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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband’s sister-in-law and job

189 replies

SweetSouberry · 04/02/2021 15:24

My husband’s brother is in a relationship with a very successful woman. They are due to be married but obviously now the wedding is up in the air.
She is in a position to put some work in my husband’s, her future brother-in-law’s way but she has refused as she said she would find it awkward if things went wrong.
We could genuinely do with the money.
Am I right to be pissed off?

OP posts:
Muckduck · 04/02/2021 16:09

I would also find it awkward to be honest.

Original poster
SweetSouberry · 04/02/2021 16:10

Ok! I get it that you all agree with her.
I have reread my OP a couple of times and I don’t see how it comes across as entitled but hey never mind. Thank you.

OP posts:
ThelmaNotLouise · 04/02/2021 16:10

If you're already pissed off about this, imagine how aggrieved you'd be if things went wrong? Your STB SIL is being really sensible about this.

SingingLoud · 04/02/2021 16:10

Surely if your husband is that good at what he does, he wouldn’t have the time/capacity to take any work from her on straight away anyway, much less be expecting favours because “we could do with the money”.

YABU.

Thesearmsofmine · 04/02/2021 16:12

YABU
She’s right and good on her for her for sticking to it.

katy1213 · 04/02/2021 16:12

Think she was right to trust her gut - no doubt that's why she's successful! She doesn't owe you a living!

ZippedyDooDa · 04/02/2021 16:14

I think your future DSIL is being very wise. YABVU.

3JsMa · 04/02/2021 16:15

YABU to expect it from her and I understand her 100%
I also don't understand why did you mention their wedding?Confused

BlueCatRedCat · 04/02/2021 16:15

Why can't your husband find his own work?

Why should a successful business woman have to "be kind" to a less successful man just because she is vaguely related to him?

What does she have to lose if your husband does a crap job?

Will your husband - and you for that matter - hold his/your hands up and accept any responsibility in the event he does a crap job, and SIL has to take action off the back of it, including sacking him, suing him, bringing in insurers, giving him a bad reference etc?

Embarrasedaf · 04/02/2021 16:16

She sounds smart

stablefeet · 04/02/2021 16:17

You're post comes across as entitled because you imply that you are pissed off because she isn't going to pass the work on to your husband. I agree with everyone else, she's got her head screwed on, very sensible.

MrsPerfect12 · 04/02/2021 16:19

Ended up a mistake for us. Would never mix business and pleasure again.

Aquamarine1029 · 04/02/2021 16:19

I agree with her 100%.

JohnMiddleNameRedactedSwanson · 04/02/2021 16:19

Sorry OP, YABU. She has probably been stung before.

Original poster
SweetSouberry · 04/02/2021 16:20

Lockdown has made it difficult. He’s perfectly good at what he does.

OP posts:
BigBadVoodooHat · 04/02/2021 16:23

@ThelmaNotLouise

If you're already pissed off about this, imagine how aggrieved you'd be if things went wrong? Your STB SIL is being really sensible about this.
Yep, this. If you're 'pissed off' with her now, christ knows what the poor woman would be on the receiving end of if she put work your husband's way and things didn't work out. Hmm

In all likelihood, she became successful by showing good judgement in business decisions and being pragmatic about who she allowed herself to be professionally linked to. She's demonstrating that good judgement in this instance too, and saving herself a potential future headache that at best might make family gatherings awkward, and at worst might damage her business or professional reputation.

Good for her. There's so often an expectation that women in business should be 'nice' rather than sticking to their guns and operating with their own/their business's best interests as a priority.

She presumably isn't your husband's only option for earning a living. And if indeed the only avenue for him to earn money is calling in a family favour, she's right to steer clear.

Bluntness100 · 04/02/2021 16:24

How can you not understand why it comes across as entitled?

Being pissed off that she isn’t giving him the work simoly as he’s family indicates you think she should, you’re entitled to it

I see it’s one of those though

Aibu
Yes
Am I fuck.

Eeve · 04/02/2021 16:26

This is literally why she's successful!

BlueCatRedCat · 04/02/2021 16:26

@SweetSouberry

Ok! I get it that you all agree with her. I have reread my OP a couple of times and I don’t see how it comes across as entitled but hey never mind. Thank you.
Entitled people never accept that they are, even with 3 pages of people telling them that that's how they come across.

The fact that you expect her to give your DH the work, by dint of her relationship with your DH's brother, makes you entitled. You have provided no other reason why she should give him this work, other than a vague family connection.

The fact that you are pissed off shows your entitlement. You were not asking "in the hope" and accepting with good grace that you might get a "no thanks" answer. You were expecting - more or less demanding - a yes answer based on the engagement between her and a family member, and you are affronted that she has refused.

quicklybeingdrivenmad · 04/02/2021 16:26

YABVU DH has over the last 20 years tried to help family members with work twice, I objected but he thought we should help family (cannot understand why he did not learn his lesson 1st time) plumbing on our house renovation, half way through 1st fix, he just took any other work, result my other trades took work, cos could not just wait around for him, result delayed our move by 3 months, cos we were family he thought we would not mind. 7 years later another cousin loses his job DH decides he feels sorry for him so gives the job of converting the back of the garage, 6 months later after having paid him and the new builder to correct it, its done. This is just on our home, I was fuming but if it was a risk to the reputation of my business I would have gone mental and never allowed it.

kungfupannda · 04/02/2021 16:27

She's right to be cautious. The potential for fallout isn't worth it.

We recently spent a lot of money with a company owned by some people who weren't close friends, but were friendly acquaintances. It went very wrong, and it's safe to say we are no longer on good terms, after having to threaten legal action to get some major problems corrected.

I would never again use a company owned by anyone I know in any social capacity. When things go wrong, you really need that element of distance.

CeibaTree · 04/02/2021 16:27

I think by your reaction she has made a very wise decision!

VodselForDinner · 04/02/2021 16:27

Why would you want him to get work solely due to nepotism?

Bluntness100 · 04/02/2021 16:29

Op if it helps

The meaning of entitled is

“believing oneself to be inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment”

It is the very definition of what you posted. You are deserving of it by way of being family.

Embroideredstars · 04/02/2021 16:29

Yabu

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