To want to hear about those kids/teens who are stoically getting on with lockdown

[DuchessFerrara]

Not taking a pop at young people with SEN or MH issues. It must be heartbreaking to watch them endure the isolation and frustration of lockdown.

I would like to hear about the DC who, like my Yr11, don't feel as though their lives have been decimated. Aren't aggrieved to be making sacrifices for the "oldies". Don't feel their education has been wasted because their exams have been cancelled.

I'd love to hear about those DC who are knuckling down to their studies without too much complaint, are optimistic for the future and are - for the most part - pleasant to be around.

can't spell resilience. haha

I offer you my entire year 6 class. I am speechless with admiration for their focus and determination to keep on learning. Some of them only have a phone as a device, some of them start work at 4pm when their GCSE siblings have finished with the 1 family laptop, some catch up with a whole week’s learning at the weekend when their dad is free to support them.

I am so proud of them and their families.

My 16 year DS is fine, cracking on with his A-level work, teaching himself guitar, shouting and laughing a lot too late at night with his friends on his computer. He had a blip in October when he was bored and miserable for a couple of days but seems to have pulled out of that and is generally upbeat and optimistic.

Now if I could only get him to shower...

A work colleague's two kids - Y11 and first year uni.
They would FAR rather be having a normal life but they are, as you describe, (mostly) stoically getting on with it. The uni one has been online from home since early Dec. What has made the diffeence for her is carrying on her Christmas job at Morrisons ( a Saturday / holiday job she has had since 16). It gets her out of the house and meeting different people in the evenings 4/5 days a week and one weekend day usually. Really brightens her up and gives the whole family something to talk about.

The Y11 boy has had odd blips, and the younger household rule of no internet until homework is done is obviously void with online school. He was found in live lessons with his camera off and X box controller in hand. Now the controller is removed during the school day and until all work is submitted, his sister has been forbidden from policing him (a real flashpoint), and the school are insisting on him having his camera on during live lessons. He was expecting 5s and maybe 6s in his GCSEs but got 7s and 8s in his mocks which both shocked and inspired him so he is now much more self motivated as he recognises he can do it,, but he needs to prove himself.

I was wondering this. Wondering if my son is seriously resilient or holding it in.

He is coping fine. He definitely misses his friends but he does speak to them every day about the school work. And some time on his Nintendo switch.

He is 10, he did used to play football and spend time after school with his friends but so far I can't see a negative impact to his MH.

I have no other children but we have a very close relationship so we have fun. And I do have my sister and niece in my support bubble, so every couple of weeks they go to the park.

I can't say I've seen any negative impact. Not to say I won't when he returns to school.

I offer you my entire year 6 class

I find posts like that disingenuous. An entire class will NOT be coping well, some will, some won't. It seems they are most certainly not sharing the pain, distress and upset with their teacher clearly. My dc talk to me and don't even discuss with friends that much about their harder days.

I would be amazed if any child came through this totally unscathed, absolutely amazed.

@HmmSureJan

Why has a positive thread turned into one trying to convince all the posters on it how horrible it really is for their children? Aren't there enough threads already for that?

Because it’s goady, because we won’t know the effects for years, because some people are suffering horribly in lockdown

My two are loving it, working well independently and keeping in touch with friends by text or zoom now and then. I don’t foresee any future issues either

@kingscotestaff this really doesn't show that they coping at all. I'm sure to my children's school and from the outside it looks like my children are coping fine as we complete the wor and submit it on time. But behind closed doors we are all really struggling. Until January they were doing okay but recently their behaviour and emotions have been all over the place. I'm worried about them. I'm barely keep it together myself with trying to work from home, support 2 primary dc with home schooling and a partner who's outside the house 12hrs a day as works in essential NHS service. We wouldn't cross the schools radar but we really are not coping.

@KingscoteStaff

I offer you my entire year 6 class. I am speechless with admiration for their focus and determination to keep on learning. Some of them only have a phone as a device, some of them start work at 4pm when their GCSE siblings have finished with the 1 family laptop, some catch up with a whole week’s learning at the weekend when their dad is free to support them.

I am so proud of them and their families.

You @kingscoteStaff are a brilliant teacher. And probably played no small part in your yr 6 response to this. I flipping applaud you and thank you for what you do.

My yr 6 boy has been amazing as have his teachers as have his school.

I completely accept some children will be thriving at home, those that are bullied, have severe anxiety, no friends or hate school will no doubt be happier at home than school. Completely accepted.

But for the vast majority of children that do not fall into these categories, even the most positive and proactive kids will start to feel extremely jaded by the lack of school, real life connection, routine and friendships. Even the happiest child will miss their hobbies, days out and fun times. Living out your childhood via a screen can never ever be a healthy and happy replacement for the real thing.

Yes you can pretend it is all fine, but honestly, it is not fine is it. Not for any kid - I feel nothing but tremendous sympathy for our children and can not wait to see them all enjoying themselves again in person in a few weeks time.

I suppose it depends how you view things not being entirely normal.

For lots of kids, a mental health decline of severe loss of learning is serious. Agreed.

But for many, things might not be normal but they are coping really well even with very limited social contact and learning from home. Agreed, it’s not the same as usual, but the question really is whether you as parents see this for them as a disaster for those children, or a short term set back. As has been said before, children pick up on parental attitude.

If we see the lack of social interaction in person, as a major disaster, it might well become one. If we see that the kids are still laughing and joking at scouts on Zoom and talking with grandparents on the phone and making progesss with their schoolwork, we might be able to say that no, it’s not normal, but it’s actually not a disaster for those children.

I think there is some degree of difference if perception with regards to this, when it’s beyond those who clearly have had terrible experiences and effects.

I worry about the fact that my kids (14 & 16) are so fine with it all. They shouldn't be ok with staying in, not seeing their friends, playing games as a family instead of parties with friends but they relly don't seem to mind. It isn't right 😕

They didn't go out every weekend before lockdown so I guess don't realise what they're missing but I just feel like they've missed a year of their life. Sitting in their bedrooms on Teams or downstairs on YouTube or the PS5.

My Dd is getting on with her work very well, and not complaining. However she does really miss her friends.

Very sad for year 7 as they’d missed all the lovely parts of year 6 and rights of passage, and then just made new friends in year 7, to have to leave them again when they’d be starting to cement relationships.

But yes she is pretty stoical!

On the face of it my Y11 (15 DD) and Y9 (13DS) are getting on fine. DD in particular, working really hard, getting fantastic grades, choosing A Levels, and a possible change in school. DS does what he needs to do for school, had a good parents' evening, keeps in touch with friends via Fortnite most evenings.

BUT, DD now claims she doesn't know how to interact, panics if a friend from school calls her, goes for long walks alone, is constantly plugged into her phone. Her conversation revolves around various You Tubers. She's not expressed interest in boys (or girls) as yet, perfectly normal, and her friendships have been awkward, also perfectly normal, but the distance she's had this year has meant really important bonding and growing up experiences (language trips, DoE expeditions, subject field trips etc), have not been able to take place, and I'm concerned that such a fun period of life has been taken away from her - I also really feel for those in Sixth Form - that time of learning independence, constant parties, or going to the pub or clubbing, learning to drive - all suspended in time for them.

So yes, on a face value, day to day level, no problem at all, but I fear for the longer term, and hope she can make up some of this time lost when things do start going back to normal, although God knows how long that could be - when she's ready to leave home for Uni???

but the question really is whether you as parents see this for them as a disaster for those children, or a short term set back. As has been said before, children pick up on parental attitude

Young children agreed, but teens will make up their own mind whether this is a set back or something much more serious. Any child over the age of twelve is likely to have their own opinions about the pandemic and consequences to their lives. I am a jolly parent, but that can be grating to the teen that has just had all of their GCSEs cancelled. Or one that is struggling with MH and self harming. We have to be mindful that children are not just empty vessels, they have their own thoughts and feelings about all of this.

Nobody can possibly know or second guess what is going to happen long term to the generation of children living through this pandemic. It has never happened before. We can hope they will all be okay, I don't think we can be confident that even the happiest child is genuinely okay at this stage, some children have delayed reactions to trauma, it can impact in small ways - ie not wanting to leave the house/being scared of the air/regression.

It’s not a disaster here, but I haven’t said as much.

It still goes against the grain for me. Like a child eating too much junk. Too much digital life doesn’t compare to in school. And yes we work around it as much as possible, laugh etc get on with it. No learning loss this time tg.

I still can’t settle into it with comfort as others can. Even though they see my positivity.

Anyway cannot wait to move back to their normalcy. I’d never choose this lockdown situation.

And that’s the lucky version.

It’s pure luck bigger issues are not here. I feel for anyone facing hardship with their dc.

All ok here. Not jolly or too many concerns. Getting on with this shit show the best we can. Some bribery and reward works.

However no ongoing issues, we are lucky 🍀 I realise.

My antisocial bugger of a 14 year old loves it. She's getting in with her work happily. Her mates are on FaceTime often and Netflix has taken a beating.

My 11 year old, bless her, is a total swot so has been more than happy to sit at the kitchen table all day long and work. When she finished her work she goes on to teach herself something else. She's learning how to read music these days. She's not too bothered about going out with her pals because she never really did much. They chat over Roblox or Minecraft or whatever game they're into that week.

My daughter is OK (touch wood). She talks to her friends on zoom/FaceTime every day for most of the day. She does what she has to do (bare minimum) for school and has fun online for the rest of the time. I staged an intervention to get her off her screens by renting a horse for the month (loan livery), so she gets out of the house to ride it and take care of it at our local stable 6 times a week for a few hours. In the evenings we watch a lot of Netflix series and generally have a nice time. Lockdown has definitely brought us closer together.

My daughter is 11 (year 6)

Marsha, I don t settle into it with comfort either. I agree with you there, and I do t think many people would say they settle into this current lifestyle with comfort or choice. Of course, I’d rather get back to normal and so would my children. None of us are in any doubt about that.

However, I would say our household are coping, are often cheerful and happy and whilst not liking or choosing what is happening or the fact we are have more screen time for school etc, accept it as needed and short-term necessities. We don’t settle into it all with comfort or delight, but with acceptance and also that it won’t last into the long term. So, I guess we try to keep some perspective on it all. I realise that for people finding g things to be truly awful and struggling with mental health or educational decline or financial chaos, this all really is a disaster. That’s acknowledged and awful. But for those who are fortunate not to be In these positions (of which there are many) I guess we cope and make the best of the current time. Things don’t have to be entirely normal to do this. Through all kinds of adversity, people, are not pleased or comfortable with them, but accept the realities they are living in and recognise little is to be gained by focusing heavily on the negatives and something to be gained from remaining as cheerful as possible (not faked, but still finding positive, happy things in day to day life) and looking forward to the future.

None of us like this phase nor would want it to be the norm.

However, I would say our household are coping, are often cheerful and happy and whilst not liking or choosing what is happening or the fact we are have more screen time for school etc, accept it as needed and short-term necessities. We don’t settle into it all with comfort or delight, but with acceptance and also that it won’t last into the long term. So, I guess we try to keep some perspective on it all.

This sums up how both dd and I feel. Neither of us would choose this, but it's beyond our control so we are trying to adapt and make the best of it. It isn't how we would want things to be, but it isn't the end of the world either. We have to carry on living in the best way we can.

I think life is generally better when you choose not to dwell on the negatives and look for the positives instead. That doesn't mean ignoring the negatives or pretending that they don't exist - you need to acknowledge them before you can accept them. However, it's very easy to get stuck in a cycle of thinking about how crap everything is, when you could be trying to adapt and find ways of making it less crap instead.

I have no wish to belittle the genuine suffering of people in difficult family situations and/or with significant mental health issues. I know that lockdown is incredibly challenging and damaging for some people, and I really feel for those people. However, I think there is another layer of people who could potentially benefit a lot from changing their outlook on the situation. And I realise that this may be an unpopular view, but their kids might benefit from a more positive parental outlook too.

I'm sure that lockdown will indeed have a lasting impact on a small number of young people, but the vast majority of people will bounce back. I do find myself irritated by the doom mongers amongst us who are determined to push the view that an entire generation will be fucked up by the current situation, because I simply don't believe that to be true. Having worked extensively with teenagers who have experienced major trauma, far greater than anything that the majority of kids will experience in lockdown, I am aware of the very significant long term impact that adverse childhood experiences can have, but I am also aware of the tremendous resilience of the human spirit. There will no doubt be a small minority of kids who are hit particularly hard by tyre current situation, and we need to invest everything we possibly can in order to help those kids recover, but I am confident that the vast majority will adapt and cope just fine, as long as they are supported to do so by those around them.