If my cat had AIBU...

[Greenandcabbagelooking]

AIBU to think that three pouches of wet food, two meals of dry food, some treats and unlimited fresh water just isn’t sufficient to sustain a cat? I’m so starved, I had to tell all the children on my human’s zoom lesson about it in the hope they’d feed me. They didn’t, and human shut me out the office, so I only had the whole rest of the house to run around.

How do I call cat line?

My humans moved house and now we live next door to a dog, who is my mortal enemy. They are v v v unreasonable.

I think this is my favourite Mumsnet thread ever

Aibu to think that if I must share the laptop with the human that she only uses it when I don't need to lie across its keyboard, and that my need to do so is more important than her need to stare at its screen all day?

AIBU when I take up the entire super king size bed slowly and methodically pushing my hooman to a small corner on the end?

She looks at me like I’m crazy and locks me out. It isn’t fair!

@Sauvblanca

My favourite game is to bat small objects underneath the freezer. Oh the excitement! The anticipation, pushing it ever closer, then the thrill of watching it disappear out of sight.

But joy turns to panic as I realise I no longer have my toy, because it is underneath the freezer and my arms are too short to reach it.

AIBU to expect my human to lie on the kitchen floor with a torch and a spatula to retrieve my prized possessions every time? Or should I take their advice and find something else to play with? The problem with the latter is that eventually I will run out of toys because they are all under the freezer.

This is sooooo true. Also applies to live mice . Please mummy crawl around on the floor, move every kick board, heave the fridge out of the way, pock around with a long stick, and then AIBU to let the little buggers run around me, for me to then walk away disinterested, because it is no longer fun.

@motherrunner

So to divert the thread. My gorgeous boy passed away last year and this has brought back so many happy memories (although not so much at the time!) of all the wonderful things cats do!

As soon as lockdown is over we are on the hunt for another - or maybe more!

Its lovely this thread is making you smile and bringing back happy memoriesmotherrunner.

AIBU to expect every human is the household to cater to my every whim? I make no apologies for being high maintenance and yet these humans are not making themselves available to me 24/7. I thought they understood that this is what allowing a cat overlord into your home means? Yet they insist on working, eating and sleeping. They are seriously CF’s.

AIBU to lie between mum's shoulder blades when she's in bed, effectively pinning her in place, then shouting in her ear that I'm hungry again. It's not my fault she can't get up to see to my every whim when I do this?

Why do my hoomans get mad when I want to watch them on their big white litter tray with the water in? They have no problem watching me!

AIBU to want to go out as soon as my hoomans sit down to eat? They're not doing anything important.

Ahh you must be the greedy (fat) Tom cat that visits my house multiple times a day to eat my cats food!

Fellow cats, don't tolerate such poor care standards.
Do what I do, stick to the hoomans knees as soon as they sit down. And dig, dig, dig your claws in. Show them, firmly but kindly, who is running this show.

They must learn to follow the demands of their feline overlords

My human keeps moving even though I want to sleep on her lap for hours. AIBU to drop a dead mouse in her shoe later?

I am definitely not unreasonable, my human is, she calls me a stupid bloody cat because I bellow for food when there is already food in my bowl, why does she not understand that if I don’t SEE her put it in my bowl it doesn’t exist and no matter how many biscuits are in the bowl I WILL NOT EAT THEM unless I watch her add more biscuits, even if it is only two or three, then I will eat the entire bowl of food.

I also insist on her being my door person no matter the time of day or night, but that’s her job right?! And yes, I will scratch all the rubber seals out of the window if she doesn’t respond fast enough to ‘in’ commands and destroy carpets and curtains if she’s too slow to answer my ‘out’ request but really, she only has herself to blame, it’s not like she’s doing anything else at 4am!

Aibu to jump through the neighbour's upstairs bathroom window, knocking everything off the shelf as I land and terrifying the neighbour who was taking a bath at the time? Surely even a tiny gap in a window is an invitation to be blessed with my presence.

I know my slave human is on an important course today but AIBU to want to show off the fact I've emptied my anal glands and want to waft them horrendous smell around the room which the laptop is in? I can't understand why she kept pushing me off her lap whenever I tried to jump on it!

Aibu to want to be let out the front door, see that's it's raining so try the back instead....
Only to discover it's also raining out the back 🙃 then be moody with my owner as it must be their fault

AIBU to say my hooman was horrible when I scared the bejesus out of her, sneaking silently into her room and leaping onto the bed at 2am howling, when she was working late and had headphones in?

THEN she made me wait a WHOLE FOUR MINUTES so she could finish something unimportant. This is much longer in cat minutes so I pawed at her and then stood my stiletto paw right on her nipple, making her yelp and she still didn't move fast enough.

I only wanted to be let outside. I have a cat flap but that's not the point. I prefer to be let out the back door like the princess that I am

AIBU to think she has no right to just scoop me up and cuddle me at any given time and against my will, then kick me off the bed when I'm pawing her face at 3am to show her that I actually do care half hoping she'll also wake up to give me a wet pouch?

AIBU for trying to wake you up Hooman (at a perfectly reasonable time: 4am) to be fed? I shall walk all over you (I am a big cat) and when I spot your face peeking out of the duvet I believe it's my right to nudge you out of unconsciousness with my cold wet nose until you give in.

@Taylrse

Aibu to want to be let out the front door, see that's it's raining so try the back instead.... Only to discover it's also raining out the back 🙃 then be moody with my owner as it must be their fault

YANBU - I firmly believe that the weather will be entirely different at the front of the house to the back. I haven't managed to prove it yet but I will. I will never give up trying both the front and back doors one after the other to check which has the better weather.

Even then you must hesitate. To go forth or not to go forth is the question. My hooman calls me Brexit-cat when this happens, I try not to judge her ignorance.

AIBU to believe I am in fact a deity? I mean, my hoomans shout 'JESUS CAT' when I run in front of their feet as they're walking downstairs so it stands to reason, right?

"Aibu to want to be let out the front door, see that's it's raining so try the back instead....
Only to discover it's also raining out the back 🙃 then be moody with my owner as it must be their fault"
I find it incredibly frustrating that while my human manages to control the weather on the house she still lets it rain outside, even when I have voiced my frustration to her.

*in the house not on

AIBU that I don’t want the food that’s in MY bowl I want the food that’s in the other cat’s bowl and I’ll barge her out if the way to get to it even though it came out of the same tin?

To think that she shouldn't sit in MY COMFY CHAIR... if the mat by the fireplace is good enough for me, its good enough for her. I spend ages making a lovely me shaped dent in the cushion and then SHE sits on it.

While I'm at it why does she keep wasting tuna by mixing in disgusting mayonnaise and those horrible little yellow things then adding it to a potato... yuck.. AIBU to think tuna is best straight from the tin?