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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who does this gift belong to?

344 replies

BabyofMine · 02/02/2021 12:10

A group of work friends buy a gift for another work friend.

One work friend (not me so as not to drip feed!) organises it, collects the money, orders the item and is going to deliver it to the work friend.

Because of some mess up with the company, the company send the organiser a nearly duplicate item worth basically the same, as an apology for messing them around so much etc.

Whose is second duplicate gift from the company?

YABU= belongs to the organiser
YANBU= belongs to the person the original gift was meant for

(The YABU/NBU choices were random btw - I genuinely don’t have an opinion either way, I am one of the “contributors”)

OP posts:
Calmandmeasured1 · 02/02/2021 12:46

the company send the organiser a nearly duplicate item worth basically the same, as an apology for messing them around so much etc.
The company messed the organiser around. This was the reason they sent the gift so it belongs to the organiser.

CharityDingle · 02/02/2021 12:47

For the organiser.

Although I have reservations about work collections but that's a gripe for a different thread.

MatildaTheCat · 02/02/2021 12:48

Definitely the organiser. I bet they regret mentioning the gift which was made to them on account of the trouble they had been put to.

Alicetheowl · 02/02/2021 12:48

The organiser unless it's something that would be nice in the office-nice bowl or picture for reception, or if it's something very easily sold on without faffing and you could use the money as a donut/ wine/pizza fund for the group.

Bur generally the organiser.

KatharinaRosalie · 02/02/2021 12:48

the extra item was specifically sent as compensation for going through all the mess and hassle. Did the others in the group have to deal with emails and organising? No. So what exactly do they want to be compensated for?

It belongs to the organiser.

Stompythedinosaur · 02/02/2021 12:49

I think it belongs to the group and a conversation should happen re the item rather than the organiser just keeping it.

Mwnci123 · 02/02/2021 12:50

Organiser

VanGoghsDog · 02/02/2021 12:50

The organizer didn't even have to tell you they'd been sent a second item. They get to keep it - when my company pays for me to travel and the train is late and I get delay repay compensation I keep it, not give it back to my employer, because it was me who was inconvenienced, not the company.

Or, they could sell it on eBay and split the proceeds.

Lampan · 02/02/2021 12:51

It’s not like anyone has lost out financially, having a duplicate hasn’t cost the contributors any more. But it has cost the organiser time and hassle. They should keep it.
I can’t imagine getting worked up about this, as I’m guessing someone must be?

Maybemay123 · 02/02/2021 12:52

I think the organiser as he/she has been put out.
If it's causing a big fall out could it be sold and then money split between those who originally put money in?

PoppyFleur · 02/02/2021 12:52

The organiser - it is a gift to make up for all the inconvenience the company caused.

I am hazarding a guess that the people taking umbrage with this never organise group gifts and therefore don't appreciate the hassle, especially when something goes wrong in the process.

northbacchus · 02/02/2021 12:52

Can the item be sold? And then the money split between each contributor and the organiser?

Otherwise, I think the organiser should have the item, especially as they had to deal with being messed around. Perhaps those who are taking issue with this would like to take a turn organising in future!

RedskyBynight · 02/02/2021 12:53

I think it depends whether the organising was something expected within the job (e.g. at my work if someone was, say, going on maternity leave, it would be expected that their manager would sort out a gift or card, unless they were a sufficiently senior manager to have a PA to delegate to), or whether the person has offered to organise as a "nice thing".

£100 gift is a lot of compensation for hassle (would be different if it were e.g. a box of chocolates) so think I'd be inclining towards donating to charity.

SendMeHome · 02/02/2021 12:54

The organiser, who endured the hassle, surely. The recipient isn't likely to want a duplicate of what they've already got?

And everyone else had the "easier" job of paying their part and letting someone else organise, so they don't have much of a claim to a gift that is for inconvenience... they had none.

KatharinaRosalie · 02/02/2021 12:54

Yes I was thinking about the same travel situation - if I am inconvenienced because my flight was late, I get to keep the compensation from the airline. I don't share it with other people going to the same meeting whose flights were not delayed.

Africa2go · 02/02/2021 12:55

I can't believe this is even a question. Person A takes on the responsibility of collecting money and organising a gift for a colleague. Its a hassle from start to finish - involves inconvenience and to-ing and fro-ing with crap gift company. Person A deals will all of that and eventually gets it sorted. Gift company realises it was crap and sends Person A a similar gift by way of compensation / apology.

Persons B and C now are cheesed off that Person A has been compensated for the time & effort that she's put in???!! Seriously?!!!

It's the organisers - all day long.

Nomorepies · 02/02/2021 12:55

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request

oakleaffy · 02/02/2021 12:55

@Spied

Belongs to the organiser although as a group of people all contributed money to the original order, I think it would be gracious to either give it to charity or put names in a hat for it.
I too thought ''Names in a hat'' for fairness.
Riapia · 02/02/2021 12:56

If I was the organiser I would put the item in front of the group and say
“There you go fight over it yourselves.”
Would that make them happy?

Holly60 · 02/02/2021 12:57

If it was one person who paid it would belong to that person to do with as they choose. In this situation it belongs to the group who paid to do with as they choose. They get to choose whether to gift it to organiser as a thank you for sorting, or to intended recipient as a happy extra

Holly60 · 02/02/2021 12:58

Those should be the two options.

Jaxhog · 02/02/2021 13:00

If the organiser was the one who did the chasing etc., then they should get it, since it was a reward for the messing about. The other contributors are taking the p**s.

SquishySquirmy · 02/02/2021 13:00

The organiser should get it.

Selling it for charity etc is a lovely idea, but in reality who is going to be responsible for all that??
....the original organiser! Yet more hassle for them to sort out! And I can almost guarantee that some will moan about the it anyway "why that charity?" "Why that selling site?" "Why did you sell it for so little?" Etc etc.
I bet the organiser is regretting being honest about the extra gift now.
Proof that no good dead goes unpunished.

Will you speak up for her to the others op? Because unless she is incredibly thick skinned this is probably quite awkward and stressful for her. It's horrible having people moan about you, or imply that you are grabby behind your back, when you were only trying to do something nice in the first place.

lottiegarbanzo · 02/02/2021 13:01

The group and recipient got what they paid for.

The extra item was compensation for organisational difficulty, so goes to the organiser.

Usually organisers take all the pain and hassle, for no reward. The same people always take on the responsible, thoughtful, organisational hassle for everyone else. The one time that pays off, they should be allowed to enjoy the reward, with others' good grace and blessing.

mootymoo · 02/02/2021 13:01

If the group gift collection is a regular occurrence and the gift would be appropriate for another recipient, if any of the group feel that it is something they would like (particularly if it's quite soon) they could suggest it in lieu of a collection as that saves everyone money. If this isn't applicable then names in a hat/donate to charity etc