another option may be to ask for flexible hours. She's happy for you to work from home when your husband is there so could you do the extra hours from home in the evening's and weekends?

FredaFox · 05/02/2021 07:01

My mum did nights when I was a baby while my dad worked days, they had to do it for the money, it was a time when there were a lot of strikes in the 70s. My dad hated her working nights but it was the best thing for them financially at the time
It wasn’t forever and I didn’t even know!

Ch3rish · 05/02/2021 07:06

The experience of friends who WFH well before covid was that they had to have childcare, their employers wouldn't allow them to have the baby solely at home with them and I think that's reasonable

Some used nurseies others had usually a family member in the house with them, ot so easy atm but I'm sure it will come back.

TheDinosaurTrain · 05/02/2021 07:08

Why don’t you ask to be flexi furloughed for the 2 days? Then you would get 80%

I know it seems feasible now, but realistically your baby will be mobile very soon and that is a game changer in terms of supervision and safety

devildeepbluesea · 05/02/2021 07:16

How long until the nursery can accommodate your baby? Would it be possible for you to take annual leave for the 2 days per week until you can use the nursery?

devildeepbluesea · 05/02/2021 07:17

@TheDinosaurTrain

Why don’t you ask to be flexi furloughed for the 2 days? Then you would get 80%

I know it seems feasible now, but realistically your baby will be mobile very soon and that is a game changer in terms of supervision and safety

And this is a great idea.
Frazzlefrazle · 05/02/2021 07:17

Would it make sense money wise for you to work full time and your partner look after the baby?

Are you expected to be on calls/zoom ?

I mean part of me would just say its all sorted and do your best until nursery opens again. Good luck x

Worried830410 · 05/02/2021 07:22

I feel for you op. Its not like you didn't have a plan in place, the nursery let you down at the last minute. I think instead of going PT and stressing more about money, do the nights for just a little bit till you find a place at a nursery . It is very difficult trying to wfh with a baby at that age. And you don't want to mess up at work or feel guilty about the baby. Maybe try the night shift and see how that goes.

letsmakethetea · 05/02/2021 07:28

That's so strange! Most people are doing childcare whilst working from home at the moment. Your schedule sounds like it would be relatively easy to do - baby sleeps until 11 on the two days you need to do childcare and your husband is home mid-afternoon! Full time baby and work wouldn't be do-able, but with your schedule it should be fine. I wonder if your manager is insisting other parents, or dads, go part time.

letsmakethetea · 05/02/2021 07:30

You could get a home help or babysitter in from 11-3 on the two days your husband is at work, tell the manager it's sorted, and carry on. Don't go part time if you don't want to.

catfeets · 05/02/2021 07:31

I have a similar situation and I take leave for the days my partner is working. He works days and nights with roughly 2 day shifts per week being during my working week. My DP also takes some of his day shifts as leave so that it's not all on me to cover him.
The original plan was for me to look after the baby (11mths) while working and just work longer days to cover the time I was busy with the baby. Well it turned out to be impossible. She just won't leave me alone when I'm trying to work. The older she gets, the more havoc she causes. I think you'd be surprised how much of your working day would be taken up with looking after the baby.

I'd do whatever you can at the moment to get the best 'deal' from your employer. The current situation won't last forever so you can change your hours then.

StealthPolarBear · 05/02/2021 07:33

Am I right in thinking you work full time and dh works two days? Could he give up work instead as presumably you're tge higher earner?
Or if he's wfh on the three days he's not out, what flexibility could his work give him?

Yummymummy2020 · 05/02/2021 07:36

Op I can share my experience. I am working from home as currently pregnant and high risk. My baby is just going 13 months. It is doable depending on the baby and of course the work you are doing. My baby naps for two hours in my work day, so that frees up time. My partner is working from home too so that does help a lot though. It is hard and EVERYTHING has to be left ready the night before but you have to do what you have to do. My job is just admin work so I am able to get a good amount done and chat with baby read books in between ect and changing nappies. These are exceptional circumstances and not something I would normally chose to do, but for a balanced view in our case it is working great. My advice would be to try it, your employer should give you a chance to!

frenchtoast88 · 05/02/2021 07:41

Hey OP, solidarity! I returned to work last July and nurseries were still closed although due to reopen in August. I planned to go back part time anyway and had various things set up (2x grannies plus one day of nursery) to cover it all and it was really rammed down my throat that I needed to have childcare in place for every single working hour. Understandable except that my mat cover had a toddler herself who hadn't been in nursery since the lockdown began and was getting by fine. I was "allowed" to make up hours in the evenings/weekend for that first month until the nursery reopened. It was the assumption that I would be trying to scam someone somewhere by not arranging childcare that really bothered me. As if I found working with one eye on a baby and one eye on my work a fun task! I also felt like I was being treated differently to people who had worked from the beginning of the first lockdown.

Fortunately this time around they have been more accommodating and have offered flexi furlough for half my hours while nursery is closed and this is manageable with DH's schedule. Would they be willing to consider something like this for you? 80% of 2 days pay would work out as not very much of a reduction in income for you.

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