Homeschooling is impossible- end of my tether

[Edenspirits]

Both DH and I have keyworker status - I teach full time at a university so the department of education have given lecturers keyworker status and DH works shifts in a blue light call centre.

But the school have said they have no spaces as they are full.

I broke down today in tears as I am trying to teach live and plan my lessons and DD who is 8 is on her own most of the day and I have no time to school her. She needs my support and isn’t old enough to do it on her own despite trying to set her work. My lectures can be up to 2 hours.

I feel like I am neglecting her as she is mostly watching TV.

aibu to feel like I am going to have a breakdown if this continues for much longer.

I actually think a small number of Universities may not survive this crisis.

Unfortunately I agree. The outlook is already very bleak for some.

@Ikora

To the couple of posters who suggested asking if Universities could help with childcare costs, this will never happen. Almost all Universities have offered redundancies, 3 of my ex colleagues and 1 of DH current colleagues have all taken redundancy. I actually think a small number of Universities may not survive this crisis.

Fair point, my comment was based on the experience of academic friends in the US. Some US unis have stepped up with a range of support measures.

@Edenspirits

To be honest, I had a really dismissive email from the school that made me feel awful & like I was taking the piss because I am at home so it’s left me feeling really like i have no options

If you are a key worker they MUST provide a place in school for your kid. Don't let them bully you. Write a complaint to the head and tell him/her that your next step will be a formal complaint to the Board, etc.

@Edenspirits Ditch the school curriculum and buy her something like this The Animal Lover's Fun-Schooling Journal: Homeschooling Curriculum Handbook for Students Majoring in Zoology | The Thinking Tree (60 Day Emergency Homeschooling Curriculum Plan) www.amazon.co.uk/dp/195143501X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_WDHA2FEVYSZN0QG2TTS3?tag=mumsnetforu03-21 pick a subject she is interested in if she doesn’t like animals. Add a subscription to maths factor which at 8 she can do alone. Spend ten minutes each evening picking two or three educational programmes for her to watch eg horrible histories, operation ouch, animal documentaries and that is plenty.

It is really hard going op, I don't have much more advice than what you already been given, just .
Know that your dd is not alone, none of us can do it all, just do what you can.

I’m the same. Both key workers but I’m at home so I am working and trying to homeschool 2 kids age 6 and 10...

It’s hideous. A total guilt fest. I feel for you.

I can only suggest you speak to the school and say you cannot keep up with the schooling as well as your job. Mine were incredibly understanding and lowered their expectations for us. If they know, they can support you and also review their decision not to offer you a place.

Our school is full too. I isolated with covid the first week of term and then I was told there were no key worker spaces left... I do feel for schools, they are running 2 schools; one on site and one remotely, incredibly hard work for everyone.

All strength to you.

Sorry, but I'm a single mum working from home. I work full time in litigation plus lecture part-time at a university. My lectures are also 2 hours at a time. It's a total nightmare to juggle both jobs plus homeschooling and I end up working until 2-3am, sometimes all night.

Nevertheless, it's definitely possible to find time in between to spend with my kid. You just have to be prepared to go on little sleep.

Nevertheless, it's definitely possible to find time in between to spend with my kid. You just have to be prepared to go on little sleep.

Just sacrifice your basic physical needs. No big deal.

I totally get you op. Its so hard at the moment. Neither dh or me are key workers and do work at home but still expected to deliver full time jobs, be in meetings etc whilst teaching 2 primary kids. We did it by working very day a week, taking shifts but the stress......no downtime. Luckily work agreed to furlough me but it's made me nervous being away when so many colleagues are permanently losing jobs.

Honestly in your position given you are key workers, I would speak to the school again.

I end up working until 2-3am, sometimes all night.

Nevertheless, it's definitely possible to find time in between to spend with my kid. You just have to be prepared to go on little sleep.

Do you shove a broom up your arse and sweep the floor at the same time? Inquiring minds want to know

I think it's impossible to work and homeschool at the same time. Trying to do two jobs is likely result in negative consequences for your health - obviously this is already happening. There is at least another month to go. Possibly longer. I would try all avenues to ease the pressure: Push for a place in school, either you or DH try to get furloughed - at the very least part time. If this doesn't work can you or DH go on unpaid leave or take as much annual leave as you can? I am on full time furlough because I got very close to burn out last time so I was honest with my employer. Luckily they were very sympathetic. They are a new employer. I left my old one because there was no flexibility in the last lockdown and it brought me to my knees back then.

Wow, thanks for all your support and suggestions, it’s made me feel calmer. Think I had a meltdown earlier as it’s all too much. I absolutely hate it.

DD did zoom her friend this PM and they played Lego together. We’ve been for a walk, She’s made a den and played with her teddies & we’ll do some reading later. Going to try and work an hour of maths etc into our day tomorrow.

Solidarity to everyone. It’s fucking shit

"Sorry, but I'm a single mum working from home. I work full time in litigation plus lecture part-time at a university. My lectures are also 2 hours at a time. It's a total nightmare to juggle both jobs plus homeschooling and I end up working until 2-3am, sometimes all night.
Nevertheless, it's definitely possible to find time in between to spend with my kid. You just have to be prepared to go on little sleep."

Sorry to inject a note of reality, but I doubt you are doing any of those things to the best of your abilities, how can you be without adequate rest?

Isn't it just time we all just said no, this isn't okay?

Sorry to inject a note of reality, but I doubt you are doing any of those things to the best of your abilities, how can you be without adequate rest?

I think that poster was having a little joke at the expense of this thread. Not buying for one nanosecond that this is serious, discounting the possibly that Maggie Thatcher just came back from the dead ...

Isn't it just time we all just said no, this isn't okay?

Yes.

I'm having a wobble myself today, supervising a 5yo with homeschooling isn't fun. We have 2 week days where its impossible so told the school we'll play catchup as and when we can. He's doing his phonics daily and that's the important thing.

Some people can burn on energy without tiring easy. Others find it difficult and the key point is people should not have to be in a position where they are using all waking hours to get stuff done without relaxation time.
It can burn you out when living on stress and nerves and make you ill. Plus, you dont feel like being nice.
Before you know it, some poor person has lost the plot because they felt to proud to ask or they put all before themselves.

As I said to my son when they were first told to do online learning he said " Why do we have to do it?"
I said because its compulsory and those who don't could be told to resit the year and not being funny, you dont want to be tied to my apron strings any longer than you need to be.
What affects you, affects my future and yours.
I'm asking you make things easier and just do what is expected. You practically have to get out of bed and switch on a device. I make breakfast.
You've got it easy. Anything you struggle with you ask me to explain.

As soon as any emails were sent to me to say he'd missed something, I was on it.
He's been pretty good. So, I can't really complain.
I usually ring his brother because he's my back up and knows the difficult maths stuff as he left school with really good grades.
His maths at primary school was outstanding. He gets that from his Dad.

MeetkatMummy4

I think hegarty should do online primary school maths too.

We have a keyworker space in a similar situation although I actually asked for it on a vulnerable child basis as SEN diagnosed after child learnt nothing Mar-Jul and started to suffer awful mental health despite a full live provision (private school). If the school had said no, I would have paid a neighbour to have her for sufficient hours to get our jobs done.

I think you need to think about hiring help, whether in person or virtual. Childcare is permitted. You need to think longterm about keeping your job and not having a breakdown.

I wouldn't forget the school's attitude either. I would now go to the ends of the earth for DD's! I am so incredibly grateful to them for recognising the state DD was in.

Original poster good luck but remember you are far from the only one facing this challenging predicament. It’s normal to feel inundated but I just do whatever possible and that includes catching up on sleeping to recharge weekends. Don’t always expect pre pandemic professional quality and time lines! Luckily clients too are understanding as also facing the same challenges so it’s a level playing field.

Good luck as it’s tricky for most of us “simultaneously” working remotely and with some resemblance of home schooling! You really don’t want to risk in person schooling given the mutations!

@wotapolava on the days where we struggle for time we save the maths for a Saturday so i can make sure he's not over complicating things. They're asked to create their own subtraction and addition number sentences and he tries to do larger sums rather than the 1-10 ones. Phonics tends to get done as he can fly through it himself while I'm working next to him.

Nevertheless, it's definitely possible to find time in between to spend with my kid. You just have to be prepared to go on little sleep.

This is REALLY BAD advice. Obviously most of us ARE running on little sleep, not by choice - but what awful, guilt-inducing, health-threatening advice.

I honestly don't think that some of the imagery around homeschooling is helpful, either. An article often shows a mum (and it usually is mum, of course) sitting at a dining table on a laptop, alongside a child on another laptop or a younger primary child quietly colouring in. Kitchen spotless. Employers without children think that this is the reality for most of your working day, so many of them expect pretty much at least 90% productivity. They were patient in March - not so much now, especially when you find some of their other employees without children are working into their evenings through sheer boredom. I have 2 single friends who have both admitted to this.

@Edenspirits

I'm a university academic too, so I get this. I'm also trying to juggle live sessions with students with home schooling and it's not easy.

I fully appreciate this might not be possible, so I hope I don't get flamed for suggesting it, but I wondered if you'd considered using an online tutor for your DD? Our DS is 9 and sees an online tutor (she's a primary school supply teacher) for a few sessions a week. DS shares his Seesaw screen with her, and she helps talk him through the various activities and supports him when he adds his responses. We can't afford more than 3 hours a week (and I certainly appreciate how lucky we are to afford that), but I feel like these are 3 quality hours with a trained professional and it really helps take the pressure off. Then DP and I take it in turns to each do one good lesson/activity with him per day (need not be longer than an hour).

We also use a lot of BBC Bitesize.

Isn't it just time we all just said no, this isn't okay?

Legally you can. The COVID Remote Ed Act only stipulates what schools need to provide, not what children and parents have to do.

I have parents who have opted out completely, just doing what they can and want to do themselves with their child.

I know there are worries about 'catching up' or losing ground, but if working life is so hard and home learning stressful, it isn't going to be worthwhile anyway.