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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Homeschooling is impossible- end of my tether

394 replies

Edenspirits · 02/02/2021 12:19

Both DH and I have keyworker status - I teach full time at a university so the department of education have given lecturers keyworker status and DH works shifts in a blue light call centre.

But the school have said they have no spaces as they are full.

I broke down today in tears as I am trying to teach live and plan my lessons and DD who is 8 is on her own most of the day and I have no time to school her. She needs my support and isn’t old enough to do it on her own despite trying to set her work. My lectures can be up to 2 hours.

I feel like I am neglecting her as she is mostly watching TV.

aibu to feel like I am going to have a breakdown if this continues for much longer.

OP posts:
ineedaholidaynow · 02/02/2021 13:03

More children in school will result in more bubbles bursting so not really going to help the situation.

MOTU · 02/02/2021 13:04

hey massive solidarity, i also work for a university though I'm not a lecturer so apart from meetings I'm not live teaching but it's still a complete nightmare trying to persuade a 7 and 9 year old to get one with work while also trying to do my own work! i'm now adopting a more relaxed approach, theres lots of bbcbitesize content on cbbc and things like horrible histories and planet earth make me feel better about the hours of screen time.....

lightand · 02/02/2021 13:06

Contact school governors. That is what they are there for.

Dont feel you are failing. You are in an unworkable situation.

muckingfuppeteer · 02/02/2021 13:08

@ineedaholidaynow

More children in school will result in more bubbles bursting so not really going to help the situation.
Parents can’t just take unpaid leave indefinitely just in case a bubble might burst?

Paid leave is in very limited circumstances only.

TheKeatingFive · 02/02/2021 13:08

More children in school will result in more bubbles bursting so not really going to help the situation.

A school teacher in the OPs position would presumably get a place, no question. So why should the OP be any different? She can’t achieve the impossible.

Quit4me · 02/02/2021 13:08

I also have an 8 year old. It’s horrible right now with trying to work. Impossible because my 8 year old needs constant help.
Do one hour a day with her after you have finished work. Focus on maths and English.
The rest of the time she could read, do tt rock stars or push the button for times tables, watch documentaries on tv or maybe an oak academy lesson if she gets on with them. Or an online art lesson - rob bidduplh is great.
It’s horrible as it guilt trips you to the max.
Do what you can and don’t beat yourself up.
Hopefully not much longer

leafinthewind · 02/02/2021 13:09

I found the same as Atl2018 - with good video instructions, my 8 year old can work independently. BUT she's Y4 - rising 9. Last year in Y3 she was much less independent (and, to be fair, there were no video instructions). In any case, this is going to be different child-by-child. If yours can't, she can't. Whether that's because of poor instructions or because she's not developmentally ready, or because she just can't. It's not your fault. Two pronged attack - (1) push for a school place, and (2) stop trying to homeschool except for two concentrated 20-30 minute sessions a day, chosen to fit into your timetable. If you can't get those two 20-30 minute breaks, your job is also part of the problem and you need prong three - a conversation with your manager about workload.

It's not your fault. This is just nuts. Hang in there.

bridgetreilly · 02/02/2021 13:10

Is there anyone local you could possibly be in a childcare bubble with? Another family in a similar situation where you can have the children together at least, and you get every other day to work without children in the house?

muckingfuppeteer · 02/02/2021 13:11

It's not your fault. This is just nuts. Hang in there.

This.

Hopefully not much longer

and this too.

muckingfuppeteer · 02/02/2021 13:13

@bridgetreilly

Is there anyone local you could possibly be in a childcare bubble with? Another family in a similar situation where you can have the children together at least, and you get every other day to work without children in the house?
This is a good idea in theory, but probably difficult in practice and they might as well be in school?
Staffdontblowitnow · 02/02/2021 13:14

There are lots of school teachers in this position. Being a key worker for us means bugger all. Schools know a lot of teachers are WFH and so the expectation is that we can teach others as well as our own.

Not one member of the teaching staff with primary aged children at my secondary school has a full-time placement for their child in a primary. They have all been given the same excuse some have some provision and others have zilch.

81Byerley · 02/02/2021 13:15

You are not Super Woman, and you can't do the impossible. Forget the formal school work, set her tasks that she can achieve whilst you're working. At aged 8, I loved to bake, and spent hours scouring my mum's cookery book, looking for biscuit recipes that used the ingredients she had in the cupboard. At the same age, my granddaughter became fascinated by botany, and spent hours on the Internet looking up Latin names for flowers, then drawing the flowers and labelling them with their common and Latin names.
Use her interests to decide with her what she would like to do. Give her the materials, Internet, books, paper, pens. My son loved animals and drawing, and combined the two, drawing different animals, and finding out about them. My Grandsons know so much about dinosaurs, from their own research, that they could probably write a book...and they are home educated. Through that research their reading developed as well.
Be kind to yourself!

Staffdontblowitnow · 02/02/2021 13:16

@TheKeatingFive

More children in school will result in more bubbles bursting so not really going to help the situation.

A school teacher in the OPs position would presumably get a place, no question. So why should the OP be any different? She can’t achieve the impossible.

No school teachers do not get a place no question.
ineedaholidaynow · 02/02/2021 13:19

Quite a few teachers are WFH with their children at home too.

Check your schools remote provision plan. Should be on the school website. See if your teacher is following it.

RuleWithAWoodenFoot · 02/02/2021 13:19

We have a fairly strict timetable if who is meant to be working with the dc that is planned round our live lessons.

Same. He's live online, I'm live online, we're both KWs. We have been naughty and hooked up with another family so we have a bit of a 'break' to actually work, and child gets a friend to be with.

Most of the time though, it's telly or some recorded stuff from her own school or Oak. She's much more interested in the Oak stuff - she's done all the music lessons etc. It's still learning.

SleepingStandingUp · 02/02/2021 13:21

As it's not live and you can do it at your own pace, can you work out a wonky schedule?
DH is on shifts but does that mean he's sleeping every day when you're working or he's doing long days and some off?

If he's up say 2 hours can he do an hour with her? If he's got a full day off, once he's awake he needs to be doing it.

If you work Mon-Fri can you make sure you do some reading every day then a few hours Sat and a few hours Sun?

Prioritise maths and English.

Get her on YouTube or Google to learn about any topics stuff say if they're doing planets or the Tudors.

You AREN'T failing her, you're doing your best.
It isn't on YOU, she has two parents

JKRowlingfan78 · 02/02/2021 13:21

Welcome to the world of homeschooling parents with second tier kids missing out.
Our kids are being forgotten and left behind.

ThelmaNotLouise · 02/02/2021 13:21

@AStudyinPink

I would contact them again, and the LA, and explain that no, you’re not ‘at home’, you are live teaching through the day. It is the same as if you weren’t there, bar a safety concern. Your child is missing out on her education. Make more noise.
Absolutely do this. Tell them you cannot supervise her learning while you are teaching, therefore she won't be doing the work they set going forward. They have a legal requirement to ensure children are being educated so that should make them listen.
Lalapurple · 02/02/2021 13:22

Can you ask your work for part time furlough?

RuleWithAWoodenFoot · 02/02/2021 13:22

No school teachers do not get a place no question.

We definitely don't. If we're at home, we have our children at home.

Also, school timings aren't actually useful anyway for teachers (or other KW staff doing shifts) - no one works from 9am - 3pm in genuine KW jobs out of the home. Everyone we know has a 'childcare bubble' (hmm!) to do wrap around or pick ups.

At the moment child has a friend whose parents are both teaching from home, but they are putting her in school - they can't do the drop off or the pick up, because they are both expected to be online to their own classes at the beginning and end of the day.

Bythemillpond · 02/02/2021 13:23

From what I have seen of home schooling done properly during non pandemic times and this type of home schooling it isn’t really home schooling and is more to do with doing school work at home.
The people I know who have home schooled successfully made it child led and not teacher led.
For example if your child was interested in the Romans they would do a project on the Romans. You would be sourcing the reading material, maybe a website to start off with and going over different topics to cover but then it would be up to the child to do the work to the best of their ability.
Having had 2 children go through the system I think a lot of what is taught needs for a lot of input from a lot of the parents

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 02/02/2021 13:24

I'm in exactly the same position as you OP. It's awful. Universities are utterly ruthless places. Ours are cutting us absolutely no slack whatsoever - in fact the summer curriculum planning days have been increased rather than the reverse - and we are even being expected to do peer-supported review. What? Now? And on what bloody basis?

This 'all systems normal' approach is breaking people. It's actually very cruel.

I feel you. I hear you. Flowers

RuleWithAWoodenFoot · 02/02/2021 13:24

no, you’re not ‘at home’, you are live teaching through the day

That's exactly the same as everyone else at home though. Live teaching is the same as being in a Teams meeting or being on a call centre headset or being in any other job. If anything, live teaching is sort of easier to have children in the back of - my class like seeing my child hanging about and she joins in some of the chat sessions.

ChloeDecker · 02/02/2021 13:24

I’m in the same situation as you OP-both DH and I are teachers teaching a full programme of live lessons plus the marking, planning and parent’s evenings that come with that and trying to homeschool our own because their school starts 9am to 3 for keyworkers and I can’t do those hours and still do my own Form Time and lessons which are 8:15am to 3:15pm.

Currently having a lunch break but in a few minutes, will do some homeschooling before my next lesson.

We cope by doing some home schooling in the weekend and some evenings.

It is what it is.

Minky37 · 02/02/2021 13:25

This is just the same as any other parent who is WFH full time who isn’t a key worker though? Having said I’m that, it’s unfeasible to supervise a home learner at the same time as working, therefore it is impossible to do.
I find the only thing to do is reduce your expectations, tell school you can’t do both. Trying to do both nearly broke me last year.