Homeschooling is impossible- end of my tether

[Edenspirits]

Both DH and I have keyworker status - I teach full time at a university so the department of education have given lecturers keyworker status and DH works shifts in a blue light call centre.

But the school have said they have no spaces as they are full.

I broke down today in tears as I am trying to teach live and plan my lessons and DD who is 8 is on her own most of the day and I have no time to school her. She needs my support and isn’t old enough to do it on her own despite trying to set her work. My lectures can be up to 2 hours.

I feel like I am neglecting her as she is mostly watching TV.

aibu to feel like I am going to have a breakdown if this continues for much longer.

I can only send huge hugs. My dear friends are in a very similar situation and are struggling with guilt. I think their son is a bit bored but actually not as neglected as they worry (parents are at home but online lecturing). As other suggested, allow you and your child to work around a ‘different’ timetable. Maybe daughter can write a story/play/lego/watch telly during the day but do more formal work before breakfast and after lectures. Tell the school and submit her work but say she’s doing work at diff times. Look after yourself and enjoy some lovely walks/baking/gaming/joke time with your daughter.x

Can you work something out with your partner? I don't understand why it is all on you. Perhaps take the pressure off working the old school hours and allow time for both of you ro homeschooling. Who is yo say education cannot hapoen before an evening shift. Sorry if this was explained. Why are women taking all the responsibility?

I feel your pain. I am working full time from home but am the busiest I have ever been. My husband is an essential (not key worker) so out all day and I have 3 to homeschool. 2 with additional needs. It is impossible.
I have come to the conclusion that we can only do what we can and the kids mental health is more important than their school work at the moment. It is tough for all at the moment.
I hope that this is over for us all soon.

Your school is not allowed to be full if both parents are key workers who cannot work from home! I'd hassle the school.

I’m in similar position. I’m trying to deliver live lessons and teach my 8&11 year old whilst my 2 year old runs riot. I can’t take it any longer and have decided to take parental leave. (Unpaid -18wk)It’s far from ideal, but I’ve no support. Hubby isn’t a key worker but can continue working, as he works mainly alone. He has to continue working as he’s our main earner. It’s just such an unworkable situation and I feel very stressed. My children need me to help them, and I need to be available for them, and my toddler needs looking after. So fed up!

Surely your dc should be having live learning online at home if she is not allowed in school. Why is she not logged in online with her teacher?

Apologies, I haven’t RTFT. If the school aren’t doing online classes, do you have friends or relatives who aren’t working just now who your DD could zoom with for a bit of support?

My mum is retired and she’s helping out with my cousin’s DD (age 7) over Skype, because my cousin is struggling with wfh, homeschooling and chronic ill-health.

My mum just has Skype on for 2-3 hours while she cooks / reads and the little girl asks for help if she gets stuck. It’s not perfect but it’s better than my cousin trying to do everything and ending up ill and in tears.

The way I'm getting round it with the kids is they don't submit their work on time, they do as much as they can, it's my youngest who is behind, and then try and catch up on some the lessons on the weekend or if he has particularly good day after the days work or instead of PE for instance. Could you maybe just switch her days around so you can sit with her on the weekend and she has a couple days off in the week on your busiest days? Also check how long her lessons are supposed to take it may be like my kids school where they complete as much as they can to the best of their ability in a set period and after that move on as some kids work quicker than others.

@caringcarer some schools are doing live learning and some schools are just doing daily catch up sessions with online work and videos to complete.

If it's any consolation you are not alone. We are both doing back-to-back calls and have very little gaps for any of our children's school work. I don't see any solution. School has not provided much support (no live lessons yet) & kids are not old enough to work independently. Muddle through and try not to blame yourself, those of us in this situation have no choice.

Totally feel for you OP. It really is impossible. Cut yourself some slack. Your 8 year old will catch up when she goes back to school. I'm not sure why you're a key worker though. I'm also a university lecturer so I understand your work load. I don't think our work is essential for keeping the country going though. I don't think I'm considered a key worker.

This recommendation is a bit out there lol but it works for me & my situation.. I’m a single mum of a 9 year old & he is with me full time.. I work from home but I’m not a keyworker.. I have told the school my son will sign into any live lessons (only 3 a week) & do maths on the app & NOTHING else. No attempt will be made to do anything else & in the whole scale of their life these few months will make minimal difference. We did the same in lockdown 1 & it was fine.. Give yourself a break & chill from homeschooling! Stress of any kind is more damaging for kids & parents to our mental & physical health so to me it’s not worth the stress. Good luck x

I am a single parent working full time from home and home schooling 2 kids. It is so difficult but my work have been great with letting me be flexible. I get up at 5am every morning and work for 4 hours before the kids get up, I then stop for 3 hours to help support them during school hours. Then I start back at work at 12 until when ever I finish. I schedule all my meetings for the afternoon.
I am exhausted, I have no help or partner to take any slack. But I am making it work the best I can.
That's all we can do, it's an impossible task.

I absolutely agree it’s impossible. We both work FT mainly in meetings often 7-7. So it’s tough for everyone. We are not doing much by way of schooling. But I think key worker spaces should only be available in circumstances where both are key workers having to work out of the house. At our school the KW status is abused and they are having far too many kids in. Just builds resentment amongst the rest that are struggling too.

Edenspirits
As a university lecturer you must value the life skills and independent learning skills that some students display.
Your DS is learning some of those skills in a small way now. See this as a positive experience in that way. If she’s able to entertain/occupy herself while you’re busy (even if that’s just watching TV) that’s not bad. Maybe let her take on some responsibilities which will make her feel she’s contributing to the home life egmaking a simple lunch for herself/both/all of you; putting away shopping when it’s delivered or drying the dishes.
Most importantly, she has a home,food and family who obviously care about her. I don’t mean to sound patronising, but there are many children who, sadly don’t have that.
You’d have to be super-human to survive through these times without stressing, but you’re probably doing better than you think.

i am not at all familiar with home schooling but was under the impression, from my daughter that no actual schooling was taught by the parents, the teachers on line were doing the teaching , my daughter works part time so my grandaughter who is 14, has done lessions, on her own , via laptop, while my daughter was at work, it seems to be working ok, my daughter even got an e-mail from school , saying how pleased they were with Holly , coping with her lessons, in fact doing very well. so . although its not ideal, for my family, its not working out too bad

OP, I teach A levels and some adult L3 provision and have a management role. DD was in Y7 last year during lockdown and the strain of doing it all nearly killed me. This time round I'm doing what I can but it's not enough support. School set stuff and there's live lessons, but let's face it, if you're 12 and can keep one eye on a lesson and one eye on whatever you think is more interesting, you probably will. When people say 'they'll be so behind!', I think, behind who? Surely the goal posts will have to shift rather than an entire generation have to run furiously to catch up. So my point is, you can only to what you can do, and she will be better served by a mummy who still has a couple of nerves left. Maybe she reads, colours, watches something useful-ish. The fact that you're so worried should make you confident that you'll close the gaps in other ways.

@earnshaw47

i am not at all familiar with home schooling but was under the impression, from my daughter that no actual schooling was taught by the parents, the teachers on line were doing the teaching , my daughter works part time so my grandaughter who is 14, has done lessions, on her own , via laptop, while my daughter was at work, it seems to be working ok, my daughter even got an e-mail from school , saying how pleased they were with Holly , coping with her lessons, in fact doing very well. so . although its not ideal, for my family, its not working out too bad

They key point in your post is that your granddaughter is 14 and as such, independence is to be expected and encouraged.

My son is in year7 (age 11) and while the teachers are indeed setting the work/lessons he stills quite a lot of support.

My work requires focus and is brain intensive. To be interrupted because he can't open an app or doesn't understand something, as well as the general encouragement etc is wearying.

The OP's child is 8 and I pretty sure your granddaughter would have needed support at that age, too.

It’s a terrible situation and you are not unreasonable to be fed up! But, as you are home and the school key worker bubble is full, try and be flexible and let go of the guilt. It’s the same for so many of us.

I would add to those who think the school is unreasonable- not all parents who are struggling, even if key workers, have places. If you are working from home, even as a key worker (which is a very broad category right now), it’s safer for your child to stay home. It’s not ideal. Nothing about this year has been ideal. And to those who think online lessons are the answer- you are delusional to think a teacher can provide full day online learning for most 8 year olds with no parental guidance/support. Most can’t sustain the attention or work independently. Plus, it is safeguarding concern for children to be in online lessons without an adult present. This situation is difficult- primary aged school children are most affected by lockdown because they don’t have the ability to be independent, whether they have online lessons or worksheets. I have 4 kids and work in a school. My kids are home with their dad who is wfh on conference calls all day and my kids (thankfully only 1 in primary now) are left to it whilst I try and do online learning for 6 year olds at home and/or teach the very full bubble of other key workers’ children and vulnerable children in school. It’s a shit show for everyone- parents and teachers. We all need to be ok with just doing our best. Hugs to you!

Also at the end of my tether, also working full time teaching in a university and abandoning my children to their own devices. I print out worksheets and line up relevant websites on their computers in the morning, then leave them to it with no support, no encouragement, nothing. Both of them have dyslexia and really struggle to make sense of the set work on their own. I feel your pain!

I’m in exactly the same position, I’m a social worker but as I’m working at home I can’t get a school place for my two children. It’s impossible but I’m just hoping they are back in early March. No advice I’m afraid just showing some solidarity and love

Is it possible that your daughter could work with 2 or 3 friends from her class on a whatsapp page that you set up along with the mums of the friends? They could help each other out, keep each other company and be given some motivation to complete set tasks. It may be that a pupil from the school's y6 class could be part of the group as a mentor and be encouraged to help them. Good for the mentor's CV (eventually!) and self confidence.

@earnshaw47

i am not at all familiar with home schooling but was under the impression, from my daughter that no actual schooling was taught by the parents, the teachers on line were doing the teaching , my daughter works part time so my grandaughter who is 14, has done lessions, on her own , via laptop, while my daughter was at work, it seems to be working ok, my daughter even got an e-mail from school , saying how pleased they were with Holly , coping with her lessons, in fact doing very well. so . although its not ideal, for my family, its not working out too bad

Try having a 5 year old and 7 year old with both parents working from home full time. The 5 year old gets 30 minutes contact with his teacher and a small group of children once a week and the 7 year olds gets 60 minutes - in both cases an adult must be present (and listening as the teacher often asks the children to discuss x with their grown up!), so it's impossible to be doing any work yourself anyway during this time. The rest is just copious amounts of tasks or worksheets set by school for them both which need the parents to help with, encourage, etc. It's suppose to equate to 3 hours of work a day for the eldest, slightly less for the youngest, so we do tend to get through it at the ends of the day and in between meetings, but the rest of the time my kids are having to fend for themselves. I've lost track of how many times I've had to say "sorry I can't play now I'm on a call" or "I promise I will later". I've noticed this week they've stopped asking us to play and they're watching more tv than normal, it's so sad, but the we don't have any other choice. I try and focus on the fact that we're lucky to be at home and have both work for understanding employers but it doesn't take away the fact we still have to work and our kids are missing their friends and proper school work so much.

I am not at all familiar with home schooling but was under the impression, from my daughter that no actual schooling was taught by the parents, the teachers on line were doing the teaching

I have a six year old. lol.

He gets about 20-25 mins on zoom with his teacher a week. Everything else needs to be heavily supervised.

Pay for a tutor? Or even the likes of a student to do homeschool with her. Not ideal but not really different to sending her to school