Dd8 refusing to do anymore school work from home from tomorrow

[Northpole23]

My daughter is saying she refuses to do any more work on computer, it’s remote lessons not online until she goes back to school. She said she is officially bored, frustrated of watching videos and doing this boring work and cries. She misses her friends and the way they do things at school.

I can’t force her can I but I’ve already asked school if she could go back and this was last week but heard nothing. Now she has officially reached boredom point. She is 8, outgoing and sociable. Hates the computer and doesn’t want to do anything anymore .

Not really sure what to do? I’ve sat with her, helped her but she just gets bored, doesn’t engage anymore . She is good at things but doesn’t engage anymore and doesn’t want to watch one more video. She has been doing the work but today said she isn’t do anything from now on until she goes back 😳 maybe tomorrow she will but she seems to really mean it now.

Honestly, I don't blame her. she is only 8 and especially at that age school is all about seeing friends etc. its so close to half term- kids are bound to be fed up. I'd say give her a bit of a break, maybe just do an hour a day up until half term and focus on maths and literacy, and spend more time on fun things to keep spirits up. There will be loads of kids doing far less than her at this time, and teachers will understand this- there will be lots of catch up sessions when they go back I'll bet. Mental health is more important i reckon. Hope this helps :)

@luxxlisbon

You say do fun stuff in the evenings? Like what? We bake, but no one is getting enough exercise to eat treats every day. We paint, but that’s wearing thin.

It’s dark, it’s raining, yes you can walk but that’s hardly fun and exciting night after night?

@OppsUpsSide

I know of someone who had similar problems and contacted the school who signposted them to parenting courses, you could ask if your school could do the same for you.

This. If you let her win this one, she will not respect your authority. Negotiate with her but please don't accept "I'm not..." from an 8 year old.

OP, I really feel for you and you've had some very harsh responses.

Just a thought - if she likes reading, would she read non-fiction books on things she finds interesting? My mum always used to say 'if you can read, you can educate yourself'.

There are many ways to be educated, doing online lessons is only one of them. Remember even before Covid, thousands of children were being home educated many of whom were doing very well academically. They were not sticking to the National Curriculum but learning all sorts of things.

Would she consider doing workbooks? You can get some really fun ones. I'd much rather my child learnt from a book rather than a screen.

If it's any consolation to you, I missed a lot of school when I was young. In the long run it didn't matter at all - I got good GCSEs, A Levels and a degree.

[quote Takemetothebar]@luxxlisbon

You say do fun stuff in the evenings? Like what? We bake, but no one is getting enough exercise to eat treats every day. We paint, but that’s wearing thin.

It’s dark, it’s raining, yes you can walk but that’s hardly fun and exciting night after night?[/quote]
Remember being in the kitchen doesn't have to mean baking treats. Teach her how to cook. She could be preparing something for the next day's breakfast or lunch. Teach her how to make bread, or pastry etc. There's a whole variety of kitchen skills they can learn that don't involve unhealthy treats.

To be fair I don't blame her, I'm sick of being at home working, and on pc all day. Must be awful for kids

Is there Dad around to help op? If not do you have someone in a support bubble who can help? So one had the boys and one helps her for a few days?

Insist on maths and English and offer a reward is that helps. Then look at what else she's learning and find alt ways to learn about it? YouTube, Google, kids reference books, calling Granny up or Uncle Bob up etc?

I’m another vote for letting her have a couple of days off - then encouraging reading and order the right level maths CGP book from Amazon and let her do that . If she likes writing let her - set her some topics to write about.

My son is in school because he wasn’t engaged in the first lockdown . I didn’t approach school , they called me . I’d battled my way through the last lockdown helping him most of the day but it hadn’t worked. He has ended up in a right old mess and despite my best efforts that was apparent to school. Mental health and engaging with learning are a valid reason for a place though obviously it has to be pretty severe . You will instinctively know if that applies to your child - I did :-(

Have her eyesight checked (opticians are still open). Turn the screen brightness down and get a blue light app. Tell her 20/20/20 - every 20 mins for 20 secs look into the distance. Find some paper alternatives - CGP workbooks, Usborne books on the History or Geography topics. Maybe Aquila magazine.

And give her the day off tomorrow on condition she reads a book and writes a review.

She's 8! I would be thrilled if my 8 year old read voluntarily.

Have you or your daughter ever read Laura Ingalls Wilder "The Long Winter" ? The family were quarantined for six months by blizzards and were lucky to survive. Her daughters did continue their studies at home,while slowly starving. I suspect Ma Ingalls had an easier time as lessons were a break from chores and education seen as a privilege.She also didn't have a budding Nellie Oleson on her hands. In absence of chores do you have an essential knit squares for a blanket project she could help with?

No advice OP sorry but my heart goes out to her - her feelings are an entirely natural response to this utterly unnatural situation! Whatever it takes to keep her spirits up, do that. She is allowed to meet a friend outdoors if they don't touch. My dd had a game of ball over a fence (couldn't trust her not to touch otherwise) - we washed hands, washed the ball, ran around and had good fun and washed hands again. It was a breath of fresh air - literally
this kind of thing can become real depression and I think keeping that at bay is more important, you can't learn if you are feeling like that.

Totally know where you're coming from my DD9 has been similar, it's a real struggle. You can't force her to learn and I don't see how draconian sanctions like some people suggested would help, she needs empathy. I 2nd or 3rd pps who have said speak to the teacher and explain how it's affecting her. It's made a real difference for us, we are told what to focus on and what to leave or just run through verbally, and she now has a daily one to one zoom with a support teacher and goes over her day and any work she's stuck on. She feels like someone at school personally cares whereas before she felt, what's the point as no-one can tell if she's done any work or not from the computer. She's also now in a small group zoom for maths and spelling so it's obvious if she doesn't attend and she gets closer support.

I think you need to be the adult and tell her that its not a choice. Too many kids sending in work thats been scribbled down in seconds and then their parents will wonder months down the line why they're behind. Your the adult, they're the child. It's not fun but it's not forever. They're also not the only ones doing it. Don't be that parent that let's their kid sit on TikTok all day then complains how behind they are next year.

Can you afford some private tutoring? There are some cheap tutors online. Let her take up something new - it doesn't have to be something she's already doing at school. Just something to challenge her, the chance for some one to one time with someone from outside the family.

Ask the school to provide some interactive lessons - you seem to be saying that this is not currently happening.
As an example, our school provides 3 or 4 20 minute Zoom sessions a day for each class - this includes some class group work and discussion and instruction on the set lessons of English Maths, and 1 or 2 other subjects, including PE, Art and music.
You should write to the head and the chair of governors if the curriculum provided is not up to scratch - the school needs to be providing engaging lessons with face-to-face contact.
Can you arrange some sort of childcare bubble so that your DD could work with another child sometimes?
But bottom line is, the sky will not fall in if she does no formal learning at all for the next few weeks. She will catch up. It might be better to let her pursue her own interests rather than have her bored and turned off learning. If you have time, you can do informal learning with her, eg weighing food, writing menu plan, cooking, etc.

I would say tomorrow and Friday off, perhaps try and find stuff she enjoys that has links to school stuff, however tenuous, with the agreement that she starts again Monday. I would encourage her to keep being honest with you, and I would say I do understand it's hard but we need to because....etc. Also speak to the teacher, maybe some of the lessons can be done via worksheet or through other means away from the computer to break the day up a bit?

Aren't you embarrassed to tell the school that your 8-yr-old just refuses to do as she's told and that as a parent, you can't work out a way to motivate or engage her? I would be mortified.
But then again, I wouldn't be implying all the parents who can engage their children are somehow blessed with couch potatoes
Her friends won't be in school. We're in the middle of a pandemic. I'm sure she does want it to end, as we all do. But the way to make that happen is to follow the rules and stay home.
Lots of us have DCs who are active, have friends and enjoy clubs. Your DD isn't unusual. You need to work out how to manage it for her.

Honestly shocked by some of the answers on here. Its is not as simple as "youre the adult, make her'

Children's mental health is massively suffering during this lockdown and forcing a child to learn is not going to help at all. My DD9 has been struggling for a few weeks now. I have spoken to school and had a lot of support from them, one thing they did say was DO NOT force her to do the work.

Just remember you are her parent not her teacher, you know what she needs. And if thats comfort and time out then thats whats best.

Our school had a no screen day today and the work set was to do something fun, go outside etc.

I would think about it this way. If she had a different personality and hated being at school all day surrounded by other children in a noisy environment what would you do?

Probably you would sympathise and help your child adapt as well as possible while acknowledging that her temperement isn't well suited to the environment she's forced to learn in. I think that's all that can be done here. I'd insist on maths and English and let the others slide a bit. I doubt school will be able to have her due to boredom but they might be able to offer support.

Maybe give her one day off, and then agree on something really nice she can do/have in half term if she does all her work after that (I appreciate there are very few things left for her to do).

I am very sorry to hear about your struggles OP. Even for most adults remote working from home has really effected their moods so I can imagine how difficult it is for a 8 year old. I agree maybe letting her have tomorrow and friday off and then starting next week try see how she feels and explain you understand her frustration but she needs to do school work coming up with a reward system and some fun activities for the weekend and evenings

Ah it is really tough on them, my DD is struggling a lot too, more so than my DSs.

Listen to her, empathise that it is boring/lonely/different, but reinforce that it is important and not something to be negotiated over. Compare it to the ant and the grasshopper.

Life is full of hard work/tricky situations/disappointment but it is how we learn to deal with it that has the biggest impact on mental health. Stick at it, don’t give up when it is tough. Embrace the good bits and look back at your achievements and celebrate them.
“Remember when you learned to ride your bike? It was tricky, but you kept on trying!” “How hard was it when you first started tying your shoelaces? Because you kept trying you can do it easily now.”
“How tricky is it to concentrate when you miss your friends and boredom sets in on the computer? But if you keep trying when you go back to school you’ll be proud you kept up and achieved.”
Don’t teach her that she can’t cope when it is tough. That she’ll be able to cherry pick at life. It isn’t realistic and Once learned that expectation will follow her through life.

As much as she might want to go back, the school she wants to go back to doesn’t exist at the moment. Children in school full time still don’t have their teacher in front of them teaching in the same way they usually would.

I ended up in a similar situation in lockdown one because my boy has ASD and couldn't cope with the change. In the end we did learning by stealth, I just gave up on most of the set work and started working in a way that appealed to his interests. He loves trains so we learnt phonics through learning station names on the London Underground map. We learnt about money and counting by giving him a change pot and making him 'pay' for his snacks every day. He jumped up a reading level at school during this time and he's holding his own in maths, so couldn't have been all bad.

Maybe just set a few basic rules for some core stuff. Eg 15 mins guided reading a day, bit of basic maths etc and then try and springboard off her interests to do other stuff. There's loads of good ideas on Pinterest.

I don't blame your daughter. As a parent, I feel like giving up. My daughter hates it & I hate it. Its not doing any good for anyones mental health.