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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband’s sister-in-law and job

189 replies

SweetSouberry · 04/02/2021 15:24

My husband’s brother is in a relationship with a very successful woman. They are due to be married but obviously now the wedding is up in the air.
She is in a position to put some work in my husband’s, her future brother-in-law’s way but she has refused as she said she would find it awkward if things went wrong.
We could genuinely do with the money.
Am I right to be pissed off?

OP posts:
hannayeah · 04/02/2021 17:01

How did you find out about the work?

Ginfordinner · 04/02/2021 17:06

Try and look at it in a positive light. She clearly doesn't want to jeopardise the relationship she has with her future in-laws.

NoSquirrels · 04/02/2021 17:11

@SweetSouberry

My husband’s brother is in a relationship with a very successful woman. They are due to be married but obviously now the wedding is up in the air. She is in a position to put some work in my husband’s, her future brother-in-law’s way but she has refused as she said she would find it awkward if things went wrong. We could genuinely do with the money. Am I right to be pissed off?
YABU to pissed off.

Disappointed, sure. But pissed off is not fair.

And it all depends on what it is, as well. If your DH is a decorator and she's employing someone else to paint her front room instead of your DH - OK, I might be a bit annoyed. But if your DH is an IT contractor and she's responsible for resourcing a long and expensive project on behalf of the company, it's totally fair to say she's not comfortable with bypassing due process.

More context is needed really, but on your basic "AIBU to be pissed off" then I think yes, YABU.

Chloemol · 04/02/2021 17:15

I agree with her, don’t mix business within families if at all possible

saraclara · 04/02/2021 17:16

@Ginfordinner

Try and look at it in a positive light. She clearly doesn't want to jeopardise the relationship she has with her future in-laws.
Exactly what I was about to post. It's one thing for a sibling to put work their DB's way. But for someone joining the family (when we all know how in-law relationships can sour) the risk is massive.

Sorry OP, she's doing the right thing for all your sakes.

rawalpindithelabrador · 04/02/2021 17:21

YABVU! You still don't get how bloody entitled and grabby and CFer this is, no wonder she doesn't want to touch you with a 10-foot barge pole. My DH runs his own business and it's been his lifelong policy never to mix business with friends or family. It's served us well for 20 years now.

VettiyaIruken · 04/02/2021 17:22

I'm sorry you're struggling and I hope your situation improves but yes, she's right.
Look at you now. You're angry because you feel she should help you. That you're entitled to her help. Imagine if things didn't work out.

I don't blame her for not even getting into it.

user234987653 · 04/02/2021 17:23

One of my brothers did a bath and shower installation for our cousin.
Thereafter, every drop of water that appeared in the wrong place in her plumbing system anywhere in her house illicited a phone call demanding he come round and fix it for free.

I didn't learn from that and have done work for family members where I ended up paying more money into the project than they did.

Don't mix business and family.

VodselForDinner · 04/02/2021 17:29

I’ve just read your other threads relating to your BIL and his fiancée, and now I think you’re utterly insane.

And jealous.

Gazelda · 04/02/2021 17:37

@SweetSouberry

Ok! I get it that you all agree with her. I have reread my OP a couple of times and I don’t see how it comes across as entitled but hey never mind. Thank you.
It comes across as you being entitled because you clearly think she should pass work your husband's way purely because they are related. That is entitled.

She has made a business decision. You've taken it personally.

Petronius16 · 04/02/2021 17:38

My Dad was an insurance agent. He refused ever to do business with family or close friends. Sensible man.

Shimy · 04/02/2021 17:39

@SweetSouberry

Ok! I get it that you all agree with her. I have reread my OP a couple of times and I don’t see how it comes across as entitled but hey never mind. Thank you.
Iknow you've said 'never mind' but the fact you can't see what's glaringly wrong about your tone in this post, never mind being 'pissed off', is evidence that she has made a very wise decision not to mix her business with family. Never ever. My goodness! she's not even married to him yet!
AnneLovesGilbert · 04/02/2021 17:41

What’s the wedding got to do with anything?

I think you’ve got the point so I’m not going to pile on. But hopefully the replies have been helpful?

Aprilx · 04/02/2021 17:42

Yep. You have just demonstrated her point, which was valid.

WhatKatyDidNxt · 04/02/2021 17:43

YABU and have no right to be pissed off. Mixing business and family rarely goes well

Puzzledandpissedoff · 04/02/2021 17:43

I’ve just read your other threads relating to your BIL and his fiancée

You've just prompted me to do the same, and I'd say it's pretty obvious why future SIL politely declined

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 04/02/2021 17:46

Maybe she found the thread where you are wondering how she earns her money?
Or the other two where you make it sound like your DS2 being excluded is her fault?
Or how much she upset you and MIL with her wedding plans?

Or maybe she's just being smart and cautious and putting her job and reputation first.

BigBadVoodooHat · 04/02/2021 17:48

@VodselForDinner

I’ve just read your other threads relating to your BIL and his fiancée, and now I think you’re utterly insane.

And jealous.

Ah, ta for the heads up ~ turns out I commented on one of those previous threads and was equally as baffled by the strange attitude towards the SIL and her financial/business situation on that occasion too.

Poor SIL-to-be, she's got a lifetime of this judgemental shit to put up with. Sad

LetMeStraightenMyCrownFirst · 04/02/2021 17:49

@sapnupuas

I agree with her.

And judging from this thread, she's probably right to be wary of mixing her business with you...

Agree.
WhatKatyDidNxt · 04/02/2021 17:50

@Puzzledandpissedoff thanks for the prompt. Yeah l remember that SIL job thread and l was like Confused

SaltyTootsieToes · 04/02/2021 17:52

You do know that in some companies or certain types of organisations, your SIL could actually be breaking policies against nepotism and could lose her job.

It’s another matter if she were not the one selecting contractors but rather proposed your DH to tender for the work amongst a varied group of contractors where someone other than your SIL chose contractor based on their tender.

YABU

LolaSmiles · 04/02/2021 17:53

If it was a case that there was an opportunity that's low risk for everyone but she would pick someone else on principle then I could understand your feelings. I could also understand her reservations.
If it's higher risk, or a high value contract, or your husband isn't as good as the competitors then it makes sense to keep it separate from family. Why add the stress?

If it's a case of you think your husband's company should be getting preferential treatment and jobs his way because his brother happens to be marrying her then YABU.

What concerns me is the fact you talk about how you could do with the money. Combined with your overall attitude it sounds like this woman has dodged a bullet doing business with you.

Confusedandshaken · 04/02/2021 18:02

I 100% agree with your SIL. Bitter experience has taught me to never mix family/close friends and my job. I'd like to say It was a mistake I only made once but I'm clearly a slow learner.

enjoyingscience · 04/02/2021 18:07

I can’t believe you don’t understand why she’d be reluctant. She’s absolutely doing the right thing. I’d lose my job if it looked like I was giving contracts to family members to do them a favour.

MsHedgehog · 04/02/2021 18:08

I’ve just read your other threads relating to your BIL and his fiancée

Me too! Clearly OP is either really jealous of SIL, or obsessed...but so much anger / negativity towards her in several posts. So odd!