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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Homeschooling is impossible- end of my tether

394 replies

Edenspirits · 02/02/2021 12:19

Both DH and I have keyworker status - I teach full time at a university so the department of education have given lecturers keyworker status and DH works shifts in a blue light call centre.

But the school have said they have no spaces as they are full.

I broke down today in tears as I am trying to teach live and plan my lessons and DD who is 8 is on her own most of the day and I have no time to school her. She needs my support and isn’t old enough to do it on her own despite trying to set her work. My lectures can be up to 2 hours.

I feel like I am neglecting her as she is mostly watching TV.

aibu to feel like I am going to have a breakdown if this continues for much longer.

OP posts:
callmeadoctor · 02/02/2021 13:28

In a way its good that you aren't restricted to live lessons with her. If you only teach her at weekends then that would be better than nothing. You Dh can do the same on his days off. Between you, you possible have 4 days to provide teaching. On the other days when you are having to work, yes she can maybe be timetabled (by you) to watch a couple of hours of BBC bitesize. She can maybe follow a Joe Wicks daily timetable too so you don't have to be involved.

selflove · 02/02/2021 13:29

Yup, tell the school you can't do both. I don't do homeschooling - just emailed the school to say it wasn't feasible and was causing us all stress (single parent, 3 kids under 6), and they were wonderful and understanding and said not to worry, just to read every night if we could, and they would put everything in place to close the gap when schools come back.

Mamabear12 · 02/02/2021 13:29

Is it possible to take homeschooling shifts w your partner? For example you do early morning before your job starts like 7-9am (dd eats breakfast etc and does school work in pjs). Then she has a break for a few hours to get dressed and read or play a bit before your partner does an hour during lunch. Then you do an hour during Your lunch Break. Then again a break for your dd while you both work and then evening. Your dh does homeschooling for an hour. Most likely all the school work would be done.

I am home schooling 2 dc age 7 and 8 plus have a 14 month baby. I have some help most mornings. But I can’t finish it all. So I find myself helping them w school when baby takes afternoon nap and then we all go to park . And I continue their homeschooling at 6:15pm after I put the baby to bed (she sleeps 6pm). And I’ll eat my dinner while homeschooling the kids (dh works long hours).

newyearnewname123 · 02/02/2021 13:30

I would get her reading any books she can. Doing puzzles, painting, practising an instrument. Plant some seeds. Writing or making up stories.

When you go out for walks at weekends see how many birds, trees, flowers you can name.

Get her to help with cooking, even just seeing how long things need to cook for and setting a timer.

And then spend a relatively small amount of time formally practicing maths/English.

She'll be fine.

Lovesfood · 02/02/2021 13:30

Can you bubble up with another family OP? So your child’s classmate comes to you one day a week and the children work together.... and vice versa?

GetOffYourHighHorse · 02/02/2021 13:33

It isn't easy but as she isn't having live lessons can't you just plan your working day around her set work?

So when you do your live lessons give dd free time? Or get dh to assist with her school work when he's in from his call centre job.

I'm not minimising it is of course tough for everyone with dc at home.

Nevermakeit · 02/02/2021 13:33

How on earth do the schools decide this? In my school it is the opposite, it is full of kids who clearly shouldn't be there: they are allowing kids in who only have ONE key worker parent (and I don't mean single parent families), and even some of those are pretty tenuous (as its the kind of white collar keyworking that is done from home!). I don't understand how the approach between the schools is able to vary so wildly?

whyarentiskinnyet · 02/02/2021 13:34

Have you thought about getting some help, I know its a cost but we have a university student coming doing homeschooling with my DS as we are both working and otherwise it was going to be impossible. As we are not spending elsewhere as we never leave the house this was a worthwhile investment for us and childcare in the home is allowed under the current guidelines.

zoemum2006 · 02/02/2021 13:35

She's 8 years old. She has an academic mother. She will be absolutely fine.

Try and find 5 hours in the week/ weekend to go through some literacy/ numeracy tasks.

While she's entertaining herself with the tv... she if you can bribe her to also do some fun activity books (crosswords, word search, sudoku etc.) so she's not staring at a screen the whole day (although not the end of the world if she is of course!)

hammeringinmyhead · 02/02/2021 13:35

I think for me, the difference between me on the phone doing mortgage stuff and a teacher live teaching is that the teacher being able to send their 6 year old to school means they are occupying 30 other 8 year olds for, say, an hour. This allows 30-60 parents to either do some work with second/third children, or do their own work.

Norwayreally · 02/02/2021 13:36

I feel for parents trying to juggle work with homeschooling. I’m fortunate enough to currently be on maternity leave so I don’t have to worry about work but it’s honestly an uphill struggle every day still. I have three in primary school as well as a 2 year old and baby. It’s a nightmare.

HarrysWife · 02/02/2021 13:36

Do you have any siblings / family members that could help via videocall?Or are you close to any mums you could video call join into their lessons?

Mamabear12 · 02/02/2021 13:37

Also, if you can’t homeschool properly during the week, do mornings as well during the weekend to finish up what you couldn’t. This is what we had to do one day when I had no help (impossible to do all the work w two kids and a 14 month baby). And I would say no tv until 4pm the earliest and set a two hour limit. If she can’t do work then she can play, draw or read. It’s possible to make it work w a few tweaks. I assume jobs don’t start at 7am and last until 10pm. There should be a couple of hours you could help her during the day.

AStudyinPink · 02/02/2021 13:38

That's exactly the same as everyone else at home though. Live teaching is the same as being in a Teams meeting or being on a call centre headset or being in any other job. If anything, live teaching is sort of easier to have children in the back of - my class like seeing my child hanging about and she joins in some of the chat sessions.

But - not to put too fine a point on it - the OP has been designated a key worker, so she works in a profession where her work is assumed to come first. Her child isn’t being educated so should be offered a school place. That would be my argument anyway.

WeAreShiningStars · 02/02/2021 13:38

Contact your Local Educational Authority. Seriously. They can push the school to take her. You are entitled to a place for her under the circumstances.

ineedaholidaynow · 02/02/2021 13:38

Could you get one of your students to help, I assume they are not full-time. They could zoom in, with you keeping an eye for safeguarding purposes and help with certain subjects

sHREDDIES19 · 02/02/2021 13:39

I'm not a key worker but work from home (just like my husband) in a pretty full on and demanding role. Obviously I'm not entitled to a space and my children are left to their own devices for most of the day. This will be the case the length and breadth of the country. We just try and do some of the work with them after work hours as there is no set time when the work has to be submitted. This is enough as it's all we can do.

AStudyinPink · 02/02/2021 13:39

Also, if you can’t homeschool properly during the week, do mornings as well during the weekend to finish up what you couldn’t.

No. People aren’t machines. They can’t just double their workloads without commensurate impact on their mental health, physical health and relationships.

starbrightstarlight8888 · 02/02/2021 13:40

Can you make a childcare bubble with someone? Maybe a school friend who she could do the school work with? Do you have family that could have her for childcare and help her with school work?

2021hastobebetter · 02/02/2021 13:43

I'm a teacher and I'm living with two eldery retired professional.
My youngest DS has S&L problems and an SEN statement, applying for an EHCP at the moment but.............

We reached this point yesterday. He won't work unless one of us is sat there 1-2-1 and we were at the end of the rope. Even with 1-2-1 a sentence was taking 1 hour (one sentence!!).

Phoned the school yesterday morning -fortunately because he is SEN and they have previous offered -he went today and will go full time from now on. Despite being ECV -I'm taking the risk as the mental & emotional harm to all of us was too great.

Phone and ask to speak to the HT -if they can't take her this week -can they do it next week. As a teacher -tell them how it is that you can't take any more.

If they refuse -send an email stating the problem and asking when she can attend school.

SaltyMermaid · 02/02/2021 13:44

I would see if she can video call with a friend and they can do it together. Not all day, just bits of work.

Read to her or get her to read to you, ask her questions about what she is reading. Some TT rockstars if that is what her school does or anything that helps with timestables so online games are fine.

I know this all feels ridiculously helpless right now, but you are still doing a great job. You are providing an education for those who need experts to guide them. An 8 year old doesn't actually require that much. I volunteer in a primary school normally, lessons take a long time because you are dealing with 30 children who are at different levels of ability. So the pace is set to accommodate them.

Reading and understanding what they are reading is great for comprehension. Read to her, it is not a one way street. Look at sentence structure, identify verbs and adjectives. It doesn't have to be a million worksheets. They are actually considered to be the most dull way to teach. They are not engaging.

In her day of tv just make sure she is watching a bit of interesting stuff maybe educational. Flowers

willFOURbagsbeenough · 02/02/2021 13:44

No. People aren’t machines. They can’t just double their workloads without commensurate impact on their mental health, physical health and relationships.

  1. it’s not doubling her workload. OP works full time teaching at a university- her child is 8, the child’s home schooling doesn’t equate to 8 hours a day of work, and there are two parents. So it’s very much not a case of anyone doubling their workload.

  2. It’s OPs child’s education- she doesn’t just get to say no to doing it.

  3. we’re all having to do more right now. We’re all having to juggle and be uncomfortable.

heatherpot · 02/02/2021 13:45

I haven't read the whole thread but this is getting ridiculous. So many parents (mainly women) are at breaking point and something has to give. The answer is not to open all schools, or fill them to the brim with anyone who needs a place as that isn't safe. Instead a proper ambitious catch-up plan is needed that may have to include children repeating a year. A summer school that no one wants and a couple of million on tutors who aren't even qualified won't cut it. Then at least parents can know that something is being put in place for their kids for after this hell is over.

muckingfuppeteer · 02/02/2021 13:45

@AStudyinPink

Also, if you can’t homeschool properly during the week, do mornings as well during the weekend to finish up what you couldn’t.

No. People aren’t machines. They can’t just double their workloads without commensurate impact on their mental health, physical health and relationships.

And as already mentioned their keyworker job role performance with fairly obvious short and long term consequences, for everyone including all dc and non keyworkers in society.

Seriously if everyone is going around making their own arrangements anyway schools should be open to all again.

BuffetShark · 02/02/2021 13:46

I think the whole ‘curriculum is continuing’ incredibly unfair and discriminatory on those stick outside of school under a certain age with little help (most often not the parents fault - work has to be done).

It’s like the government can pay itself on the back and say ‘look, no disruption, learning as usual’ while entire year groups are left floundering behind, forgotten.

For dd’s mental health I’ve stopped logging in to online lessons. She is autistic and was getting very upset as the teacher is mostly not on screen, teaching the rest of the class who are still in and saying things like ‘I’ll print this if for those of you in class’. But dd is expected to sit there listening to background usual classroom noise for attendance sake, because she has finished the piddly work sheet in the first two minutes.

I’ve told them if they have a problem with her attendance they can bloody let her back in, she’ll be in every day as usual.

We are shielding (me) anyway, we would hardly increase risk to the school. It would be the other way around but I can’t watch my daughter so stressed at the age of 7 anymore.

Last lockdown was so much easier. We could work at dd’s pace as and when I had time, did more fun things to keep her sane.

I’m doing my own work and feeling like a totally shit parent.