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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dd8 refusing to do anymore school work from home from tomorrow

242 replies

Northpole23 · 03/02/2021 16:56

My daughter is saying she refuses to do any more work on computer, it’s remote lessons not online until she goes back to school. She said she is officially bored, frustrated of watching videos and doing this boring work and cries. She misses her friends and the way they do things at school.

I can’t force her can I but I’ve already asked school if she could go back and this was last week but heard nothing. Now she has officially reached boredom point. She is 8, outgoing and sociable. Hates the computer and doesn’t want to do anything anymore .

Not really sure what to do? I’ve sat with her, helped her but she just gets bored, doesn’t engage anymore . She is good at things but doesn’t engage anymore and doesn’t want to watch one more video. She has been doing the work but today said she isn’t do anything from now on until she goes back 😳 maybe tomorrow she will but she seems to really mean it now.

OP posts:

AIMD · 03/02/2021 16:58

Can you agree to let her have tomorrow and Friday off and maybe do some nice things, but be clear she needs to go do work Monday onwards?

Maybe it’s all too much and she needs a little break from it.

If you feel the work is too much maybe just get her to do the most important stuff and talk to the school about what should be prioritised.

CookEatRepeat · 03/02/2021 16:59

Ask her teacher for support. If you don't have a direct email address then email or phone the office and ask them to contact the teacher for you.

You do need to take some responsibility though. If she said she wanted to stay up all night drinking vodka and watching horror films you wouldn't accept that. This is the same really.

Original poster

Northpole23 · 03/02/2021 17:01

Ask her teacher for support. If you don't have a direct email address then email or phone the office and ask them to contact the teacher for you.

You do need to take some responsibility though. If she said she wanted to stay up all night drinking vodka and watching horror films you wouldn't accept that. This is the same really.

That’s a bit judgment and hardly the same is it?! I’ve tried, my child is beyond bored, she is an outgoing child and sociable, loves school. I can only do so much but some kids maybe aren’t meant to be sit behind a computer at the age of 8 and classroom is more for them.

OP posts:

Original poster

Northpole23 · 03/02/2021 17:03

AIMD

Can you agree to let her have tomorrow and Friday off and maybe do some nice things, but be clear she needs to go do work Monday onwards?

Maybe it’s all too much and she needs a little break from it.

If you feel the work is too much maybe just get her to do the most important stuff and talk to the school about what should be prioritised.

Thank you. Might just do the stuff we have to but she is isn’t happy. She doesn’t like sitting in front of a computer at all, she was fine for weeks but last two weeks she has asked to go back, I’ve spoke to teacher and she said she would have have a word. My daughter is literally missing the way they do things at school and her friends. I’ve tried and she has tried but this isn’t for her.

OP posts:

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 03/02/2021 17:03

I would insist on maths and English being done at the very least. My 8 year old does the maths and English lessons every day and then we try to do the science or history topic but its not as big a deal. If he doesn't do the bare minimum there's no ipad or Switch time. Simple.
I wouldn't let an 8 year old point blank tell me they're not going to learn.

User2378901 · 03/02/2021 17:04

@CookEatRepeat

Ask her teacher for support. If you don't have a direct email address then email or phone the office and ask them to contact the teacher for you.

You do need to take some responsibility though. If she said she wanted to stay up all night drinking vodka and watching horror films you wouldn't accept that. This is the same really.

Actually I don’t agree that this is the same. Remote learning is shit and boring and unnatural especially after weeks and weeks with no end in sight. I would sympathise with her and come to an agreement that she will do a certain amount in return for something nice afterwards. It’s nearly half term. A lot of kids are feeling the same.

FrankButchersDickieBow · 03/02/2021 17:05

"You do need to take some responsibility though. If she said she wanted to stay up all night drinking vodka and watching horror films you wouldn't accept that. This is the same really"

Yes definitely the same 😆😆😆

livefornaps · 03/02/2021 17:06

I don't blame her. I want to stay up all night and drink vodka and watch horror films, too

PheasantPlucker1 · 03/02/2021 17:06

Give her at least one day off.

Then Id insist on the essentials, such as maths and english and maybe a subject she likes?

As a teacher Id much rather kids attend and engage with 2 lessons preferably mine than attend all of them and be angry, frustrated and unable to learn.

year5teacher · 03/02/2021 17:07

Your child can’t come to school because she’s bored or struggling with home learning (sadly) - they’d all be in! So I don’t think you’ll get anywhere with that.
I’d probably give her tomorrow and Friday off as a PP said, with the understanding that she must continue on Monday. Can you ask her teacher to phone her to chat?

Feetupteashot · 03/02/2021 17:08

You need to remember that online lessons might be present for a long time so will be part of her future. Maybe get out and blow off some steam every day and come back to it

livefornaps · 03/02/2021 17:08

Oh hang on - she DOESN'T want to stay up all night and drink vodka and watch horror films. She's just fed up like the rest of us. I still don't blame her, I don't want to sit at my computer any more either. Give her a couple of days off. Don't wield Monday at her, just try to have a nice time with no pressure over the next few days. Just leave her be if that's what she'd like

Unanananana · 03/02/2021 17:09

It is a shit situation and seeing your DC feel this way is awful but you and your DDs situation is no different to all the other DC having to take part in homeschool. The school can't and shouldn't take her if boredom is the only reason you want her to go back.

My DS (10yrs old) and I have the same row daily about not doing school work but he has no choice. Especially Maths and English. No schoolwork no screentime. He desperately misses his friends to the point of tears but he just has to suck it up.

Thats what parents have to do. Time to get tough! She is 8. You have to choose what is best for her in the long run.

ARoseDowntown · 03/02/2021 17:10

Most children don’t respond well to online learning. That’s why school is the way it normally is.

Ultimately, only her parents are responsible for her - including her education. If you think she will be fine skipping two weeks of school, let her skip. If you think she needs an hour or two a day max, make her do that. If you think she needs to do everything, make her do that.

You are the parent. You are in charge. The buck stops with you. I defy any teacher to object. If they scold you - so what? They’re not the ones who will be picking up the pieces.

AlwaysLatte · 03/02/2021 17:10

My 10 year old had a similar wobbly moment. We let him have a day off then made sure he knew it was a proper school day again the next day. We don't let them have their iPads or Xbox controllers until all the day's work is complete - non negotiable, just as going to school is. But we do say that if he does a good job and finishes his work early he can have free time afterwards, even if it's earlier than his usual school day.

luxxlisbon · 03/02/2021 17:10

At 8 she also doesn't understand that this isn't a choice between learning at home on a laptop and going to school in the normal world. Her friends aren't at school, her class isn't being run as normal and in all likelihood she will be sat by herself in front of a laptop in school anyway. Considering even parents who work out of the house but aren't 'critical workers' are being refused school places I don't think there is a big chance you will get a place because your 8 year old has decided she isn't going to home school anymore.

There is a balance here, be understanding, make tasks fun for her, do fun things in the evening but ultimately you can and should make her do it. I'm assuming if she never wanted to go to bed or brush her teeth or eat anything other than sweets you wouldn't just hold your hand up and be like 'oh well she decided then and I can't make her'.

At 8 years old you make the rules not her. You can parent without being an evil dictator.

KleineDracheKokosnuss · 03/02/2021 17:11

Do maths and English only and then let her plan what she wants to look at for the day. Tell her she isn’t allowed screens, and has to do something that requires use of her brain (lego, painting, baking, reading - all fulfil this criteria).

Home school folllowing someone else’s schedule is awful.

Puzzler333 · 03/02/2021 17:11

Of course she is missing school. Nobody said that this was better than or as good as school.

Remind her that it's only a week until half term. She will have a whole week off then.

Is she catching up with classmates virtually? Again, it's not the same but can help.

Reach out to the school. Maybe ask if they would consider some kind of social event for the children? It sounds like it is mostly a case of missing out on this rather than actually being about the work.

minipie · 03/02/2021 17:12

She may well feel different in the morning.

Mine is often grumpy and done with home learning by this time of day but in the morning is up for it again (not gleeful about it but will get on with it).

If not, I agree with PP that whilst it is rubbish for them, you do need to make her do some, at least the core subjects. Use whatever you need to - no screen time until X is done, bribery (I am paying my DC 50p for every day they complete all their subjects without fuss) etc.

As for giving her a day off - with my daughter I would not give her a day off, as she would then expect a day off whenever she is fed up in future! But yours may be different.

stripeymonster · 03/02/2021 17:12

I have similar with my nine year old although not as extreme. I sit with her and my six year old so I understand how she feels. Some days are better than others so hopefully today was just a bad day. But as a compromise for my daughter as long as she engages with the maths and English lessons I am not so worried about the rest. I follow what she's interested in - she liked the history so we focused on that in more depth than the lesson needed. Also the RE involved clay models of religious artefacts - she just made clay models of her own choice.

Some lessons look more beneficial than others. I change the maths so it suits her level more.
Do what you need to . Even if she reads and does art work or plays in the garden this is all fine. Online lessons get too much for anyone everyday of the week.

EarringsandLipstick · 03/02/2021 17:12

My daughter is literally missing the way they do things at school and her friends.

I don't mean to be harsh, but aren't we all? All kids are feeling this!

I've 3 children at home, single parent and working in a busy University teaching role.

My youngest is 9. We're in Ireland, so no option to be 'in school', everyone is at home (special needs students will return to physical school shortly).

My 9yo is struggling & has days of crying & tantrumming. This is hard anyway but when more so on a day when I'm busy myself. It's only Wednesday, and I'm shattered.

But he has to keep doing it; it won't be perfect, it won't be everything, every day but what's the alternative? I'm not worried about learning (I know that's not really happening) but he'll be even more miserable with no structure & no work.

So he starts at 9 each day & I just coax him along as much as I can (or lose it, on stressful days 🙁).

For your DD you should maybe give her a day off as suggested, but back into it on Monday. I don't also see it as the teacher's job either, you need to get your DD to do it, while recognising that it's tough. But it is for everyone!

Haggisfish · 03/02/2021 17:13

I have got my son cgp daily workbooks for maths and English -he has to do those and practise his handwriting. Takes about an hour and a half. That’s non negotiable and replaces watching the videos from school. He also reads every day.

Original poster

Northpole23 · 03/02/2021 17:14

Yeah she has been doing the work, just gets frustrated and says she doesn’t want to look the computer anyway. We have compromised with English and maths only just though, her tears though makes me so sad. We will just have to suck it up I agree but I yes sad to see your normally happy, outgoing , sociable child say they are beyond bored and frustrated. Maybe not a good enough reason ? But still got to consider their mental health as well.

OP posts:

Windchangeface · 03/02/2021 17:15

You do need to take some responsibility though. If she said she wanted to stay up all night drinking vodka and watching horror films you wouldn't accept that. This is the same really

I don’t even have school aged children and i howled at this! Totally not the same thing!

As a parent you have to keep your child safe and out of danger, physical and emotional. When your child reaches breaking point, in a situation which hundreds of thousands of adults can’t even cope with and is leading to sky rocketing MH issues, it’s a direct conflict of parenting.

Physically Op should make her DD keep learning.
Emotionally (MH) DD has reached her limit and OP could be causing harm to push.

DD isn’t actually being unreasonable in what she’s saying. The circumstances are unreasonable and very prolonged.

AStudyinPink · 03/02/2021 17:16

You’re obviously going to let her run the show. “She’s beyond bored...” Well, yeah. It’s boring. But it’s important. So yes, you could put consequences in place to make sure she does it. She’s 8.

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