Homeschooling is impossible- end of my tether

[Edenspirits]

Both DH and I have keyworker status - I teach full time at a university so the department of education have given lecturers keyworker status and DH works shifts in a blue light call centre.

But the school have said they have no spaces as they are full.

I broke down today in tears as I am trying to teach live and plan my lessons and DD who is 8 is on her own most of the day and I have no time to school her. She needs my support and isn’t old enough to do it on her own despite trying to set her work. My lectures can be up to 2 hours.

I feel like I am neglecting her as she is mostly watching TV.

aibu to feel like I am going to have a breakdown if this continues for much longer.

I am a family support practitioner. It is ridiculous that your school won’t offer you a place. By law, they have too! I would call the school and be firm. Explain you and DH are key workers and you need to send your child in. Lie and say you now have to go into the office and can’t work from home anymore. It’s disgusting, schools have to give a place to all keyworker children. It’s the law. I think you are being too nice and understanding on the phone. I literally just took my child to school on the 5th of January when lockdown was announced. I got a call from the school within the hour saying ‘ I assume you are a keyworker and that’s why you brought umyour child to school?’ I said ‘ yes’ and that was it. There is no legal limit to how many children can be in a class at the moment so I reckon the school is just playing hard ball. You need to do it too! Your child’s education is way more important than pleasing some school head.

Tell them you have start back at work. Tell them DD is feeling depressed as they also have to take vulnerable children.

@Flamingolingo

I am horrified that you don’t have a school place under those circumstances since you clearly qualify.

I’m not surprised you are at breaking point. Please be kind to yourself.

We're in a very similar boat. Both keyworkers but because I can wfh we don't qualify for a school space for my 9 year old who has additional needs. I can be on the phone to the public in crisis situations from 8.30 to 5 with a half hour lunch break and DH is at work still every day. It's pretty much impossible and we're doing school work until bedtime trying to get some done. I feel like I'm on the verge of a breakdown too so I feel you OP.

@ineedaholidaynow

If schools have a risk assessment that limits the numbers then they can’t accept more pupils

Unfortunately this is true and the schools run the gauntlet of having a maximum number of students and staff on site that have to be reported to the DofE each day. The schools cannot exceed these numbers under any circumstances. The reason for this is social distancing, the same as having restricted numbers in shops, etc. I would recommend contacting the LA to see if they can find a space in an another local school. Not ideal but may fix your problem.

It’s disgusting, schools have to give a place to all keyworker children. It’s the law.

The government guidance is:

“Children with at least one parent or carer who is a critical worker can go to school or college if required, but parents and carers should keep their children at home if they can.* “

I'm sorry to be pedantic but are you sure you're a key worker OP? I am also a university lecturer but under no illusions that the country can't operate without me. I thought key workers are people who have travel to work to stop us grinding to a halt.

Could you not fall back on family members for support? It is outlined on the gov website that children can go to grandparents for childcare if you must work. I understand the struggles, I myself work from home as a key worker and the school could not provide a space, so I have fallen on my mum to provide childcare, and help with homeschooling on the days that I have to work and have a full diary.

Why is the fact that the OP is struggling with balance of work and home schooling more important than the rest of us facing the same challenges? In fact so much more important that she is encouraged to lie? Most children are falling behind. Not just yours. And I agree with pp that whilst you may be classed as a key worker, the same seem to go for a huge chunk of the population right now, including many non essential jobs. you are at home so you keep your kids at home.

I hear you.

Our school is special needs but has gone part-time despite government saying they are to remain open. Mondays and Fridays are “home learning”. My arse. There is no teaching going on, work is submitted on See Saw (what a feckin shite app) - it’s assigned on Thursdays and not looked at until the following Tuesday. Staff are clearly not working from home. Work too difficult for DS2 but that’s fallen on deaf ears. It takes 6 hours to do a simple task a mainstream child will complete on their own in 20 minutes.

Friends children are mainstream and their kids have “live lessons”. Our school doesn’t and the teachers are a shower of lazy fuckers. I’m sorry, but it’s true. Only the LSAs work on Mondays and Fridays to provide babysitting for vulnerable and key workers children.

@Celestine70

Tell them you have start back at work. Tell them DD is feeling depressed as they also have to take vulnerable children.

To lie about your child being depressed is a pretty low move.

I feel for you. During the first lockdown, my partner and I (teachers) were in school on a rota. My partner had to do online lessons as per the normal school timetable but my school did a mix of videos/worksheets and a condensed timetable so I was able to keep my children at home. This time round my school have made online teaching compulsory for all lessons so I sit from 8:30 form time until regularly 5pm with meetings, online almost continuously. The mini break we get that is called lunch ends up replying to a million emails. (In fact I am meant to be working now but I'm waiting for a response from a colleague) We tried to keep my 6 year old at home (the eldest - 12, is self sufficient thankfully) but after two days realised that she hadn't been fed or watered or dressed as neither of us could physically do it. When online teaching you can not take your eyes off your pupils for a second for safeguarding purposes so when my child hurt herself on one of the days, she had to cry and get over it by herself. The child was neglected. Thankfully we had a school place and wrap around care place. So, now the irony of it, as teachers, we are sending our child into school most days and paying for wrap around care, mainly so she can be looked after properly - forget about the learning bit. There is no family around for a 100 miles and our friends with children won't help because they are not in a position to.
The guilt is horrible. For anyone in a similar work position but without at least a school place, I truly feel for you. As others have said, a hour proper time in the evening is probably better than trying during the day. Also remember that there are loads of examples of children coming from war zones or experiencing major disruption to their schooling, that do amazingly well at GCSE level. It isn't impossible to catch up and children can be very adaptable and quick to learn

I'm a teacher and on the 3 days each week I wfh my DC are at home with me as their school will only have them in if there is no parent at home. DH, also a key worker, is at work every day. I sympathise, it's a nightmare, I'm having to do live teaching from home whilst getting my own DC into their zoom calls.
I sympathise with my DCs school. If they take any more KW children they will have to open up another class, which requires a minimum of 2 adults each day. My own school are in the same position.
I had a zoom meeting with a parent last week when my DS came into the room as he'd lost his zoom connection. The parent, who was telling me how she was struggling to wfh whilst supporting her DD was shocked that I was doing the same.
I don't have any advice that's not been previously mentioned (zoom sessions with relatives when I am online teaching are a lifesaver for me). We've all just got to muddle on as best we can and hopefully our DC will be back to school soon.

My son was at a different school in Lockdown 1,.i also wfh full time and it was hell. He is at a different school now (due to exclusion bullying which made the decision to move for us) and this school is outstanding and does live lessons, one at 9am and the teacher explains the 1st 2 subjects set, then lunch when the afternoon sessions are set. Then the end of the day where they have fun activities, games, chats etc. The kids are all engaged and the teacher is great at keeping the lessons on track. Ds needs.far less input from me and we are both much happier.

I think when schools get back to proper business there will be great chunks missing and all kids will level out somewhere.
The disadvantaged and low income families will stay that way - may never get life chances that were maybe there before. The highest earners will be able to buy a better education. In the middle some will catch up with help from extra tuition.
Exams will have to come down to a level most can attain.
Parents can't tear themselves apart right now. Kids mental health and security is most important.
FWIW my dd missed at least three years of high school refusing and home schooling did year 11 at college grasped the magic Cs in English and maths and a couple more exams. Worked in cafes for a few years did an access course and passed her adult nursing degree 1st class only a year behind her peer group.
Kids can catch up and be resilient most are in the same boat. Do what you can. I have been supervising my gc and im frazzled working full time over the weekend and bits in the week.. exhausted today. Can't even understand half the work for the youngest gc age 5! Just keep going. And don't feel guilty.
OP haven't you any family to help or like others have suggested any students.
I know this isn't very techno cos i am not but we bought a portal which is basically like a video old fashioned land line. I find it good for family members to join in a session like crafting without trying any ipads laptops up. Maybe grandparents or peers can videocall to supervise the odd lesson.
#Parentsolidarity.

I know how you feel. I’m a key worker but working from home (mental health) .
We had a letter from the school saying that if you do wfh it’s expected that you keep your child with you and don’t take up a place at school.
My work has increased and I make up the time spent teaching my son in the evening.
Then I go to bed exhausted and it then starts all over again.
I can’t wait until this is all over.

Ask the school if their wfh teachers are still classed as key workers?

I’m not in your position but I think I’d have to request furlough or leave if I was for everyone’s sanity. I don’t think you can do both for a long period without burn out. Can you and your partner each take a few days annual leave?

I am also a university lecturer but under no illusions that the country can't operate without me. I thought key workers are people who have travel to work to stop us grinding to a halt.

It's the government who make that call. I suspect their reasoning is that if half the lecturing body ends up sick with stress there'll be a cohort of students not receiving adequate tuition and failing in large numbers to graduate this year. (furloughing isn't an option as far as I'm aware; although you can 'buy' annual leave, subject to being released from teaching duties which isn't likely). Add to that another two years' worth of students lagging behind, not up to standard, and therefore suffering the knock-on effect.

The economy is shot, and is likely going to be in a limp-home state for some time after this pandemic. What it doesn't need is huge glut of ill-prepared graduates - potentially 2-3 cohorts of them - rendered unemployable. There are also very few new PhD graduates coming through to take the places of retiring lecturers, or the increasing numbers who've had enough of the sector for understandable reasons and want out.

I suspect the above has a lot to do with the government's reasoning in designating educators as critical workers. It certainly isn't about privileging lecturers or universities, a number of which I think will seriously struggle to attract numbers over the next few years. The mass of money chucked at other sectors to keep the economy afloat hasn't made it through to the HE sector. We are on our own, and have been told in no uncertain terms to suck it up.

OP has a right to school places (not in all cases, if certain LAs have made up their own version of the rules as some have), because The Rules say you do. You didn't make them: HM Government did. It's therefore not for others to judge whether you're being unreasonable in exercising that right.

Don’t always expect pre pandemic professional quality and time lines!

Unfortunately, a good many universities do.

i am not at all familiar with home schooling but was under the impression, from my daughter that no actual schooling was taught by the parents, the teachers on line were doing the teaching.

Oh, if wishing made it so.

Same situation, school said no places. Somethings got to give, I asked to go part time but was turned down and I'm out school 3 days a week! Just got to get on with it.

Don’t always expect pre pandemic professional quality and time lines!

This is the problem. Plenty of jobs/industries aren’t giving an inch. The opposite in fact, because everyone’s fighting for survival in a tough climate.

Meanwhile, parents are being put in an impossible position and our children are being failed.

Poor you, OP. All of this is hugely worrying for our children and it isn't nice worrying. I hope you manage to keep your chin up and get through. Also, disregard anyone who says they are 'fine', that their children are 'coping well' - these comments are just to torment us !!

OP, I empathise with you, but, school are right.
These are emergency childcare hubs. The guidance states that they are for if parents are working out of the home and have no other option if an adult is working from home, they do not go to the hub. The hubs are to make sure children are safe and looked after while keyworkers go to work.
I say this as a teacher with a husband is also a keyworker. Some PPs have said 'you're entitled to a space no, its not an entitlement! On days I work in the hub, he works from home with the children at home and on the other days they're at home with me. Its hell, its rubbish, I've given up on worrying my children are behind. I can't give them, and never have been since the start of the first lockdown, the homeschooling they need. It is what it is, give yourself a break. Aim for one piece of work a day. Its better than going under and getting everyone stressed and upset.
Hubs are getting to ridiculous sizes, the point of schools being shut is to stop the spread and give the NHS a break. The bigger hubs get the less effective the lockdown will be and we'll have these restrictions on us for longer. Not to mention the growing number of school staff needed in hubs, while managing home learning for children not in the hub, while trying to keep safe and minimise contact. Weve had two cases in staff in our hub in the last few weeks, spread by children coming to the hub. We have all of the precautions in place but when you've got young children it's very hard to social distance. Its safer for children and their families (we know children are unlikely to be ill but can't say the same for their parents or the people their parents come into contact with through caring responsibilities or their own work) if they are kept at home.

At 8 there will be plenty of time to catch up, you are only human - you can’t do everything you are trying to do. Just work out what you can happily achieve and then do that. Be nice to yourself.

You are not alone. It’s tough... and I’ve found this week the toughest yet for some reason.
It’s almost half term. Time to stop & breath.
You have two choices...

1. Email/call school again. Explain the situation in more detail & be just honest.
2. Tell yourself it’s not forever, your child is probably quite liking it and it won’t be forever. A rest before a race is always important. Hopefully all our children will be well rested & ready to hit the ground running when they get back to school. Try & go for a walk everyday. We went late tonight... they argued all the way, but it was still good to get out together!

Little things help. Don’t be so hard on yourself though... we’re all just doing our best & we all feel like failures right now x