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AIBU?

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Original poster

Teacher's comment to DC

329 replies

Imgonnadance · 03/02/2021 21:27

My 6 year old is still attending school and today he innocently asked another child in his bubble why he doesn’t live with his dad. The teacher heard this and scolded him saying you mustn't ask that as it is rude.
I think she is being ridiculous and at age 6 these are innocent questions that children ask. If the boy had been left to answer he probably would have answered like a 6 year old and said his parents don't live together and that would have been the end of it. Instead she's made it a taboo subject for the other boy and confused my child as he didnt understand why the question would be rude.

So AIBU to think this was a bad way to handle this conversation? Should she not at least have explained why she thought it was a rude question? Do you think it is a rude question from a 6 year old?

OP posts:
Hammonds · 04/02/2021 14:34

@AStudyinPink

Well yeah but this is about a six year old little boy.

No-one is saying he was deliberately rude. They’re saying now is the time for him to learn that the question is rude.

I don’t think the question is rude for a six year old. Different opinions hey.
Yognog · 04/02/2021 14:34

Well yes @Hammonds but you were saying about adults being able to 'get away' with asking stuff whilst children were held to a different standard, it would also be rude for an adult to ask so why doesn't your DH live with you or whatever. Yes for a 6 year old you wouldn't expect them to know social etiquette but imo there's zero harm in teaching that. It's more important imo to teach children to be secure in sharing with others information about themselves that they are comfortable with them knowing, rather than that children can ask whatever without being told if it's maybe not ideal.

NeonBella · 04/02/2021 14:39

6 years old is old enough to know that it's not ok to ask personal questions.

My son was around that age when he kept having to answer that question.
Having to repeat over and over, my dad is dead, took it's toll on him. One particularly nosey little scrote even asked him how he died.
My poor child. As a result he now refuses to answer these questions.

Teach your kid to mind their own business!

oblada · 04/02/2021 14:40

@AStudyinPink

oblada

Okay, but if the teacher overheard it was at least a semi-public conversation, and I think it’s right to correct that.

Given school is open only for Keyworkers kids so very small group of kids with limited activities and given the age (6), the fact that the teacher overheard doesn't mean anything at all in my view.
ParadiseIsland · 04/02/2021 14:42

But if you look at adults, whether that question is rude widely depends on who is asking the question!

A friend asking another friend = not rude
A random person you’ve only just met = rude

So why are we assuming that this 6yo was rude aka he is not asking his friend but a random child in the playground?

Yognog · 04/02/2021 14:44

@ParadiseIsland

But if you look at adults, whether that question is rude widely depends on who is asking the question!

A friend asking another friend = not rude
A random person you’ve only just met = rude

So why are we assuming that this 6yo was rude aka he is not asking his friend but a random child in the playground?

Even asking a friend thought, why not have the respect to see if they want to talk about it rather than be asked?
ParadiseIsland · 04/02/2021 14:44

6 years old is old enough to know that it's not ok to ask personal questions.

I disagree with the idea that no one should ever ask personal questions. Asking anyone and everyone very personal question isn’t on.
But a friend, an acquaintance you are getting to know more? Where is the issue?

AStudyinPink · 04/02/2021 14:48

Hammond

Yes.

AStudyinPink · 04/02/2021 14:49

Given school is open only for Keyworkers kids so very small group of kids with limited activities and given the age (6), the fact that the teacher overheard doesn't mean anything at all in my view.

It means it wasn’t a private conversation.

AStudyinPink · 04/02/2021 14:51
  • I disagree with the idea that no one should ever ask personal questions. Asking anyone and everyone very personal question isn’t on. But a friend, an acquaintance you are getting to know more? Where is the issue?*

“Why doesn’t your dad live with you?” is about as personal as it gets.

MullinerSpec · 04/02/2021 14:57

Children are curious its how they learn about the world, its just their innocence. The teacher should not have scolded him and saying that it was rude is just the perfect formula for raising snowflakes.

I'm on your side on this OP. Children don't have tact its not expected of them and why should they, they are children ffs!

AStudyinPink · 04/02/2021 14:57

The teacher should not have scolded him and saying that it was rude is just the perfect formula for raising snowflakes.

Oh my god. Grin

Hammonds · 04/02/2021 15:03

@Yognog

Well yes *@Hammonds* but you were saying about adults being able to 'get away' with asking stuff whilst children were held to a different standard, it would also be rude for an adult to ask so why doesn't your DH live with you or whatever. Yes for a 6 year old you wouldn't expect them to know social etiquette but imo there's zero harm in teaching that. It's more important imo to teach children to be secure in sharing with others information about themselves that they are comfortable with them knowing, rather than that children can ask whatever without being told if it's maybe not ideal.
Where did I say adults were ‘able to get away’ with asking stuff Confused I think you’ve confused me with some one else.
Iaintaffraidofcoldtoast · 04/02/2021 15:04

And yes I agree your over use of ‘correction’ is a bit weird. Reminds me of trying to correct a dog pulling on a lead confused

Correct! Grin

AStudyinPink · 04/02/2021 15:07

Iaintaffraidofcoldtoast

Yes, it is like that. It’s exactly the same principle. You teach children things are wrong by correcting them when they get them wrong.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 04/02/2021 15:13

@Adifferentstory2

Total overreaction and missed opportunity to talk about how all families look different. Might also trigger the 6 year old to question why a teacher doesn’t want them talking about their family. What a shame.
Can't think of anything better in mine or my half siblings' lives than have a whole class learning experience about how Dads in their forties can suddenly clap their hand to their head, drop onto the ground, spend 2 weeks in ITU and then have the machines that are keeping them alive switched off.

Brilliant idea, letting all the other children know that their parents can be here one day and dead the next. Because it happened to >>>>>>> over there.

Heartofglass12345 · 04/02/2021 15:36

Oh my god 6 years old is not old enough at all to know not to ask personal questions, they don't know what a personal question is! It was the teacher that shut it down, she didn't even give the boy a chance to answer.
My parents divorced when I was 8, it wouldn't have fazed me if someone had asked why my dad doesn't live with me. Children are much more resilient than adults, I've heard kids just come out and say things like my dad doesn't live with us anymore, or even 'my dads dead'. She could've said something like 'oh Johnny doesn't like to talk about that' or let the child speak for himself!

user234987653 · 04/02/2021 17:06

As a child I had to deal with this question and others about my absent dad constantly.

He was absent because my dad died of cancer when I was four.

I even had to deal with it from oblivious fucking teachers who couldn't be arsed to read a file.

How about you teach your child why it is sometimes hurtful to others to ask personal questions before he asks the wrong kid and gets a slap. It is obviously not a great way for a child in pain to deal with it but I have seen that happen more than once.

AStudyinPink · 04/02/2021 17:23

user234987653

It’s not fair, is it? Imagine a kid in a class of 31/32, dealing with “What happened to your dad?” twice or three times a month.

derxa · 04/02/2021 17:24

@user234987653

As a child I had to deal with this question and others about my absent dad constantly.

He was absent because my dad died of cancer when I was four.

I even had to deal with it from oblivious fucking teachers who couldn't be arsed to read a file.

How about you teach your child why it is sometimes hurtful to others to ask personal questions before he asks the wrong kid and gets a slap. It is obviously not a great way for a child in pain to deal with it but I have seen that happen more than once.

Flowers
NeverDropYourMoonCup · 04/02/2021 17:30

@Heartofglass12345

Oh my god 6 years old is not old enough at all to know not to ask personal questions, they don't know what a personal question is! It was the teacher that shut it down, she didn't even give the boy a chance to answer. My parents divorced when I was 8, it wouldn't have fazed me if someone had asked why my dad doesn't live with me. Children are much more resilient than adults, I've heard kids just come out and say things like my dad doesn't live with us anymore, or even 'my dads dead'. She could've said something like 'oh Johnny doesn't like to talk about that' or let the child speak for himself!
And I've heard a kid being tortured with 'where's your Mum? why don't you have a Mum? Is your Dad gay? Is that your foster Dad? Why did your Mum die? Did she have an accident? Did your Dad kill her? Did your Mum take drugs? Did your Mum kill herself when she saw you come out? Before you were born? Oh, so YOU KILLED YOUR MUM'

That kid had had constant questions since he was a toddler about his Mum. It never made him resilient. By the time I heard shit like that going on, he was a teenager, but as some of the kids that were 'only asking, I'm curious' had gone to primary with him, I'm pretty sure they knew exactly why he didn't live with his Mum, but just enjoyed upsetting him and acting all innocent afterwards.

Wenolikeexplodeythings · 04/02/2021 17:56

@Heartofglass12345

They absolutely are old enough to understand what sorts of questions can cause pain to others.

From a psychologist.

Iaintaffraidofcoldtoast · 04/02/2021 19:02

@AStudyinPink

user234987653

It’s not fair, is it? Imagine a kid in a class of 31/32, dealing with “What happened to your dad?” twice or three times a month.

You’ve just made that scenario up Grin
Iaintaffraidofcoldtoast · 04/02/2021 19:03

[quote Wenolikeexplodeythings]@Heartofglass12345

They absolutely are old enough to understand what sorts of questions can cause pain to others.

From a psychologist.[/quote]
Ok

( arm chair one?)

Wenolikeexplodeythings · 04/02/2021 19:05

@Iaintaffraidofcoldtoast

One with a doctorate.