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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Marilyn Manson

343 replies

Lychee234 · 03/02/2021 21:00

Just wondered what people's thoughts were following the allegations.
I do think it's awful he's effectively been sacked from all employment before having been found guilty of any allegations.

OP posts:
knittingaddict · 04/02/2021 22:52

bringing not ringing

knittingaddict · 04/02/2021 22:53

Ahhh.

I meant this:

The statistics on bringing rapists to trial and then for a successful prosecution are grim

PlinkPlink · 04/02/2021 22:55

I don't know who said that @Blibbyblobby but it's so fucking true. And so fucking awful.

Look what happened to Rose McGowan with Harvey Weinstein. Utterly disgusting the way she was treated.

iklboo · 04/02/2021 22:57

I've never told DH the extent either. Just the physical & emotional parts. I couldn't bring myself to tell him. Anyone really. It's the way they make us feel fucking ashamed and it shouldn't be like that. But it is.

InsideOfEmptiness · 04/02/2021 22:59

@bourbonne

I'm so sorry, *@InsideOfEmptiness*. You didn't deserve it. Nobody could deserve it. I'm so sorry it happened to you. What is wrong with these men? You still have your soul, he doesn't. Flowers
Thank you.
InsideOfEmptiness · 04/02/2021 23:03

@ZednotZee

InsideOfEmptiness

Oh love cry your fucking heart out if you need to.
Get that weight off your shoulders.

Too many of us went through this shit. I was sixteen with a twenty eight year old and I married the fucker, jesus christ!

I dunno, there's strength in numbers I suppose, message me anytime, I mean I don't know if I'll be helpful but I'm here

Jaysus, you've very much been through it too. Why do some men feel the need to treat us like that? Evil shits.

I will definitely message you tomorrow if that's okay. Right now I feel a bit broken and like I need to lie down and cry. I hope you're okay, I know talking about this must be painful for you.

InsideOfEmptiness · 04/02/2021 23:10

@iklboo

I've never told DH the extent either. Just the physical & emotional parts. I couldn't bring myself to tell him. Anyone really. It's the way they make us feel fucking ashamed and it shouldn't be like that. But it is.
It's disgraceful. But we are the ones made to feel dirty, and ashamed, and tainted. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure your DH wouldn't feel that way. Mine wouldn't either. But it's in my head. I'm the temptress that forced a much older man to strangle and assault me. I mean, we should have better judgement, we should know what they're like, we should never drink, we should not wear heels or a short skirt. That's what society tells us Angry
colouringindoors · 04/02/2021 23:49

InsideOfEmptiness sending love, thinking of you. Hold tight.

DumplingsAndStew · 04/02/2021 23:49

@InsideOfEmptiness

❤️️I'm so sorry you went through that. Thank you for speaking up.

I know many on MN don't support sex workers and would probably put model/performer Dani Divine in that category. But over the past year or so, after a couple of abusive relationships, she has been using her platform to speak out about abuse she has suffered, particularly from those in the LA music scene. Others have come forward and shared their stories with her, and she continues to support victims of similar.

GerardWay123 · 04/02/2021 23:50

#only a rumour, but the so called truth about Jared Leto really deserves to be told.
I say that as a fan who adores him.

MedusasBadHairDay · 04/02/2021 23:51

Interesting that 10 women can accuse one man of assault, and they aren't believed, one man accuses 10 women of lying and its enough to cast instant doubt on the women though

So tired of this being true

iklboo · 04/02/2021 23:51

@InsideOfEmptiness - DH wouldn't. I know he wouldn't. But I just can't bring myself to tell him. Best I can do is absolutely drill into DS about consent, respect, autonomy - both towards a partner and FROM a partner.

InsideOfEmptiness · 05/02/2021 01:00

@colouringindoors

InsideOfEmptiness sending love, thinking of you. Hold tight.
Thank you so much
InsideOfEmptiness · 05/02/2021 01:04

[quote DumplingsAndStew]@InsideOfEmptiness

❤️️I'm so sorry you went through that. Thank you for speaking up.

I know many on MN don't support sex workers and would probably put model/performer Dani Divine in that category. But over the past year or so, after a couple of abusive relationships, she has been using her platform to speak out about abuse she has suffered, particularly from those in the LA music scene. Others have come forward and shared their stories with her, and she continues to support victims of similar.[/quote]
I support her. She's very brave to speak out in public.

That whole scene is rancid to the core. This I know.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/02/2021 01:08

@InsideOfEmptiness

You weren't naïve or stupid or to blame. I spent my teens and 20s touring with bands, drunk in hotels with bands, backstage with bands. Nothing happened because I didn't meet a rapist that wanted to rape me in those situations. You did. Neither of us was right or wrong, good or bad, foolish or clever.

Those scumbags are to blame. They are the ones who should feel awful, not you.

Plenty happened to me away from musicians. I didn't report anything. It never even occurred to me that I should. And having seen what happens to the victims of famous men, I don't know that I would. 98 times out of 100 they get away with it.

InsideOfEmptiness · 05/02/2021 01:09

[quote iklboo]@InsideOfEmptiness - DH wouldn't. I know he wouldn't. But I just can't bring myself to tell him. Best I can do is absolutely drill into DS about consent, respect, autonomy - both towards a partner and FROM a partner. [/quote]
I understand completely, @iklboo. I'll never be able to tell DH.

You're changing the world though, through your son. That's how things get better, people raising their children to be better, to understand consent, to respect one another.

You are making the world a better place, and thank you so much for that.

InsideOfEmptiness · 05/02/2021 01:20

Thank you, @MrsTerryPratchett.

You're right, of course. And I'm so sorry if you have been subjected to abuse (don't want to assume, but your post suggests so). Apologies, I'm not at my most eloquent at the moment. I'm a bit rattled, to be honest.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/02/2021 01:28

Yep. I doubt many women get through life entirely unscathed.

Flowers
InsideOfEmptiness · 05/02/2021 01:48

I imagine, unfortunately, that you are very much correct there. No one here gets out alive.

CandlesBlanketsandTea · 05/02/2021 06:13

@insideofemptiness I'm so sorry to hear your story, I'm pleased you found somewhere to talk about it. I'd definitely think about getting some counselling once you feel ready, choose someone who specialises in sexual assault and trauma. It can help to talk to someone completely independent. Flowers be gentle with yourself.

Brefugee · 05/02/2021 07:23

It is sad nowadays how easily some women can ruin mens careers; if they ever dislike a man or get jealous its so easy to make up a false story for money and have their name blackened forevermore. It happened with Craig Charles. Cliff Richard. Johnny Depp.

give over. It's attitudes like this that stop victims coming through. How many men have had their lives ruined? Compared to how many women, girls, boys and men have had their lives ruined by these monsters. We have, as a society, put up with it for far far too long. And now (how long ago did #MeToo start?), finally, some of it is being "properly" addressed.

I'm not crying for any of them. Only their victims get my sympathy.

PlinkPlink · 05/02/2021 07:30

@knittingaddict

Victims are not treated well in court either, although I hope that is improving with better education

This. This is one of the worst parts. It feels like the justice system is entirely rigged in a rapist's favour.

Calling into question a woman's previous sexual history? Calling her a liar and a fantasist - when assault and rape is the last thing you'd ever want to make up?

After I reported to the police, it took a few weeks, perhaps a couple of months for CPS to make a decision. The officer assigned to my case was very kind and understanding but they decided not to go ahead (because the likelihood of a strong conviction was low). It was just another blow that made me feel like I was a liar. You start to question yourself because everyone else around you is. Its traumatising.
He said "In a way, it's a blessing. The way they cross examine survivors is extremely traumatic."

Then I watched Three Girls. That was pretty horrendous too.

Brefugee · 05/02/2021 07:35

Interesting side topic in the thread along these lines I find some of these viewpoints justifying non reporting of violent sexual crimes so abhorrent sad

Frankly this attitude can also get the fuck away. There are countless, confident, prominent, wealthy, professionally accomplished women out there who have been assaulted and raped and abused etc etc. And in a world where it is rare even for women with this much agency and confidence to come forward - especially when the person who abused them is in a position of authority - how the fuck do we expect 15 year olds (or 18 year olds or 25 year olds...) to come forward.

They are disbelieved. People are incredulous. There is victim blaming. They have to lay their entire lives, their most intimate details, bare for the picking over. It is NO WONDER so many women keep stumm.

To those in this thread who shared their stories, thank you. That must have been incredibly difficult, even on an anonymous forum, and you have been so brave to share that. Flowers

SignsofSpring · 05/02/2021 07:40

InsideOfEmptiness I'm so sorry this happened to you. I know completely what you mean, you didn't consent to that type of sex whatsoever. I hear you.

daphne101 · 05/02/2021 07:55

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