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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Who does this gift belong to?

344 replies

BabyofMine · 02/02/2021 12:10

A group of work friends buy a gift for another work friend.

One work friend (not me so as not to drip feed!) organises it, collects the money, orders the item and is going to deliver it to the work friend.

Because of some mess up with the company, the company send the organiser a nearly duplicate item worth basically the same, as an apology for messing them around so much etc.

Whose is second duplicate gift from the company?

YABU= belongs to the organiser
YANBU= belongs to the person the original gift was meant for

(The YABU/NBU choices were random btw - I genuinely don’t have an opinion either way, I am one of the “contributors”)

OP posts:

52andblue · 02/02/2021 13:02

the duplicate item has been given as a tangible recognition of the inconvenience received by the organiser caused by the supplier.

It belongs to the organiser. It was only given on that basis.

Jaxhog · 02/02/2021 13:02

And I can't believe this is even a question!

SnapeSnapeSeverusSnape · 02/02/2021 13:03

It was compensation for the hassle, the hassle the organiser experienced, of course it should go to them.

Viviennemary · 02/02/2021 13:03

It belongs to the organiser I'd say. As she took the trouble to organise it. Otherwise its too complicated. The person shouldn't get two gifts.

isitsafetocomeoutyet · 02/02/2021 13:03

Jeez how petty. I'd let the organiser have it. Everyone was happy for them to do all the grunt work. Now they get a bonus for their work

But if there are people moaning id just ask them what their genius idea is? If they're not happy what do they suggest?

Always depressing when a nice thing turns to shit

lottiegarbanzo · 02/02/2021 13:05

The people squabbling about this are cutting off their noses to spite their stupid, greedy faces. They will find themselves having to volunteer to organise the next gift, or perhaps face no-one being willing to organise theirs. Shame.

Thedarknightsarelifting · 02/02/2021 13:05

The gift is for the person inconvenienced when they ordered. It’s pretty clear.

huuskymam · 02/02/2021 13:06

Raffle it off among the group

bloodyhairy · 02/02/2021 13:06

The organiser, for definite. The recipient doesn't need a duplicate extra present.

Meowchickameowmeow · 02/02/2021 13:06

Because of some mess up with the company, the company send the organiser a nearly duplicate item worth basically the same, as an apology for messing them around so much etc.

It was quite clearly intended for the organiser so that's who it belongs to.

Bluegrass · 02/02/2021 13:06

Can’t understand how names in a hat would be fair. If it went to someone else who did nothing but donate money that would be a kick in the teeth to the organiser, who also donated money and went to all the hassle that the gift is compensation for! That just makes no sense.

Wyntersdiary · 02/02/2021 13:06

The extra was a gift to the organiser for all the hassle so it's theirs

diddl · 02/02/2021 13:07

If I was the organiser it I would probably have just kept schtum & kept it!

hedgehogger1 · 02/02/2021 13:08

Let the organiser have it. Organising gifts and collections is a pita, nice for them to get something out of the experience. A little karmic thank you

EspressoExpresso · 02/02/2021 13:09

The free item was sent to the organiser for the inconveniences experienced. Therefore, it belongs to the organiser. No one else has been inconvenienced at all.

Iknowwhatudidlastsummer · 02/02/2021 13:09

Organiser should offer it to others and others should say 'no, you keep it'

in an ideal world, absolutely.

In any world, the organiser.

G5000 · 02/02/2021 13:09

It would belong to group if it was a 2 for 1 promotion, or a draw where some buyers won an extra item. This was specifically compensation for the person who had to deal with issues.

UserMcNewName · 02/02/2021 13:10

I'd tell the organizer to keep it. An unexpected bonus with dealing with collecting money, finding a gift, sorting out the hassle that resulting in it being sent in the first place and delivering it.

The contributors donated to give a specific gift to the recipient. That still happened so they've still paid for a gift that's been delivered. The extra was sent to the organiser as an apology. If it could
Be split it would be kind to do so but if it can't id not expect to have any claim on it as a contributor.

sakura06 · 02/02/2021 13:10

Definitely the organiser. The extra item was for the inconvenience experienced and that was experienced by the organiser.

FuzzyPuffling · 02/02/2021 13:10

Raffle. Charity.

KihoBebiluPute · 02/02/2021 13:12

I haven't voted because I don't think either option is appropriate.

Was the hassle the organiser had to deal with really worth £100? I suspect not.

I reckon the organiser should keep it, but should spend c£50 of their own money spreading the joy around in some way so that they are only getting £50 of net benefit. This could either be by refunding the contributions among the colleagues (if there's sufficient info about who gave what) or by buying a treat for all colleagues to share (if there is a sensible way to do that, given that presumably there's lots of WFH etc) like boxes of donuts/muffins etc. Or the spare item could be sold as BrandNew and the organiser should get 50% of the proceeds as their compensation for the hassle they endured, and the other 50% should go towards the kitty next time there is a collection for something and everyone can be told they can give a little less than they usually do because there is some money in the kitty already.

When I was travelling for work, and experienced some massive delays that were very boring and time-consuming. I got partial refunds from the train company and I considered that money to be mine as it was fair compensation for the inconvenience I experienced, not my employers who bought the tickets in the first place. But in that case the compensation was rationally proportional to the inconvenience suffered. I think the problem in this case is that the compensation seems way out of proportion.

TheSoapyFrog · 02/02/2021 13:13

I did originally vote for the intended recipient to get the extra item, but I've changed my mind if it's something having two of would be ridiculous.
I'm in two minds. If I was the organiser, I would feel awkward keeping it. If I was one of the others, I'd tell the organiser to keep it.
Tbh I'd probably just give it to charity and wash my hands of it.

TidyDancer · 02/02/2021 13:13

I think organiser, but there wouldn't have been an object to argue over if the rest of the group hadn't contributed too so I can see where the differing opinions come in.

If it was me, I think I would donate it to charity to avoid any bad feeling.

arethereanyleftatall · 02/02/2021 13:14

Definitely the organiser.

And I'll bet my arse that those complaining about that are the kind of people who never do anything for anybody else.. just expect others to do all the organising.

TokyoSushi · 02/02/2021 13:14

I'd agree that it goes to the organisers, but it seems the others begrudge them having it, tight buggers!

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