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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Homeschooling is impossible- end of my tether

394 replies

Edenspirits · 02/02/2021 12:19

Both DH and I have keyworker status - I teach full time at a university so the department of education have given lecturers keyworker status and DH works shifts in a blue light call centre.

But the school have said they have no spaces as they are full.

I broke down today in tears as I am trying to teach live and plan my lessons and DD who is 8 is on her own most of the day and I have no time to school her. She needs my support and isn’t old enough to do it on her own despite trying to set her work. My lectures can be up to 2 hours.

I feel like I am neglecting her as she is mostly watching TV.

aibu to feel like I am going to have a breakdown if this continues for much longer.

OP posts:
QueenPenny · 03/02/2021 22:10

2 parents work full time. DH still working right now. Work very busy. A lot of shouting to get kids to shut up so we can do work calls etc. 2 primary school children very neglected. A lot of TV. School provision is fine but online just DOES NOT WORK with this age. They sometimes miss Google classroom lessons and we skip many assignments. They do their daily maths app and some writing assignments at lunch. I now prioritise getting showered and making a decent dinner above homeschooling.

You are not alone. I have gone from anger/denial/sadness to sheer resignation at the state of our family and my kids education.

IMNOTSHOUTING · 03/02/2021 22:19

I would definitely call school again. I'd also just be realistic. A bit of TV is OK. Can't you say an hour's reading then an hour's TV? Maybe do half an hour's maths in the morning and half an hour's English in the afternoon. Then you're golden.

Angrywife · 03/02/2021 23:01

I'm at a loss as to how the school can be "full" with fewer kids in than they usually have!!

Carryingon · 03/02/2021 23:04

I wfh but I end up ignoring my kids apart from throwing snacks and lunch at them. It is horrible to have to ignore them.

noblegiraffe · 03/02/2021 23:07

Because there’s a pandemic on and kids aren’t supposed to be in school if there is a parent at home who can keep an eye on them. Because otherwise it will decrease safety and increase the chances of a bubble popping and ICU nurses having to stay at home from work to look after an isolating child.

It’s not schooling for parents who are finding homeschooling a bit tricky (aren’t we all) but schooling for children whose parents need to be out at work in critical roles or who cannot perform that role at home with a child around.

spaceghetto · 03/02/2021 23:14

@MumsGoneToIceland this is a really lovely idea!

Hobbitytoes · 03/02/2021 23:48

Like so many on this thread, we can only do our best and I say this whilst still feeling that I am neglecting my p6 and s1 DSs. I'm wfh but DH still in the office so no help during the day. No live lessons here and although they are older they still need supervision as it's new learning and not just revision like last lockdown (which almost broke me). My S1 DS has a full timetable each day which is expected to be submitted and with ASD he must work to routine. I can be flexible so when I've no meetings I'll help with their work. I often find myself working til 9 or 10. I'm tired, stressed and its just shit. I've cancelled my leave so that I can catch up while the kids are on February break next week.

mylifestory · 04/02/2021 00:05

I truly sympathise.
With school work, does yr daughter get a set amount for the week? If so, print it out in 1 go and set times for the whole week when its done, maybe per day even if its not when they say exactly. We planned this and it helped a lot to have it all set up before Monday morning. Get Dr to help u write the list as she will understand it better than u then also know what's expected. Concentrate on maths, English and whatever other subject she likes. Dont worry too much about the others. Follow this and u will muddle thru 😊 We did this last spring/summer, with the odd day cramming it all into a morning and having our pool out for a week for every afternoon. Give DD something to look forward to too at the end of a day or week.

sunshinemode · 04/02/2021 00:11

I don’t know if it’s helpful but bbc are doing live lessons on their children’s channel during school hours. Perhaps she could watch those on tv and you could sit with her when you are able.
I’m in a similar position except I decided not to send mine in and I have learned that as a parent and worker you can only do so much.💐

honeybee88 · 04/02/2021 07:05

It sounds like you can afford to pay for something like "Reading egg" or similar online learning. Get on it now as your child will be able to work largely on their own doing this. Also my children's school have online learning and also hand out sheets of work. I am surprised your school doesnt so this. A lot of it they can get on with themselves. Anyway, rest assured you are doing the right thing in carrying on with your job as your money is paying for roof over your head and food I imagine. To hell with your childs education for now as your child can catch up. You can also pay for extra schooling from a private tutor at a later date. Breathe....and make time to spend with her at weekends to catch up. My thoughts are with you......

Phineyj · 04/02/2021 07:35

noble, I have the greatest respect for your knowledge and dedication, but that is not what the government guidance on school places says. It is your take on it.

Phineyj · 04/02/2021 07:48

As in, 'if you can' is subjective and there is additional guidance about vulnerable children and children who can't study from home.

We have no idea if the school in question is half full or has only got a few kids in. The OP doesn't seem to know either. She got one discouraging email and left it at that.

If the last year has shown anything, it's that UK schools vary wildly.

lozster · 04/02/2021 07:54

Lots of positivity on here, lots of helpful suggestions, also a tonne of naivety.

  • suggestions based on the ability of older children to navigate technology and have the self motivation to learn alone
  • suggestions citing even more online resources when the OP can’t cope with the online material already provided plus assumptions that the content will match the class activities the child is missing to do this
  • suggestions to watch the BBC TV programmes which are a whole 20 minutes per age group
  • suggestions to work before and after school hours when jobs have core hours and there are only 24 hours in the day
  • suggestions to change meeting schedules that assume that everyone is setting their own agenda in work
  • suggestions to rope in relatives and randoms (would that you were lucky enough to have those relatives or have the time to find then brief those randoms)
  • suggestions that also ignore that MANY (not all cos they are all doing their own version of this) schools have compulsory registration, hand in times etc so sure go ahead, hand things in a week late but your child won’t get feedback
  • assumptions that your weekends are a blissful break (rather than performing other caring duties) and you are a bit precious not wanting to interrupt that with more teaching

I am sympathetic OP though not necessarily any more so cos you are a lecturer. I’m in the same position. I’m in industry now and I have worked in academia so I have some insight. It’s shit.

This all remind me of an expression that was around when I was a kid ‘s/he had a good war’ often said with a grimace and meaning that whilst some braved PoW camps others had a jolly time shagging GI’s and dancing the jitterbug every night (I exaggerate for effect but you get my drift). I always understood that expression but now I really feel why it was said with a grimace. Yup, I’m looking at you, and you and you, parents with tenuous reasons to have their kid in school and spouting that ‘we are all in the same storm...’

honeybee88 · 04/02/2021 09:54

My children are young, year two and younger. They help with evwrything and we make it fun with rewards for helping. My 6 year old hoovered the stairs for a ice lolly. She was so proud thou of having done it. When she has done 30 mins of maths she gets to watch her youtube videos for 30 mins......I work, have to answer calls and answer emails. They are used to be rushing upstairs to take a call and look after the younger one while I am there. We try to have fun....this will not last forever.

yogi1 · 04/02/2021 11:08

You’re not failing. You could tell the school that you have to go into the University now to do meetings, prepare work etc. Or you could just contact the school, ask to speak to the head and just say that you are not able to do any school work due to your work and you’re letting them know in advance that the school work won’t be done other than if they find her a place. You could also add that this is starting to create mental health problems, even visit the drs and tell them you can’t cope. They will write to the school and ask for a place to be found. Send a copy of that letter (email would be quicker) to the LEA and MP for your constituency. Basically threaten as much in a reasonable way and I’m sure they’ll have her back or atleast realise the responsibility will be on them to the catch up work with her when schools open again. I was/am getting very anxious and burst into tears when I couldn’t do some maths homework with my 11 year old but I spoke to the school and they just said do what you can, lots of kids are submitting nothing, and just told me just to get reading a book and do a bit of spelling. The teacher told me that because if the Dept. Fir Ed they are having to listen to them about how much homework they set, their just fulfilling that responsibility. I’m a single mum and my ex husband is a teacher who lives in the same village and teaching from home who is not doing any homework with her every other day just sticking her in front of a playstation for up to 7 hours a day then criticising me for not keeping up with all the homework. He could teach her in about 10 mins where it’s taking me ages and then buying books so I can remember how to do it. Currently she’s doing 4/5 pieces a day and on the website there’s still 150 to do. Sod that!

CrispyDorothy · 04/02/2021 12:30

@lozster

Lots of positivity on here, lots of helpful suggestions, also a tonne of naivety.
  • suggestions based on the ability of older children to navigate technology and have the self motivation to learn alone
  • suggestions citing even more online resources when the OP can’t cope with the online material already provided plus assumptions that the content will match the class activities the child is missing to do this
  • suggestions to watch the BBC TV programmes which are a whole 20 minutes per age group
  • suggestions to work before and after school hours when jobs have core hours and there are only 24 hours in the day
  • suggestions to change meeting schedules that assume that everyone is setting their own agenda in work
  • suggestions to rope in relatives and randoms (would that you were lucky enough to have those relatives or have the time to find then brief those randoms)
  • suggestions that also ignore that MANY (not all cos they are all doing their own version of this) schools have compulsory registration, hand in times etc so sure go ahead, hand things in a week late but your child won’t get feedback
  • assumptions that your weekends are a blissful break (rather than performing other caring duties) and you are a bit precious not wanting to interrupt that with more teaching

I am sympathetic OP though not necessarily any more so cos you are a lecturer. I’m in the same position. I’m in industry now and I have worked in academia so I have some insight. It’s shit.

This all remind me of an expression that was around when I was a kid ‘s/he had a good war’ often said with a grimace and meaning that whilst some braved PoW camps others had a jolly time shagging GI’s and dancing the jitterbug every night (I exaggerate for effect but you get my drift). I always understood that expression but now I really feel why it was said with a grimace. Yup, I’m looking at you, and you and you, parents with tenuous reasons to have their kid in school and spouting that ‘we are all in the same storm...’

THIS!

I feel you OP, it's absolutely a shit situation. I have no advice as I'm struggling along the same as you (also work for a University) but wanted to send you some solidarity and Wine

peachdribble · 04/02/2021 12:42

I feel your pain- I’m not even working but it’s still a struggle to get an 8yo to do stuff without constant supervision! The dynamic between a child and their professional teacher, and that with their parent, is not the same! I agree that until the school can make a place then use BBC bitesize to keep up with the curriculum and use books, art time and treat bribes to keep you free to work when you need to. This whole debacle stinks, but you’re not alone 🌺

Shell4429 · 04/02/2021 13:03

For what it’s worth, my son learned more from books than he did at school, as did I as a child. I was a school refuser so lost two years of secondary education, but as an adult did 3 A levels and a law degree. That was long before online learning was a possibility. There are many parents who have given up on homeschooling right now, and I honestly don’t think it will hold them back once they return to school. From distant memory I don’t think classes in secondary school are that dependent on primary education, they just need a basic grasp of arithmetic and English. Just my humble opinion but if you can’t teach your daughter you just can’t, simple as that. You are putting way too much pressure on yourself, your daughter needs a happy mum more than education.

TheKeatingFive · 04/02/2021 13:30

We are a lot happier now that we’re largely ignoring the ‘class work’ and following DS’s interests / reading stuff we like. My child is 6, so very young, we don’t have curriculum pressure as if were, so lucky from that POV. But it has taken pressure off.

aintnothinbutagstring · 04/02/2021 13:38

Can you take pay for some online learning apps and get her to do those instead? Mathletics is good and Night Zookeeper for English, we've tried a few over the years! I know you shouldn't have to do this but if it helps your DD to stay engaged and learning something.
Fingers crossed children will be back in March. Sending you virtual 💐💐💐💐

Alienchannell21 · 04/02/2021 13:48

So many of us in the same boat. My dh works out of the home , I'm a key worker (educational psychologist) so would be entitled to key worker place but dc9 doesn't want to go and school are very discouraging (should be a last resort). I have video assessments with vulnerable families/ children every day- 10, 12 and 2pm, lasting at least 1.5 hours each. I cannot be disturbed unless an emergency. My dc does what she can, usually focusing on English and maths, then some independent reading. I support her when I can but I'm not stressing about it. I got an email from school asking why they were not uploading all the work. I told them why. What are they going to do about it?

My dc is happy, loved, content and luckily she is doing well with her learning. They are the things that matter. Also by the time I finish work, dc and I are shattered! There's not a chance we're doing work in the evening and weekend is family time. Doing the line of work I do I know that she will not be behind/ disadvantaged compared to a lot of other kids.

Wotapolava · 04/02/2021 13:57

It will all be back to normal - that should be in your thoughts.

My Son had to do a class reading topic of his choice.
He has been nervous about it. He's always confident and outgoing.
I read his write-up and it was brilliant. All cue cards perfectly structured from beginning to end.
I asked him if he's done classfront talks before - he said yes and I was really nervous.
I said did anything bad happen? Did the world end when you did it?
He laughed and said no.
I said there you go then. The more you do it the less you'll care.
So, I said you'll probably have to do it to the teacher instead - as luck would have it she rang this morning to make appointment. I said he's smiling so I wouldn't be surprised if he does it today.
She said that's brilliant. He has been doing all of his work and completed it apart from a task set today by another teacher - son says " I'm working on it now miss."

Anyway she said does he want to do it now?
I'll get the form.
He got his cue cards and looked at me pointing to his chest and blowing outwards.
I said you'll be fine. You can nail this.
I sat and listened.
His talk was on ... origins of rap.
Something he listens to but I stay out of as it can start power struggle rows.
From this talk though, he taught me something about himself.

After his talk, teacher had already told him she was going to be asking a few questions based on his talk.
So she asked him what interested him in that type of music.
He said its the way they use music to tell their story. I find a lot of their backgrounds interesting.
She asked what Rap brings for people he quite rightly said fashion and brands is another part of what they promote - brilliant!
She asked if he had a favourite rapper - he said I listen to so many of them it is hard to choose but I like Eminem.
She asked what was it about him that he liked - he said well it's the way he puts his lyrics together and he's really the only one who is...he's...he's different because, you know all the others are uh...they are African- American and...

I couldn't watch him struggle so I had to speak out and said " I think I know what you are trying to say and it is fine, you can say it.
Then he said " he's white."

His teacher said you felt like you couldn't say that but there is nothing wrong.

Then she said, you may well know that rap can be quite a controversial issue. What would you say to people who have those views?
He said a few things about what was being referred to and then he said "Looking at those issues, you need to realise not to go out and do those things if you are involved in an argument or trouble."

I felt relieved and realised he is proving all the time to be responsible and mature.

Teacher praised him endlessly and she praised me and thanked me for seeing that he gets his tasks completed. I said I'm proud of him as I said to him immediately after he finished.
She said I make a point of telling the children to say ' end of talk' but I knew with him he was at the end because he relayed quite beautifully ' and I conclude my talk' by saying... which proves he really worked on his cue cards and presentation. It was well organised.

My son was constantly smiling after and said Mum, I feel happier now I've done it. And she liked it too!"

Proud day today.

TantieTowie · 04/02/2021 14:41

@TheOrigRights

The problem I have is that when DS is otherwise occupied (down time after school work) and I could get on with some focussed work, I'm so chuffing knackered I want to lie my head down on the table and sleep.

I am coasting. I have never coasted in my work. I have rarely let my personal life impact on my work. I hate this, but I really need to give myself a break.

Good enough is fine right now. If that's coasting, so be it. Embrace it! Otherwise, we'd all be creating a world in which we don't need childcare.

But clearly you have to have childcare to work properly – and when you do have childcare you can get back to not coasting.

muckingfuppeteer · 04/02/2021 17:37

*noble, I have the greatest respect for your knowledge and dedication, but that is not what the government guidance on school places says. It is your take on it.

As in, 'if you can' is subjective and there is additional guidance about vulnerable children and children who can't study from home.

We have no idea if the school in question is half full or has only got a few kids in. The OP doesn't seem to know either. She got one discouraging email and left it at that.

If the last year has shown anything, it's that UK schools vary wildly.*

Bold Fail but agree with the above.

Some schools have hardly any children in because places are being refused because they are getting away with it when Parents just accept it.

Schools are not supposed to be dictating whether Parents can work in a Pandemic, ultimately this impacts negatively on all of us.

Iseestupidpeople · 05/02/2021 23:57

University staff aren’t keyworkers tho? higher education is elective so not compulsory. Get them to schedule your live lessons around your daughters and have your husband help out around his shifts too and do the prep once she is in bed.

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