What my manager said?

[Dipsandcrisps]

I have gone back to work (off maternity leave) this week and have been told that i cannot work from home unless I put my baby in a nursery, no nursery local to me is taking on any new children and with lockdown they have limited slots as it is. My manager has said I need to go part time (husband is home part of the week and can watch baby) as I cannot work at home if there is no one else there to watch the baby?

Aibu in thinking this would be the norm in pre-covid times and currently a lot of parents are working at home with children in their care? Obviously if we weren’t in the middle of a pandemic my baby would be in a nursery before I went back to work..

So confused with where I stand?

Are others working from home? Is your manager telling you ro work pt as opposed to full time?

Yes others are working from home and I know some are mums I don’t know what their childcare arrangements are as I have just gone back in. I was advised I cannot meet do my job whilst caring for a baby, but I feel it would be manageable two days a week as the other three days my partner would be home to help.

Are you wanting to work from home and care for baby? I don’t see how that going to work? Who is looking after baby whilst you work? There is a vast difference between struggling to home school and work from home at same time to caring for infants and working from home. I have a 10 month old and due to return to work soon which possibly will still be from home. DS will be going to nursery which I organised at 28 weeks pregnant as I know I cannot work and care for him at same time. Unless I’ve got it wrong somewhere I think YABU

Sorry just seen update. On those two days who is looking after baby whilst you are working? Are you in a role that you can work a full days bc work without the conventional hours eg when baby is sleeping? Otherwise how are you doing to safely leave him whilst working?

Sorry but I agree with her, it's impossible go WFH effectively whilst looking after a baby, something is going to slip, and it's not going to be the care you give your baby.

Imagine when offices reopen, you surely won't expect to take your baby to work?

I'd try to negotiate part time until you can sort out childcare, then a return to ft (if that's what you want).

Yabu if you only just started looking for a nursery place. I have two friends who have returned from mat this month and their babies are full time in nursery (with settling in sessions arranged during this lockdown, and they toured the nurseries after first lockdown), so it is definitely to get childcare in place possible if you are organised.

With my first baby I looked for nurseries when he was 1 month old - that was too late to get my first choice nursery so had to use another nursery until a place opened up. With my second child I put his name on the nursery waiting list when I was 12 weeks pregnant.

If you don’t want to go part time, you will need to find a childminders or nanny ASAP as there is no way you can safely work and watch a toddler at home.

There’s a reason early years childcare has stayed open during this lockdown as it’s impossible to work with toddlers and preschoolers at home. If your baby is very young and not mobile (I.e 5 months) it might be possible but not if your child is already crawling.

I think your employer is being very reasonable offering you to go part time.

I don’t think you can expect to work and look after a baby at the same time
And more to the point your employers don’t agree to you doing so
Was there something that made you think they would
You need to go part time until you can arrange childcare
Could you use accrued holiday to cover some days

I don’t see how it’s her business, you don’t need to disclose your childcare provider as long as your work doesn’t suffer. Have you put your child on the waiting list for a place?

FYI I went back half a day less a wk after mat leave wfh. So the baby only had a couple of hours (aside from the nap) where she was playing “alone” yet supervised and I clocked off at 12.

Yabu if you only just started looking for a nursery place. I have two friends who have returned from mat this month and their babies are full time in nursery (with settling in sessions arranged during this lockdown, and they toured the nurseries after first lockdown), so it is definitely to get childcare in place possible if you are organised.

That may be the case for your friends but you have no idea where the OP lives and what sort of childcare provision there is, how many nurseries there are and whether they are taking new children or not. She has stated that none of her local nurseries are taking on new children currently, so what's the point in insisting that they must be?

In normal times of course you'd have to sort out childcare but these are far from normal times. Most of the childminders in my area haven't worked at all for the past year, so it may not be as easy as 'just get a childminder' either.

I don't see a problem with it, personally, but think it depends on the job and age of the baby.

I work part-time already (not a result of the pandemic), son is in nursery for half my working week and at home with me for the other half. Went back when he was 13 months, but I can keep an eye on him and it's quite flexible. Plus he's old enough to play by himself (albeit in the same room so I know he's safe). I'll be on mat leave again soon so it wasn't going to be a long term arrangement either. He'll be in nursery every working day when I return to work if we're not wfh at all by that point.

I don't think they can force part-time on you, although I'm not completely sure. I'd speak to your union, if you're a member, or maybe citizens advice.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

I don’t see how it’s her business, you don’t need to disclose your childcare provider as long as your work doesn’t suffer. Have you put your child on the waiting list for a place?

FYI I went back half a day less a wk after mat leave wfh. So the baby only had a couple of hours (aside from the nap) where she was playing “alone” yet supervised and I clocked off at 12.

Of course it is her business! The manager is entitled to expect full attention on the job and this cannot be done alongside caring for such a young child. Work will suffer, how can it not.

No sensible employer would accept working at home whilst simultaneously caring for an infant.

So basically you want to work for 3 days per week but be paid for 5 days per week, as you won’t get much work done on the other 2 days?

Hello all, sorry I was asleep I just woke up to use the bathroom and came on for a sneak peek on the answers,

I will try to answer all the questions. I should have given a more detailed OP but was a little tired at the time and should have probably made this post during the day.

Whilst I was pregnant and due to give birth I did sign up my baby for a local nursery that came recommended, during the pandemic I received a call from them to ask if I still wanted the place and I told them I do. In November I reached out to them to arrange some settling in sessions in January and they agreed. Then lockdown happened and they have had a few workers that have left so their capacity changed (it’s not a very big nursery) toward the end of December i rang to ask them if I can arrange the settling in sessions and they said they can no longer accommodate my baby as they were at capacity. I then rang the 5 other nurseries in my area and they said the same i put my name down at each of the nurseries on the waiting lists.

Now to give context to the week my partners job has been affected due to covid and he is at hone 3 days of the week (not working) and the other two he has to be in the office ( cannot WFH) these two days are the ones I would like to work from home as if I went part time we would struggle massively. My nursery fees for 8-10 days a month would only amount to between £320-£400 but if I worked 3 day weeks I would be losing out over £1000 a month.

My baby is 9 months old and she is not mobile and plays quite happily in her play pen on the floor and watches baby tv for 1 hour of the day. My husbands working hours are 7-3 and he is usually home for 3.15 (his work place is a 15 minute walk from our house).

My baby’s routine during the day is (it’s a late routine and that’s due to us following her natural pattern of sleep we were wanting to change this routine but as she’s not in nursery we haven’t).

She sleeps from 11pm to 11am, I start work at 8.30 I could log on and then take half an hour break when she wakes and get her fed and changed then I could sit in the same room as her while she plays or watches tv in her play pen, she has a nap at 1.30 for two hours I would take another break at 1pm to settle her to sleep (we get 1 hour for lunch) then by the time baby wakes my partner would be home and take over until i finished probably taking the baby for a walk or to the playground.

I am not wanting this to be a long term solution just until lockdown lifts or the nursery staff manage to recruit a worker. I know my baby will grow and her routine will change and I’m willing to work late if I don’t get enough done during the day, I just feel I’m being made (by my manager) to feel like I have to go part time. I’m confused as to where i stand and I will speak to HR in non-covid times my baby would have been in nursery before I went back to work but that’s not been possible but why is it normal logic is being applied to a not normal situation.

My manager can see when I am online and offline and I don’t plan on taking the piss at all I take pride in working hard for my money and I actually enjoy my job but I feel backed into a corner and wanted to check my options .

How long ago had you started looking at nurseries? Had you kept your workplace fully informed that you couldn't find a nursery? I don't see how you can work and have some care of a baby- there is no way both can have your focus. What had your childcare arrangements supposed to have been?

You can't work from home and look after a baby. It's not fair on the rest of your team and your manager because despite what you say, your baby WILL take up a lot of your time, focus and attention. (And rightly so.)

I agree with your manager, what you're suggesting is really cheeky.

Of course it is her business! The manager is entitled to expect full attention on the job and this cannot be done alongside caring for such a young child. Work will suffer, how can it not it’s her business if the work suffers, you don’t have the right to ask specifically about childcare.

The daily routine and everything else is irrelevant.
Your workplace is perfectly within their rights to say, no, your job can't be done efficiently with a baby present. You say you're already back at work so presumably it's been noticed that it's not a feasible option.
Childminder until you find a nursery place?

Whatever people here think really doesn't matter,its what your employer thinks that matters,

Based on your update I can see it would be doable if your manager allowed you to be flexible with the hours as long as you’re putting enough hours in. I’d make a flexible working request to do 3 longer days on the days your DH is home, say 10 hour days and then the remaining hours split over the time your DH is home. At the current stage your baby is in then it might be doable when she’s up and awake but soon she’ll be crawling, pulling herself up, being clingy with you and it won’t be possible to work.

Can’t you just tell your manager you have childcare sorted and continue to work full time? :)

Can’t you just tell your manager you have childcare sorted and continue to work full time? smile
Good idea if you want to get sacked for gross misconduct

YABU - Sorry to tell you OP but youre counting on how your routine is right now - at 9 months she is likely to change her Nap schedule and will be awake for Much longer so you can’t count on How things are now. Similarly her being non mobile, she will soon be crawling/walking and into everything (it’s the worst time and you don’t get to sit for a moment) It will be impossible to work for more than 30 minutes at a time outside of her sleeping or your Being partner home.

I’m not saying this to be mean, my DS nursery closed for 10 days due to a case recently, i have a very flexible boss but it was hell on Earth. I was up at 5 working until he woke then worked during his ONE nap in the day and then again at night when he was sleeping before going to bed myself. I was so stressed as felt like I wasn’t able to give my all to either work or DS. #momguilt

Options are;

you set out your working hours to your boss so it’s more flexible and your not trying to work/parent at once

You request Temporary flexible working So that you work the 3 days your partners home and possibly the weekend too?

You take AL and spend the next two weeks finding appropriate childcare

As a side note; as you are eventually planning to go down the childcare route you need to start to change DD sleep routine so that she goes to bed much earlier and awake at 7am asap

I am on unpaid leave since yesterday and go back on Monday, I haven’t had a chance to test it out so far to see how it would It would work. It seems I am being unreasonable I think I’m going to have start looking into doing the duty role in the evening (same job) I will ring the manager for that team tomorrow and see if she still has a vacancy ( it’s a role not many like doing and tbh it wouldn’t be my first choice either as shift work is so hard for families) but I know I would be quite lucky to be able to do that role if they still have vacancies and we need 1 full wage to survive. If the manager is still as happy to have me as the last time I checked last year then I will hand my 6 week notice in and go part time in the mean time.

Thanks for the response I feel maybe i have been out of the loop for a while and all I kept hearing from friends was the company should be accommodating when I told them my nursery place has fallen through. (maybe it was naive to believe this but tbh I haven’t been in this situation before) .

But the majority are saying I am being unreasonable and I can see the reasoning but I think I’m just a bit emotional due to our financial situation and having a not great start back at work. Thanks for the replies I appreciate it.

Gently OP, you can’t look after a baby and work. I have my DC at home some days over the school hols while I work, but they’re tweens and self-sufficient. A baby isn’t.

Do you have someone in your bubble who can help out for a while?

Cross-posted - hope you are OK. Totally get you are worried about the financial side of it. I hope you can get the evening shift.