Husband’s sister-in-law and job

[SweetSouberry]

My husband’s brother is in a relationship with a very successful woman. They are due to be married but obviously now the wedding is up in the air.
She is in a position to put some work in my husband’s, her future brother-in-law’s way but she has refused as she said she would find it awkward if things went wrong.
We could genuinely do with the money.
Am I right to be pissed off?

Oh god I remember you.
With the greatest of respect,please stop thinking about this woman and live your life.

You've gone on a lot about her how she's unfair to your mil ,unfair to one of your sons..and now shes being unfair to your husband.

Jealousy doesn't look good on anyone and its very difficult to disguise...

Never mix biz and family, also be very careful about mixing biz and friends, it very very rarely ends well.

Sounds like she is a good catch for your brother in that she understand this and is already looking to protect his relationship with your guys.

Oh blimey OP , yes a very bad idea given your issues with her.

YABU. My DH has never helped his DB with work because it would only come back to bite him

So from wanting to know how she got her money to wanting her money in less than a year time. Yeah, I wonder why she’s keeping you at arm’s length

@Jsnn

I think its a little more complicated than just don't mix business and family.

Basically everyone globally mixes business and family except for some reason middle and working class in western countries (mostly white). They seem to favour meritocracy but they are the only people globally that do (please feel free to correct me if you know of another group that's like that)

So I understand why if you fall into this category it can seem unfair when you see other groups of people who are given work/money/opportunities simply because they are a member of a certain community or family ties.

But this is just how it is. You shouldn't be mad at your soon to be SIL. She is playing by the rules in western society.

I agree wit this. MN reflects a very niche ( in world terms) white western middle class view of how money , business, and family interact. In almost all of the rest of the non white, non protestant working world, money and family are inextricably linked. It does cause arguments and problems of course but it also provides financial help and support to family members that would otherwise not have it available to them .

As I've said so often in the past , British people are weird and uptight about money but they make up for it in many many ways

So YANBU to be annoyed but YABU to say anything or to hold it against your SIL, she is just living by her white, western values with regards to money and family.

YABVU.
I believe in never mix family and work. She's absolutely right in not doing this. It might be difficult for you, but she shouldn't show favouritism at work, or let your DH have this work, because you are a family now.

@bumblingbovine49 - it’s one cultural norm I think we have right. My DP is from another European country well known for nepotism. He couldn’t find employment in his field (engineering) or other skilled areas after graduation. Several friends managed to secure very good graduate jobs in his area and other skilled fields despite having often irrelevant or poor qualifications. The difference was that his friends’ parents ‘knew people’ or were related to them, whereas his dad worked in a factory and his mum cleaned houses and therefore did not.

Then there is his friend who works in a bank because his mother worked there. There is actually a scheme allowing these jobs essentially to be inherited. You have to pass an interview, but apparently you’d have to be pretty bad to fail it.

I’ll stick with the cultural norm of not having (as much) nepotism, thanks.

She's got the measure of you OP

You need to stop thinking about this woman and concentrate on living your own life. Honestly comparison is the theif of joy and all that.

i wouldnt be surprised if she calls off the wedding at this rate

Honestly OP you need to give it a rest, you just sound bonkers.

OP hasn’t been on this thread for a couple of days - she clearly isn’t coming back. She has also conceded that she’s in the wrong. What’s the point of the rest of you continuing to pile on?

DH must be good at what he does as his business partner is his ex boss.

SIL did the right thing ... and it sounds like he doesn't really need the work from SIL either...

Win/Win