MiL overjoyed that we’re expecting a boy

[Circumlocutious]

We already have one DD.

She found out last week that it (looks like) we’re expecting a boy, and revealed to me how delighted she is that they’re now going to have a grandson (from a son...they already have 3 from DH’s sister), that she’s been secretly wishing and praying for a boy, and asking her close friends to do the same (!) And the congratulatory tone to me, as though it’s some kind of achievement on my end...and presumably a failure if it had been a girl.

When we chatted after the 20 week scan with DD, she spent a good time on the phone speaking in a consoling tone about all the virtues and redeeming qualities of girls, as though it’s something that I was feeling bad about (it wasn’t!), instead of her projecting onto me.

Sure, it’s nice that we’ll hopefully have one of each gender (will probably stop at 2), but that’s nothing to do with this fixation on having some kind of male heir

I’m fucked off at this sexism and at the forthcoming, fawning overinvestment in her grandson.

I wouldn't get too worked up about it unless she isn't nice to your daughter.

I mean, it is old fashioned and frustrating but I guess it's that thing of 'carrying on the family name'. My grandparents always made a big deal about my brother having a boy, they were lovely and didn't treat any grandchildren differently, but they were old and still held some traditional beliefs. As long as nobody is hurt or treated differently I wouldn't get too upset about it.

@SupermarketStress you do know midwives can’t just be redeployed as ICU nurses, don’t you? They have a specific skill set. There are already fewer births predicted than an average year, so the Op will be fine.

Congrats on the baby OP. My in-laws were just the same about our boys. It’s depressing.

I don't know, really. As long as she doesn't treat anyone differently, then I don't really see the issue.

My grandmother was like this about the oldest child (not me!). She always tried to give him special treatment and it is to my mother's enormous credit that I only found out about this as an adult. My mum had to quash various of her attempts to favour my elder sibling when we were children, none of which I was aware of at the time. You may need to step in to stamp out obvious favouritism, but you will have the power to do that because you are the parent, not her. Mostly, though, it will probably be a case of taking deep breaths, rolling your eyes and forging ahead with life the way you want it.

SupermarketStress that is one of the most ridiculous posts I've seen on here in a long time and that's really saying something!

OP, congratulations. I have a girl and now expecting a boy. I would also be a bit annoyed about the reaction you're describing.

It's amazing how many older people think this way (I know not all of them do, before anyone jumps on me).

My DH's grandmother told me when I was pregnant with our first that she was hoping and praying for a boy. Well... we had a girl. Grandmother said it was such a pity and that a boy would have been better.

I was hugely offended at first but then I realised that she was speaking from experience- she is of a different time and was stuck at home raising her younger siblings whilst they got to have childhoods and an education. Her brothers had a grand old time and then webt on to their university courses and jobs, whilst she was left at home until a returned soldier agreed to marry her. He treated her like shit. So although what she said was horribly sexist, it didn't actually come from a bad place. She was genuinely sad that my DD might suffer the same childhood that she did.

It's either this, or your MIL is just a misogynist. You'd know better than us.

OP I would say something to her next time she makes a comment like that again. Nip it in the bud otherwise it's going to keep happening including to your child

It's the sperm which determines the sex. Tell her to redirect her comments to her son!

When we said DC1 (and first grandchild) will be a boy, FIL went "Ah, great, an heir!'
I guess if we only had DDs, he would leave his stuff to a cat shelter or something..

Maybe question her in an intrigued way about why she so wants a grandson from your dh. If for the name I would make some comment about these days increasingly it is the girl passing on the family name (if that is the motivation), so all bets are off as to who will have a child with their surname in the future.

All that praying - is she Catholic - which is a patriarchal religion. If so that could be part of the problem.
My DM preferred boys - when I thought it through (as her not very favoured DD) I realised she was not close to her DM, but had loved her DF very much. Also she had an older sister that she possibly felt she didn't match up to.
Hence boys were best to her.

MIL said exactly the same to me. She is from a different culture, one that highly values boys. She has gone on to treat him differently too. It’s subtle but I can tell.

My MIL is utterly obsessed with having grandsons. She's got 6 grandkids (some born to her sons, some born to her daughters), and every single time, before their sex is known, she goes on and on about how she hopes it's a boy. If it turns out to be a girl, she's always nice about it, but does say "you'll need to have another now, to have a boy next!".

It's downright weird. But my FIL is horrifically misogynistic, and they always treated their sons way better than their daughters,, so maybe she's just thinking sons get a better life.

Just be happy she is happy. You won't change her views. Congratulations.