Homeschooling is impossible- end of my tether

[Edenspirits]

Both DH and I have keyworker status - I teach full time at a university so the department of education have given lecturers keyworker status and DH works shifts in a blue light call centre.

But the school have said they have no spaces as they are full.

I broke down today in tears as I am trying to teach live and plan my lessons and DD who is 8 is on her own most of the day and I have no time to school her. She needs my support and isn’t old enough to do it on her own despite trying to set her work. My lectures can be up to 2 hours.

I feel like I am neglecting her as she is mostly watching TV.

aibu to feel like I am going to have a breakdown if this continues for much longer.

@DalryPlace - I have kind of opted out and we just do what we can. But I was told that if work was not being sent in every day, then my child would be marked down as absent.

I'm at the point of where I dont really care if they mark him down as absent. So are they saying that just to try and pressure parents, or is it something that can and will be held against me when school reopens?

But I was told that if work was not being sent in every day, then my child would be marked down as absent.

Absent from what? There is a legal definition at play here. Your child isn’t present at school; there’s no school place open for them. They’re learning at home. They might not be doing the work but they are certainly not ‘absent’. They’re safe in your care. Make that clear.

Well, it seems as though we need to find more hours in the day. Who the fuck needs sleep anyway? There's a few hours there up for grabs to get more things done

It is really difficult OP. We all feel your pain, in different ways. We have no control. Everyone is feeling it. Mental health has to come before anything else. I nearly had a breakdown last year, the stress was making me incredibly (physically) sick.

You are not alone.

@AStudyinPink I just assumed they meant absent from school, which annoyed me because they are not at school. It felt a step to far on their demands if im honest. But yes you are right, they are not absent as they are in my care and doing school from home. Just not to their expectations. I will be sure to make that clear to them if they approach me again like that. Thanks.

TheChip

No problem!

I really do sympathise. You are doing everything you can, don’t be hard on yourself. 2 f/t working people must be tough. We also have no live lessons but a tremendous amount of set work so I plan like crazy to organise 3 children aged 3 to 8 who need almost continuous help/support/bribery to work! Every day is like a bad experiment seeing who will do what, with whom & where. I do a little bit of freelance work & my husband barely has time to leave his study. It’s super intense & like a pressure cooker trying to muffle the usual sibling rivalry - heaven knows what our working from home neighbours make of us! I always feel guilty that at least 1 child isn’t getting any input whatsoever, generally the 3 year old who had my undivided attention pre-lockdown. I hate what a battle it is some days. My point is, it’s bloody hard, you aren’t alone, don’t feel guilty, you can’t do anything else. It won’t be for much longer although I know the days seem so long!

Communicate with your school, can't they find her a place at least some days a week? It's not fair she's not going in and other key worker children are, 8 is an age where she needs support with online learning. Maybe they can offer a place after half term at the latest? Also communicate your situation with your work, and your husband should do the same with his, to see if there's anything that can be done or your timetable can be reviewed or more video lessons instead of live - something has got to give! It is so hard to strategise when you are in the thick of it. My mantra right now is "do good enough", cut whatever corners you need to, you have so much on your plate. Get back onto your school, tell them you need their support. You're an educator too, I'm sure they'd want to help. This isn't forever, do what you can to get through and keep you and your family happy, that's most important. Learning will happen. Good luck!

@DalryPlace
That is true, individually - we have been very clear with primary DC school what we can manage (about an hour a day with a parent, and getting him on his daily class zoom).

I was thinking about more collectively. A big collective, no this isn't working.

No-one in their right mind would think this was the best solution to the problem. Schools are being forced to expend so much energy and effort, and most working parents (apart from the ones who haven't slept since January 5th) are at breaking point. Part of my feels it is a huge massive distraction, part of me thinks it is just lack of imagination and strategy, part of me thinks it is so schools and parents can be blamed later.

I am being serious, BUT.... aside from going on very little sleep and yes not doing either job "to the best of my ability" (just doing what I absolutely have to do), I make huge compromises when it comes to the state of my house. Some rooms are an actual tip and only my daughter's room, the living room and my office look decent. So no, I'm not superhuman and I do the bare minimum when it comes to house work 🧹 to concentrate on more pressing things that I absolutely need to do

XelaM

You’re likely to make yourself ill. It’s not good advice, is it?

[quote Ihatemyseleffordoingthis]@DalryPlace
That is true, individually - we have been very clear with primary DC school what we can manage (about an hour a day with a parent, and getting him on his daily class zoom).

I was thinking about more collectively. A big collective, no this isn't working.

No-one in their right mind would think this was the best solution to the problem. Schools are being forced to expend so much energy and effort, and most working parents (apart from the ones who haven't slept since January 5th) are at breaking point. Part of my feels it is a huge massive distraction, part of me thinks it is just lack of imagination and strategy, part of me thinks it is so schools and parents can be blamed later.[/quote]
I agree. And, this is no way a criticism of schools, we know they’re doing their best, we know all about their funding restraints and capacity issues. But every other sector has had to adapt / evolve / be bailed out. The schools / working parents situation needs to be on the agenda. And it just isn’t.

@XelaM I get you. We’ve stopped getting dressed properly. Despite me knowing how important routine, consistency, normality is. I have got time to do laundry. Literally. I can bung it in the washing machine. Where it sits for 3 days before I have time / remember to put it to dry. No hope of actually putting it away. The kids just wear oodies now. I, luckily, have loads of clothes but I’m down to some pretty bizarre combos come the end of the —month—week

To be fair the government are expecting schools to offer places unless they are made aware of situations like on this thread.

Where do Parents submit their section 44 then?

@Handsnotwands Hah, I thought it was just me! Washing clothes is another of my "compromises" that I let completely slide

Op you need to be realistic of what she actually needs eg is she average, top set, bottom sets? Can she read?

Write..

What you can do if you can afford it is employ a tutor to go through the days work with her?.
Many teachers working from home are tutoring at the moment.
If your dd does struggle generally or has weak areas can you get a tutor anyway?. I appreciate not everyone Can afford but there are different rates or... You could see if people in the school want a joint tutor? Have a few dc together?

If she's normally a high achiever and learns easily then perhaps just buy a cpg book, to make sure her basics are covered... Maths and English.

You are not unreasonable but remember you are not alone. There are loads of children out there with working parents who get very little help. Give yourself a break. It’s not ideal. But your 8 year old will come out the other side ok

@HarrysWife

Do you have any siblings / family members that could help via videocall?Or are you close to any mums you could video call join into their lessons?

This is what we are doing with my 10 year old. She has at least 2 scheduled zoom calls with her grandparents each day to do that day's school work. I think she needs the company as working on schoolwork alone is soul destroying, but engaging conversations and not having to write all of the answers makes it palatable. We are lucky in having 2 sets of capable grandparents who would probably fight over who got to do it, so they alternate weeks. We even had an offer from DD's godmother's parents to do the same - there are retired people stuck at home bored.

I get that this isn't going to work for everyone.

[quote XelaM]@Handsnotwands Hah, I thought it was just me! Washing clothes is another of my "compromises" that I let completely slide [/quote]
My youngest still has school uniform to put away. To be fair he is supposed to do it himself but even so...

I feel for you. This is not OK. Could you take a leave of absence from work? Could you find and pay an online tutor? Somebody to do zoom lessons with her a couple of hours each day?

I haven't read everything.
I am a teacher. The area we found last time that suffered the most was Maths.
She doesn't need to be filling in sheets all day to be improving her Maths. Just get her to practice tables every day on Topmarks Hit the Button..get her to record her score and have a big drama over high scores to encourage her. Five minutes here and there. If she goes back to school flying at her tables that's a big plus.
Could she sit in a corner of your work room to do this so doesn't feel alone ..maybe not possible.
Depending on where she is at her reading either get her to read books and have a copy where she writes little bits about the story or read together every night for 15 min.
Try and record documentaries eg about animals for her to watch each day. I am often watching something on TV and think wow this would be brilliant for a class.
Remember in a classroom a child gets very little individual attention so any attention during the day is equal to that education wise. . Have a nice conversation with her over breakfast/ lunch/ dinner/ bedtime...that's her oral language..communication skills covered.
Do try after work to lie on the couch for some snuggles after work to keep her tank full.
At the weekends do a few extra bits but concentrate more on getting outside to get air and exercise.
Could your dh work weekends and have his days off during the week . Focus on getting exercise and fun times then so can manage the busy days.
We have had children over the years in hospital for months with serious illnesses and yet they caught up in school once they returned. So leave worrying about that. I found after the first lockdown we had caught up by Christmas so as teachers we will do it again.

@junebirthdaygirl what a wonderful post from a teacher. I especially like the reminder about hugging her. Thank you.

id stick on the educational BBC shows for her, or some online lessons in core subjects just to keep her going.
This is a good resource for all different age groups
classroom.thenational.academy/subjects-by-key-stage

Tell the school that you cant support her to do the work they have set, as discussed several times now, and if thats a problem, then you would be happy to accept a place back at school, but as you and her dad are both full time keyworkers, then you can only do what you can do

Are acts always enforceable?

I make sure my son does his because:

1. He can

2: I am here to answer his queries.

1. It is his loss if he doesn't.

I have been under stazi rule more than many. So I'll bow out on this one now.

I won't be prepared to make excuses for him or me if anyone starts asking.

If you cant manage, don't worry. Just explain it as best you can.

Not really fair of the school as you are both keyworkers. I think it actually says in the guidance somewhere about even if you are at home. Other option is to ask for one f your employers to furlong you.

We aren’t key workers but both have full time full on jobs. My husband is often out running his construction business, I’m at home, home schooling 3 primary aged children 4,6,9 whilst trying to do a job that requires me to to be on conference calls 5/6hours a day. My children are getting 2hours of my time for schooling then have to entertain themselves, I’m up at 5 to catch some hours before they wake and working into the evening when they are in bed. I’ve been through the whole tears thing - but like many have said - there are thousands of people in the same situation, we just have to suck it up. Our children won’t be any different to lots of others.