Teacher's comment to DC

[Imgonnadance]

My 6 year old is still attending school and today he innocently asked another child in his bubble why he doesn’t live with his dad. The teacher heard this and scolded him saying you mustn't ask that as it is rude.
I think she is being ridiculous and at age 6 these are innocent questions that children ask. If the boy had been left to answer he probably would have answered like a 6 year old and said his parents don't live together and that would have been the end of it. Instead she's made it a taboo subject for the other boy and confused my child as he didnt understand why the question would be rude.

So AIBU to think this was a bad way to handle this conversation? Should she not at least have explained why she thought it was a rude question? Do you think it is a rude question from a 6 year old?

You’ve just made that scenario up grin

Which is why I said “imagine”. Is it really that hard for you to do that?

Obviously your DS didn’t mean to be rude, and it does sound as if the teacher came down on him unnecessarily hard, as he’s only 6. (It would be different if he was in KS2.)

However, it could have been an upsetting question for the other child. My DDs (11 and 8) are adopted. DD2 is extremely sensitive about this at the moment and hates it if the subject is brought up. It’s something we’re helping her with obviously, but I can imagine her being quite upset if a child asked her a personal question about it without warning.

I wouldn’t call the OP’s DS’s question ‘rude’; he won’t understand why, as rudeness at that age is mostly associated with manners, like saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’. I would tell him that people don’t like being asked personal questions out of the blue, and there might be a backstory that he has no idea about.

Your answer to him was good, though, OP.

My 5 year old is also very sensitive to the fact that she doesn’t see her father. This is highly unusual amongst her peers. It pains her that she is not collected from school by a dad like the other children, I don’t mind the children’s questions by the questions from school parents who I barely know in front of her as to whether she sees her dad. It’s not a normal or polite question - it’s intrusive and upsetting from an adult . Children need to be taught to consider the impact of their words.

My children's father doesn't live here. He left when they were babies. I expect that they'll be asked questions as they get older. Both are pre-schoolers now but aware already that other families are different, with daddies who live in their home.

It neede to be handled sensitively for all concerned. Explaining at home to children from "normal" families that not all families are the same so that they are less inclined to find it odd that other families are different or ask insensitive questions. But also by teachers: likely she was trying to protect that child from some trauma where school is a rare escape, but yes, "rude" wasn't perhaps the most helpful word to give to a 6 year old. Taking him off for a private chat about it might have been better. But it does not sound like she "scolded" him or that he'll be scarred by it. Maybe it's a good opportunity to speak to him at home about different family setups so that he's not so surprised by it next time.