Dd8 refusing to do anymore school work from home from tomorrow

[Northpole23]

My daughter is saying she refuses to do any more work on computer, it’s remote lessons not online until she goes back to school. She said she is officially bored, frustrated of watching videos and doing this boring work and cries. She misses her friends and the way they do things at school.

I can’t force her can I but I’ve already asked school if she could go back and this was last week but heard nothing. Now she has officially reached boredom point. She is 8, outgoing and sociable. Hates the computer and doesn’t want to do anything anymore .

Not really sure what to do? I’ve sat with her, helped her but she just gets bored, doesn’t engage anymore . She is good at things but doesn’t engage anymore and doesn’t want to watch one more video. She has been doing the work but today said she isn’t do anything from now on until she goes back 😳 maybe tomorrow she will but she seems to really mean it now.

I wish everything was that easy, OP, if children don't want to do the home learning, they would be allowed back in school. I'm sure most of the children are feeling the same.

Just be a parent. You can empathise and be kind without for one single second agreeing that schoolwork is optional.

(Alternatively, do what you like, but any negative effects will be on her and you. The posters who agree, the government and even her school teachers will have moved on.)

@CookEatRepeat

Ask her teacher for support. If you don't have a direct email address then email or phone the office and ask them to contact the teacher for you.

You do need to take some responsibility though. If she said she wanted to stay up all night drinking vodka and watching horror films you wouldn't accept that. This is the same really.

Oh ffs really!?

Ffs op of course there is another way to teach it. They follow the curriculum the same as every school in England. Ds is in year 3-so I got him year 3 maths and English books. Might not be the same order as school but the same content. If there’s a bit we don’t get, we watch the oak academy video on it. It really isnt hard to get some good workbooks to use to replace online lessons.

I feel for you OP. My 10 year old dd said she'd had enough today. She just about got her maths done today. Didnt want to write "a stupid poem" and didn't want to do her mindfulness task. She says it's boring and not like being in school. We had tears too.

In the end, she completed her maths. I told her to email her teachers and say the poem will be a bit late and not to worry to much about the mindfulness stuff. Then I took her out for a walk which helped.

I remind her that a lot of children are in the same boat at the moment and there will be things in life that she wont feel like doing but will have to do, but to be honest if it means she doesn't complete one or two tasks I'm not going to stress too much over it. If I can get her to do her english or maths or read then I won't stress over a poem not being written.

If she needs a half day away from it then so be it. If she were an adult and feeling at breaking point we would give similar advice to step away for a bit.

What is she doing instead? My 8 year old is fine this year, last year (age 7, in Y2) we had a similar situation. I let her off the hook 80-90%, she spent her time reading books, playing, going to the park and playing Maths games in the computer, doing touch typing. I would not have let her avoid school work in order to watch TV or play on the ipad. But I felt that doing Maths games and reading books were probably more beneficial for her.

I think this is very much a middle ground. Ds1 has really struggled the last few days , he usually really makes an effort but a couple of things happened. One teacher as lovely I'm sure as she is in school is massively struggling with the online format. I feel for her , half the lesson is her getting frustrated when the whole class can't see the slide she is showing them ,then she tells them all off because she knows it is up and then gets all shame faced when she realises what she has done. Then spends the lesson only asking two children to comment as she admits she can't work out how to see all the DC.

So I agreed he had to do her worksheets but he didn't have to attend the lesson. DS1 is very much one of those DC who has done everything and extra research and work so they were not too bothered (I didn't tell them why he had an issue with her lessons) .

Both he and ds2 were exhausted and stressed and wound up. I let them take the day off on the grounds they catch up tommorrow. If course I wouldn't do it if they were in school but this is simply not the same. One day off in a month is reasonable and ds1 teacher agreed.

Saying all of that , my DC are 8 and 5. They do not decide whether they do the schooling. I do. Yes I can make them because their options are non existent if they don't. No TV , no electronics ,no toys . They can do the school work or sit quietly doing nothing for 3 hours. Up to them.

Mainly because my dc will struggle socialising back into things when we all go back. They have missed enough I am not going to put them in a position to have to catch up when they go back. Any more than they have to.

It's hard at the moment but surely being a parent is about enforcing the hard stuff that will hurt them if they don't do it. I stand by the day off today. A mental health day is fine but one day. That's it. Tommorrow bright and early dressed washed and ready to work.

Fine let her have a day off but you won't be doing her any favours by not getting back on the horse.

It feels a little bit as though you're waiting for someone to tell you 'Oh wow, @Northpole23, of course your child should be given a place at school!'

Yes, it's hard, and even harder when your child is voicing her discontent. But schools are 'closed'. The only ones going into school should be those whose parents have no alternative childcare, those at serious risk of harm from being at home, or children with an education/health care plan.

I would pare back on what she does for the next two days. English and Maths only, make things a little more chilled. Then it's the weekend, and then only five more days until half term.

Giving days off sends the wrong message, in my opinion- what happens next time she declares she absolutely isn't going to do something you've told her to do?

Contact the school and ask for her teacher to ring/zoom to chat to her. This is happening all the time in my school. Some children require almost daily contact from their teacher or pastoral support. A lot of people are in the same position as you and struggling to keep their children focused on the on- line videos/ classroom work. If her teacher is unable to provide support there will be someone at the school who, I’m sure can. Good luck.

Depends on how important education is to you, I would say. And how much you let your child get their own way.

I have a DC in Y11 who hates remote learning, doesn't want to get up til lunchtime, doesn't want to sign into TEAMS lessons or do the huge amount of work being set.

He would rather sleep til lunch then XBox all afternoon and evening. We've had a couple of times where he's refused to do any work and said he's not doing it any more.

We've sympathised, agreed it's shit and told him he either does what he's supposed to do or we change the Wifi password and remove the XBox controller.

None of us are having fun - and please bear in mind schools may very well not be back til after Easter. Is she going to just do as she likes til April? Mental health is about more than just being allowed to do exactly as you like.

I would tell her that you have given it careful consideration and will award her two days annual leave from today, then for one week only allow her to design her own learning curriculum to take her to half term. Then she gets back to it. I would also arrange some telephone calls with friends or sending them video messages because if she is not in class she will miss the people.

If she's really struggling with it being online, could she do it offline?

You should be able to get textbooks and workbooks appropriate for her age group, and is it possible to print off the google classroom work? I'd also be tempted to get her a verbal reasoning (or non-verbal reasoning) book — they feel like puzzles, but are really good for mental acuity.

I sympathise with her, I'm short-sighted (although it's corrected with contact lenses) and have convergence problems and doing everything on a computer is getting to me too. I've started writing drafts by hand, and taking 'window breaks' where I either go outside, or go and look out of the window to let my eyes refocus.

She still has to do the work somehow though!

My dd is 12. She FaceTimes friends whilst doing work. They often just have the FaceTime going and aren’t talking just for company. They chat together on FT / house party, online game (my dd wasn’t into gaming at your dds age though) and watch films together. Basically they start the films at exactly the same time and one has the volume up and the other down so they can chat at the same time.

Maybe you could get creative as other people are saying with the work. You could also do things like getting your dd to video things you find along the way and describe them as a different way of doing English, measure distances, jump in mud and do some times tables together, explain about gravity and why the mud falls to earth, talk about the water cycle.

Maybe your dd could FaceTime a friend while you are walking and about so they could talk about what they’re doing then get the friend to do the same while they do something else. Perhaps they could give each other challenges eg jump up and down 10 times, find a stick, which is as long as your arm etc. Get your dd to write a note to her friends and post them through their letterboxes.

If you have a parent, who is willing to meet, I would go for a walk somewhere safe and allow the two children to stay a short distance away. Your dd is old enough to understand and abide by the rules of only meeting one other person.

Teach your dd about how other people live. Play imaginary games about what you would do if you lived in hot country like Africa. Talk about the wild animals there, migration....

Perhaps if you could get creative with life when your dd is not working, she will be more willing to go through the pain.

Why is it that every post that sounds like a post straight out of Us For Them turns out to have been posted by a very recent user?

It’s hard for you and it’s hard for your DD. Give each other the love and affection you both deserve and just ask her to try her best.

I'm a teacher, & I am in fact off right now to drink vodka & watch horror films!

Online learning is grim. My three have struggled this last week or so, including the geeky one who actually rather enjoyed it last lockdown.

I'd email school, let them know that you'll only be doing the core stuff from now until half term, & make sure she gets a complete break then.

This will pass, but it's indeed miserable. My nearly 13yo has absolutely had it up to here, my 14yo is letting it slide a bit & then getting anxious about it, & my 16yo is being told if he doesn't pull his socks up he'll be repeating the year - to which he's threatening to ditch sixth form altogether.

I can teach a classroom full of kids very successfully, I have 20 years of teaching experience - but I can't keep my three engaged & motivated with this. Despite our school being really very good at online provision.

Obviously I'm teaching online FT anyway, but frankly, I could ditch my job tomorrow & I still couldn't make my own kids think this is fun.

Cut out as much as you can, keep school informed, & don't make it a huge battle. Breathe!

So many holier than thou parents on here. No your 8 year old doesn't just need to suck it up and get on with it. She's 8 years old. The work she's doing is not important in the grand scheme of things. What can they be learning at 8 that's so vital that it can't be caught up with over half term?

You've recognised your little girl is struggling. Give her a couple of days off, work with her to come up with ideas of how she feels she could do it differently to get it done without causing her so much stress.

At the end of the day if i felt that burnt out at work, id book some annual leave. Children don't have that luxury while they're at school but i can't see why your dd can't. Give her some control over her own time - she could make her learning time more effective than in school by planning it herself with your help. Think of it like she used to work in an office from 9-3. Now she's working from home she's got the flexibility to decide how she wants to use her time.

Has she got any friends she can sit on facetime with to do the work?

Oh, the actual point of my post was meant to be is her eyesight ok? Because that can make everything really difficult. And if she's always been fine in school and it's a recent change, to her it's obvious that working at home that's the problem, when it might actually be something else entirely.

I think you just need to do the basics to keep her up to speed. First lockdown we had really not set work at all from school. And when they did occasionally send something, I had a 2 year old at home too plus my Y2 dc and I wfh full time with dh who can't wfh, so it was all me all day with both of them trying to also keep afloat at work. They mostly watched tv, but we did the basics: a bit of reading and maths/times tables practice every day, and we got out for some exercise. That was all I could manage without a lot of tears and me needing a gin by noon. It was fine. Mine is in Y3 now and as far as I can tell easily working at year level or beyond from watching the online learning every day and seeing where the other kids are. So it clearly did her no harm. It's only a couple months. Kids in war zones miss years of formal education and they do catch up.

I agree that doing at least the minimum should be non negotiable, just like going to school. If my 8 year old said she doesn't want to go I wouldn't just let her stay off. Rather than a punishment make a reward for getting her maths and English done.

A lot of kids are feeling the same way at the moment, so I really sympathise OP. DS1 (12) is usually extremely engaged with learning, but he’s so done with it all now. I’m concerned this whole period is permanently changing his attitude to school in a negative way, which would be a real shame. I don’t know what the answer is. DH will push and push until there’s shouting wind tears which IMO is as bad a backing off completely. I try to take the middle ground but that’s not working brilliantly either.

The only consolation is that you are not alone op. Lots of kids are well and truly fed up with this shit show.

I think the majority of children are reaching this point but to be fair, mine do the week before half term in a normal school term. I am mainly focusing on ensuring they do maths, literacy and reading every day and the rest can slide some days. My year 5 knows if he completes all his work he can call his friends on teams at 2ish so he tends to do it, would that be an idea of a bribe?! Fingers crossed the end is in sight with it but it is still hard going.

I know of someone who had similar problems and contacted the school who signposted them to parenting courses, you could ask if your school could do the same for you.

I'd get her to do at least the English and maths,. See what the science and history/goegraphy are and try to do it in a more fun way if you can. Beyond that, go for a walk for PE, do some fun painting for art, listen to some music she likes, build with lego, just do fun activities.