Homeschooling is impossible- end of my tether

[Edenspirits]

Both DH and I have keyworker status - I teach full time at a university so the department of education have given lecturers keyworker status and DH works shifts in a blue light call centre.

But the school have said they have no spaces as they are full.

I broke down today in tears as I am trying to teach live and plan my lessons and DD who is 8 is on her own most of the day and I have no time to school her. She needs my support and isn’t old enough to do it on her own despite trying to set her work. My lectures can be up to 2 hours.

I feel like I am neglecting her as she is mostly watching TV.

aibu to feel like I am going to have a breakdown if this continues for much longer.

AStudyinPink Well if there is no other option, other then to let you child watch tv and fall behind, I would be using the weekend to ensure it doesn’t happen. I rarely get free time at the moment weekday or weekends during lockdown with everyone home, having to homeschool etc. But I understand it’s temporary and trudge on. Even though I feel it sucks and like I am exhausted all the time (still waking once a night most nights to breastfeed the youngest!!).

I honestly think it's time for working parents to take a stand and sack it all off. A CGP activity book for the right year group for english and maths woudl have been more than sufficient to get us through 5-6 weeks of homeschooling.

Instead I'm photographing studd for seesaw, helping create art, videoing etc. it's fucking ridiculous. Fuck you Gavin Williamson.

I homeschooled my kids at that age (different reasons obviously) and they can learn independently. It sounds like the school aren't being that helpful with resources so I suggest, presuming finances allow purchasing the key stage 2 books plus work books for science and maths from cgp. Set pages to read and workbook pages to do, set programmes to watch on bbc (mornings on cbbc are educational output), set a project each week to research and present to you both on Friday/Saturday (when shifts allow obviously) eg one week it's the Romans, the next it's on Ghana, the next it's on British mammals... you get the drift, unless there's sn at 8 they can use Google, PowerPoint etc and it really helps reading, general computer literacy as well as the subject.

Ok I didn't have a pandemic so we took field trips but often they would spend 2-3 hours working independently getting together information, and they were free to take a break and play with their toys too.

The answer is not to open all schools, or fill them to the brim with anyone who needs a place as that isn't safe. Instead a proper ambitious catch-up plan is needed that may have to include children repeating a year. A summer school that no one wants and a couple of million on tutors who aren't even qualified won't cut it.

I’m not sure how everyone can repeat a year. The infrastructure isn’t up to it. But yes, summer school won’t do it.

AStudyinPink Well if there is no other option, other then to let you child watch tv and fall behind, I would be using the weekend to ensure it doesn’t happen. I rarely get free time at the moment weekday or weekends during lockdown with everyone home, having to homeschool etc. But I understand it’s temporary and trudge on. Even though I feel it sucks and like I am exhausted all the time (still waking once a night most nights to breastfeed the youngest!!).

Up to you. But I don’t think people should be driving themselves to illness.

@Mamabear12

AStudyinPink Well if there is no other option, other then to let you child watch tv and fall behind, I would be using the weekend to ensure it doesn’t happen. I rarely get free time at the moment weekday or weekends during lockdown with everyone home, having to homeschool etc. But I understand it’s temporary and trudge on. Even though I feel it sucks and like I am exhausted all the time (still waking once a night most nights to breastfeed the youngest!!).

So you are on Mat Leave? Totally different situation to keyworker Parents.

We are in similar situation, both WFH, demanding jobs. DH is home keyworker and I am not but in very busy public sector job providing support.

I am not that fussed about trying to get all the work done - no way we can manage all that - but trying to a bit most days.

I've pushed the start of my working day back by about 2 hours most days and then do the most difficult task with DD, who is 9. For us that is usually maths. Then let her have a break. Then between calls I'll prep or set up for literacy which she can do on her own. Then after lunch try and do topic work, mostly art. Try to stop by 3pm. Screen time allowed in between times, and DP tries to take her out for some fresh air at some point. That is plenty to keep her mind ticking over. Some kids will be doing more, some a lot less. I really can't get that bothered about TV/screens given everything else that is happening.

Last year I had a different approach and used weekends and days off to catch up but I ended up exhausted after 4 months. (and I am pretty tired now as well)

Can’t you rework both of your days? Obviously your lectures and office hours are set, but can some of your work be done evenings and weekends? DDs school work can also be spread out over the day and week? Your spouse could also be doing schooling when off shift.

There are lots of people in the world that are wfh right now with children remote learning and they just have to figure it out. I’m one of them. Our days are strange, but we make it work. I consider myself infinitely luckier than someone who has to go to a job but also had to scramble to find some sort of child care when schools closed.

And yes, it is not really appropriate to compare someone trying to do a full-time teaching job and homeschool with someone trying to look after a baby and homeschool, because you can at least hold a baby and ‘teach’, but you can’t live teach (effectively) and ‘teach’ a child at the same time.

It sounds really tough OP .

I won’t fall into the trap of saying because you’re academic she will be fine - because that definitely isn’t the case with one of my own children . The upside is though that when this mess subsides you will have the skills to help her catch up .

I feel for you OP. The only reason I’m ‘coping’ is because I’m doing the bulk of my work in the evenings and I’m SE so I can cut my hours short term. I’m exhausted when with my DC and distracted. I feel like I’m giving nothing my full attention. We are focusing on English and maths and everything else falls off our radar.

It feels like shit when the school send the newsletter round of kids doing science experiments with their parents, junk modelling in school etc and my kids spend most of the day in front of the tv.

@hammeringinmyhead

I think for me, the difference between me on the phone doing mortgage stuff and a teacher live teaching is that the teacher being able to send their 6 year old to school means they are occupying 30 other 8 year olds for, say, an hour. This allows 30-60 parents to either do some work with second/third children, or do their own work.

Completely agree.

If I don't go in, my bubble of 15 students (children of other keyworkers) don't get to stay in school themselves. If any of my children requires a space because they can't cope at home anymore, they will get one, as my own head teacher will ensure it so I remain in school as well.

Do you get the work given by school at the beginning of the day or week. If it is at the beginning of the week can you plan what you think DD can do by herself whilst you are working, Then plan the rest round your work and DH shifts.

Maybe find some alternatives that DD would find easier by herself.

Ask one of her friend's parents if they can help during the week via video link and you reciprocate either at the weekend or when DH isn't on shift.

I’m doing the bare minimum with my 8 year old too. I’m a key worker working from home, so I don’t get a place. I’m a lone parent too, so no one to help me. Last week we submitted no work as I had my grans funeral, and this week we managed to log into our first live meet while I was also supporting an online training event. We attempted work yesterday, it ended up in tears and I had to work till 9pm. The school are saying we can just do what we can, but my god, is it exhausting. I’m trying to focus on what needs handed in. I’ve spoken to the school about my situation. There just is no place as I work from home.

We are in a very similar situation, ds is mainly pursuing his own interests. Do use Ted talks/ Ted ed etc. If she can read, get books she can use. Print off any work, though the amount of stuff we have printed means it would have been better to just have bought some CGP books.

Edenspirits to be honest op most schools I know do live lessons from year 2 onwards. I would definitely be pushing that. At that age there's no reason why life lessons can take place. Dd has 3 a day and the teacher does live lessons at the same time as teaching in the classroom and it works.

I'm in the same boat except we're not keyworkers and dc is in year 3 but still 7.

I wrote an email to my dc school and teacher emailed back saying all work should be independently done so need for my contribution. Anyway this week school have decided on doing 'knife skills' in the kitchen for a cookery lesson. Yep cooking with an actual oven and also millions fo craft sessions that involve all sorts of messy items such as glue and paint. All very well telling me the 7yo can do this alone but it ain't happening!

So what I've done. I asked the teacher to send me the work the night before, I start work at 9am. From 7-9 I cover nearly all of the academic stuff and I take my lunch hour over the cooking lesson or whatever other ridiculous thing they've shoved in the schedule.
How flexible is your schedule? Can you do videos instead of live for something a week for example so you can take that time to be with dc. I also do any admin catch up in the evenings. Any live calls or meetings I try to plan around 'art' etc. So I can set up dc and sit near them while they are quietly gluing paper to the table.

I work in a university as well, albeit in a support role rather than teaching. If your daughter's school can't offer her a place I'd get in touch with your head of department/departmental administrator and ask what provision the university is able to offer in terms of help with the cost of childcare. They may be able to help with the cost of a nanny to supervise your daughter's homeschooling during your contracted teaching hours. You can't do it all, and you shouldn't feel guilty about needing support - this is incredibly tough.

No need for my contribution *

I'm a single parent working full time from home (not a KW) with my 11 yo son at home.

If I didn't have a supportive employer I would have completely fallen apart by now.

He is struggling, I am struggling and the lack of not being able to get away from each other for anything other than short periods of time doesn't help.

OP, my son was in primary during 1st lockdown. The provision was TERRIBLE and he didn't engage at all. In the end I gave up, tried to look at the longer picture (he's a bright enough lad, he'll be OK academically), and stopped trying. I needed him to do something but it didn't need to be school work, he could read, do arts and crafts, sit in the garden...whatever. Obviously it was easier in the summer.

There is light at the end of the tunnel.

It seems like it’s varying massively between schools what their criteria is and how many pupils they will have in??

My DC’s school is being very strict and has a limit on spaces. Parents had to apply for a place before a deadline once lockdown was announced then they made decisions about who could have a space. For key workers children it’s only those with both parents in key worker roles and strictly only when parents are actually working (so part-time workers only allowed to send children in on the days they’re in work)

However I know parents at other schools where the criteria seems to be 100 times more relaxed. A friend works full-time in a care home but her DH is wfh in a ‘non keyworker’ role and their children are attending school. Another friend is homeschooling but was complaining that some at her DDs school were attending full-time despite parents being part-time keyworkers (although I appreciate this is just what’s she’s telling me and she may not know the full picture)

It just seems our school is being a lot stricter than others. Do individual schools make their own decisions about who is allowed places?

Oh and you're not neglecting your dc. You're holding down your job. Perhaps if tv is working best you could get some educational videos for dc if all else fails.

We are all failing our children at the moment, but not quite as badly as the government are failing them and us. But that is another thread.

As a tide-you-over, do you have any friends or relatives who are available online? I have my mum doing English with my 10 year old on Zoom. They both really enjoy it. We email my mum the stuff the night before and she spends about 90 minutes with her. It's working really well for both mum and DD. We also are very fortunate in that we have a single friend, living with her parents, going slightly bonkers who used to be a teacher but is currently furloughed. She's doing an hour's maths with DD and another friend each morning as well.

It is ridiculous that you are in this situation though. All our children should be in school.

I disagree with most posters actually - you are at home, being a lecturer is no fundamentally harder than many many other jobs people are having to do with kids at home (I know, a sibling is a lecturer). I think you need to change your approach - no homeschooling at all while you are in your working hours, let her talk to friends, play games, etc. Then one hour a day maybe before you start work at 8am, and maybe 1.5-2 hours on the weekends. That should be plenty to keep her up if it is positive 1:1 time. I'm always surprised more parents haven't shifted to doing a bit of high quality homeschooling on weekends rather than trying to juggle everything mid week and driving themselves mad. One good hour of 1:1 time is worth practically a full day in a class of 30 at school in my opinion.

Just a suggestion but is there a relative or friend who you can send the work to via Internet who can maybe skype or call her with assistance to at least get her on her way for each task?

Somebody must be willing to help.

Good luck and don't let it get you down.
You'll find a way.