Homeschooling is impossible- end of my tether

[Edenspirits]

Both DH and I have keyworker status - I teach full time at a university so the department of education have given lecturers keyworker status and DH works shifts in a blue light call centre.

But the school have said they have no spaces as they are full.

I broke down today in tears as I am trying to teach live and plan my lessons and DD who is 8 is on her own most of the day and I have no time to school her. She needs my support and isn’t old enough to do it on her own despite trying to set her work. My lectures can be up to 2 hours.

I feel like I am neglecting her as she is mostly watching TV.

aibu to feel like I am going to have a breakdown if this continues for much longer.

sorry, not read the whole thread but am also a lecturer at uni. You should absolutely make the school take your kid!!!! You are essentially a teacher and honestly, teachers cant look after their kids while teaching other kids. we've just had a stint of self-isolation because of our kids nursery and having kids at home plus lecturing just doesnt work. If you really cant do it, have a look at the furlough scheme for parents at your uni. it does exist at mine. you absolutely cannot do both.

your kid wont miss out on much so thats fine. but it's not fair for an 8year old to be by themselves the whole day. We are key workers and do deserve a school place sorry. So push for one. Having my kids in childcare has made a huge difference to my mental health. Colleagues whose kids are at home are going mad and I would not recommend it

You are not failing your daughter. Things are really difficult at the moment but this too will pass. Find a couple of suitable tv programmes that are educational for her to watch each day. Make lunch together weighing out some ingredients (I’m talking cheese on toast or muffin pizzas here not a three course meal). Spend half an hour reading with her at bedtime. Let her do arty things, play games and with her toys the rest of the time. Perhaps her dad could do one school activity with her each day. You could do a bit of school work at the weekends if you can but generally, spending time together then will be every bit as good. She will be fine.

I've just had to admit to myself I'm having another breakdown caused by homeschooling and having to neglect my toddler to even do half the work. I hadn't even realised I was having hallucinations again until yesterday when I commented on a noise and realised no one had heard it because it wasn't real. I'm starting medication again today, but I can't cope. I keep loosing it or shutting down completely. Honestly if DH didn't wfh I don't think it would be safe for me to be here alone with the kids. But he can take flexi time so I can step away when I need to. I genuinely cannot go on anymore like this. Theres no one nearby to help. it's just me and DH.

@Edenspirits

To be honest, I had a really dismissive email from the school that made me feel awful & like I was taking the piss because I am at home so it’s left me feeling really like i have no options

I honestly think this might be a big part of the problem.

My child's moved schools and gone from doing literally none of the work last time round (even with me there to help) to doing a full timetable. The current school is doing a tonne of live teaching and the level of support they are giving is just incredible. That's what makes it possible for my child to do remote learning. PDFs for an 8 year old, no that just is not going to work and she won't be the only one not engaging by a long chalk. If your daughter's school had said more sympathetic things you wouldn't be feeling like such a failure.

In your position I think I'd try to squeeze in one "lesson" a day where one of you is fully available. It can be DH when he's around. Help her with maths or English in that slot. My DC is a bit older but we did for the rest of the time was a timetabled mix of productive stuff and TV. Say one hour a day is making hour when she draws (maybe from a book or YouTube) or writes, or makes something with Lego. One hour she reads. Ideally sometimes this is non-fiction. "PE" with Just Dance or a bike ride or walk. TV goes on after lunch. Find a load of vaguely educational TV and set up a playlist for her. She is not going to get broken by this, you are just getting through one day at a time and every day you manage is one day closer to the end.

I'm also an academic with one child. I would suggest a couple things:

1. Be absolutely brutal in prioritising. Aim for 1-2 hours a day of maths and English at the very least, anything else is a bonus.

For your own work, figure out what you can ditch without getting in a heap of trouble. I'm finding that while we're being told to keep doing everything (and more) there are a number of things that if you don't do, no one will notice or care. They can't tell you it's okay to skip it but they're not going to give you a hard time in practice.

1. Forget about normal schedules. Work and learn when you can, maybe that's in the evenings or weekends sometimes. Put your fixed commitments on the calendar and schedule everything around that. Remember that this is also your husband's responsibility.

1. Lower expectations and don't feel guilty!

Children all over the country are watching too much TV and having to entertain themselves. They're going to be fine, don't worry. Can you turn your lectures into lecture/seminars so there's less prep? Can you put off some work until end of term?

Keep your aims manageable and try to hang in there. It's probably just a few more weeks.

YANBU at all. I am only working very part time and am finding it very tough going.
I'd be calling the school and laying it on thick that I can't cope. And if they are no help contacting the LA. Hope they are helpful and let's all hope there is not many more weeks of this.

Top of your list has to be your own sanity. You will be absolutely no use to your DD if you have a breakdown.

And remember that a few short focused lessons one on one at home will provide a lot more learning than can be achieved in a large class over a longer period. So there’s no need to aim for anything close to a full school day.

A few things that may help:

Childcare bubble. Either with another family or are there any older kids/young adults you know nearby who would welcome the babysitting money? Not a perfect solution but I’m sure they could manage working through a few worksheets with your DD. Any older kids of family friends?

Decide what’s important for both school and work and drop anything that isn’t towards the top of that list. For school that’s probably English and maths.

Go through the school requirements and pick out any things your DD might be able to do independently. Do they set art challenges? Failing that try and set her up with some creative stuff that you can leave her to it for a while.

If she doesn’t have live lessons you could set some structured educational screen time. Either the bbc bitesize stuff or maths or reading apps. I’d add some YouTube PE into that as well. You don’t have to go for 9am, they’re all available to replay so chose a time that suits you.

Try and carve out some early evening time for reading. I honestly wouldn’t try and catch up anything else once you are done with work, it’s too late for a kid that age to concentrate. But reading before bed is a good way for everyone to calm down at the end of the day.

I like the PP suggestion of pairing up with a school friend over FaceTime so they are trying to do school work together.

You can do some catching up at the weekend but I really wouldn’t go for full on school all weekend. You all need some downtime. Maybe finish the most important bits from the week and then do some games? Scrabble is a great one. There’s a junior version too. Teach her to be the banker in Monopoly. Or some card games? I know they’re not school work but can be great for word and number skills.

@Edenspirits

I did ask the school as was so worried about DD not doing anything much but they just said because I am ‘at home’ it’s unfair to other people. I get it- I am not trying to take the piss but my job is busy and full on and full- meetings, office hours for students, planning & the live stuff- I have no time. I feel like I am going mad to be honest.

I'd be telling them you have to go to work - and you are not WFH

Anyway this week school have decided on doing 'knife skills' in the kitchen for a cookery lesson. Yep cooking with an actual oven and also millions fo craft sessions that involve all sorts of messy items such as glue and paint.

See I would just refuse to do any of this. They can't make you!

This is what I meant about prioritising. If you reduce all the school work to what is really essential, you shouldn't need a huge amount of time per day.

I can't even count how many activities we've skipped.

@RuleWithAWoodenFoot

no, you’re not ‘at home’, you are live teaching through the day

That's exactly the same as everyone else at home though. Live teaching is the same as being in a Teams meeting or being on a call centre headset or being in any other job. If anything, live teaching is sort of easier to have children in the back of - my class like seeing my child hanging about and she joins in some of the chat sessions.

Exactly! This is our situation. Both of us s working full time on live work calls all day. Three Children are left to their own devices most of the day & we try cobble in school work in evenings around everything else! It's a nightmare

Hi OP

We are trying to catch up at weekends when we srentworking so can concentrate on helping with school work properly. Could you do the same? And she can have days off in the week instead?

Make sure she reads, and try to do the Maths - an hour a day (evening) between you and partner. An hour each one day at weekend. Get her to watch BBC's offer, and read.

Spend the time you do have free doing something nice with her and preferably playing something or something creative or going outside

Tell school what you can manage and that is what you will be doing and no more. (we have)

And - DH is a lecturer, and there is loads of pastoral need at the moment - I work f/t, we have 3 kids - . Put work in it's box, only do what you can do, keep to your contracted hours, Universities will not thank you for doing extra, prioritise ruthlessly.

I agree that university staff are not that different from other WFH people. We are not live teaching all day, every day. The workload is huge but so are a lot of people's.

There's something like 500,000 university staff in the UK, that's a lot of keyworkers' kids to find school places for.

I'm not saying it's not really shit right now, but I don't think there's any point trying to pressure the school.

If anything, live teaching is sort of easier to have children in the back of - my class like seeing my child hanging about and she joins in some of the chat sessions.

I can promise you that university students who are paying £9k a year for their education do not appreciate seeing this. There is very little tolerance for any failure to provide the level of contact time and professionalism that they believe they are paying for.

The trouble with being a teacher is weekends are likely taken up by work too in this current tech climate.

@Wotapolava

Just a suggestion but is there a relative or friend who you can send the work to via Internet who can maybe skype or call her with assistance to at least get her on her way for each task?

Somebody must be willing to help.

Good luck and don't let it get you down.
You'll find a way.

Grandparents?

The school have to provide a space for all key worker children / sisal directly to the head

Universities will not thank you for doing extra, prioritise ruthlessly.

Yes! This exactly!!

@dreamingbohemian

Anyway this week school have decided on doing 'knife skills' in the kitchen for a cookery lesson. Yep cooking with an actual oven and also millions fo craft sessions that involve all sorts of messy items such as glue and paint.

See I would just refuse to do any of this. They can't make you!

This is what I meant about prioritising. If you reduce all the school work to what is really essential, you shouldn't need a huge amount of time per day.

I can't even count how many activities we've skipped.

DS had ice cube painting last week. This involved making coloured ice and then painting with it.

In theory he should have been able to do this independently, however, we needed to free some space in the freezer, find the ice cube trays, the food colouring, set up the table so as not to soak the whole place.

Honestly...I could have done w/o it. I have already moved from working space from my garden office (I've worked from home for many years) to the kitchen so I am more available for DS.

Apps that are only android compatible (we are mainly a Mac house), videos that don't play on his device due to parental settings. There's ALWAYS something.

It's no ones fault - the teachers are being amazing, but it's just not compatible with trying to focus on a full time job.

And a lot of people are in the same boat. For example I work 4 days and look after our toddler on the 5ty and my husband works 5. My child is 5 so has to have us there to do her work with her or umit diesnt get done. When we cut out all the non essential stuff and just do English maths and reading, it just about gets done. She watches tablet for a few hours a day. None of it is ideal. I do think its unfair of you to want a place in school though, yes you have a keyworker letter but it's a bit different to a nurse or a supermarket worker. Could you speak to your employer and try and skip some internal meetings and do some of your planning work in evenings? I've done that and it helps. Also ask if you can do some pre recorded lessons and do them in the evenings to free up some time in the day and do a shorter q and a session for students live instead so there is still an element of live teaching

Youre not failing your daughter. Honestly, just do what you can. I dont even pressure my kids to do the work daily, because I'm lacking in motivation myself.
The school called and said they really need to have him doing the work daily, and I said no. We are doing what we can when we can. By the end of the week, we are not behind so unless we are then they have no right to complain.

Teacher here.
Schools are now becoming accountable for the work the children produce, both at home and in school. I appreciate that they may well be full already, so sending her in would put everyone at more risk.
Email them back and notify them that she will complete as much learning as can be done bearing in mind that you are working full time. Have a look at the Oak Academy lessons - Ive used a few and the children dont really need someone with them whilst they watch them. Don’t get too stressed out about it, you're doing your best!

@Edenspirits - I would also double check if you are allowed to go in. In our uni - the threshold is by building and our building is empty. So when DCs were at home and DH looked after them - I just went in. In theory, we should only go in if you absolutely cant WFH but honestly, in your case you might just have to push it. I mean if the school will only take your kid in if you are on-site - go on site. We are allowed just discouraged.

Otherwise - think about the best way to maximise your teaching e.g. I've given up recording lectures because it takes too long so am now just streaming them live. You can do office hours with video off - so it doesnt matter who is in the background etc - and it sounds terrible but you can listen to a student and be around your kid (please dont shoot me). Any other meeting - mic off/video off - multitasking looking after DC and doing meetings. It's not ideal - but thats what you have to do -then so be it.

Dont fret about DCs education. Age 8 they arent missing out. She might feel bored etc and it would be nice for you two to hang out but the rest.....forget it. Teachers won't expect students to have done much. Remember, this might be one of the hardest periods of your life - so be gentle on yourself!

Only 6 weeks to go.

I'd def consider a childcare bubble if there is someone. If no family what about dd friend's family? I'd fairly willingly take one extra well behaved child for some of the week especially if they came along with their own packed lunch. It would be an enormous social benefit to my own who haven't seen anyone other than each other for weeks. I wouldn't expect to be paid but I would be prepared to pay in this situation.

It is sad that this always descends into “Well, it’s no different to me because...”

It’s impossible for anyone to work full-time from home AND educate their child. That’s why we have schools. It’s why we’re paid - to actually dedicate our time to a task.

Nobody should be berating themselves because their work is getting done and they’re not also being a full-time unqualified teacher. It is an unrealistic ask.