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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband’s sister-in-law and job

189 replies

SweetSouberry · 04/02/2021 15:24

My husband’s brother is in a relationship with a very successful woman. They are due to be married but obviously now the wedding is up in the air.
She is in a position to put some work in my husband’s, her future brother-in-law’s way but she has refused as she said she would find it awkward if things went wrong.
We could genuinely do with the money.
Am I right to be pissed off?

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 04/02/2021 19:21

Looking at the other threads you do mention your new sister in law a lot. Clearly her property is her business and she will do things professionally and not giving jobs to in-laws. This is the right decision.

I get you need the money but she’s doing the right thing.

I quite like the sound of her. She clearly doesn’t play into any drama and gets on with her life. Hats off to her. She seems to have mastered adulting.

You seem to be very focused on her, what she does, what she has, what her wedding will be like and it does look like you’re looking for fault and drama as you’re envious.

Bonnieonthelam · 04/02/2021 19:23

@SweetSouberry

My husband’s brother is in a relationship with a very successful woman. They are due to be married but obviously now the wedding is up in the air. She is in a position to put some work in my husband’s, her future brother-in-law’s way but she has refused as she said she would find it awkward if things went wrong. We could genuinely do with the money. Am I right to be pissed off?
She is right and you sound very entitled. His employment is none of her concern. And what an awful position to put his brother in. I put your energy into finding him a job that he can get without nepotism.
QuothTheSlothNevermore · 04/02/2021 19:58

Yup, also think that's a recipe for disaster. What if your husband does a bad job and she gets it in the neck?

Also - she hasn't even married your brother-in-law yet, and you're already angry with her. Sounds like you have issues around this woman, I would give your head a wobble and back off.

AliceMcK · 04/02/2021 20:06

No, don’t mix business and family.

I was once in a very awkward position, my DB put me in touch with a friend who was hiring in my field, I got the job, it was horrible everything about the place went against everything I stood for. Because the owner was my brothers friend and also put a lot of work my brothers way who was self employed I was in a very difficult position as any other company I’d have walked out of or reported them to the relevant regulators.

Gilly12345 · 04/02/2021 20:10

I wouldn’t mix family and work/business, I know so many people who things have ended badly for.

We are all responsible for our own work/jobs/fortune.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 04/02/2021 20:11

I own my own business and have tried working with family before and it just doesn't end up working well for whatever reason. I'd never work with family again - maybe she's had this experience before?

Daphnise · 04/02/2021 20:13

She is quite right- and you should appreciate that.

Pinksmyfavoritecolour · 04/02/2021 20:15

Never Mix business with pleasure used to be a saying, and it’s right, anytime we have done work for friends and family it’s so much more stressful, my heart sinks if we get asked by any family or friends. They always want it quicker or cheaper or for free, or both.

silverbubbles · 04/02/2021 20:16

The alarm bells are even ringing in my ears. She is doing the right thing I'm afraid.

Livelovebehappy · 04/02/2021 20:25

My DH is self employed and will not do work for family or friends, unless on the odd occasion he does it for free. This is because he did some work on a friend’s house a few years ago, and she complained afterwards behind his back that he didn’t do full days, completely missing the fact he priced for the job, not for a daily rate. The fallout from that was awful. We haven’t spoken since.

GoudaGirl · 04/02/2021 20:26

yes she is right- as someone else said they way you responded is a red flag enough to prove she is right.

CrystalMaisie · 04/02/2021 20:27

And yet everyone is keen to use family members if they get it for free (hair, nails, builders, electricians).

I’m with you op, it’s tough times and family and friends supporting each other through it how best they can would be nice.

Beautiful3 · 04/02/2021 20:28

I tried to give my brother a paid job, when he lost his income as a carpenter. I offered to pay proper rates, to box in my boiler. He massively took liberties. He asked my husband who is not handy, to collect the resources AND build the frame?! My brother wanted to come and JUST fit the door on and claim the whole amount for a full days work!!!! Wtf?!?! Get out if my house CF...never again will I mix business with family again. You give an inch, they take a mile!

Toorapid · 04/02/2021 20:31

I think she's absolutely right to be wary and judging by your response to that decision, she's doubly right.

mrbensbaker · 04/02/2021 20:36

It depends what the work is. Repainting their lounge, fine. Being a consultant for an important client/££££ contract is not fine, the chances of fall out are too high.

Italiangreyhound · 04/02/2021 20:39

YABU, she is right not to want to use someone just because his partner is related to them. In some companies they need to put in a tender etc or may need to say why they choose a company for a specific job.

TillyTopper · 04/02/2021 20:52

I know it's hard, but I think she is right. A lot can go wrong when you mix family and business. Sorry you are struggling though.

ChocolateSantaisthebestkind · 04/02/2021 20:53

YABU You are clearly seethingly jealous and grabby! Hmm

BlueCatRedCat · 04/02/2021 20:57

@SweetSouberry

Ok I get it! Honestly! She has her own business and DH is a tradesman. It was actually his brother that gave him the heads up. DH must be good at what he does as his business partner is his ex boss. Thank you to those mentioning other posts. I didn’t realise I was obsessed by her. I won’t post again about her.
You BIL had no right to give your DH a "heads up" relating to a business he does not own. Does he understand that his soon to be wife is not interested in mixing family and her business interests? Honestly, another big red flag. I would be very wary about marrying into your family and having to deal with this sort of nonsense, never mind the potential to lose her half of her hard worked for business to your BIL should they ever split.
CJsGoldfish · 04/02/2021 21:05

Your SIL is absolutely right and even more so considering your obsession with her. No way she can't sense that from you.

For the sake of family harmony, you need to deal with your jealousy and weird obsession.

ChocolateSantaisthebestkind · 04/02/2021 21:06

Also, OP, did you mean to insinuate that your future SIL is successful to the detriment of you or others being successful or that success just fell into her lap? That's how your post sounds. Successful people do not rob others of the chance to be successful you know, they are just able to read a situation and work hard to capitalise on it through hard work. She doesn't owe you anything. My family has had to put up with snide people like you for decades, just because my parents saw an opportunity and made a very successful business. They can spot jealousy and bitterness a mile off and run away. They do however donate a fortune every year to charity and no one knows about it. They would give the shirt of their backs to people who needed it and yet people think they success came from being hard nosed and selfish. I pity people who think like you seem to, truly. Life must be very hard work.

Therealjudgejudy · 04/02/2021 21:12

Yabu. Also, you seem weirdly obsessed with this woman. You really need to sort that out...Hmm

Ideasplease322 · 04/02/2021 22:32

Sometime people really don’t like it when women are successful.

It is okay for men to be wealthy and Successful , but both men and women can hate to see a woman enjoying the same success.

I think you are jealous and will find fault in everything this woman does.

Boopeedoop · 04/02/2021 22:37

She's in the right. Recently used a company for some work. I've known the owner and also the manager for 25 years. It's been a disaster.

Relations ruined.

LavenderHills · 04/02/2021 23:43

It's good that you've decided not to post about your SIL anymore, OP, but maybe you should think about talking to a Counsellor or psychologist in real life about your fixation with her? It seems like it's making you quite unhappy, and it would be good to be able to resolve those feelings and move on in a healthier way.