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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dd8 refusing to do anymore school work from home from tomorrow

242 replies

Northpole23 · 03/02/2021 16:56

My daughter is saying she refuses to do any more work on computer, it’s remote lessons not online until she goes back to school. She said she is officially bored, frustrated of watching videos and doing this boring work and cries. She misses her friends and the way they do things at school.

I can’t force her can I but I’ve already asked school if she could go back and this was last week but heard nothing. Now she has officially reached boredom point. She is 8, outgoing and sociable. Hates the computer and doesn’t want to do anything anymore .

Not really sure what to do? I’ve sat with her, helped her but she just gets bored, doesn’t engage anymore . She is good at things but doesn’t engage anymore and doesn’t want to watch one more video. She has been doing the work but today said she isn’t do anything from now on until she goes back 😳 maybe tomorrow she will but she seems to really mean it now.

OP posts:

RedskyBynight · 03/02/2021 17:32

You do need to take some responsibility though. If she said she wanted to stay up all night drinking vodka and watching horror films you wouldn't accept that. This is the same really.

Well, it's clearly not the same, but a better analogy would be if she said she wanted to stay at home and not go to school (in normal times when schools are open). You would make her go to school unless she was genuinely ill or something, wouldn't you? OK, you can't make her work, but you can at least insist she sits and looks at it for x amount of time and can't do anything else. Hopefully she'll find it less boring to engage with the work (I say hopefully as I had a child that would actually just sit and stare at this sort of age).

Chloemol · 03/02/2021 17:32

I get she is missing things, however you are obviously at home and not a key worker or she would already be in school

It’s tough on her, but it is what it is and at 8 she should be able to understand

Let have two days off do what she wants, then it’s back to school work next week

Original poster

Northpole23 · 03/02/2021 17:33

Does she understand that children are being kept off school to stop them from getting an illness that could make her parents very ill indeed?

I'd have thought that an 8 year old would be able to understand how important that is.

Erm 🙄 for real

OP posts:

Beetlewing · 03/02/2021 17:33

Can she hack it for another week? Half term's coming up, we've all felt like January lasted a million years, kids feel it too.

Sirzy · 03/02/2021 17:33

Everyone has had enough but it is what it is.

Our school had a well-being today with no lessons to help everyone.

I wokld let her have the rest of the week off on the agreement she got back to it with no complaining on Monday

OakSnows · 03/02/2021 17:33

@Northpole23 maybe she or you don’t realise that in the school hubs, the kids are doing exactly the same. They aren’t having wonderful lessons, they are doing the same remote learning by themselves sat at a computer as the rest of those at home. Then they do get some play/free time. But they aren’t having lessons as such. It does suck but maybe explain to her that school isn’t happening as normal for others? Also how you are phrasing it/telling her she might be able to go back will affect it.
How you talk positively about the situation will shape her world view.

OhCaptain · 03/02/2021 17:34

She’s 8 so she doesn’t get to decide that she’s not doing it.

Where I am we have no idea when our kids are going back to school. They’re bored, restless, missing school and their friends.

We sympathise, agree it’s a bit crap, try to organise video chats etc with friends which aren’t the same but better than nothing.

But they still have to do their schoolwork. There’s no choice involved.

CarolEffingBaskin · 03/02/2021 17:34

My DD (7) point blank refuses to do the work. We've tried bribery, praise, threats, punishments. Everything. She still won't do it. She's mentally really struggling and I refuse to turn every day into a crying, screaming mess for the sake of putting some commas into a fucking sentence.

OP, if she's done, she's done. A week or two not doing the shite schools offer won't kill her. If they have an issue, they can invite her in. If not they can back off.

MrsWooster · 03/02/2021 17:34

Compromise? She does a certain amount of school stuff and also a lot of activities that achieve the same learning outcomes- so if she’s doing long division, then she designs a project that demonstrates her understanding and development of the subject...

LindaEllen · 03/02/2021 17:34

@Northpole23

AIMD

Can you agree to let her have tomorrow and Friday off and maybe do some nice things, but be clear she needs to go do work Monday onwards?

Maybe it’s all too much and she needs a little break from it.

If you feel the work is too much maybe just get her to do the most important stuff and talk to the school about what should be prioritised.

Thank you. Might just do the stuff we have to but she is isn’t happy. She doesn’t like sitting in front of a computer at all, she was fine for weeks but last two weeks she has asked to go back, I’ve spoke to teacher and she said she would have have a word. My daughter is literally missing the way they do things at school and her friends. I’ve tried and she has tried but this isn’t for her.

Without meaning to sound harsh, you say it 'isn't for her' but it isn't for most people! It's just making the best of a shit situation. You can't just opt out of mandatory things in life because it's not for you or you don't like it.

She needs to do the work school set for her. Offer her incentives to do it, and repercussions if she doesn't.

It's a good lesson that you don't always get what you want in life, that times can be tough. You can't just send her back to school because she asked to, when so many other children would like to, but simply can't.

Minky37 · 03/02/2021 17:36

I don’t think you can allow her to completely disengage. Although my DD11 is struggling now, hates the online lessons, and struggling with an old PC.
We’re managing the disinterest and unhappiness with a walk at lunch time, some treats inc food and extra screen time.
It is really really shit, but I say Just do what you can.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 03/02/2021 17:37

[quote OakSnows]@Northpole23 maybe she or you don’t realise that in the school hubs, the kids are doing exactly the same. They aren’t having wonderful lessons, they are doing the same remote learning by themselves sat at a computer as the rest of those at home. Then they do get some play/free time. But they aren’t having lessons as such. It does suck but maybe explain to her that school isn’t happening as normal for others? Also how you are phrasing it/telling her she might be able to go back will affect it.
How you talk positively about the situation will shape her world view.[/quote]
This.

My own dc are in school. Their work packs are identical to the homeschool children's. When the teacher presents a task, the kids in the class watch the same instruction video the ones at home do.

When the work packs are done they do times tables practice or free reading. They are doing a lot of both of these things. They sit apart even at lunch. They can play tag or football on the yard.

ineedaholidaynow · 03/02/2021 17:38

Are the pupils in schools doing the same work on google classroom, you may find that many of them will be working on computer screens too.

BrieAndChilli · 03/02/2021 17:38

I’m pretty sure every single parent on here has a child who is bored and frustrated with home schooling, doesn’t want to do it, mental health is suffering etc! We would all love our kids to go back to school because school is better but we are in a pandemic!
If every parent that had a bored and sad child insisted on them going back than the schools would be full and no point in shutting them!!

Dddccc · 03/02/2021 17:38

My ds is 8 we have now not done any work for 2 weeks, I cant cope with the melt downs I have spoke to his school they just say do the work like he would at school but HE IS Not at school so I asked for help they gave none so we are not doing it simple really I am also going to request he resits a whole year at school since he has missed nearly a full year of school oh and I work 14 hours a day so trying to do work just stressed me out more

Posyc · 03/02/2021 17:41

She's not the only kid who is bored. Or the only kid who doesn't enjoy sitting in front of the computer all day and would prefer being with her friends. Mine feel exactly the same. I wouldn't dream of asking the school to take them back. I'm surprised you even thought that was OK! What would all the other parents think if your child was allowed to go back because they don't like online learning? Surely they would all then start asking for their children to go back? You need to take control of the situation. Speak to the teacher. Make a plan. You're the grownup here. Online learning is not ideal but what is at the moment?

Sobeyondthehills · 03/02/2021 17:41

Do you keep to the school day?

I have found it easier to do it in chunks, so an hour (or two) or if its a big lesson then just finish that, then have fun, we start in the morning when we are ready, so at times DS might not finish till 6, buthe would have had god knows how many downtime during that.

That is what has gotten us through the last couple of weeks, we may have to change it up to get us through Feb, but we are just doing what we can

CookieMumsters · 03/02/2021 17:42

What would you do if you had a child who, under normal non-covid circumstances didn't want to go to school? What if they found it boring and frustrating? Would that be ok?

minipie · 03/02/2021 17:42

If every parent that had a bored and sad child insisted on them going back than the schools would be full

Indeed.

I know it’s rubbish, but sometimes life is rubbish and we still need to get on and do our best.

If you couldn’t home school because you are working full on and have a toddler too or something like that, I’d have a lot of sympathy with you letting her stop... but just because she doesn’t like it? No.

Is she “seeing” friends? Mine is having calls on zoom or caribu or via Teams with friends and that is helping keep her mood up. As are treats like a walk to get hot chocolate from the cafe or a pizza take away night.

SonjaMorgan · 03/02/2021 17:43

I think you need to find a compromise. Look at books and work packs that go with them or a project she can research and work on. Science experiments at home could be nice. She could then go and do some research and a write up afterwards.

samanthawashington · 03/02/2021 17:46

who is the adult here? If she said the same about physical school, you would presumably have a strong word and send her. Its not optional. She does the work. Its not for the school to take over her supervision at the moment. Being bored, does not count as being the child of a key worker (a definite eye roll here)

30not13 · 03/02/2021 17:46

My 7yo is a refuser too. You have my sympathy @Northpole23.

It's not as easy as previous posters saying oh well MY child wouldnt get a choice, MY child will do it cause I say etc... if only it were that easy!! You cannot force a child to comply.

@Northpole23 I tried different times in the day out and found that my child will do it if you leave it til after tea. Can you try that?

Ultimately you can only do what you can so please dont beat yourself up.

Original poster

Northpole23 · 03/02/2021 17:46

Hiya

Bless you! I’m not working but got 2 younger boys one with ASD as well and he needs my attention a lot so it’s a juggle here as well. Very hard as I’m trying. It was going ok but turning point was today and I can only see what tomorrow will be like I guess but as people have suggested we will just do the necessary and the rest I don’t know yet.

OP posts:

Ilovenewyear · 03/02/2021 17:47

@livefornaps

I don't blame her. I want to stay up all night and drink vodka and watch horror films, too

I’ll join. Also sick of homeschooling. This sounds like much more fun.

silverbubbles · 03/02/2021 17:48

It's nearly half term. Perhaps try and use that as motivation for a bit more work. Get her to plan somethings she would like to do in half term to give her something to look forward to.....

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