MiL overjoyed that we’re expecting a boy

[Circumlocutious]

We already have one DD.

She found out last week that it (looks like) we’re expecting a boy, and revealed to me how delighted she is that they’re now going to have a grandson (from a son...they already have 3 from DH’s sister), that she’s been secretly wishing and praying for a boy, and asking her close friends to do the same (!) And the congratulatory tone to me, as though it’s some kind of achievement on my end...and presumably a failure if it had been a girl.

When we chatted after the 20 week scan with DD, she spent a good time on the phone speaking in a consoling tone about all the virtues and redeeming qualities of girls, as though it’s something that I was feeling bad about (it wasn’t!), instead of her projecting onto me.

Sure, it’s nice that we’ll hopefully have one of each gender (will probably stop at 2), but that’s nothing to do with this fixation on having some kind of male heir

I’m fucked off at this sexism and at the forthcoming, fawning overinvestment in her grandson.

Just make sure your DD never gets wind and lay down the law with MIL that your DCs are not to be treated differently.
Lets hope it's just the perpetuating the family surname thats led to this. Congrats 2 u

Two stories for me. One: I was supposed to be a boy. After my parents died, I found letters commiserating my Dad on my not being a boy. I know my brother was also wholly unimpressed. My Mum was secretly delighted, having been told she couldn't carry girls (!) My Dad loved me totally once he got over the surprise but the letters from various letters (we know you must be disappointed etc). I think my Dad was glad I was healthy tbh as my Mum had three late miscarriages (one stillborn at eight months).

The other story is about mine. We always referred to the baby with a nickname we used to mean thingymajig (naming would make this post very identifiable! but like you might say Jack for example). In Laws were very excited about baby...buying trainsets etc. Then we started talking names. Very feminine ones. Confusion followed by total loss of interest in their first grand child. They weren't much better after birth either. I'll never get over their literal removal of themselves - you could see it plainly in their faces - when they realised it was going to be born a girl. The irony is they loved trains etc but weren't allowed the train set as the interest was lost (not for girls).

There will always be IL like this. The thing you need to realize right now is you're not being unreasonable. You are having a child and are excited about it. That's what matters and they should be ashamed to not rejoice in that. Healthy and happy are what you should care about in a baby. Also gender at birth has no meaning anymore. They could grow up anywhere on the gender spectrum with any sexuality. You'll love them no matter what. I doubt you're IL can say that.

I think it's very important to have good relationship with partner's family if possible and there is no point in being petty.
I understand her comment was in bad taste but people generally can be very annoying. We all have faults so while it's important to set healthy boundaries it also makes sense to be a little forgiving, especially with older people who grew up in different reality.
If my husband focused so much on what's not perfect about my mother and cultivated negative emotions towards her I would be really disappointed.
As long as she treats your children the same I would move on and not waste emotional energy on this.

I read once that grandmothers are supposed to unconsciously favour a son’s daughter over a son’s son. This is because the granddaughter has definitely inherited one of her X chromosomes so will share more of her genetic heritage/traits, and the ability to pass them on, than her son’s son. Her grandson will have inherited the Y chromosome from his grandfather and no X linked characteristics from her. Logically this makes sense but how that translates into real life experience 🤷‍♀️.I haven’t noticed favouritism due to gender of offspring in my family but some grandchildren are closer to their grandparents than others due to personality and how involved the grandparents were able to be while the grandkids grew up.

I think this type of behaviour, although intended to be innocent, is a symptom behind discrimination against women in society and supports the "it's not for girls" type of culture.

Oh my goodness what drama from nothing!
My own lovely mum adores my 3 sons but was thrilled when I had a girl. Don’t make a bitchy issue of it, there’s no need.

Oh do shut the fuck up. The gender of babies is a girl or a boy unless there are serious medical issues around the newborn genitalia in which case more tests need doing - but baby still has a gender.

nope that's the SEX - gender is a social construct not a biological fact