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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Does height matter to you? Short love interest

278 replies

Wheresthesilverlining · 04/02/2021 13:24

So I'm seeing this guy who says he is 5ft8 and I'm 5ft 7. He's not, he's like a few inches shorter than me. Aibu for letting this out me off a bit/alot? I feel like a giant when we cuddle and like over powering idk. I only ever where healed shoes boots etc and love a nice pair of strappy heels I literally do not own one pair of flat shoes. The guy is really nice but my head can't seem to get over that I feel a bit uncomfortable that he's shorter than me. Help?

OP posts:
SchrodingersImmigrant · 05/02/2021 17:52

God yeah. As some are hung up about height, I am about the feet. I am too unladylike size 9... Couldn't get over boyfriend having smaller feet. But that's my own complex...😐

Yeah @BillMasen that's just horrible and shouldn't happen. There is just no need to give abuse like that

BillMasen · 05/02/2021 17:52

@JackieweaverhasALLtheauthority

what would it look like? come on-you and i could be the models! it could be like the toilet signs- but the woman could be massive and the man smaller.Grin

try being a woman my height with size 9 feet trying to buy women's shoes. There is no pain like it.

How tall are you?

I’m 5’6”. Size 6 shoes. Most places only sell men’s from size 7...

Love the tiny stick man and tall stick woman.

Flibbitygibbit · 05/02/2021 17:53

Am taller than my DP. Don't care as he does something to me....fancy the pants off him !

JackieweaverhasALLtheauthority · 05/02/2021 17:54

5'11" and built like a brick shed
big hands, big feet, broad shoulders

SchrodingersImmigrant · 05/02/2021 17:55

Waaaaot. You get abuse like that for being 5,6? That's 170cm! That's not short in UK compared to women!

BillMasen · 05/02/2021 17:56

@JackieweaverhasALLtheauthority

5'11" and built like a brick shed big hands, big feet, broad shoulders
I once had a gf who was 5.10, so 6’ in heels. She looked amazing, I used to think it made us look like Tom cruise and Nicole Kidman

It didnt

CounsellorTroi · 05/02/2021 17:57

@SchrodingersImmigrant

Waaaaot. You get abuse like that for being 5,6? That's 170cm! That's not short in UK compared to women!
No it's not. But some women look on anything under 6ft as short, even if they are short themselves.
BillMasen · 05/02/2021 17:58

@SchrodingersImmigrant

Waaaaot. You get abuse like that for being 5,6? That's 170cm! That's not short in UK compared to women!
Yep. I mean I’m pushing 50 now so it’s probably been a dozen times over years of dating/going out, so not everyday. Mostly thoughtless, occasionally rude.
SchrodingersImmigrant · 05/02/2021 17:59

That's fucking ridiculous. 🤦 170 isn't short and I am from country where we have average heights about 8cm more than in uk

JackieweaverhasALLtheauthority · 05/02/2021 18:00

Grin Grin Grin

exactly! it didn't did it?

i went out with a bloke once who was about 5' 4
he was such a nice bloke and really quite sexy but i just couldn't get past the feeling that i looked like i was walking down the road with my little brother

it made ME feel huge and unattractive and that just doesn't work and i suspect is behind a lot of women's preference for a man who is taller than them.

But as for women of 5 foot saynig they will only go for blokes of 6 foot plus...that's weird

SchrodingersImmigrant · 05/02/2021 18:04

Average height of men in the UK is apparently 174 cm. So obviously not as many "tall" ones around as some moght think

BillMasen · 05/02/2021 18:04

@JackieweaverhasALLtheauthority

Grin Grin Grin

exactly! it didn't did it?

i went out with a bloke once who was about 5' 4
he was such a nice bloke and really quite sexy but i just couldn't get past the feeling that i looked like i was walking down the road with my little brother

it made ME feel huge and unattractive and that just doesn't work and i suspect is behind a lot of women's preference for a man who is taller than them.

But as for women of 5 foot saynig they will only go for blokes of 6 foot plus...that's weird

And that I understand. If it makes someone feel not very feminine, I get it. Not my fault but it is what it is.

I had a friend who was taller and bigger built than me. Occasionally when we went out for drinks we’d get random blokes laughing and saying “which one’s the man?”. She said that made her feel uncomfortable and masculine but that was about her not me.

BillMasen · 05/02/2021 18:06

@SchrodingersImmigrant

Average height of men in the UK is apparently 174 cm. So obviously not as many "tall" ones around as some moght think
I always say I’m average, it’s just that there are a disproportionate number of men above average
JackieweaverhasALLtheauthority · 05/02/2021 18:07

as i said earlier i have a son who is exceptionally tall and he gets grief for that and also reckons that lots of women don't like very tall men either

TheViewFromDownHere · 05/02/2021 18:08

As a gentleman of advancing years I have SO much love to offer.

Unfortunately as I'm only 5'01, none of us will ever find out.

It's a self-perpetuating cycle:

Nobody will give us a chance because we're short.

Then, from other threads on here, a man with little or no dating history on their CV is a big no no and raises red flags.

So we have nothing left but to either try and assert ourselves more and make us stand out among a sea of giants or sit at home (lockdown aside!) & fester. Either of which earns us the label of Small Man Syndrome!

To those who have said that it makes you look and feel like you're out with a child...

By that logic, do you not then feel like you are dating your Dad or your older Brother when your man is taller than you??

Do you shave or wax - so it looks like a child's?

See how batshit it sounds when worded that way around?!

As for lying about our height with OLD - I've done this. But always told any potential matches after only a few messages.

It's not about thinking you wouldn't notice - it's about just getting a few matches so that hopefully a few conversations can be started and then maybe you'll see beyond the height (or lack of!!) and see the person inside.

Indeed, when I put my real height - 0 replies.

Make myself 5'8+ - Ample replies, a good rapport, etc. etc....

Admit my real height - Get told either "Sorry, I want someone taller" or "ha ha ha - that's tiny!" (Yes - that really happened!)

Lying about our height to get some matches (as long as we confess before meeting) is no different to you doing your hair and makeup before a date. Or saying your "Curvy" for overweight.

If anything - that's worse. You now know how tall I am... But I have no idea what you truly look like without a full face of makeup and 2 hours in the hair dressers!

The only way I'm going to lose my virginity will be to pay someone to take it off me - but even that's frowned upon in here!! (not that I would!)

I completely get the way nature works and you're pre-conditioned to go for the big, strong alpha male, etc. I'm not looking to change that, nor am I hoping this post will make you all swoon and form an orderly queue.

I'm just telling it from how it is down here. Y'know - amongst everybody's knees as they joke about resting their drinks on my head!

And yes - as a bloke, I like boobs! We're genetically wired to like a mate with a nice pair who can feed our offspring in the same way you're genetically wired to the tall protector.... But that doesn't mean we instantly reject a woman just because of the letters printed on the back of her bra.

Seeing the daily posts by ladies who have been hurt by their selfish, lazy, feckless, cheating arsehole of a "D"H or "D"P - I assume most of these arseholes are taller!

And because they're taller, they don't have to make the effort - the ladies will swoon for their protective 6' frame even though he's a wrong'n!

Anyway, I've probably rambled enough now. (Too much time on my hands - no wife or children, even the circus doesn't want little people for their side-shows anymore!). Just thought I'd add the perspective from down here.

Give us shorties a chance - nobody wants us, so the chances of us cheating on you is zero!! :)

Think of us like those puppies at the rescue centre - Begging for someone to take us home so we can love them forever! :p

(I'm house trained and don't have a wet nose!)

BillMasen · 05/02/2021 18:08

@JackieweaverhasALLtheauthority

as i said earlier i have a son who is exceptionally tall and he gets grief for that and also reckons that lots of women don't like very tall men either
He’s the sort of person that will always stand in front of me at gigs...
JackieweaverhasALLtheauthority · 05/02/2021 18:12

do you know, he won't. He always deliberately positions himself at the back because he is scared of people having a go at him.
Drunk blokes in pubs will take a pop- wanting to have a go at the big man, lots of jokes about shoe size corresponding etc

BillMasen · 05/02/2021 18:13

@TheViewFromDownHere hi mate. I can sympathise with the jokes and responses, and understand the temptation to lie at first. I never did (but I do appreciate I’m not as short) and I feel honesty up front was vital. Not condemning you though.

Your stick man/woman badge is in the post 😀

JackieweaverhasALLtheauthority · 05/02/2021 18:14

it would be really interesting to post a thread like this on a male based forum asking men if they would go out with women taller than them.

my experience is no they won't

letmethinkaboutitfornow · 05/02/2021 18:15

@TheViewFromDownHere - sorry but this made me smile. Liked the comparison too!

Unfortunately I am 6’4” - and not a skinny one! 😂

BillMasen · 05/02/2021 18:16

@JackieweaverhasALLtheauthority

do you know, he won't. He always deliberately positions himself at the back because he is scared of people having a go at him. Drunk blokes in pubs will take a pop- wanting to have a go at the big man, lots of jokes about shoe size corresponding etc
I was joking, but yes I guess it must be tough trying to avoid being in the way (through no fault of your own) and I’ve heard taller/bigger blokes say they can get started on quite a lot in pubs. Twats wanting to fight the big bloke. No one does that with a short one

Seems people only like the middle. Too much one way or the other and you don’t fit

Nicolastuffedone · 05/02/2021 18:18

My DH is 5’9 I’m 5’4......he is the shortest man I’ve ever dated. In fact, he’s the shortest man in our family! You like what you like, and I like tall men. It’s just your preference isn’t it? There are many men who wouldn’t want to date me because I’m not their type 🤷‍♀️

BillMasen · 05/02/2021 18:19

@JackieweaverhasALLtheauthority

it would be really interesting to post a thread like this on a male based forum asking men if they would go out with women taller than them.

my experience is no they won't

I might try that

I’m not sure. Some want/need to be seen as the stronger, protector, real man and they would have an issue (but then would probably also have an issue with their woman earning more or doing anything that “emasculates” them)

Most I know wouldn’t have a problem, but would be conscious of how it made the woman feel

Chanjer · 05/02/2021 18:23

I’m 5’6”.

lol

BillMasen · 05/02/2021 18:23

@Chanjer

I’m 5’6”.

lol

?