Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does height matter to you? Short love interest

278 replies

Wheresthesilverlining · 04/02/2021 13:24

So I'm seeing this guy who says he is 5ft8 and I'm 5ft 7. He's not, he's like a few inches shorter than me. Aibu for letting this out me off a bit/alot? I feel like a giant when we cuddle and like over powering idk. I only ever where healed shoes boots etc and love a nice pair of strappy heels I literally do not own one pair of flat shoes. The guy is really nice but my head can't seem to get over that I feel a bit uncomfortable that he's shorter than me. Help?

OP posts:
Tuscadero · 05/02/2021 14:54

With the lying on OLD thing, whether it's height or weight or whatever, it just seems so pointless. I was paranoid that my photos might give a wrong impression so I got my friends to double check that the photos were exactly what I looked like at that moment in time. I'd be mortified to turn up to a date only to be told 'er, you look nothing like your pics, love'.

SandyY2K · 05/02/2021 14:56

I can understand taller women wanting to date taller men. But tiny women who won't look at anyone shorter than 6ft, I'm a bit confused about that.

You have tall men 6 ft upwards, who only want to date petite women who they tower over.

It's just preference...not a crime...or discriminating...or shallow....or mean.

Why should you find everybody attractive or datable. Its like saying you should like every type of food there is.

We all have different tastes. That's what make us the individuals we are.

A pp upthread mentioned that you could potentially be throwing away a good husband....that's jumping the gun.

You have to see someone first, find them attractive and get to know them before you think marriage.

On OLD it's not uncommon for men to lie about their height.

Women about their size...men say they describe themselves as curvy... and somehow think they won't notice they're overweight when they meet.

Age is something else ppl on OLD lie about.

All these lies are quite simply deceptive IMO.

catspider · 05/02/2021 15:04

I'm only 5'1". Hisband is 5'9". I have dated taller men but I don't think I'd feel comfortable dating a really tall man, it would feel odd to me and I don't really find very tall an attractive quality. Anything over about 6'1 is a turn off.

catspider · 05/02/2021 15:08

How come it's ok to admit to preference in terms of mens heights but if you said you're not attracted to men of a certain race you'd be considered unreasonable and all hell would break loose on MN!?

JackieweaverhasALLtheauthority · 05/02/2021 15:10

would it???

sexual attraction is entirely arbitrary

Happycat1212 · 05/02/2021 15:10

catspider

Really? I don’t think so, I think most people have a preference there as well

PurpleFlower1983 · 05/02/2021 15:12

@catspider I really don’t think it would either. Everyone is entitled to a preference.

sunnyzweibrucken · 05/02/2021 15:13

i'm weird as i don't like really tall men (although i have dated some). i'm 5'6.5" and i prefer someone about an inch or two taller than me.

however my ex was was my height with a small frame which is usually not what i'm attracted to. it bothered me but i realize its because he was basically an arsehole. i think if he was a sweet, kind person it wouldn't have bothered me at all, even if he was an inch shorter. so personality played a role in how i felt about his height. and also explains why he's an ex. Grin

SchrodingersImmigrant · 05/02/2021 15:18

I've just realised that I haven't dated a single blond man😱😂 I was always into dark hair and dark eyes and maybe bit darker skin tone (by that I guess i mean tan since I grew up in very white country). My DH is ME😂 I married my perfect type😂 It never really hit me before

Tuscadero · 05/02/2021 15:19

@catspider

How come it's ok to admit to preference in terms of mens heights but if you said you're not attracted to men of a certain race you'd be considered unreasonable and all hell would break loose on MN!?
To be honest I think it's weird when people say they're only attracted to a certain race. Like white men who are only attracted to East Asian women. Fetishing a race is always a bit icky.

I've fancied tall handsome men of all races. I'm very accommodating.

Norwayreally · 05/02/2021 15:22

I once dated someone an inch shorter than me (I’m 5 ft 7). It really didn’t phase me at all, I towered over him in heels but I didn’t find it unsexy or anything along those lines.

gottakeeponmovin · 05/02/2021 15:27

I don't think I would be interested in someone shorter although at 5 ft 3 they would be very short 😂

BabyBee93 · 05/02/2021 15:31

I don't think sexual preference with race is any different to preferences for height/hair colour/body shape. I was once called racist because I have never found white men attractive or dated them, this was obviously absurd to me. Sexual preference is not discrimination.

I generally disagree that sexual preferences regarding race are "fetishising". A white person who is attracted to a white person isn't "fetishising" them, so why is a white person who is attracted to a person of a different race any different?

DrManhattan · 05/02/2021 15:33

I don't feel bad about not liking short men. Its not something I have consciously decided, its just nature isn't it.

Happycat1212 · 05/02/2021 15:33

A lot of people seem to only date within their own race and that includes white people.

Tuscadero · 05/02/2021 15:44

@BabyBee93

I don't think sexual preference with race is any different to preferences for height/hair colour/body shape. I was once called racist because I have never found white men attractive or dated them, this was obviously absurd to me. Sexual preference is not discrimination.

I generally disagree that sexual preferences regarding race are "fetishising". A white person who is attracted to a white person isn't "fetishising" them, so why is a white person who is attracted to a person of a different race any different?

I mean it's not always the case but using my example, white men who only date/marry East Asian women, it's usually because the woman's race is the determining factor in their attraction. As well as these men having an idea that Asian women are more likely to be subservient. They're fetishising the stereotypes.

Or a woman who says 'I love Black men'.

Tuscadero · 05/02/2021 15:46

Sorry that was meant to say, women who say 'I love Black men because they have bigger dicks'. I heard someone say that. And it's just reducing someone to a body part. I'd call that fetishisation.

Sorry to derail!

BabyBee93 · 05/02/2021 15:57

@Tuscadero I do agree with you there - seeking out a race because of their supposed attributed qualities is fetishising, but I don't think being naturally attracted to a specific race is in the same calibre

I'm a white woman and I do love black men! But not at all because of a sweeping stereotype about their penis size or any other generalisation. They are simply more beautiful to me than any other kind of man! I do also agree that the bigger dick comment is a problematic and fetishising thing to say.

Sorry too for derailing...I'll pipe down now Grin

Icenii · 05/02/2021 15:59

You'd think, as women, who are constantly judged by our appearance (not slim enough, not pretty enough, boobs too small, ugly, specky 4 eyes) etc, we'd be a bit more understanding when it comes to other human beings.

Maybe you don't want to date man of a certain height, that's fine, but for those of you who take it further and assign negative attributes to short men like 'cringe, never again', 'short man syndrome', 'like a child', sticking up a photo to poke fun at, it is pretty low. A horrid personality trait that makes you no better than men poking fun at an overweight women.

catspider · 05/02/2021 16:03

Fetishing a race is always a bit icky.

I've fancied tall handsome men of all races. I'm very accommodating.

So fetishising race is icky but fetishising height or lack of isn't? Hmm
If it's personal prefefence for physical appearance then both are either ok or both are icky. Otherwise it's hypocritical.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 05/02/2021 16:04

There is difference between fetishising something and finding just that physical attribute attractive, @catspider

JackieweaverhasALLtheauthority · 05/02/2021 16:15

so if you think that sexual attraction should be an equal opportunities thing....how do you choose a partner?

DreadAndFear · 05/02/2021 16:55

I think generally the taller women (5 10"+) are used to going out with shorter men because that would mean cutting off a significant number of men.

I'm 5 11" never been in a long term relationship with a taller man than myself though have dated taller men. It felt no different.

I think smaller women may need to feel more 'protected' by a man where as taller women may feel like the need less protection from a man.

Frokni · 05/02/2021 17:00

My DH is my height. I LOVE him and his entire body but neither of us have any complex about height. But, there was never a chance for either of us to lie as we knew each other for ages before we dated. If it's the lie, then I get, if it's height, then I don't get it if you guys love each other.

Icenii · 05/02/2021 17:05

I don't feel like I need protecting at all. Why would I?