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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband’s sister-in-law and job

189 replies

SweetSouberry · 04/02/2021 15:24

My husband’s brother is in a relationship with a very successful woman. They are due to be married but obviously now the wedding is up in the air.
She is in a position to put some work in my husband’s, her future brother-in-law’s way but she has refused as she said she would find it awkward if things went wrong.
We could genuinely do with the money.
Am I right to be pissed off?

OP posts:

Eve · 04/02/2021 16:31

...I would be fired if I did that in my company! not following due procurement is gross misconduct.

ZenNudist · 04/02/2021 16:32

YABU

Puzzledandpissedoff · 04/02/2021 16:33

For me it would depend on what it involves; for instance, a one off thing of her buying something you produce yes - actual involvement in the company definitely not

As many business owners know, the potential for problems if it goes wrong is just too great

LaceyBetty · 04/02/2021 16:34

YABU. It is already causing issues and it hasn't even happened. She's right.

Howshouldibehave · 04/02/2021 16:34

You are expecting her do something to suit you, and you’re pissed off because she hasn’t. I think that is extremely entitled.

Ideasplease322 · 04/02/2021 16:35

Could he not bid for the work like everyone else?

SATSmadness · 04/02/2021 16:35

IMHO , she's very successful (I'm assuming that you meant in her career) for a reason and sticking by rules, however awkward, such as not mixing family with business, is probably indicative of why she has been successful to date.

It sucks when your dh could do with the money at this point in time, but it's probably for the best in the long run.

Blackdog19 · 04/02/2021 16:35

It’s the fact that you’re cross already. What if there was issues with the work done, therefore issues with completing requirements and so issues with payment. I can’t imagine you’d take it calmly!

BlueCatRedCat · 04/02/2021 16:35

@Puzzledandpissedoff

For me it would depend on what it involves; for instance, a one off thing of her buying something you produce yes - actual involvement in the company definitely not

As many business owners know, the potential for problems if it goes wrong is just too great

Why? Why can't a business person refuse a service or product they are not interested in?

KatyClaire · 04/02/2021 16:37

I don’t think you have a right to be pissed off. Many people are wary of mixing business with family, often for good reason. She’s likely trying to preserve both her business and familial relationships. That’s her right, and imo is sensible.

Chewbecca · 04/02/2021 16:37

YABU but you’re not wrong to think that an awful lot of people DO give work to friends and family members so I can see why you might think / hope that she would.

Is she a company owner or does she work for a bigger company? My workplace strictly forbids this sort of nepotism so that could be the reason.

ErickBroch · 04/02/2021 16:37

YABU - I completely understand her thought process. Mixing family and business can be a disaster and cause awful rifts.

SpiderGwen · 04/02/2021 16:38

She’s very wise. Family and business relationships can be a nightmare when mingled.

TinyCake · 04/02/2021 16:38

Aside from it being up to her if she feels comfortable putting work your husband's way it might also be a paperwork headache if she has to declare a conflict of interest. Also depending what industry she is in it might create bad feeling should word get out in the office.

Hollyhocksarenotmessy · 04/02/2021 16:39

She probably has lots of direct family and friends who would like a job, but she hasn't employed them either. It's a very wise business decision. It's nothing personal against your husband.

user1467048527 · 04/02/2021 16:40

@Eve

...I would be fired if I did that in my company! not following due procurement is gross misconduct.

Exactly what I was thinking. Quite apart from the very sensible points made about the negative impact for everyone if things go wrong, this would be a serious compliance breach in any large organisation. If ‘very successful’ means she’s a senior employee in a big company, she could end up being sacked if she ‘puts work his way.’

A previous poster mentions that this kind of thing tends to happen more in some other cultures. Yes - it often goes hand in hand with corruption!

Buntysbosom · 04/02/2021 16:40

Am I right to be pissed off?

No.

BashfulClam · 04/02/2021 16:42

YABU she is totally right.

HoneyComb11 · 04/02/2021 16:42

I know of a lady who was working for her brother and eventually they fell out over something quite trivial and hadn’t spoken for over a year (this was before the pandemic, I’m not sure if they talk now!) So I think mixing family and work is not ideal. I can see your frustration but I think she’s making a wise choice.

fassbendersmistress · 04/02/2021 16:43

Depending on the industry, and if she works for herself or for a firm, it could present conflicts for her that she might not want to introduce.

Also, perhaps there are other contenders that are more experienced? Or cheaper?

Maybe worried about being accused of nepotism by co workers?

Maybe the appt is not in the best interests of her clients, who she needs to put first?

Could be anything but not really your business and v likely not personal. Don’t allow this to change your relationship with her.

NovemberR · 04/02/2021 16:45

I think it's sensible and something most people would do.

If she works for a company she can't put work in the way of 'mates' or 'family'. If it is her own business she is very wise to employ strangers on a professional basis that she can keep business like and detached from.

Anybody contracting work out needs the ability to take legal action against a sub-contractor/workman if the work is not completed on time or is below par. That becomes very difficult if it's a family member.

lioncitygirl · 04/02/2021 16:46

Ha - she’s being sensible.

EachBleachBlairTrump · 04/02/2021 16:46

I have really enjoyed that this thread appeared directly above the one complaining about nepotism

Puzzledandpissedoff · 04/02/2021 16:48

Why can't a business person refuse a service or product they are not interested in?

They can of course - I was just suggesting that a one-off thing can hold less potential for problems than an ongoing involvement (though even that could go badly wrong)

As PPs have said, it's the obvious expectation and the annoyance that it's not been met which is the red flag; maybe the future SIL saw that coming and it formed part of her decision

purpledagger · 04/02/2021 16:57

I don't blame your future SIL for not wanting to mix business with pleasure. The fact that you are seemingly annoyed is enough of a reason as it isn't the response of someone who can accept the difference.

It's crap, when you need the money. I get that. But this is the way business operates.

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