Dd8 refusing to do anymore school work from home from tomorrow

[Northpole23]

My daughter is saying she refuses to do any more work on computer, it’s remote lessons not online until she goes back to school. She said she is officially bored, frustrated of watching videos and doing this boring work and cries. She misses her friends and the way they do things at school.

I can’t force her can I but I’ve already asked school if she could go back and this was last week but heard nothing. Now she has officially reached boredom point. She is 8, outgoing and sociable. Hates the computer and doesn’t want to do anything anymore .

Not really sure what to do? I’ve sat with her, helped her but she just gets bored, doesn’t engage anymore . She is good at things but doesn’t engage anymore and doesn’t want to watch one more video. She has been doing the work but today said she isn’t do anything from now on until she goes back 😳 maybe tomorrow she will but she seems to really mean it now.

I feel for you op. My oldest is the same. I’ve told the school that he’s not doing much and they just say try your best.

Perhaps agree to let her have a couple days off this week but she has to promise that she starts again on Monday morning? Other than that I have no suggestions!

I would just say try and get some English & maths done and some reading but don’t force too much!

Perhaps give her an incentive. For instance if she does her school work she can have a chocolate bar or similar in the afternoon?

DD is in school Mon and Fri as I am a key worker. She does home learning on Tues and Thurs and we keep Wednesday as a chill out day. She plays, I do housework. As long as she gets most of the work completed I, and School, are happy.

She reads lots of books, it’s just sat in front of the computer getting her really frustrated day in and day out and this last week she has particularly been asking me everyday to go back to school. She is 8 and I know some kids spend all their time on screens and computers but mine doesn’t, she is usually more active, plays, imagination, reads, goes to school happy, loves writing , her writing is really good. We have no issues, we go to parks and walks and bike ride when weather is good, it’s the fact she doesn’t want to sit in front of a computer anymore that’s what she says and I believe her. That’s the issue

Is all the work screen based? Would she do a printed worksheet or the actual learning if you watched the video first and explained it to her in person?

She's not unreasonable to be sick of remote learning. Is there any possibility that this is a moan and she doesn't mean that she won't do the work?

As she's 8 I'd be inclined to negotiate her doing just maths and literacy or giving her the time off from learning but not allowing screens as entertainment.

But still got to consider their mental health as well.

Yes but will her mental health be helped by doing no school work & becoming even more bored?

I think she needs to do the work, as best she can. Giving her a break from it when she needs it is fine, and giving the teacher a heads-up is good too.

But I do believe kids don't benefit from us trying to smooth out their paths. It's crap but it's also a bit of a life lesson in resilience.

Why don’t you try and find another way of learning? If the weathers decent go for a walk and get her to maybe map it out or figure out how long a mile is etc? Maybe even do a nature thing. Or perhaps baking? Get her to find a recipe and work out whats needed.

My kids are at home too seriously struggling but as long as maths and English are done I figure everything else can be picked up later. Letting her do no learning won’t help her mental health either

I'm printing lots and DC are using pen and paper. I'm letting them writing in coloured pen or pencils or on white boards. Even got a stick on white board sheet for the wall to mix it up. 1st lockdown we did sums with chalk on the drive

Let her have the day off, on condition that she catches up and does a bit extra over next week? You can force her to sit in front of the computer but you can’t force her to learn.

I feel for you op. My oldest is the same. I’ve told the school that he’s not doing much and they just say try your best.

Perhaps agree to let her have a couple days off this week but she has to promise that she starts again on Monday morning? Other than that I have no suggestions!

I would just say try and get some English & maths done and some reading but don’t force too much!

Perhaps give her an incentive. For instance if she does her school work she can have a chocolate bar or similar in the afternoon?

It’s hard isn’t it, I’m not letting her run any show as some have said lol goodness but I can see my happy outgoing child change into frustration and sadness I know it’s not right.

First of all really try to find out what DD finds hard, what she really dislikes what she misses, what can she suggest she would like. Explain school work is a non-negotiable, but if SHE was in charge of planning lessons what would she like to do.

Talk to the teacher. See what they suggest, if they know you need support they should try to work with you to see what works.

Trying to work out priorities might help. What work is most important? Is there another way your daughter can learn the same thing but without being tied to the screen? It is hard for the schools to adapt the learning to suit everyone's circumstances. E.g. practical activities are great for some, but can by a struggle for others (the same with online etc).

Is there anything she is interested in? Can you encourage more of this, even if it is in place of some school work - if she is learning what she wants she is still developing skills.

Perhaps break the day up more with activity breaks. DD1 is year 9 and they have reduced lesson times and put in more frequent breaks to help the pupils..so of course an 8 year old finds it hard.

Is she able to contact her friends? I set up zoom chats for DD2 and her friends (all age 9) / whatts app video calls with her best friend (via my phone / her friend's mum's phone) which helped her to feel better about missing them. Even doing things like writing a letter to her friends and posting them - that's writing practice without being work! If her friends write back it will brighten her day - and at least she will have brightened theirs.

Don't give up completely, but some re-jigging may be in order!

@Northpole23

She reads lots of books, it’s just sat in front of the computer getting her really frustrated day in and day out and this last week she has particularly been asking me everyday to go back to school. She is 8 and I know some kids spend all their time on screens and computers but mine doesn’t, she is usually more active, plays, imagination, reads, goes to school happy, loves writing , her writing is really good. We have no issues, we go to parks and walks and bike ride when weather is good, it’s the fact she doesn’t want to sit in front of a computer anymore that’s what she says and I believe her. That’s the issue

Surely at 8 years old she isn't sat on a screen all day every day though, particularly if going forward you are only doing maths and english?

There is still plenty of hours in the day for reading, art, puzzles, running around in the garden etc.
Maybe you just need to mix it up so she does one school task followed by something off screen for fun.

I'm just not sure why her not wanting to is really a good enough reason to stop schooling altogether unless that is usually how you deal with things she doesn't want to do. Of course you believe her, no one really wants to sit and work from home or home school, but there is still a long way to go unfortunately.

I let DS take a couple of days off last time round. It really helped him to get back on track the following week. I don't know what the weather is going to be doing for you over the next couple of days, but if it were me I'd be aiming to take DS out for a cycle ride, a take away and a chance to spend a bit of pocket money on a comic/activity book and maybe some sweets and a fizzy drink. The latter things are good for his physical health obviously, but the chance to choose a things for himself gives him back some control which works wonders for his mental health.

I'd sit down with her tomorrow and work out a timetable that she has some input in. Mine like a walk in the morning, a nice brunch and then we get started.

Bribery also working well in this house.

Sorry, it's hard and boring BUT this work is not going to get repeated (the curriculum hasn't been suspended this time) so it needs doing.

An 8 year old doesn't get to opt out of schooling.

You say you can't force her but if you don't you're failing her.

Mine would be getting absolutely zero privileges until their attitude changed. Yes, my DS is bored and the work is ridiculously easy for him and he misses his friends but, frankly, tough!! Work is long and boring, uni lectures can be excruciating etc, time to learn that life lesson now, suck it up and just get the job done!

Does she have screen time or a favourite toy, OP? I'd make using them conditional of all work being completed to an acceptable standard every day. My son knows no iPad until after dinner unless he's finished early and completed exceptional work, the same as on a school day (no iPad until spellings/tables/reading/homework

completed etc) - setting up these routines now will put her in a great place for secondary.

Don't give up, push her! She's capable by the sounds of it and if she doesn't get to opt out of work at school she doesn't at home either! I'm sure if you dropped an email to her teacher they could message/call or zoom her to let her know her work is mandatory.

I've got a similar one with ASD so beyond logical and doesn't do non routine. His teacher sends us what everyone else gets and we do some of it. However a lot of what we do at the moment is follow his interests. He likes to read, that's a plus; we talk about the books, sometimes he'll make a poster or draw or write about the characters. No maths but he'll weigh things out if we cook, will measure and use number in making craft things which he does enjoy, he'll write a letter or postcard to a friend or relative which practices his writing and so on. And a lot of it is about keeping him calm, busy and interested in whatever he's interested in on the day, so if he sees something on tv that catches his attention we're on it. We read more about it, we find out facts, and so on. His teacher's given me the gist of what's most important for him to practice - the free writing and reading mostly.

These are hard times for all, everyone is fed up, and there's many ways to learn. Hope you can get over this rough patch

My children are a lot older but I think it your DD's age I would go for bribery/negotiation. Talk to her teacher and see if they would recommend anything that doesn't involve screen time.

Could she FaceTime a friend and they do the work together?

I’d give her a break and come back to it fresh on Monday morning.

@Northpole23 Is her teacher following a scheme of learning in maths, where your DD would miss out if she didn't follow it? Or could your maths be based on real-life (eg shopping and adding it up, cooking so measuring ingredients and looking at time it takes to cook).

Similar for English, if doing cooking, could you look at the instructions with her. Imperative verbs are "bossy" verbs that tell us what to do when following a recipe. Can she spot them in the recipe?

This way it's more hands-on and verbal/visual.

I want to stay up all night and watch horror films and drink vodka and I'm the teacher .....old joke not joke really i hate it too

Seriously though, speak to the teacher. A lot of my older students (in a very different context) are utterly fed up so have started doing tasks with a video chat app on so they can chat to each other while they do them = less boring, a bit of support when they don't understand and aren't interested and it gives them something to talk about too. They also use Pomodoro timers so they race the clock and can see a countdown to how long they have to go, decent breaks doing something totally different, decide on a mini-reward when they've done XX number of exercises etc.

It's shitty and no substitute for learning in a classroom but she does need to keep on doing her best even if that is less than expected. Her teacher should be able to advise on what to prioritise and some strategies appropriate to her age and personality. I'd definitely email them.

I sympathise. I've got an 8 year old and he feels much the same way about distance learning.

What topics are you doing? Can you get some child friendly books and get her to do some work from that. DS's friend did a brilliant news report about the Vikings last year - showed he knew all about it but no screens except where his dad videoed him. DS and a couple of his friends wrote a script pretending to be characters from their class book and presented it to the class via zoom.

Trying to shake it up a bit seems to help but overall its just so boring, I don't blame her. We all need something to take our minds of this rubbish. very happy to join her vodka and horror films binge if I'm invited

Does she understand that children are being kept off school to stop them from getting an illness that could make her parents very ill indeed?

I'd have thought that an 8 year old would be able to understand how important that is.

You have told her that if she does go into school, all her mates are not going to be there and she may not even get her teacher. Teachers are in on rotas and staying at home when they can.
Think you need a balance between giving her a break and letting her just decide what she is going to do. Also it is only one more week till half term. Does she realise that? That may giver her a boost to keep going

As it's remote lessons and not online could you team up with another family and do the work together via zoom/skype whatever? At least then she woukd get some social contact and hopefully be more motivated to work too.
It's so hard but I think the end of lockdown learning is in sight at least for primary years! Hopefully she'll get back to school even if it's rotas/blended learning 🤞

Surely at 8 years old she isn't sat on a screen all day every day though, particularly if going forward you are only doing maths and english?

There is still plenty of hours in the day for reading, art, puzzles, running around in the garden etc.
Maybe you just need to mix it up so she does one school task followed by something off screen for fun.

I'm just not sure why her not wanting to is really a good enough reason to stop schooling altogether unless that is usually how you deal with things she doesn't want to do. Of course you believe her, no one really wants to sit and work from home or home school, but there is still a long way to go unfortunately.

Yeah they have loads of work on google classroom, it’s all on computer, aside from links for PE and maybe some art which she does anyway. She always has done the work dont misread what I’m saying , it’s just has had enough of google classroom everyday. Says she doesn’t want to do anymore on the computer and wants to go Back. There is no other way to teach what they set? As it’s just watching videos and then complete the work.

Whether she does the work or not, she can't socialise with her friends. It isn't a "I'll demand and so I'll get". All the demanding in the world cannot open the schools as they were in 2019. She has no option but to wait like the rest of us.

Agreeing to Maths and English only is a good compromise for now, with lots of downtime around it for her to read or draw or whatever.

Are the classes live at set times or does she just need to achieve tasks 1 to 4 across the day? If the option is there, can she just take bigger breaks between sessions rather than try and cram it all in 9-3?

My own dd is up with the lark and full of energy (while I'm still prising my eyelids open) so any art/science/creative schoolwork would suit her at 6.30am with me sat with a brew. Reading book at bedtime